Downsizing (2017): More Like Upboring

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“Downsizing” is directed by Alexander Payne (Sideways, The Descendants) and stars Matt Damon (The Martian, The Bourne Identity), Christoph Waltz (Django Unchained, Inglorious Bastards), Hong Chau (Inherent Vice, Treme), and Kristen Wiig (Bridesmaids, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty). This movie is about a guy who shrinks down after the realization that this action would change his life for the better.

I went to see this film with my mother, and both of us knew very little about it. I knew basically what I just described up above. Matt Damon plays a guy who at one point gets shrunken down. I found out a lot of things about this movie as it went on. For example, I found out the movie’s garbage. I also found out the people who are shrunken down go on and live in a tiny land. Another thing I also found out is that the shrinking was an idea to save the environment and the Earth from overpopulation. What’s another thing I found out? Oh yeah, and I found out the movie’s garbage! Allow me to explain the unbelievable boredom that you’ll experience watching “Downsizing.”

Have you ever watched C-SPAN and thought to yourself, what if something like this was full of fictional characters? No, this movie isn’t full of political discussions, but try watching C-SPAN for a number of minutes and try not to change to channel. Speaking of boring, have you ever read a terms of service agreement from beginning to end? This movie has one, it’s short, but if it were longer, that’s basically what this movie is. It’s a long terms of service agreement. Something you don’t want to look at, and in some cases, makes you wonder why you intended on signing up, or in this case, bought tickets, for what you’re experiencing. F*ck this movie!

This movie stars Matt Damon as the character of Paul Safranak. He and his wife decide at one point to shrink themselves down because if they do that, their lives will be better. They can live as large as a king, and work as little as Kim Kardashian. By the way, f*ck Kim Kardashian. Matt Damon gave a rather competent performance as his character. In fact, seeing Damon perform was one of the more redeemable parts of the entire film. There’s something about Matt Damon that makes you appreciate him. I thought his performance here was better than another stinker which came out this year, specifically “The Great Wall,” but it wasn’t enough to make a good movie.

I’m not even gonna get into the other characters. Because I don’t even care about them enough to talk about them! I almost fell asleep while watching this film, which I will say I’ve never done once during a movie while I watched it in the theater. Let me just say that Matt Damon’s wife is played by Kristen Wiig, there’s an Asian chick who doesn’t understand English that well played by Hong Chau, and there’s LITERALLY NOBODY ELSE that I feel should be talked about here in detail because I’d probably have to watch the film again in order to get information on them.

There are so many things that are wrong with this film. Aside from being a total borefest, there are tons of questions that sparked in my mind as I dredged through this atrocity. For instance, why the f*ck am I watching this? But also, how the f*ck is some of this s*it happening? While the film is logical in ways, it doesn’t have any noticeable physics errors for example, there are many questionable things that just come together to create one gigantic mess. As everyone gets downsized, literally all of their hair is shaved. Why?! Another thing that I questioned during the film is how all of these small people got a lot of their items. I mean, the movie never goes into it, but a lot of it is explainable. I’ve got a couple valid reasons in my mind. A big thing I wonder is how these folks get their money. Is money downsized? Are wallets downsized? Also, when everyone gets downsized, they’re naked. Therefore, they don’t have their credit card on them. Another huge question, does the government approve of financial downsizing? I don’t know when this takes place, but it has to either take place in the future or present day. By that logic, I imagine people would still be addicted to their phones. When one person shrinks himself or herself down, it’s a total life changer. Would phones suffer from downsizing? Yes, the downsized world would contain factories producing products like phones and everything along those lines. But why can’t you downsize products? This really makes me concerned about that money thing I just mentioned. I remember Matt Damon using a phone when shrunken down, but I can’t remember if it was one he had before the shrinking process. Also, since downsizing’s a life changer, I gotta say, that s*it doesn’t make any sense. Yes, you’re changing the way you live, not to mention where you live. Ultimately, you’re still the same person. The movie makes it sound like you’re never going to talk to the people you know again. Not only does Matt Damon talk to someone he knows who doesn’t shrink, but in general, how do you talk to people you can’t communicate with easily? Do it on the phone! You can still talk to your family on the phone! Also, once a person gets downsized, this process can’t be reversed. So they couldn’t make a separate machine for upsizing? Or make upsizing an option on the machine? At least say that there’s no way to do that! This movie is nothing but garbage!

I don’t have much else to say, but there’s this awesome pun given during the movie. Matt Damon is on the phone talking to one person in particular, which, yeah, more phone s*it. He says something to get the person to say “Don’t get short with me.” As terrible as this movie is, hearing that line might be worth the price of admission.

In the end, “Downsizing” sounds like an interesting movie on paper. A guy shrinking himself down to live a better life isn’t that bad of a concept, but this film not only bored me, but managed to make me question it more than I intended to. So for that, I wanted only one thing to shrink at this point, which was my anger. Unfortunately, it only grew as the movie progressed. F*ck this movie! I’m going to give “Downsizing” a 2/10. Thanks for reading this review, pretty soon I’m going to have my lists for my top 10 BEST movies of 2017 and my top 10 WORST movies of 2017. I’ve been working on those for quite a bit, and I can guarantee you that as of now, this movie made the worst list for sure! Stay tuned for more reviews, those countdowns, and more great content! I want to know, did you see “Downsizing?” What did you think about it? Or, what are some of the most boring movies you’ve ever seen? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

The Disaster Artist (2017): Oh Hai, James Franco!

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“The Disaster Artist” is directed by James Franco (Spider-Man, 127 Hours), and is based on a true book written by Greg Sestero. This movie also stars James Franco alongside his brother, Dave Franco (Neighbors, Now You See Me), and Seth Rogen (Sausage Party, Pineapple Express). “The Disaster Artist” revolves around the making of the 2003 disasterpiece of a film, “The Room.” The book which this movie is based on is written by a cast member of “The Room” who played the character of Mark (played by Dave Franco here). So, essentially Greg is one of the main characters, and he meets Tommy Wiseau (played by James Franco) in an acting class. The two form a bond as time passes, which leads them to try tackling their dreams in Hollywood together.

I just want to get two things out of the way. I’ve never read “The Disaster Artist.” I almost picked it up once, but I put it back before taking it. However I did watch “The Room.” I managed to find it on YouTube and someone had a post showing the movie from beginning to end. I watched it recently and I TOTALLY see what everyone is talking about. From the cheesy and poorly written dialogue, the so-called acting, and the establishing shots of San Francisco that feel like something out of say, “The Golden Girls,” this movie is a mess, but it was so f*cking fun. The movie itself, is capable of having most of its viewers say it’s terrible, but at the same time, it kind of has a feeling that other bad movies don’t give you. This is more along the lines of a movie like “Batman & Robin,” where it’s bad, but you can also have some fun watching it because of all the cheese. It’s not like watching “The Emoji Movie.” For the record, that movie did not suck ass, it sucked EVERY ass. “The Disaster Artist” is like neither of those films. This is because “The Disaster Artist” is definitely one of 2017’s best films! Not only that, but it also has to be one of the most ironic films I’ve ever seen! “The Room” is in a word, abominable. “The Disaster Artist” is in a word, admirable. It’s amazing how “The Disaster Artist,” a movie based on the making of one of the worst movies ever made, specifically the kind where it’s so bad that you have to experience it, became one of this year’s best movies, a film so good that you have to experience it. And I did. I’m just gonna warn you, I’m gonna be digressing here, and it’ll be a matter of time before my actual review of the movie appears on here. And I know a reason why a lot of people are here is to read my thoughts on “The Disaster Artist,” not to hear about my personal life. So if this bores you, makes you want to stab yourself with a knife, encourages you to go on a killing spree, or makes you want to jump out a window, DON’T DO THOSE THINGS, and instead, either stop reading the post and rethink what you’re doing in life, or just skip ahead to the next paragraph where I get back on track. So let’s move on.

I’m a high school student currently living in eastern Massachusetts. It took me three weeks to see this movie. I wanted to see it right away, but I had other things going on at the time. Then “winter break” came, note the quotation marks, stating sarcasm of how my winter break lacked any time to sit down and relax. Due to a complicated schedule, I was somewhat worried that I wouldn’t get to see this. I did however once time was on my side, not to mention my father’s. There were barely any times available and the closest town I could go see the movie was Somerville. I don’t usually go to Somerville to see a movie, I’ve only done it twice. In fact, I barely go to Somerville period! But I did it, because I was committed. That and I had gift cards to AMC Theatres that I felt would be useful for an occasion such as this. Somerville is nearby as far as I’m concerned but I barely go anywhere that’s urban, I’m usually in the suburbs when I go to movie theaters. It’s easier parking-wise, it’s easier in terms of traffic, not to mention there are theaters that are closer in terms of distance and time. I like the AMC in Somerville better than some theaters I go to (except price-wise), but I think the auditoriums are nice and the sound’s amazing. Traffic and time to get to the theater weren’t an issue for my father and I. Parking almost did however. My father’s vehicle can’t fit in garages, and admittedly, I didn’t mention to him that Assembly Row, the plaza where the theater happened to be located, was mainly garage based. There is parking available in non-garage areas, but it’s a busy place, not to mention it was a Saturday night and the following day was New Year’s Eve. The unusual trip to Somerville, was worth it from the quality of the movie alone.

Out of all the films I’ve seen this year, this one is BY FAR the funniest. Not only that, but it also managed to be rather serious. One thing that I imagine some people who know about “The Room” might have expected walking into this film was the possibility that it might mock Tommy Wiseau to the tenth degree. The movie, in terms of its screenplay, makes almost anything Tommy does on screen hysterical, but I wouldn’t say it makes fun of him. Tommy, at the time which this movie takes place, is a mystery man. He goes on saying to Greg Sestero that he can’t talk about his interactions with Tommy to anyone. We as viewers don’t even know that much about his background. We don’t know how the money that went into the making of “The Room” appeared. It’s explained that this movie took $5 million to make. That’s what I recall the film’s screenplay suggesting, but according to IMDb it cost an estimated total of $6 million to make the flick. Speaking of IMDb, if you look at Tommy Wiseau’s page, it says he was born on October 3rd, 1955 in Poznag, Poland. According to the Wikipedia page dedicated to Tommy Wiseau, it says he gave an age in interviews after the release of “The Room” that would suggest he’s either born in 1968 or 1969. He claimed to have lived in France a long time ago, he grew up in New Orleans, and he had an entire family in Chalmette, Louisiana. Greg Sestero’s identically titled book, which James Franco suggested in an interview based on the words of Tommy is “40% true,” suggested that his brother’s girlfriend obtained copies of Wiseau’s immigration papers, which said Tommy was born earlier than he claimed. Rick Harper, AKA the creator of “Room Full of Spoons,” a recent documentary based on the making of “The Room,” did research on Tommy Wiseau’s background, coming to the conclusion that Tommy is Polish and originally from the city of Poznan. In November 2017, Tommy confirmed in an interview he was originally from Europe. The following month, he was interviewed by Howard Stern. He mentioned he speaks French and happens to be Catholic. While we may be progressively getting more and more information, the man’s still a mystery, and the movie does a very good job at telling that to its viewers.

Just for your information, the earliest this film actually released was on March 12th, 2017. According to IMDb, it was a work-in-progress at the time. I can’t say how much of the film was released to the public, if it wrapped it’s filming entirely, how much editing got done, none of that, but it was a work-in-progress. This was shown at the time to those who went to “South by Southwest.” The next release was on September 11th at the Toronto International Film Festival, and IMDb doesn’t have it labeled as a work-in-progress unlike the release for South by Southwest. The movie for what I recall, never mentions Poznan, or Poland in general for that matter. Despite the film lacking that detail, it does a fantastic job of explaining the total mystery that is Tommy Wiseau.

Speaking of Tommy Wiseau, let’s talk about him as a character, not to mention the guy who plays him. Tommy’s played by James Franco, who also directed this film. This is without a doubt, one of the best performances ever given by James Franco. As mentioned, Tommy Wiseau is mysterious, and Franco captured that quite well. Franco also had an accent that Tommy gave all the time, and he didn’t sound like James Franco like you’d hear in content such as “Freaks and Geeks” and “Spider-Man,” where does give passable performances, nothing groundbreaking, but you can still see that shred of Franco. Here, he turns into Tommy, giving perhaps my favorite performance of the year. There are a number of performances I admired in 2017. Some of my favorites include Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker in “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” Harrison Ford as Rick Deckard in “Blade Runner 2049,” Ryan Gosling as K in “Blade Runner 2049,” Ansel Elgort as Baby in “Baby Driver,” Gal Gadot as Diana Prince/Wonder Woman in “Wonder Woman,” Tom Glynn-Carney as Peter in “Dunkirk,” Fionn Whitehead as Tommy in “Dunkirk,” Jayma Mays as Dana Sibota in “American Made,” and Holly Hunter as Beth in “The Big Sick.” I just saw this film, so this could change, but James Franco as Tommy Wiseau might be better than just about every single one of these performances I’ve listed. Am I overhyping this? I really don’t think so! It might be a tie between this and the recently mentioned performances by Ryan Gosling, Harrison Ford, and Mark Hamill until further notice. The future will probably provide more certainty.

In fact, in terms of direction, James Franco outdone himself as well! “Spider-Man 2” may be my favorite film with James Franco in it, but out of all the films he’s worked on, this may be the one which James as an individual worked the hardest on. All of the actors seemed like they had no problems on set while they played people who had problems on set. The film is well shot and well lit. In fact, towards the end of the movie, it actually shows “The Room” during its premiere, and not long after that’s over, we cut to two side-by-side moving images. One is actual footage from “The Room” and another is recreated footage, which was specific for this movie. That footage contained actors playing the characters originally played by other actors. Some examples include Josh Hutcherson (The Hunger Games, Journey to the Center of the Earth) as Denny (originally played by Philip Haldiman), Zac Efron (Neighbors, High School Musical), who played Chris-R (originally played by Dan Janjigian), Ari Graynor (Bad Teacher, I’m Dying Up Here), who played Lisa (originally played by Juliette Danielle), Dave Franco who played Mark (originally played by Greg Sestero), and let’s not forget James freaking Franco, who played Johnny (originally played by Tommy f*cking Wiseau). Is this my favorite film of the year in terms of direction? I wouldn’t say that, but it is close however.

Going into this film, I knew a lot about “The Room,” but based on various scenes, I picked up on some things I didn’t expect to pick up on involving “The Room” as a movie. You know how you notice an extended amount of the movie’s runtime, the characters are playing football? This movie kind of goes into that.

This movie is more than just something that’s telling the story of the production behind another movie. It’s also a story about friendship. As mentioned, Tommy Wiseau isn’t being mocked throughout this picture, and I really appreciate the film going in that direction because it made you understand Tommy as a person. Not only that, but this movie also has a major focus on Dave Franco’s character of Greg Sestero. This is almost a lot like “Lord of the Rings” in ways. Think of Tommy Wiseau as Frodo and Greg Sestero as Sam. Tell me that comparison is terrible. They’re there for each other, they respect each other, they even do a pinkie swear in the film, which occurs more than once to be accurate. As friends, they decide to make a movie together.

As Tommy and Greg make “The Room,” it’s clear that they don’t do know s*it on how to make a movie. When the two are trying to get cameras to shoot the movie, they decide to buy them, not rent them. While buying cameras isn’t exactly something that hasn’t been done for movies before, it’s traditional for people to rent them. Not to mention, when they’re asked if they want 35mm or HD, they respond saying they want both types of cameras. They’re lit differently, they work non-identically, and it might result in a weird final product depending on how things go. Overall, their friendship is shown in this film to the tenth degree and I love it.

In the end, “The Disaster Artist” takes an absolutely horrible film, and incorporates it into a different, astoundingly incredible film. The story behind “The Room” is honestly, a movie I never asked for, but once I heard about it, and saw the teaser trailer for it back in July, I was instantly in anticipation mode. On paper, this idea sounded amazing. As a final product, this idea is even better. Before I give my final verdict, I’m gonna let you in on a little fact. My dad and I saw this movie together, he went to see this film without watching, or even knowing all that much about “The Room.” He walked out of the theater alongside me, saying he enjoyed the film. So ultimately, you don’t need to watch “The Room” to appreciate this film. You can do it if you want to, which I must say if you do, is an experience, but it’s not necessary. However, I imagine at least knowing about “The Room” or watching it might add it a bit to the movie. With that being said, I loved this movie and it’s undoubtedly one of the best of the year. I’m going to give “The Disaster Artist” a 10/10. One last thing before I go on with a wrap-up, this movie has an end credit scene, so stick around after the credits if you don’t want to miss that. Anyway, thanks for reading this review, this is one of my favorite movies of the year, and speaking of that, once 2018 starts, one of the earliest published posts on this blog will be a countdown of my top 10 BEST movies of 2017. This movie will have a spot on the list for sure. I won’t say which, because it could change, plus I might go see one more 2017 movie in the theater and review it. That potential movie by the way, is “Downsizing.” One list I assure you this movie won’t be on, is my top 10 WORST movies of 2017, which I plan on releasing after I reveal my top 10 BEST list. Stay tuned for more reviews, and also stay tuned for those upcoming countdowns! I can’t wait to finally release them, because I have so much fun making them! I want to know, did you see “The Disaster Artist?” What do you think about it? Did you see “The Room?” What are your thoughts on that? Or, what are some movies that you personally think are so bad that they are actually good? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

(FROM THE ROOM)
JOHNNY: I did not her, it’s not true! It’s bulls*it! I did not hit her! (throws water bottle) I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark.

You can laugh, you can cry, you can express yourself, but please don’t hurt each other. –Tommy Wiseau

Father Figures (2017): A Very Bastardizing Film

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“Father Figures” is directed by Lawrence Sher in his directorial debut. This guy has done cinematography for movies such as “The Hangover,” “War Dogs,” and the 2005 film adaptation of “The Dukes of Hazzard.” The film stars Owen Wilson (Cars, Wedding Crashers), Ed Helms (The Office, Vacation), JK Simmons (Whiplash, Juno), Katt Williams (Norbit, Scary Movie 5), Terry Bradshaw (The Cannonball Run, Failure to Launch), Ving Rhames (Mission: Impossible, Pulp Fiction), and also features Christopher Walken (The Jungle Book, The Deer Hunter), along with Glenn Close. This film’s about two fraternal twins who find out the truth about their allegedly dead father has been a lie. The information concerning this has been hidden by their mother for years, leading to the twins going out to seek their real father.

I first heard about this film back in 2016, and I was wondering for a while, “What happened to this film?” Well, here it is now. Why did I hear about it that early? Turns out there was a trailer for a comedy that was supposed to release in January of this year, AKA this exact film, and at the end, we see a title card with the word “Bastards.” The name does make sense considering the technical definition for a bastard is a child whose birthparents weren’t married at the time of the child’s birth, which is true to the twins in the movie. Although I’m willing to bet they changed the name to “Father Figures” because to some people it might be weird walking around and talking about a movie called “Bastards” since the word is associated with vulgarity. Who’s they? I don’t know. I’m willing to bet it’s either the director or the studio, one of those two. Nevertheless, I think this movie shouldn’t have been called “Father Figures.” I don’t even think it should be called “Bastards.” You know what it should be called? “Bastard.” Just “Bastard.” And that’s because this movie felt like a total bastard! This is probably the worst comedy I’ve seen all year! This movie brought almost two hours of inglorious bastardization into my life!

I would like to take a second to apologize to Quentin Tarantino, I just probably ingloriously bastardized him if you know what I mean.

I’ve seen a number of s*itty comedies in 2017, but even at the end of the year, I’m still coming across them. I think I found the pinnacle of s*it when it comes to this year in comedy. “Father Figures” is a f*cking bastard and I’m about to tell you why in just a second! But before I go into why, let me go over some of the other crap I’ve seen this year when it comes to comedy.

First off, we have “Snatched,” which I saw in May. The movie’s about a mother and daughter going away to paradise, which doesn’t end up going well because they get captured and some other s*it happens. I knew going into this particular film it was going to be bad, but there was one really funny scene and there was a character that I kind of liked.

Next we have “How to Be a Latin Lover,” which was just awkward as hell to watch. It’s about a guy who is dumped by his elderly wife. He has to move in with his sister, played by Salma Hayek, and adjust to normal society after living a spoiled life. I bought the movie used for $9.99 on Blu-ray, which isn’t too bad of a deal for a Blu-ray if you ask me, but I still suffered through the unfunny jokes and awkward story full of mostly unlikable characters.

I also saw “Fist Fight,” which admittedly, is nowhere near as unwatchable as the other two films I mentioned, but is still something I would say technically qualifies as a waste of time. What’s the plot? Just take the basic idea of “Three O’Clock High” and make the teachers fight instead of the students. I just thought it contained too many predictable attempts at humor and forced sex jokes.

I’d probably rather watch any of these comedies before “Father Figures.” “How to Be a Latin Lover” is a tad debatable but in reality, “Father Figures” is just a comedy that should have never been made. I will admit, when I saw the first trailer for the film released in 2016, part of me was looking forward to this movie. Sure, I like Owen Wilson. Sure, I like Ed Helms. There’s someone I admire more in this movie compared to them, specifically JK f*cking Simmons! JK’s one of my favorite actors of all time! And if you put him in, well, anything for that matter, I’ll watch it. You can even put him in a movie called “Don’t Watch This Piece of Crap,” it can be eight minutes including credits, it can be a guy bloodied up screaming for help on pavement, and I’ll still check it out because JK Simmons was in it. Granted, I don’t think his performance was that bad. In fact, I have to say it’s one of the more redeemable parts of the entire film.

Speaking of likable performances. Terry Bradshaw was playing himself in this film. It almost gave me a similar vibe to seeing Sam Jones in “Ted” based on the chemistry between him and the two main characters.

Moving onto our recently suggested main characters, we have Kyle, played by Owen Wilson, alongside Peter, played by Ed Helms. Seeing these two together, I can somewhat buy into them being twins, but the whole ride they take during the movie was just a wreck. Neither of them are funny, they have a couple of moments where they disagree with each other and get in arguments, I just wanted to leave at some points instead of watch the duo compare themselves to one another every now and then.

This movie just feels like it has too much going on in it. When we get to what almost feels like the climax, the movie just goes on like its jacked up on Red Bull. It’s just an absolute marathon of twists and turns and it’s just too much to process for a simple comedy! In fact I gotta say, one of the twists, which admittedly, reminded me of the original “Star Wars” trilogy, was actually ruined about ten or so minutes after it happens! So yeah, f*ck everything I guess!

Let’s also talk about Glenn Close’s character of Helen. At the beginning of the film, it’s established that Helen is the mother of both these boys. I’m just wondering, why would she lie about the father of her sons? First off, they’re adults, and I’m not adopted, but if I were, I’d want to know as soon as possible! As far as telling anyone else, I’d probably think to myself before whether or not I do that, but still. I also have to say that she mentioned that Terry Bradshaw was the actual father of the two kids, and Ed Helms’s reaction almost seemed like it could have been done differently. This is a man he idolized, someone he has high appreciation for, and he grew up during his youth never knowing Bradshaw was his dad?! I’ve grown up idolizing Howie Mandel, and if my mother kept a secret until a point such as this, or even longer for that matter, that Howie Mandel was my real father, you know what I’d do? I’d lose my f*cking mind! I might break a window! I might light my house on fire! I might slap my mother in the face! I’m not kidding! I would be in utter shock, and perhaps apalled upon why I had a secret like this kept from me for so long! I’d be happy to know Howie was my father but… why wait so long?

*SPOILERS IN THIS PARAGRAPH*

Speaking of idiocy, I’m gonna talk about a scene involving a train and an automobile. Sorry, planes, you have to sit out on this one. There’s one scene where the two main characters are in a car with each other, they’re still on their quest to find their dad, and at one point, they pick up a hitchhiker, played by Katt Williams. Due to Ed Helms being somewhat apprehensive about the fate of himself along with the fate of his brother, the hitchhiker is sitting in the back with his hands cuffed up. At one point, the car stops, and the two begin to argue. Moments later, we as an audience find out the car is stuck on a train track, but the two brothers are too focused on arguing back and forth so they don’t notice an approaching train. The one who does notice the train however is the hitchhiker, he’s trying to warn the two, but they don’t listen. As the light is coming closer, and the hitchhiker is still alerting the duo, they finally notice the train. So they attempt to escape. Ed Helms and Katt Williams make it out of the car, but the train slams the car, suggesting that it could have killed Owen Wilson. But it didn’t, he’s completely fine. WHAT THE F*CK?!

This is honestly just insulting! I get this is a comedy, but I would appreciate it more if it was logical. I don’t need another “Daddy’s Home” Ford Flex goes through the house and Will Ferrell isn’t badly hurt situation if you get what I’m saying. Remember “Paul Blart Mall Cop 2?” I honestly bought into the fact that Paul Blart could trap himself in a suitcase, slide downward on a bunch of steps, fall into a pool in said suitcase, have water come inside it, allow himself to exit the suitcase, and get out of the water alive more than this.

I do remember watching a movie in the past with a scene somewhat similar to this. There’s an extended cut to Sam Raimi’s “Spider-Man 2” referred to as “Spider-Man 2.1,” which might even be better than the original cut if you ask me. In that version of the film, part of the extended footage in that film is included on the train fight scene. Doc Ock and Spidey are going at it against each other, and Doc is holding onto the Web Slinger with his tentacles. Spider-Man has his feet on the side of one of the train cars, and he’s hit a bunch of closeby objects. Soon he turns his head, a train is quickly approaching him. Spider-Man gets hit by a train, but he instantly gets back to fighting like the hit was just a normal Tuesday in the office. Here’s the thing however. Spider-Man has superpowers, Kyle from “Father Figures” on the other hand, is an average human. Spider-Man has enough strength in him to walk something like this off, Kyle should have died. In fact, while Kyle dying may be somewhat abrupt, I almost thought that it would be kind of intriguing to see what would happen if Ed Helms had to continue the quest alone. I went to see the film with my mother, she and I discussed the film in the car after we watched it. I brought this up, and she figured I was thinking Ed Helms would continue the quest in Wilson’s honor, which almost sounds more like an adventure flick as opposed to a comedy, but quests are basically adventures.

The final moments of the film had some emotion packed into it, and in ways, I felt it. But ultimately, I felt that the movie didn’t earn its emotional ending on a technical level. For one thing, it’s a comedy, not a drama. Another thing is that I didn’t really care about a single character in this movie enough to say, “I like you. I stand with you. I’m on your side.” If I was able to care about any of the characters or if I had a logical reason to appreciate them more, then I might as well say that the movie earned it’s ending, but the movie itself dragged, it was full of unbearable characters, and it just wasn’t funny. So I can’t really say the end played out very well.

Let’s move onto marketing. I noticed the difference in the film’s marketing from when I first heard about it and when the film actually came out. There wasn’t much buzz about “Bastards” before January 2017, but now that we’re here in December, the movie, technically now referred to as “Father Figures,” was brought back to my attention, and I had the realization this was the same movie. Now that it’s here, I’m seeing Christmas related ads having to do with the film and a poster with red & green font. If one of the reasons for the movie releasing at this time was just to market it like it’s an experience related to the holidays, it just feels cheap! Oh yeah, did I mention this film was supposed to come out in January? I should have known what I was getting into. January movies usually suck! Last year, “The Fifth Wave” made my top 10 WORST movies of the year list. In general, when a movie comes out in January, critics are going to give it hell. I wonder why they moved it. Is it to market the film in a certain way? Possibly. Although part of me is willing to bet it’s to get more people in the theater. Given that a lot of people have breaks from school and work, they have more time to see a movie. January only has weekends, New Year’s Day, and Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Another part of me thinks that Warner Brothers, AKA the distributor of the film, or one of the production companies such as Alcon or Montecito, thought this would be a good tactic in order to get people to go see another movie when “The Last Jedi” sells out. Given the competition and the film’s box office return, I wouldn’t say this was the best idea. Just compare this film with “Pitch Perfect 3,” “Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle,” plus family friendly animations such as “Coco” and “Ferdinand” and you’ll see the point. If last year’s “Assassin’s Creed” has taught moviegoers anything, it’s that you only market something in a Christmas related fashion when appropriate. Speaking of competition and “Star Wars,” I should also bring up another possible reason why all of this is happening. “Star Wars” is something that the world cares about. There’s barely anyone in this world who doesn’t know what “Star Wars” is. However, nobody knows about “Father Figures,” and it’s possible that Warner Brothers thought, “Eh, “Star Wars” is coming out in December, and that’s inevitably gonna be a big hit. What’s a movie that people want to avoid?” And someone said “What about that lame-ass comedy with Owen Wilson and Ed Helms?” Everyone agreed with that thought, and here we are. I was one of the people who saw it. But you know what? I survived, and that’s what matters.

In the end I have to say “Father Figures” is a really intolerable experience. While “How to Be a Latin Lover” was awkward and unfunny, I have to say that “Father Figures” was not just awkward and unfunny, but also boring, not to mention insultingly baffling. That train scene split my head open. It just f*cked me over. I’d rather spend an entire year watching a sloth pop bubble wrap from start to finish than watch this film a second time. Guys, this has a good chance of being this year’s worst comedy and I’m going to give “Father Figures” a 1/10. I went to see this film with my mother, she says it was good, so I gotta say this film does have an audience, so I can say that’s a plus. My mother and I also saw “Snatched” together and we both agreed that was total dogs*it. So this film has at least one thing going for it I guess.

Thanks for reading this review. This Saturday I’m going to see “The Disaster Artist,” which I’m truly stoked for. I can’t wait to see it and talk about it, it’s likely gonna be a blast! Also, speaking of fun things I have going on here on Scene Before, I will also soon have my top 10 BEST and WORST movies of 2017 lists. Meaning we can reflect on some of the milestones and trainwrecks I’ve sat through this year. I will have you know that depending on what happens, there’s a good chance that there’s at least one movie on either list that I saw and didn’t review, so if that ever comes up, that just means I didn’t have the time to sit down and write an analytical review of a certain film. Why? It’s the end of the year, and whenever time allows it, I’m trying to seek out as many of this year’s films as possible until I can no longer watch anymore. I’ve done this with “The Great Wall,” “American Assassin,” “King Arthur: Legend of the Sword,” “Crown Heights,” “Atomic Blonde,” and “The Only Living Boy in New York.” Anyway, stay tuned for more great content, including the recently mentioned review and countdowns! I want to know, if you saw “Father Figures,” what are your thoughts on it? What do you think is a better title for this film? “Father Figures” or “Bastards?” Also, what is the worst comedy of the year for you? Please leave a comment stating your responses to any of these questions, I’d be happy to look at them! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

How to Be a Latin Lover (2017): Perhaps 2017’s Most Awkward Event Since the US Presidential Inauguration

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“How to Be a Latin Lover” is directed by Ken Marino, an actor with a ton of credits who also directed episodes of various TV shows such as “Children’s Hospital” and “Burning Love.” This movie stars Eugenio Derbez (La familia P. Luche, Jack and Jill), Salma Hayek (Grown Ups, Once Upon a Time in Mexico), Raphael Alejandro (Olympus, Once Upon a Time), Rob Lowe (Parks and Recreation, Wayne’s World), Kristen Bell (Frozen, The Good Place), Raquel Welch (The Three Musketeers, Legally Blonde) Rob Corddry (Hot Tub Time Machine, Children’s Hospital), and Rob Riggle (The Daily Show, The Hangover). The plot for “How to Be a Latin Lover” is that Eugenio Derbez’s character of Maximo is dumped by his 80-year old wife. Because of that, he has to move in with his sister and nephew which leads to the rest of the movie’s events.

I did not see this film in the theater, I managed to find it used on Blu-ray in a store. I knew about this film beforehand, but it didn’t catch my interest. Ah, simpler times. I wasted ten bucks on this film and after watching this, I felt that I’d feel better watching another film that came out this year, “Transformers: The Last Knight.” Why’s that? BECAUSE I GOT TO SEE THAT FOR FREE! “How to Be a Latin Lover” is the epitome of a comedy that doesn’t impress. Rather cliche jokes, a fish out of water segment that was done better in movies like “Elf,” and a tale that at times, makes you question mankind itself. Seriously! There is a point in this movie, where the main character is with a kid he’s formed a bond with throughout the runtime, and he’s teaching the kid how to be sexually attractive. This story wouldn’t be as awkward if the kid were in, say, the teen years, but he’s f*cking ten! TEN! Essentially this kid has a crush on a girl, and I don’t think it’s entirely wrong for the kid to learn to IMPRESS the girl, but not to get her to have sex with him! In a way, it might associate well with the main character’s personality, after all, he was a gold-digger who admired women for their money and physical figure. It doesn’t change the fact that this movie was as awkward as going to a Super Bowl party and thinking it’s soccer.

Eugenio Derebez plays the main character in this movie, well, that is if you can call it a movie. His name is Maximo and he’s basically the s*ittier version of Derek Zoolander. Think about it, he basically has some of the mannerisms, although it’s not exactly the same because his voice isn’t as robotic or striking, but that’s just who he reminds me of. Maximo’s not really a male model either. He’s more of a guy who cares about no one but himself, doesn’t contribute to society as much as other people, and just seems to have sex on his mind a lot. Granted, there’s a stereotype that’s all that men think about, but I can guarantee you not all men show their thoughts on sex. So in a way, you can say he’s also the s*ittier version of Donald Trump (I can’t believe I’m saying that), because Donald Trump actually does s*it. He fired people! He licensed his name to things! And there’s a possibility that he’s part of what’s making Twitter thrive today.

Staying on the topic of things that men often think about, let’s talk about Salma Hayek. Salma Hayek plays the character of Sara, who is Maximo’s sister. Her character is overall, pretty pissed that Maximo is staying with her, after all, she has a job, Maximo doesn’t. She’s got money, Maximo doesn’t. I didn’t find her to be the worst character on screen, although she a has a job where she’s just trying to move up from where she stands in the company, but she just can’t get there. This brings perhaps, one of the most forced, moments of comedy, I’ve seen all year! She’s talking with this woman, and the woman says that Sara’s a fine person but she wants someone with “more experience” to take a certain occupational task of discussion. Although before this woman says “more experience,” Sara interrupts her assuming she’s about to say “more experience.” This causes the other woman to say that she must finish her sentence and she needs to get out what she needs to say. When your movie plummets down to a level of comedy as low as that, you know you have a s*itshow on your hands!

There are two kids in this photo as you can see, the one we’re gonna be focusing on is the one on the left, which is the son of Salma Hayek’s character, who happens to be played by Raphael Alejandro. This kid’s name is Hugo. I will say one thing, I did care for this kid more than I did for the main character, but you also have to consider how much of an influence the main character was on him. There was a point in the movie where I felt bad for him in a way, but at the same time, I just couldn’t bear seeing him, or anybody else in this stinking picture for that matter. Also, he did this one science experiment that I saw in his room that basically took up the entire space! For what I recall, this was something he was going to present at a science fair, and I just questioned why it would be in his room given what the experiment was and if it would even make it to the show. It almost crushed Maximo, who was sleeping on an air mattress laid out in this room. It almost reminded of “Daddy’s Home” when the Ford Flex goes through the house. I get the movie’s a ridiculous comedy, but the mind can only go so far in suspending disbelief. Just… have some sanity in this universe.

Kristen Bell is also in this film as a character who appears in a number of scenes. I mean… Why? Is “The Good Place” not giving her enough money? Her character is named Cindy, and she’s a crazy cat lady who works at a yogurt place. Her character reminded me a lot of Holly from “King of Queens,” which if you’ve never seen the show, she’s a dog walker with blonde hair. So both have some sort of connection with animals but the big difference between these characters is that the one in the movie we’re focusing on annoyed the living crap out of me. She felt like a cartoon! She may as well be a female Ghostbuster! This character just felt one dimensional, and I didn’t care about her enough to get to a point where I come across her buttload of cats later on in the picture.

These two characters above are enemies that Maximo meets along the way during this film, as if divorce and a lack of money weren’t enough. The one on the left is named Nick and the one on the right is named Scott. The pair remind me of the henchmen from “Super Mario Bros.: The Movie,” a movie that if you never watched, pretty much suggests that you didn’t have your childhood ruined by a dumbass and his equally stupid sidekick who both go by the last name “Mario” for some reason. The good news is, as characters, I think these two are better than the henchmen. They’re less cartoony. The bad news is, they aren’t good enough. They just spit out standard jokes and they just sound like something that are written by a three year old!

I know that I’m being hard on this film. Although there is a part of me that thinks this movie really could have worked… If it were Opposite Day. I don’t even think there is a way something like this could work. At least one that I can think of. Gosh! This movie probably just made my IQ shrink to a new low! “How to Be a Latin Lover” relies way too much on sexual humor, a lack of realism at times, and things that happen in the movie that could come off as a bonding experience between a wise person and a young person, but just come off as awkward in the end. You guys ever seen “Big Daddy?” The Adam Sandler movie? That movie displays a similar relationship between a wise person and a child. The experienced man wasn’t exactly teaching what’s right to do towards the child, but simultaneously you couldn’t help but admire what’s going on because it was funny and it wasn’t as awkward. He wasn’t teaching “the joys of getting into a girl’s pants,” it was letting the kid make his own decisions, being a brat at the park, how to get Halloween candy in unpredictable manners, stuff like that! Sure, it’s somewhat immature humor but ultimately I can’t help but admire it for working and making me laugh. In fact, if getting a girl to have sex was taught to the child in “Big Daddy,” it would have been even more awkward considering the child in that film was five!

In the end, “How to Be a Latin Lover” has a new hater. As time as passed, I wonder if I’ve seen a lot when it comes to comedy and I just don’t find much of anything funny anymore. Heck! I was one of the people who barely laughed during “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2!” Nevertheless, I think this movie’s crap and I’m going to give “How to Be a Latin Lover” a 2/10. There have been films, like this one, where I’ve seen sexual comedy work. This doesn’t associate with the ones that work. Part of me even wonders why I bought this movie, oh right! It came out this year! I’m seeing as many 2017 movies as I can by the end of the year! What a stupid question! Agh, thanks for reading this review. If you want to see reviews to better movies, I’ll post links to those down below. Be sure to check out my reviews for “Justice League” and “Wonder.” Stay tuned for more reviews! Also, I want to know, did you see “How to Be a Latin Lover?” What are your thoughts? Or what is the most awkward comedy you’ve ever seen? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

“JUSTICE LEAGUE” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/11/23/justice-league-2017-what-does-this-mean-for-the-dceu-plus-talk-about-the-movies-box-office-return/

“WONDER” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/11/25/wonder-2017-face-the-facts/

Thor: Ragnarok (2017): Guardians of Asgard

Before we begin my review for “Thor: Ragnarok,” I’d like to just take a moment and remind you that this upcoming weekend, I’ll be at Rhode Island Comic Con! Rhode Island Comic Con is a three day event which begins Friday, November 10, and ends Sunday, November 12. There will be tons of artists, vendors, panels, and oh yeah, they serve alcohol! So if that’s something that interests you, check that out! Celebrity guests typically have appeared in movies and TV shows ranging from “Star Wars,” “Lord of the Rings,” “Revenge of the Nerds,” “Boondock Saints,” “The Walking Dead,” “Power Rangers,” “Luke Cage,” and “Stranger Things.” In fact, since we’re on the topic of “Thor: Ragnarok,” Mark Ruffalo is actually showing up! If you are showing up to this event, don’t hesitate to say hi to me if you see me, which is probably gonna be hard considering the crowds this event can get. I will be there all three days so I’m sorry for stealing your ticket, but luckily there are tickets still available, and you can also buy special packages for individual or group celebrities, including a section that has little to do with the con itself, which is access to a Gene Simmons concert. Keep in mind, some of these don’t include admission tickets to the con. I’m going in as a patron, not as a guest, so if you see me walking around, I hope we can talk! Speaking of nerd things, let’s talk about “Thor: Ragnarok.”

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“Thor: Ragnarok” is directed by Taika Waititi (Hunt for the Wilderpeople, What We Do in the Shadows) and stars Chris Hemsworth (Rush, Ghostbusters), Tom Hiddleston (The Night Manager, Kong: Skull Island), Cate Blanchett (Lord of the Rings, How to Train Your Dragon 2), Idris Elba (Pacific Rim, The Dark Tower), Jeff Goldblum (Independence Day, Jurassic Park), Tessa Thompson (Creed, Dear White People), Karl Urban (Dredd, The Bourne Supremacy), Mark Ruffalo (Now You See Me, Spotlight), and Anthony Hopkins (Beowulf, Hannibal). This movie revolves around Thor, who happens to be imprisoned. He soon finds himself in a gladiator battle, which is basically borrowed from the Planet Hulk storyline in the comics for “The Incredible Hulk.” Also, Thor must annihilate the evil Hela, the Goddess of Death, who set out to destroy Thor’s home and Asgardian civilization.

Going into this movie, my expectations weren’t all that high. I will admit, as time went on, they actually kind of increased. I say this because I watched the first trailer for this movie, the one that came out before “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” officially released in theaters. I just watched the trailer thinking that this will be alright for a Marvel movie, but it had too much of a “Guardians of the Galaxy” vibe, considering the fact that Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant” was playing in the background as Asgard is being destroyed. “Immigrant” is a good song, in fact it’s also pretty catchy, but it just doesn’t work. Plus the whole fight between Thor and Hulk, or technically, the buildup to it, is basically played out like a comedy. Granted, Marvel has used comedy in its past movies and it worked. “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” has done a great job at balancing comedy and seriousness throughout the entire film. However when it comes to “Thor,” it always seems to have a less than pleasant storyline or tone, and by less than pleasant I mean dark. The first movie made it work, and there was comedy interjected there too which happened to work. Just watch the movie while it presents its version of the fish out of water cliche. Then we get to the second movie… Just, kill me. There were only one or two things I found funny in that film and after watching it recently, I almost hated my life. Then we get to the second trailer, which was pretty cool in ways. The song choice was slightly better, although the tone felt like it was meshed together properly, but it ultimately made me more interested in the movie. However to be fair I was gonna see this no matter how interested or disinterested I was, because this is part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and I gotta keep up with the timeline.

Another thing to consider towards my lack of expectations is the fact that Marvel has been declining in terms of likability with their recent releases. Both “Spider-Man: Homecoming” and “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” were not as good as I wanted them to be. They were good, but at the same time they were just movies that I particularly wouldn’t watch many times again. “Thor: Ragnarok,” ultimately, kind of belongs in the same category. It’s by no means a bad movie, but not as good as it could be. Let’s take it from the top.

First off, we have the vibe. This movie starts out in a way that’s kind of comedic, although at the same time it makes you wonder what’s about to come next. Then we get some light comedy throughout the picture, there was nothing really that stood out about it, it’s your typical comedy that you see in Marvel movies nowadays. Nothing really hit me. And that’s the thing, this movie, in terms of humor, is divided. At times, it’s hilarious, at other times, it just made me remain in silence. I will say though, this movie is actually funnier than “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.” Not the first movie, but the second one. The first movie is a kneeslapper to the tenth degree, the second one was somewhat underwhelming. On the topic of “Guardians” and vibes, the whole vibe of the movie, just like the first trailer, reminded me of “Guardians of the Galaxy,” which to some people might be fine and dandy. For me, not so much. If you have seen “Guardians of the Galaxy,” you’d know that it’s a lot different compared to other movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it’s a lot more cartoon-like, a lot funkier, a lot lighter. OK, well, you can technically say the MCU as a whole is light, but “Guardians” definitely takes the cake as the MCU’s lightest film. This entire film we have here, is about the destruction of Asgard, and it’s all done by a being who’s referred to as the Goddess of Death, AKA Hela. I wanted this movie to be darker, I wanted it to be serious. Maybe it could interject tads of humor here and there, but nothing even close to the amount of humor given to us here. I may be biased, but this the seventeenth film in the MCU, not to mention the eleventh distributed by Walt Disney Studios, or as I like to call them, “GIVE US YOUR MONEY TO MAKE REPETITIVE CONTENT! Studios,” I would love it if we could see a really dark and gritty MCU film. Not like “Batman v. Superman,” it would have better characterization and casting put into it. “Captain America: Civil War” came really close, and I’ll have you know that it’s one of my favorite films of 2016, but what would put the cherry on the sundae is if someone from the Avengers died in the film. This as a whole just takes elements from the past “Thor” films, interjects part of the concept of “Captain America: Civil War,” and provides the mood of “Guardians of the Galaxy.” It just doesn’t feel original. Some might even say that there’s one reason specifically that this is like “Guardians of the Galaxy,” and before I actually tell you that reason, let me just say, it made the movie remind me of “Pixels.”

Before “Pixels” came out in theaters, one trailer was released and the music behind it happened to be Queen’s “We Will Rock You,” which was eventually used in the movie, not once, but twice. The first time was during the introduction when the kids are in the arcade playing “Donkey Kong” and the second time was throughout the climax when the adults are actually inside the game “Donkey Kong.” This movie isn’t beat for beat on all of those things. However, you may recall I mentioned a trailer that played Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song.” That song is in this movie as well, which I will say this movie gets some credit for unlike “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2,” which had Sweet’s “Fox on the Run” in a trailer, but it never made it into the movie. This is a great and catchy song but just like “Pixels,” the song is played at the beginning of the movie, and at the end of the movie. Reminder, by the end of the movie I don’t mean during the credits. I’d be fine if the song were used once, but twice? Given what this movie has to offer, it just kind of didn’t fit. It’s not like “Inception” where a song literally had a purpose throughout the film. Remember how in that movie, they had a song to signify whenever there was a kick? Yeah, it was Edith Piaf’s “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien,” which is French for “No Regrets.” I’ve never been a big fan of the MCU’s music as a whole, because it all sounds rather forgettable or generic, but I want some variety here!

I just want to say, to those of you who say that this movie is actually different compared to the other MCU films, you’re wrong. I will tell you something that is different though, and that’s Thor’s hair. During the movie it actually gets cut off and I got to say, going into this film, I’ve seen it cut off on posters, and it just simply reminded me of Channing Tatum’s character from “Jupiter Ascending.” Thor is shown to be the same charismatic dude we’ve come to know over the movies we’ve seen him in during the MCU thus far. He brings out a charm that’s extremely admirable, and he seems to be unbelievably joyous, and this is surprisingly also executed during the Planet Hulk fight scene. As far as Thor’s new look goes, I was a little skeptical at first, but in the end, I do think that it’s a good look for him.

Thor’s brother, Loki, also makes a return here. Loki has always been an interesting character to me. As far as this universe is concerned, sometimes he’s the antagonist, other times he’s a protagonist. Here, he’s helping out Thor on his mission, and at other times, the two are separated and doing their own thing. By that I mean, Thor’s doing his own thing and Loki is just watching. Loki also has one of the funniest parts of the movie, which involves a character whose name I won’t mention.

This movie is also the return of the strong monster-like Avenger and Jolly Green Giant impersonator, the Hulk. His last appearance in the MCU where he got some significant screentime was in “Avengers: Age of Ultron.” Neither Thor or the Hulk were in “Captain America: Civil War,” so there’s a good chance they don’t even know the whole controversy which arose in that movie. It’s nice to see the Hulk here, and his character, appeared to be a bit different than how I’ve seen him in previous movies in this particular universe, which I kind of liked. Seeing Hulk and Thor talk throughout the movie, kind of reminded me of George and Lennie from “Of Mice and Men” because of how one character’s language is structured compared to the other.

Speaking of the Hulk and Thor, the two had a fight, as mentioned recently. While heroes have fought each other before, I have to say this fight was pretty awesome. This fight, in terms of action, engaged me more than the fight in “Batman v. Superman.” I personally felt there was more at stake in that movie, but in reality, in terms of action, this fight was better. I will say though, the whole “friend from work” thing, was kind of cringeworthy. Still, the fight’s awesome!

Another character I want to bring up is the character of Hela, the movie’s main antagonist. As much as the Marvel movies have not been as good as usual, the villains have been becoming increasingly more likable. Another interesting thing about this villain, this is the first of the MCU’s main antagonists to be a woman. She’s played by Cate Blanchett, who you may know as Galadriel from the “Lord of the Rings” movies. In terms of mannerisms, Blanchett’s interpretation of Hela made her look like a cliche villain. Although at the same time, she was a very powerful being and the movie makes this case very convincing. The one thing that she did to drag down the movie more than anything else though is that she was very expositional at times, which helped you understand the history of Asgard, but at the same time, it just felt like a random monologue that could have been done in a lair but it was just done somewhere else. It’s the same thing, only different.

One of the movie’s biggest standouts for not just myself, but I imagine a lot of other people, is Jeff Goldblum’s character known as the Grandmaster. He’s basically this one dude who looks incredibly wacky, sounds incredibly wacky, and if there ever happened to be a commercial for makeup directed towards men, he would probably be  spokesperson presented in the ad. I have to give kudos to whoever did the makeup on Jeff Goldblum, it looked stellar!

One last plus I’ll give before I deliver my final verdict to you all, I noticed this in the trailer, but some of the shots in this movie are some of the best I’ve seen in the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe. There are various shots that probably looked great on a storyboard, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case. The movie has shots that almost look like they were copied exactly from a comic book, which I admire wholeheartedly since this is a comic book movie after all. I will say there’s one scene that in terms of colors, could have been graded better. Let’s just say it takes place on grass. This may be a personal thing, but I still feel I should unleash this thought.

In the end, “Thor: Ragnarok” is a very weird movie to judge. I had fun with it, but fun isn’t really the word I want to be using in a circumstance like this. I get it, it’s Marvel, it’s Disney, it’s a similar formula we’ve witnessed in past movies carried over to this one, but it really should have been darker. I will say these movies do feel consistent, and in a way, that’s a good thing, but at times, you need to know what kind of stories you’re putting into certain movies. When you have a character referred to as “the Goddess of Death” in your movie, it’s kind of odd to fill the entire runtime with jokes. I don’t know how well “Justice League” will turn out, but I think ultimately, DC is gonna end up biting Marvel in the balls just because of how I gave all the DC films I’ve seen this year perfect scores and I’ve yet to do that with Marvel. Reminder, I’ve still yet to see “Logan.” I’m gonna give “Thor: Ragnarok” a 7/10. I will say though, if you’re gonna go see this movie, just prepare yourself for the “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” reference. I won’t go into detail, but it was freaking hysterical! Speaking of movies, there’s a line in the film that mentions the title “Point Break.” I won’t go into detail there either. But in all seriousness, next year better be good for Marvel. After seeing the trailers, nothing looks all that amazing about “Black Panther,” “Ant Man and the Wasp” is something I’m excited for though, but my biggest request is to make “Avengers: Infinity War” a slightly serious movie at the very least. Thanks for reading this review, I hope to see you all at Rhode Island Comic Con this upcoming weekend! Just go, you’ll be glad you did, and you’ll thank me later. Also, if you feel you are worthy enough to read these, I’ll have my previous “Thor” reviews listed down below if you want to check them out. I’d say please do so, I think you’ll enjoy them. Stay tuned for more reviews! Also, out of the three “Thor” installments we’ve gotten thus far, which one’s your favorite? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

“THOR” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/10/23/thor-2011-you-wont-need-to-be-hammered-to-watch-this-spoilers-for-the-marvel-cinematic-universe-movies/

“THOR: THE DARK WORLD” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/10/30/thor-the-dark-world-2013-why-is-kat-dennings-in-this-movie-spoilers/

Why Is A Bad Moms Christmas Happening?

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Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! If you have been looking at the movies that have come out during the year of 2016, you may have come across one titled “Bad Moms.” I actually saw that in the theater, enjoyed it for what it was, but considering the audience that was there, I clearly wasn’t the target demographic, the amount of times I laughed were much fewer than the majority of attendees, and I clearly don’t laugh at swear words as much as other people. Maybe I’ve watched too many movies with foul language to know what I’m getting into. I’m not saying that other people are stupid for liking this film, we all have our personal tastes. Although then again I’m kinda pissed it made more than “Kubo and the Two Strings.” Sure it’s an animation so I imagine some people might not like the idea, but MY GOSH that was a masterpiece. At least we have “Sausage Party.” Right? Anyway, “Bad Moms” was relatively successful when it came out. It never hit the #1 spot on any of its weekends in theaters, although to be fair it was competing against movies like “Jason Bourne,” “Star Trek: Beyond,” and “Suicide Squad.” So at some point, a sequel goes into production. What’s the difference this time around? Well, it’s a Christmas movie.

For those who want to know the cast of the upcoming “Bad Moms” sequel, the movie will star Mila Kunis (Family Guy, Black Swan), Kristen Bell (The Good Place, Frozen), Kathryn Hahn (I Love Dick, Tomorrowland), Cheryl Hines (Curb Your Enthusiasm, Son of Zorn), Christine Baranski (The Good Wife, The Big Bang Theory), and Susan Sarandon (James and the Giant Peach, Thelma & Louise). The movie is basically a follow-up revolving around the characters played by Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, and Kathryn Hahn as they try to rebel against the expectations laid upon them concerning Christmas.

Now, on paper, I wasn’t thrilled that this was happening. Sure, I enjoyed the first movie, but it’s not even that great. Plus, the more I think about it, I may have just been in a particular mood that day and I was trying to put my mind in another person’s shoes. I’m not a mother, nor am I a girl. I’m a teenage boy, there’s not many people I PERSONALLY can relate to when watching this movie. Then again this is why they make different movies for different people. This is why they make “Sharknado” and its sequels for stupid people. I’m not saying only stupid people enjoy “Sharknado” but keep in mind their movies are OBJECTIVELY DUMB. So what did I do to verify my interest or lack of interest in this movie? I watched the trailer. I didn’t laugh once, but then again, I go to the movies and see funny trailers which nobody laughs at. Although consider this, usually when there’s a trailer for a comedy, all the funny parts are shown in the trailer.

Let’s also consider the fact that this is a Christmas movie. What was the first movie? It was it’s own thing! There was no particular holiday on the rise, it was just a simple movie. Sure, Christmas might be a less than pleasant holiday for a number of mothers, but at the same time, I don’t see a Christmas theme fitting in the “Bad Moms” universe. If “Bad Moms” had a sequel that focused less on the Christmas theme, maybe someone has a birthday, maybe a number of children have birthdays coming up, something like that, a situation such as that might work out. In fact, you don’t even have to eliminate Christmas entirely, maybe you can make it subtle and not have all of this holiday theme strip club s*it. Besides, there are movies which happen to be sequels that take place during Christmas time that I enjoy despite the previous movies having no relation to that holiday. Just look at “Iron Man 3!” By the way, that movie was released in May, so that’s saying something.

Now there is another movie that’s actually coming out the week after this one comes out, which is “Daddy’s Home 2.” That movie is also going to have a Christmas theme, and a similar layout in terms of plot. “A Bad Moms Christmas” is going to have the mothers of the main characters coming for Christmas and “Daddy’s Home 2” is going to have the fathers of the main characters coming for Christmas. I saw both the original “Daddy’s Home” and “Bad Moms” movies, but if you had to ask me which was better as a movie, I’d say it would be “Bad Moms.” I’d honestly rather watch “Daddy’s Home” the more I think about it, but I found more things wrong with it and part of the illogical humor got into my head that it made me nearly frustrated. Plus I also found something that bothered me with the whole cones thing in the movie. I feel like “Daddy’s Home 2’s” Christmas theme is a little more appropriate for the film partially considering the last one came out in December and mainly considering that part of the last one took place on Christmas Day.

Another thing I had in the back of my mind is the wonder of repetition we’ll be seeing in this sequel. This may be judging a book by its cover, just like how watching a trailer might be judging a book by its cover, but just check out the posters. The poster for the original movie said “Party like a mother.” That slogan is also on the Blu-ray and DVD for the film. On the poster for this new movie, the slogan is “Celebrate the holidays like a mother.” Comedies and sequels can get some slack for repetition in full-length movies, but I don’t usually recall seeing repetition like this on many posters!

If you ask me, if I were making executive decisions, I’d say “A Bad Moms Christmas” sounds more like a straight to TV or straight to DVD film as opposed to a theatrical film. The first movie may have been fit for theaters, but this just feels out of place. I feel like the fact that it’s a sequel to a previous successful movie and the people starring in it are at least two reasons why this is getting a theatrical release. Moms will go see it, girls who want to see men without clothes on will go see it, heck, part of me even thinks teenage boys might even want to see this. Just think about it, Mila Kunis is the star of the movie!

On a little sidenote, a hint of dialogue was uttered in the trailer that caught my attention. Mila Kunis’s character is communicating with her mother, played by Cheryl Hines, and Mila Kunis tells Cheryl Hines that she just wanted to enjoy Christmas this year. Cheryl Hines replies saying “You are a mom. Moms don’t enjoy Christmas they give joy.” I understand what she meant there, but let me just have you know that I try to pay back my mother on Christmas Day. I understand it’s hard for mothers to cope with this holiday. This involves spending tons of money, buying gifts, preparing food, decorating, wrapping, possibly meeting in-laws that they may consider crazy, etc. I do try to help whenever I can, and you know what I gave to my mother last Christmas? I gave her a Roku! I try to put tons of thought in what to give to people, sometimes it’s hard. This is why I make lists for what I want. Some people I imagine don’t do that. I help in any way I can. Cooking’s a bit of stretch for me, I’m not the greatest at cooking, but I try to help buy gifts, wrap them, those sorts of things. So yeah, moms give joy for Christmas, but it doesn’t mean they can’t get it in return. Just thought I’d say that.

“A Bad Moms Christmas” comes out November 1, which is two days before “Thor: Ragnarok.” I personally don’t think that’s the best business decision possible, but let’s see how it plays out. I don’t know how much of the world will go see “A Bad Moms Christmas” when it comes out, but then again I’m talking about the same world containing millions that decided to skip out on seeing “Blade Runner 2049.” By the way, f*ck you, that movie was amazing, it should have made more money! I’m willing to bet this could break soon, but as of right now, “THE EMOJI MOVIE” HAS MADE MORE MONEY OVERALL THAN THIS PIECE OF WORK! Thanks for reading this post, tomorrow I will have my review for “Thor: The Dark World,” so look forward to that! Stay tuned for more posts and I’ll ask you a question. Are you going to see “A Bad Moms Christmas?” What are your thoughts on the original? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

Fist Fight (2017): Three O’Clock High Focusing on Teachers

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“Fist Fight” is directed by Richie Keen and stars Charlie Day (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Horrible Bosses) and Ice Cube (Ride Along, xXx: State of the Union) and is about two teachers who challenge each other to a fight in a parking lot after school because one teacher caused another teacher to get fired.

Before going into this movie I thought a couple things. For one, I thought it would have a couple laughs at the very least, and two I thought from a pitch perspective, the guy pitching the movie thought it was a generic idea with a twist. I say this because in real life people challenge each other to fights after school and they’re typically students, not that I personally see it happen, but in the real world that’s what’s normal at the very least to the human mind. Not to mention, this has played out in movies and television before. One big example that comes to mind is “Three O’Clock High,” which based on recent conversations, is one of my dad’s favorite movies. I personally don’t like it as much as he does, which I find interesting because I gave it an 8/10 on IMDb. Looking back, I’d probably have to watch it again to see if I rated it correctly. And speaking of ratings, this movie is a little difficult to actually give a verdict to, because it is funny, it is entertaining, it does feel like what a comedy should be. Although at the same time, it feels like something we’ve seen before. Not just in terms of humor, but also in terms of story. Sure, I mentioned this movie is similar to “Three O’Clock High.” But if you’ve seen “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues” and think to yourself real hard enough, a good portion of movie’s story takes the end of that movie and inserts it into this one as the main plot. I say that because in both movies, not only do you have people fighting each other, but the main character has to be at a kid’s event. Although the thing about “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues” is that I cared more for the characters there. I will say “Fist Fight’s” particular kid’s event element, from memory, was something that I was able to care about perhaps slightly more than “Anchorman 2’s,” well, until it happened that is, because then it suddenly became cringeworthy.

Charlie Day plays the lead teacher in this movie. His name is Andy Campbell and he’s basically the wimp teacher. You can gather this through his speech patterns, his attitude, his words, all of those things. I imagine some people might have complaints with Day’s character because his lack of strength which might make him somewhat annoying, but to me, it just simply established his character. It didn’t really annoy me, in fact, it just helps showcase the differences between the teachers in this rivalry. Speaking of which, let’s talk about Ice Cube’s character.

Ice Cube plays Strickland, the strong teacher. Part of me wonders if the naming process was intentional for Cube’s character because “strick” sounds like “strict” and at times, that’s how Strickland comes off in this movie. From the first time you see Cube on screen, you know the dude means business. He takes no nonsense whatsoever, and if you see him in this movie he’s kind of an all-out jackass. I can imagine some teachers might relate to his jackassery because there is a scene where he takes a kid’s phone and throws it towards the wall causing it to break, but in the end, he’s still a jackass. Strickland is probably my favorite character in the movie along with Kumail Nanjiani’s character of Mehar, who was the school’s security guard.

This movie was funny in ways although unforgivably insane in other ways. Probably the most common joke that got drilled in my head because of this movie happened to be dick jokes. Granted, dick jokes can be funny, just watch “Deadpool” and you’ll see what I mean. Here though, they almost became rather repetitive. It’s not that they weren’t funny, it’s just that it was almost as if the movie was running out of ideas and it wanted to recycle jokes. There was also that cliche I really hate because it’s something that I always see coming, which is when someone randomly falls on the floor for the sake of a laugh. Granted, it wasn’t a fat person, but come on guys! We paid to laugh! WE DESERVE BETTER. I also mentioned that kid’s event earlier, the kid’s event is actually a talent show by the way, and there’s a part of the movie where you see this kid performing a very colorful song. I can understand some of the reactions, but the kid’s mother is actually rooting for this?! How do the kid’s parents approve of this?! I didn’t laugh, I almost checked out. This movie also has a couple moments, specifically from Charlie Day’s character, where he’d spend seconds repeating the same word over and over again. For example, he’s talking with Kumail Nanjiani’s character and for the sake of a joke, when Charlie Day randomly utters “s*it” Kumail Nanjiani says he’s in trouble because he cussed. So afterwards, Day keeps repeating “s*it” as if he was mocking Nanjiani. Speaking of awkward humor, one of the most awkward moments in the entire movie is when Andy Campbell runs into the character who plays his wife, I won’t go into detail, but it takes place during the day at a shopping plaza.

You may notice the character on the left of this image, that’s Christina Hendricks’s character who’s basically half Reba McEntire/half Judge Judy, Ms. Monet. I have one question. What the f*ck did she add to the movie?! Seriously! Why is she here?! I don’t remember anything redeeming about her character, I don’t remember what her purpose was in this movie. She tries to encourage Ice Cube in taking down Charlie Day at one point and when she does this, she refers to Day’s character as a pervert. OK, I’ve sat through the entirety of this film and I don’t see how it’s possible that Charlie Day’s character is perverted. Did she do this to make up a reason to get Cube going? What was the point? Maybe I’m missing something, but this may show the ineffectiveness of this movie, which is a problem in my book.

Also, I’ll say this, this movie is called “Fist Fight,” it’s about two teachers who are supposed to fight in a parking lot after school, but this movie has more in it than just all of that madness. There’s a story that’s introduced at one point of the movie’s runtime and is one of the final things you see resolved in the flick, and if you watch the film and the way the fight plays out, there’s a chance you might not care about the event that comes up afterwards.

In the end, “Fist Fight” may be watchable, but it’s not exactly great. There are better comedies out there, although on the bright side, it’s better than “Snatched,” another comedy which came out this year. While I may not fully like the movie I will say that I wouldn’t be surprised if it becomes a guilty pleasure for some people in the near future. Not to mention, I will say, as far as less than satisfactory movies go, this isn’t exactly boring. It’s A LOT less boring than other movies I’ve seen this year like the live-action “Ghost in the Shell” and “Logan Lucky.” However when it comes to stupidity, it might as well be fair to say it matches with this year’s “xXx: Return of Xander Cage.” I’m gonna give “Fist Fight” a 5/10. Thanks for reading this review. This weekend there’s a good chance I’m also gonna be watching “The Space Between Us,” which has been out for awhile now, I haven’t seen it yet, but I just picked up the Blu-Ray so there’s a good chance that a review is coming your way soon. I haven’t heard many great things about it, but sometimes you gotta take chances. I do want to see “Blade Runner 2049,” but I’m afraid you’re gonna have to a wait a bit longer for that review to happen. Stay tuned for more reviews, and I want to know out of curiosity, have you ever been in a fist fight? What was it like? Comment down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

American Made (2017): Tom Cruise and Doug Liman Are Back!

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“American Made” is directed by Doug Liman (Edge of Tomorrow, The Bourne Identity), and stars Tom Cruise (Risky Business, Mission: Impossible), Domhnall Gleeson (Ex Machina, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens), and Sarah Wright (21 & Over, Marry Me) and it is being marketed saying that it’s “based on a true lie.” The film’s about a pilot played by Tom Cruise who lands work transporting contraband for the CIA and as a drug runner for the Medellin Cartel in the south in the 1980s.

Going into “American Made” I was expecting a number of things. First off, a good movie, which by the way I did get. Second, a fine Tom Cruise performance, that was there too. Some moments of comedy despite having a serious situation at hand, that was also there. And I also expected an interesting story, for the record, I never really heard about this because I wasn’t born until 1999 and I just never researched it. I got all of that and a little more.

My favorite aspect of the entire film is how it looks. I went to see this film in IMAX, which I will say enhanced the experience a bit. By the way, if you do want to see this film in IMAX, make sure you can fit it in because this won’t be there long before “Blade Runner: 2049” comes out on October 6 and there could be a good chance that this won’t be playing at your local IMAX. As far as the camera goes, this film was shot on an Arri Alexa, which is a camera capable of shooting in 2K, which is higher than HD but lower than what is typically considered Ultra HD, or 4K as some people may call it. Even so, the film looked amazing. The aerial shots looked beautiful, the locations were gorgeous, and I truly felt like I was in the movie at times. But then again, I’ll mention, I saw the movie in IMAX. Also, one more thing. As much as I appreciated the cinematography in the movie, I wouldn’t say it was perfect. At times, it would zoom on certain things, and I have seen that before and it worked in other pictures, but here it’s kinda sketchy.

Let’s talk about Tom Cruise’s character of Barry Seal. If you ask me what I think of Tom Cruise himself, personally, I think he’s a fine actor. As a person, he may not be the best when it comes to relationships, or in terms of controlling his own ego, but as an actor, he’s got chops. He even starred in one of my favorite films of all time, and quite possibly my favorite coming of age movie, “Risky Business.” He’s also proven to be a stellar action star, just watch the “Mission: Impossible” movies! When it comes to Tom Cruise in “American Made,” I’d say that this is what happens if his performances from “Top Gun” and “The Last Samurai” got together and had a baby. The elements are there! In “Top Gun,” Tom plays a pilot, and as far as Tom Cruise in “The Last Samurai” goes, I didn’t really see much of Tom Cruise in that movie, and I mean that in a good way because Tom Cruise felt like a different person. Not to mention, both “American Made” and “The Last Samurai” take place way back before the time they came out. I will say, Cruise’s performance isn’t necessarily as good here as “The Last Samurai” because I can still see Tom as I watch “American Made,” but it is definitely a fine performance.

Sarah Wright plays Barry’s wife, Lucy. Wright did a fine job as her and while I can’t really say many redeeming things about her that makes her character stand out from many others, she definitely was a fine character and moved the movie along very well. Quite possibly Wright’s best scene, performance wise, is when she’s watching TV and she sees something that if I said it, would spoil some of the movie for you.

One of the biggest shockers for me in this movie is that Jayma Mays is in it. You may know her from “Glee,” a show which I actually never saw and it’s also a show I personally don’t want to see in the near future. However I have seen Mays in other movies which critically, were spat in their faces. I’ve seen Mays in 2009’s “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” and 2011’s “The Smurfs.” “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” is a guilty pleasure of mine, but I’ll mention to you I live near the shopping centers where this movie was shot. As far as “The Smurfs” goes, that might have been the worst movie I’ve seen to have released in 2011, now keep in mind, I haven’t seen “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1” or “Jack and Jill” so before you comment below, think wisely. Speaking of surprises, Jayma Mays probably gave the best performance in the entire flick. I honestly want to see her nominated for Best Supporting Actress when the Oscar season comes up. She plays Dana Sibota, the Assistant Attorney General of Arkansas, so when you go see this movie and it’s about halfway done, look forward to this character.

One thing that didn’t surprise me but I imagine could surprise some people who haven’t heard much about this movie is that at times, it’s funny. Now it’s not hilarious, it’s not like “The Hangover” or “Anchorman” or anything like that, nothing slapstick, it’s just rather comedic at times. I was watching one of the TV ads for this movie, it shows a plane crash, and Tom Cruise is talking to this guy on a lawn, and that actually turned out to be the part of the movie where I laughed the most.

In the end, “American Made” is worth checking out. I’m aware that awards season is around the corner, and I do hope this does get nominated in a couple categories: Best Supporting Actress for Jayma Mays’s performance, Best Cinematography, and Best Sound Editing, although in that aspect I don’t really think it stands a chance against “Dunkirk,” which basically turned the entire auditorium into a war zone. The replay value for this movie personally is a little low, and there are some characters that don’t really stand out as much as others, but all in all I had a good time watching this movie. I’m gonna give “American Made” a 7/10. Thanks for reading this review, next weekend I’m hoping to go see “Blade Runner: 2049,” the sequel to what is considered one of the greatest sci-fi films ever made, I can already tell it’s gonna be great just based on reviews, so I can’t wait. I’m also hoping to see “Stronger” which stars Jake Gyllenhaal as a man partially affected by the Boston Marathon bombings. Also, if you’ve got Tom Cruise fever right now, I’ll leave some reviews for movies that have Tom Cruise in them, feel free to take a gander, they are worth reading. Stay tuned for more reviews! Also, what is your favorite movie with planes in them? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

“THE LAST SAMURAI” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/09/11/the-last-samurai-2003-not-a-perfect-blossom-but-not-a-bad-one-either/

“RISKY BUSINESS” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/09/18/risky-business-there-is-no-substitute/

“THE FIRM” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/09/25/the-firm-1993-lifes-a-mitch/

Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017): Manners Maketh Sequel

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“Kingsman: The Golden Circle” is directed by Matthew Vaughn (X-Men: First Class, Kick-Ass), who also is the director of “Kingsman: The Secret Service,” the previous installment in “Kingsman” leading up to this movie. This movie stars Taron Egerton (Eddie the Eagle, Sing), Colin Firth (Love, Actually, The King’s Speech), Mark Strong (Sherlock Holmes, The Imitation Game), Julianne Moore (Crazy Stupid Love, The Lost World: Jurassic Park), Halle Berry (Catwoman, Monster’s Ball), and the movie also features Elton John, Channing Tatum (Magic Mike, 21 Jump Street), and Jeff Bridges (TRON, Iron Man).

This movie continues the adventures of the Kingsman. Poppy (Julianne Moore) strikes the Kingsman’s headquarters, the world is held hostage, the Kingsman run into a US spy organization known as the Statesman, and the two team up to stop the evil Poppy.

Before we go any further, I’ll have you know that I REALLY enjoyed the first “Kingsman” installment, “Kingsman: The Secret Service.” It’s a movie that absolutely knows what it is, an insane spy movie. You’ve got this kid, he’s trying to become a member of the “Kingsman” organization, there’s tons of action, great music, and British people being British. While I will say that I saw better movies the year “Kingsman: The Secret Service” came out in theaters, such as “Star Wars Episode VII” and “The Martian,” I will say this undoubtedly has the best action sequence from a movie which came out that year. If you have never seen “Kingsman” you should watch it, and as far as that action scene goes, be prepared for when you see Colin Firth inside a church. If you want to watch that action sequence, there will be a video down below that you can click on.

That action sequence displayed above, personally, is one of the best I’ve seen in terms of music choices, cinematography, shock value, movements, and immersion. Going into this sequel, not only did I want a good movie, I wanted something that could potentially rival or top this scene. So did the film provide a scene like that? Sure, but that doesn’t mean it had a scene as good as this one. In fact, you can also say this movie is worse than the original. That doesn’t mean the movie sucks however, it’s still tons of fun and is definitely worth seeing either if you liked “Kingsman: The Secret Service” or if you just want an action flick in order to waste a couple hours.

Starting off the character section of the post, let’s talk about Gary “Eggsy” Unwin, although before we do, LOOK AT THIS SHOT. It’s so crisp, so beautiful, so artistically well done! I love it! Anyway, when this movie begins we actually notice some changes brought to Eggsy’s life since the previous film. The biggest example I can give is that he’s now dating Princess Tilde, which if you’ve seen “Kingsman: The Secret Service,” you may recall her as that princess who gets captured, also as someone Eggsy ends up finding when he’s trying to save the world, then they later engage in anal sex because Eggsy managed to accomplish his mission and save her. Their relationship plays a key role in the film, including a sex scene that isn’t anything short of brilliant. If you manage to see that scene, you might ask yourself “Where do people come up with this stuff?” If the answer is the brain, that wouldn’t be too surprising by the way.

Some of you may argue with me that this is a spoiler, and trust me it’s not, Colin Firth is back in this movie as Harry Hart. I bring up the possible spoiler assumption because of something that occurred in “The Secret Service” involving his character, but based on how Harry has been shown in advertising, I’d say this isn’t a spoiler. Anyway, there’s actually a subplot devoted to Harry that at times, was cringeworthy, but seeing Harry became less cringe-inducing as the movie went on. It reminded me of Tony Stark in “Iron Man 3” if he had a more gigantic cringe-factor.

Julianne Moore plays the main antagonist in the movie, and admittedly, she wasn’t terrible, but overall she was serviceable. There were actually aspects that I found rather cliche about her but at the same time I was able to come across aspects I liked about her which showcased her wickedness. Seriously! She turns a guy into a hamburger! Where else do you see that?! However, when it comes to her as a villain, she very much felt like a cartoon. Moore’s performance however was pretty good.

This movie also introduces us to the Statesman organization, which is basically an Americanized version of Kingsman. This means we get some new characters, some of which play a crucial role in the movie. I liked a lot of these characters. Granted there were mainly people from the southern part of the United States and not many people from the northern part, but keep in mind that this organization is in Kentucky, which is also the state where the church shootout in the first movie occurred.

One little factoid that may surprise some of you is that Elton John is in this movie. Not only that, but he also plays a major role in it too. Guess who he plays? Well, he plays himself, and it’s f*cking awesome! Elton John pretty much has one line in the entire movie and that’s “F*ck you.” OK, in reality he had more, but my point has been made. He’s basically a slave to Julianne Moore’s character in a way, and he was a definite scene stealer!

When I watch sequels, I tend to look out for similarities to previous installments of a franchise. “Kingsman: The Golden Circle” definitely had similarities to “The Secret Service.” For example, in this movie we get a “Manners maketh man” scene, we also get an action scene that remains in a single shot for a period of time, and another thing I noticed that’s kind of brought up twice is a reference to this:

GARY “EGGSY” UNWIN: Sorry, love. Gotta save the world.

PRINCESS TILDE: If you save the world, we can do it in the asshole.

That’s actually from when Eggsy and the woman who happens to be his girlfriend in this particular movie first met. This is actually brought up in a conversation between Harry and Elton John that was somewhat funny, but it didn’t really mean as much as the line it’s reminiscent of. Not to mention before Eggsy leaves to go on a mission, he’s talking to Tilde and she says “If you save the world, you know what happens.” While I do understand what she meant by that, the execution of that line honestly was weak. This is an R rated movie. My suggestion is try to say something raunchier than doing it in the asshole or just eliminate the line altogether. In fact, I’ll mention once again, the execution of the line given in the conversation between Elton and Harry was funny. But how funny would it be if Elton told Harry they can do it in the asshole if the world is saved? Just for the record, Elton John is gay so it would probably make sense. Plus, Harry’s sexuality has never been established, so if he’s heterosexual, he might as well appear grossed out by the comment and it might make for a few laughs in the audience.

Another thing I noticed in this movie is that part of it may be a commercial for the FOX News network. Now, I personally hate FOX News, but that’s not my point. A lot of the movie’s exposition was shown by hearing reporters on FOX News. Part of me wonders how much they paid to be in this film. OK, I take that back, this movie’s from 20th Century Fox so my brain tells me that’s probably likely to be nothing. I say this because I don’t know if I’m imagining things but it’s unusual for me to see a news channel in a movie for the length of time FOX News has been featured in this particular film. OK, well, if we’re talking about “Nightcrawler” or maybe “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” that’s a different story. I remember seeing Sky News in the first movie, but I remember them getting less screen time. This does remind me of the movie “Mother’s Day” which is basically a 118 minute long commercial for the Home Shopping Network. Granted FOX News in this movie is a lot less in your face as opposed to the Home Shopping Network in “Mother’s Day,” but still.

One more complaint I have about “Kingsman: The Golden Circle” is that it’s too long. The movie has so many subplots in it that it almost feels like an extended cut as opposed to a movie that would traditionally feel like a theatrical cut. Watching the movie’s climax, I was nearly convinced into thinking that the movie almost didn’t know when it wanted to end based on all of the s*it that was going down. It’s like all the hurricanes we’ve been getting lately. WAIT! THERE’S ANOTHER ONE?! F*CK THIS WORLD!

In the end, “Kingsman: The Golden Circle” may have flaws, but I’d say it’s definitely a sequel worthy of the “Kingsman” name. The first movie may be better, but this movie is certainly a fun ride with tons of action, cool new characters, and an interesting villain despite how cliche she is. From a technical perspective, this movie’s amazing, and I’d say this movie also happens to be enjoyable in terms of entertainment value. I’m gonna give “Kingsman: The Golden Circle” a 7/10. Thanks for reading this review, and before we go any further, I’m gonna let you know about a cool new app called Stardust.

Stardust is a free app you can download if you want to talk about TV shows and movies. There are multiple cool things you can do with this. You can record short videos about movies or TV episodes, you can follow people for their latest thoughts and reactions, by the way, my Stardust handle is JackDrees if you want to follow me, and you can also add movies and TV to a watchlist. By the way, if you want to talk about a particular movie or an episode of a TV show, you don’t even have to watch it, the videos you take can give you the option to say you haven’t watched something. So go download the app now, and this is NOT SPONSORED. I just wanted to share this because I have a feeling a number of people in my demographic would find this interesting.

As far as upcoming reviews go, this weekend I want to go see “American Made” which stars Tom Cruise and is directed by Doug Liman, who directed “The Bourne Identity” and “Edge of Tomorrow,” I’m also desperate to see “Blade Runner: 2049,” by the way, based on the early reviews, I can tell this movie’s gonna be amazing. I also want to see “Stronger” at some point. We’ll see what happens. Stay tuned for more reviews! Also, which “Kingsman” movie did you like better? “The Secret Service” or “The Golden Circle?” If you ask me personally, “The Secret Service” is the better movie, but I want to know your thoughts down below. Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

Risky Business (1983): There Is No Substitute

Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! Today I’m continuing my series of Tom Cruise movie reviews. Tom Cruise is one of the most revered actors working today. Over his lifetime, he’s had a lot of movies under his belt, no Oscars, but he was nominated for three of those bad boys. His film acting career began in 1981 with the romantic comedy “Endless Love,” and on September 29, 2017, as far as the United States goes, a new film starring Cruise will be released, which is called “American Made.” Leading up to that film, we’re gonna dive into some of Cruise’s earlier work. To start off the series, I did my review for “The Last Samurai,” which came out in 2003. Today, we’re going back to 1983, to review “Risky Business.” So without further ado, let’s start the review!

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“Risky Business” is directed Paul Brickman, stars Tom Cruise and Rebecca De Mornay (Flipped, Wedding Crashers), and is about a teenage boy whose parents go away and leave him alone at his house. While this happens, the boy is looking for chances to have fun, but this situation gets out of hand soon.

I own the DVD for “Risky Business” and when I actually first got the DVD, my mother said I’d love this movie, and love it I did. This movie seems to be one of those films a lot of people like for one reason or another. It features iconic scenes such as when Tom Cruise is sliding on the floor and dancing in his house to “Old School Rock and Roll.” It has a stellar cast, they all seem to ace their role and pull you into the movie. It feels realistic, it doesn’t feel like a cartoon like “Blues Brothers,” which works as a cartoon-like film, but if you put “Risky Business” side-by-side with “Blues Brothers” right in front of me, chances are I’m gonna say “Blues Brothers” is a fun ride with interesting characters and great humor, but I’m also gonna say “Risky Business” is an art film. It’s not complete goofiness, it’s not absolute absurdity, it’s unquestionable authenticity. Granted there are moments in the film that feel like they can’t be done in real life, but the whole vibe of the movie and the scenes it has can be convincing enough to let you know that this can happen. In some ways this almost feels like a John Hughes film, which is kind of interesting to me because this came out around a time before a lot of his famous movies which he wrote were released. Movies like “The Breakfast Club,” “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” “Weird Science,” and “Home Alone,” that is if any of those films were rated R, so this is more like “The Edge of Seventeen,” in some ways when it comes to the mood, which came out in 2016.

Let’s talk about the main character of Joel Goodsen, played by Tom Cruise. Joel is the character that is staying home while his parents are away. While this happens, we see him taking on various responsibilities, hanging with his friends, dancing in his underwear, trying to increase his chances of getting into a high-achieving college, shaping his future, and screwing around with a chick, we’ll get to her in a second. If you ever saw the movie “Home Alone” and ever felt that Kevin in that movie was having the time of his life because his family was away, that is something these two had in common at a point in this movie. The two characters also find themselves in troublesome situations. If you put these two movies alongside each other and tweak them a little bit, you get almost the exact same movie. Joel is simply just a kid trying his best to succeed and at the same time he’s just trying to have some fun, I can relate to that. I might not call a sex worker, I’m 17 after all so I can’t really do that. I live in an area where the age of consent is 16 years old, but still I can’t really do that.

Rebecca De Mornay plays Lana, when we first witness her in the film, she’s actually a call girl who Joel calls one night, and their one night interaction eventually turns into something more. When it comes to casting, there COULD NOT have been a better pick when this movie was in production back in 1982. If you look at De Mornay, she’s basically a dream girl. I’ve gathered this based on her seductive attitude that is executed throughout the film, in terms of overall acting ability, I never really discovered a moment when she was out of character, and JUST LOOK AT HER! She’s also rather funny at times, there’s one line in particular given by her that I find laughable, not sure how many of you agree, but if you watch the movie and hear the tone which it’s delivered and have a realization of the situation at hand, it’s probably gonna make some people laugh. I personally think it’s humorous, so I don’t see why someone else wouldn’t.

JOEL: Don’t steal anything. If I come back here and anything’s missing, I’m going straight to the police. I mean it.

LANA: Joel, go to school. Go learn something.

As far as their relationship goes, this is a relationship that almost seems like it can’t happen in real life, but when watching this movie, you can totally buy into it. This is one of multiple reasons why I’d say this is one of my favorite relationships in all of cinema. Not to mention, how the relationship itself begins is interesting. You see, Lana is a call girl, and she’s someone who Joel calls one night when he has nothing better to do while his parents are gone. When Joel calls Lana, Joel doesn’t even say his actual name to her. Instead of referring to himself as Joel, he says his name is Ralph. Unfortunately for Joel, he failed to realize the cost of what was originally meant to be a one-night stand, which happened to be $300. The acting was perfect during the scene, Joel was questioning Lana, getting a little nervous, and tries to find a way to pay her.

There are a number of supporting characters in “Risky Business,” however my personal favorite would have to be the one in the red shirt you can see in the image above on the left. If you don’t know who I’m talking about, that’s Miles, played by Curtis Armstrong (Revenge of the Nerds, Better Off Dead). And speaking of favoritism, I’m actually going to be talking about something in association with the topic in just a moment, but for now, let’s focus on Miles. Miles is basically a bad influence to Joel, and out of all the supporting characters shown throughout the movie, Miles definitely moved the story along more than any other. One of the redeeming qualities of “Risky Business,” at least to me, is the screenplay. In fact, if you have seen my recent countdown, “Top 10 BEST Movie Quotes,” one of the quotes from this movie, given specifically by Miles himself, is on that list, in fact, let’s reveal that quote once more.

MILES: “Every now and then, say, “What the f*ck.” “What the f*ck” gives you freedom, freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.”

In my countdown I described the quote as something that can apply a lot to reality. Think about it. In life, people have ideas, doesn’t matter how brilliant or dumb said ideas are, they’re just around. When it comes to certain ideas, one may be uncertain of how it’ll turn out, it could work out, it might not. But some people might say “What the f*ck,” or “What the hell,” or “What the heck,” because while they have no idea where this idea will lead to or how it will turn out, they feel the show must go on. This is not the only great line Miles gives in this movie, there’s more, including this one early on in the film.

MILES: “I don’t believe this! I’ve got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I’m being chased by Guido the killer pimp.”

That line actually took place during a chase scene, and this took place in a Porsche, speaking of which, let’s talk about this exchange between Miles and Joel once the chase ends.

JOEL: Porsche. There is no substitute.
MILES: (Face peeps from back seat of the car) F*ck you.

Curtis Armstrong literally nailed his performance, and keep in mind, this was his first movie. Then again he has done stage work prior to the making of this film. Much like Tom Cruise, if Curtis wasn’t in this movie, he probably wouldn’t have a film career the size he does today. If Tom weren’t in this movie and showed himself off in a breakout role, it’s possible the chance of Cruise starring in the “Mission: Impossible” movies would be impossible, we would have never seen him ask Goose to talk to him in “Top Gun,” we would have never witnessed him live the same day over and over again in “Groundhog Da–err I mean “Edge of Tomorrow.” Regardless of how much you might end up enjoying this film, this film set the stage for both of these careers to take off. The film was a big hit when it came out, film enthusiasts admired it, both actors played likable characters while giving off good performances. Armstrong may have played the character he was most well known for in the next movie he did, “Revenge of the Nerds,” but if it weren’t for “Risky Business,” it’s quite possible that Armstrong would have never had roles in various pieces of work including “Better Off Dead” and “Moonlighting.” Now let’s bring the subject of favoritism back into play here.

I mentioned this before, and I’ll mention this again. From a fanatical standpoint, I admire Curtis Armstrong. You guys may be thinking that I’m just talking about all of this because of my admiration for the man himself, and while my admiration has encouraged me to discover more about him, he has proven from a critical standpoint, not just in my mind, but in other people’s minds, to be a respectable actor. If you watch some of his work you’d understand. Just watch this movie, “Revenge of the Nerds,” “Ray,” or even some of his voiceover work in shows like “American Dad!.”

Anyway, back to the review. One thing I don’t want to forget is the perhaps slightly overlooked performances given by Joel’s parents. Part of this may have to do with some of the movie’s writing, but as I watched this movie more and more, I’ve grown in terms of admiration towards these two characters. The mother is played by Janet Carroll and the father is played by Nicolas Pryor. While these two barely have any screentime, they certainly serve their purpose. The father comes off as stern, although he never really goes over the top with it with obnoxious yelling and the mother seems to be rather worried. She doesn’t really show it emotionally, but it’s something I picked up on while Joel was with her and the father in the airport as she handed money to Joel. If you watch “Risky Business,” listen very carefully to the dialogue in that scene to see what I mean. A line that’s somehow funny to me that comes out of the father’s mouth is “Do I hear others there?” If this line were given in some other way as opposed to how it sounds in this movie than it wouldn’t be funny, but the delivery here is what makes it humorous to me.

There are a lot of things that I like about this movie, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t have flaws. One of the most interesting things I discovered concerning the movie’s production is how the ending turned out. The ending that everyone who has watched the film from beginning to end witnessed was not the ending that director Paul Brickman had in mind. His original ending was mostly similar to the one you see in the movie. However when we get to a conversation which takes place in a restaurant Joel and Lana are eating in, we don’t cut away from it. We do get the same cutaways to a couple of young folks giving speeches about their products and the profits they made. Although in the theatrical ending, we cut away from the restaurant and the two are in a park, they’re talking to each other. The talking consists of lines reminiscent of a conversation the two had earlier in the film. Soon we hear this line:

JOEL: “My name is Joel Goodsen. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?”

The alternate ending is basically the same thing without the cutaway, we see a continuation given to Joel and Lana’s conversation, then Lana sits on Joel’s lap as the two begin to show affection for each other. Then we hear this line:

JOEL: “My name is Joel Goodsen. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Isn’t life grand?”

I personally prefer the alternate ending, and so does Brickman. I prefer it because the original ending feels very tacked on. It doesn’t entirely fit with the movie itself. That’s not to say the ending’s an abomination, it’s not as bad as say, “The Amazing Spider-Man 2,” but it just feels like something that would belong in a different movie. The original ending has a rather comedic vibe, and yes, the movie is funny, but the dramatic tone of the alternate ending seems to fit the movie better and highlight how life isn’t always going to be pretty. Not only that, but it also makes Joel and Lana’s relationship more believable. Now, I mentioned before, there are parts that feel fantastical, but this ending makes this relationship feel more like a relationship. It’s not often that you are in a boyfriend/girlfriend status and talk about bonds in the bank twice in a short period of time. I mean, heck, I can’t recall many times in my life where I hear people talk about bonds in any sort of perspective! Unless we’re talking about possibly Daniel Craig, Sean Connery, Roger Moore, David Niven, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, Barry Nelson, or George Lazenby.

If there’s one common genre of movies to come out during the eighties whose movies still hold up today according to many people, that is in fact, the coming of age genre. One guy who has mastered this is John Hughes. Now “Risky Business” came out in 1983, John Hughes has done some work before it came out, including “National Lampoon’s Vacation” which actually came out the week prior to “Risky Business.” Although a lot of John Hughes’s movies came out after “Risky Business” and when I watch this movie, I can’t help but connect them together sometimes with comparisons. Between this movie and “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” both have an incident involving a valuable car. Based on my memory, the movie also has a similar vibe to “Sixteen Candles” at various times. Another John Hughes film I like is “Weird Science,” and much like this movie, that one has a fast-paced scene in a car, a rather seductive woman, and younger people doing things that their parents would find troublesome. So in a way, it’s possible that John Hughes’s writing may have been inspired by this movie.

Speaking of kids getting into trouble, part of this movie’s conclusion involves Joel having to own up to actions which occurred earlier in the movie. I love this because it shows the imperfections of Joel, he doesn’t exactly earn complete victory. There are lots of movies where we see someone go down, then go completely up. In this movie, we see someone fluctuating up and down as time goes on.

Another part of the movie I’ve found out others admire is the music. The music in this movie is done by Tangerine Dream, who you may also know as the composer of the music heard in 1984’s “Flashpoint,” the 2013 video game “Grand Theft Auto V,” and the 1987 movie “Three O’Clock High.” The score in this movie overall flows naturally and at times it really takes the movie from being a movie and turns it into art. This is shown during the train scene when Joel and Lana are removing each other’s clothes and are about to make love to each other. Not to mention, when it comes to the movie’s music from a general perspective, it’s kinda catchy. Also the inclusion of outside songs worked too for the scenes they were in. A lot of people say that the “Old School Rock and Roll” scene is iconic, but one scene that I personally feel is overlooked is the scene featuring the song “In the Air Tonight.” This is in the same scene towards the end of the movie that Joel and Lana are about to make love to each other on a train. I love how this music blends into this scene. This just screams sensual. The song is not only groovy, but it does a good job at providing the perfect vibe to the scene that’s at hand, and when it comes to Tangerine Dream’s score, that’s something I can say for that too.

In the end, “Risky Business” is a movie that gets better the more I think about it. There are multiple great characters in the movie. Joel, Lana, Joel’s parents, Miles, Guido, a lot of people shine here. From an editing perspective, this film is amazing. The music blends perfectly with every scene it’s featured in, and the screenplay has numerous quotable lines. On IMDb, this film has less than a 7/10. I think this is a little bit underappreciated as far as entertainment value goes, and as far as moviemaking goes. I’m kind of disappointed that Paul Brickman didn’t do much other work after this movie because this is something I’d watch over and over again. I’m gonna give “Risky Business” a 10/10. But wait! Some of you might be thinking, “Jack! You imbecile! You said this movie had flaws!” A movie can still be a 10/10 and contain flaws. YouTube user Chris Stuckmann reviewed “Batman Begins” and said it had an editing problem but ended up giving it an A+, another YouTuber named Jeremy Jahns reviewed “Baby Driver” and said it was ten minutes too long and ended giving it an “awesometacular,” which is his highest grade. I love “Star Wars Episode VII,” I currently have that as a 10/10 movie, but that movie borrows a lot from the original “Star Wars” trilogy. I loved that movie so much in fact that it was my favorite movie of 2015! So yeah, for now I stand by my 10, it could change, who knows? I originally had this movie at a 9/10. This doesn’t mean the movie’s perfect, it just needs a little extra pieces to complete the puzzle and than I’d say bingo. But seriously, this movie’s underrated and depending on what happens, might be my favorite movie I review in this series of Tom Cruise reviews. Thanks for reading this review, I would like to let you know that next week we will be looking at the final entry in the Tom Cruise series, I’m still deciding on what that movie should be, but if you have any suggestions, leave a comment as to what that movie should be down below and who knows, I might review it. If you want to check out my previous entry to the Tom Cruise series, be sure to check out my review for “The Last Samurai.” If you want to read that review, you’ll either find a red box down below that will take you to it or if you’re on my page where all my posts are in order, it’s the post right below this one. Stay tuned for more reviews! Also, I want to know, what are some interesting stories you have about being home alone without your parents? Or if you are someone who is still living with their parents, perhaps a teenager, what are some interesting things you would do if your parents are gone? Let me know all that down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!