Snatched (2017): A Movie That “Snatches” Everyone’s Hard Earned Money

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“Snatched” is directed by Jonathan Levine, stars Amy Schumer (Trainwreck) and Goldie Hawn (Private Benjamin, Overboard) and it is about a girl named Emily Middleton whose boyfriend dumps her before their exotic vacation, therefore causing her to persuade her mother to go to paradise with her, but unfortunately, it’s not all fun and games.

I will be completely honest, going into this film, I was not expecting it to be good, let me just tell you something, this one of the lowest rated films I’ve seen on IMDb. How low is it? It was originally lower when I checked it several other times, but now it’s not even that much higher. As I’m writing this movie review, “Snatched” has a 3.6/10 on IMDb. What will I give it? Find out later in the review, but I thought you’d like to know.

Amy Schumer plays Emily Middleton. Throughout the movie, Emily is represented as this young, hip, party girl. I didn’t laugh much at her character during the movie, she was well written in various parts of the movie, but in terms of humor, the writing dedicated to her was lackluster. Although there was one scene that was kind of funny that I deeply recall. Emily is sniffing herself and she feels grossed out, so she takes a tissue or piece of toilet paper, I can’t remember exactly remember which item she used. She takes it and she wipes her underarms and her vagina, as she’s wiping her vagina, she’s in a bathroom, but the door is open at one point, there is a line and everyone is seeing this happen. One of the people that actually happens to see this is a guy who Emily is hanging out with during the film.

Goldie Hawn is also in this movie, and from what I checked on IMDb, this is the first big project she’s a part of which involves her having a very significant role in YEARS. In 2013 she was actually in an episode of Phineas and Ferb. She was involved in some other projects before and after, but the last time she acted and had a big role in a project was in a movie called “The Banger Sisters” which was released in 2002. Watching her in this movie kind of reminded me of watching Barbara Striesand in “The Guilt Trip,” which also involves a mother and a kid going away together. The two characters are almost parallel! In both movies they’re intolerant of their kids speaking inappropriately, they both have blonde hair, they have their own little customs the kids have to follow, and they even have major disagreements with their children! By the way, if you want to add in another parallel, make sure Goldie Hawn gets nominated for “Worst Actress” during the Razzies, which I’ll be honest, I kinda see happening. There’s probably a reason Goldie Hawn doesn’t get involved with too many projects anymore, maybe it’s because she’s getting up there in age, the lady’s 71 right now. Although maybe her ability to act has declined over the years, kind of like if you learn a foreign language at one point but stop learning it or using it for awhile, your overall ability to use it won’t hold up very well.

To me, the funniest character in the movie was played by Ike Barinholtz, his name is Jeffery and he had some of the most humorous lines uttered in the film. At times he was displayed as a mama’s boy, which I’m having troubling deciding to myself whether it was more on the funny side or the awkward side of the spectrum. I mean, a lot of the movie felt awkward, so that might be hinting at something. He’s also a nerd, so yeah, I kinda relate to him, although I can’t say I speak Klingon as well as him.

Overall when it comes to hilarity, this movie didn’t have that much, there were a few moments here and there, but nothing that got me belly laughing, or even coming close to it. Most of it just made me angry, because one part that was intended to be funny that’s stuck in my mind made Amy Schumer’s character come off as a dick, some of it was predictable, and there was one character that may be the most stereotypical black character I’ve seen since Leslie Jones in “Ghostbusters,” and that’s saying something because that movie came out last year. By the way, that character was played by Wanda Sykes, which if you’ve seen “The New Adventures of Old Christine,” a sitcom starring Julia-Louis Dreyfus, she plays Barb Baran on that show. The only other way I can describe this character is by simply comparing her to a cartoon. What is this movie?! I thought I was watching a comedy starring Amy Schumer and all of sudden it just turns into “The Cleveland Show!” You know, that “Family Guy” spinoff that was on the air from 2009 to 2013?

Speaking of characters that come off as cartoons, Christopher Meloni (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Oz) is also in this movie and he plays this character who manages to go on a journey with our leads throughout the film, and when it comes to his character, his attempts at comedy were predictable, impractical, and unforgivable.

If you guys remember my last movie review, it was for “The Circle,” I mentioned how much I hated the ending in that film. I will say, the ending IS BETTER here, but it’s still not good. I won’t get into it, although I’ll say it’s trying to be funny but it just comes off as anger-inducing. While I didn’t have the urge to shout “WHAT THE F*CK?!” for the entire theater to hear, I had a dumbfounded look on my face and my arms were almost flailing.

In the end, I have to say “Snatched” totally sucked, I didn’t see much potential for the movie in the beginning and I can’t say I’m all that surprised with how the film turned out to be, garbage. I went to see this film with my mother, she actually paid for the tickets, and I have to say that her money was “snatched,” she agrees with me on the topic of this movie being incredibly dumb. While she is glad she saw the movie, she says that it is the stupidest movie she’s seen since “Knocked Up.” This is not the worst film I’ve ever seen, but out of all the films released this year, this personally is the worst one yet. I’m gonna give “Snatched” a 1/10. It’s a high 1, I will admit, I was almost gonna give this movie a 2, but overall, I can never imagine myself watching this s*it again. “The Circle” was a bad movie, but I can definitely see that movie being a more likely choice for me to watch a second time as opposed to this film. The reason why I almost gave it a 2 was for Jeffrey, but a lot of his humor was more relateable to me than some other people so I wouldn’t say it’s enough, this could change, but we’ll see, for now it’s a 1.

Well guys, this was probably my least anticipated film I’ve watched this year, but luckily, this Thursday, I’ll be seeing my most anticipated film of the year. That is “Wonder Woman,” it comes out Thursday, stars Gal Gadot, I’m really looking forward to it, I’ve already got my tickets for a 7PM showing in 3D, can’t wait! Stay tuned for that review and more reviews coming to this blog! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

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Alamo Drafthouse is Doing Screenings for “Wonder Woman” That Only Allow Female Audiences

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Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! Before we begin this post I want to remind you all that “Wonder Woman,” one of my most anticipated films of the year, comes out next week at the beginning of June. I’ll have a review for that film as soon as possible, I actually currently have tickets to see it next Thursday at 7:00 so I can’t wait to get this out to you guys! Anyway, on the topic of “Wonder Woman,” some news just came out recently concerning the movie.

One cinema chain featuring the upcoming “Wonder Woman” film is doing something you wouldn’t normally see a movie theater do, in fact, I’m willing to bet this could be the first time a cinema has done this. On select days which “Wonder Woman” will be shown in theaters, there will be showings of the film that only allow women to enter the auditorium. So far from what I’m reading, a lot of men are complaining about this. I live in Wakefield, MA, so I don’t have any of these theaters around me, so I personally am less likely to have any of these “women-exclusive” showings nearby.

I bet you’re wondering, how do I personally feel about this? Well, personally, I was a little concerned at first, but my pain has been somewhat relieved, although I’m still worried.

As mentioned, this is one of my most anticipated films of 2017, and that’s one factor of why I chose to see the film as early as possible, but part of me wonders how this movie is going to do on its opening weekend. I actually checked one of the Alamo Drafthouse locations, the one in downtown Brooklyn to be specific, and noticed that there was a showing for women only that was already sold out for Monday, June 5th, so women probably do like this idea. I even noticed this with one of their locations around the Austin, TX area. Although these types of showings are also on the opening weekend, and the one I noticed has yet to sell out (last time I checked), I guess it was added as I’m writing this because these shows, when first announced, sold out pretty fast from what I gathered.

I mentioned before that men were complaining about this, I can understand where they are coming from personally, there are a lot of people who want to see the new “Wonder Woman” film, and perhaps some of these men are married, have a girlfriend, or have kids. Because of these showtimes, someone that a man knows and wants to go see this movie with could be a woman that may see this showing and choose to go to this one instead of taking the man they know along with them. On the bright side, that guy could call up some of his friends and see if they’re all available, unless of course, you’re kinda like me and don’t have many friends. One of the common complaints I heard from men is that this just throws the gender equality thing out the window. Believe it or not, I see where these guys are coming from, but just a reminder guys, the new “Transformers” is coming out, maybe then Alamo Drafthouse will only let guys in for some screenings. By the way, the new “Transformers” movie looks like s*it, I’ll review it, but it just looks f*cking awful.

As for women, I do think these women-only screenings are a good opportunity for them to hang out with women they know, and the more I research about it, the less offensive it becomes. From memory, my first exposure to this was on Twitter, then later on my research increased, then I came across the number of screenings like this. There are several screenings for “Wonder Woman” listed on the showtimes at various Alamo Drafthouse cinemas, very few of them are only for women. If every single screening at every single Alamo Drafthouse cinema was a female exclusive screening, there would be a big problem, but this is something I can live with. Although if I were a woman, would I be excited about this? Probably not, while it may seem like a step towards equality (from the way Alamo Drafthouse may be trying to advertise this), I would much rather go see this in a theater that would focus more on the movie experience itself as opposed to a theater that lets certain people in. Like if you want a specification, I’d rather go see this movie in IMAX 3D, this looks like one of those movies that would be awesome to watch in that format. By the way, the showing I’m going to is not an IMAX 3D showing, it is 3D, but there weren’t many IMAX showtimes listed when I was getting the tickets.

“Wonder Woman” is in theaters everywhere including IMAX Friday, June 2, there also will be special screenings going on June 1, this movie looks amazing, I’m excited for it, can’t wait. So, I want to ask you, what are your thoughts on the “Wonder Woman” female exclusive screenings? Also, just a fun fact, if I had to choose a celebrity crush, it would probably be Gal Gadot, the star of “Wonder Woman,” so I’ll ask you, who’s your celebrity crush? Also fellas, before “Wonder Woman” comes out, I’ll probably be reviewing another movie, for now, my best guess on that upcoming review will be for “Snatched,” it’s a new comedy starring Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn, if I see it, I’ll review it, but the future is uncertain on that.

One more notification to you all before this post is complete, I’m still doing my series of “Spider-Man” reviews leading up to “Spider-Man: Homecoming,” June is coming up soon which means I’ll be talking about “The Amazing Spider-Man,” a movie I’m personally not excited to talk about, but you know what? I’m a professional movie critic–err I mean, professional movie watching asshat so I’m gonna do this. Stay tuned for my suffering and let’s just hope I won’t die before I get around to reviewing this piece of crap. Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

Zack Snyder’s Stepping Down From Justice League? Joss Whedon’s Stepping In?

Hey everyone, Jack Drees here. Today we’re gonna talk about the DCEU, otherwise known as the Detective Comics Extended Universe. As you may already know DC is building their own cinematic universe much like how Marvel is doing so. The movies in this series which have been released so far include: “Man of Steel,” “Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice,” and “Suicide Squad.” There are more along the way, and I’m about to discuss some news concerning one of these movies. So far, every film released in the DCEU with the exception of “Suicide Squad” has been directed by the same guy. That guy I’m referring to is Zack Snyder, who you may also know as the director of “300” and “Sucker Punch.” All the films which have been directed by Snyder in the DCEU have been controversial in terms of quality. “Man of Steel” divided a lot of moviegoers and when it comes to “Batman v. Superman,” the same can be said for that. Also for that movie, it seems to be evident that the movie has some die-hard fans which happen to be average moviegoers, whereas critics just want to bash the title to death. Just look at Rotten Tomatoes, the statistics say that the percentage of critics who liked the film is 28%, as opposed to the 63% of audiences who happened to like it. This guy is also directing “Justice League” which comes out on November 17th, which I am excited for but slightly worried about.

One thing that concerns me about Zack Snyder is that as a director, he comes off as a guy who is more focused on style as opposed to substance. Now, I will say, I somewhat appreciate the dude’s dedication towards style, why would you want a ugly looking movie? Although having seen some of the guy’s other work and a recent trailer for this upcoming film, it’s almost as if Zack is gonna ignore the overall story of the film. Now, I will admit, pretty much the entire climax of “Batman v. Superman” was one of the most aesthetically pleasing moments I’ve seen from 2016 films and perhaps from cinema in general, however in a film where a bunch of heroes unite and fight together, story is something that should be at least a minor concern. My suggestion is: Get the heroes together, have them fight a certain villain, the world is saved. Very basic, I know, but that’s the first thing that came to mind.

Let’s get into some sad news, actually, you know what? Before we do that, I’m gonna set the mood. Let me play a song for you on the world’s smallest violin. I’m just gonna go find it first.

*GETS UP*

Man, my room’s a mess. It’s so messy, the violin must be hiding around some of these crumbs on the floor. Now where the heck is it?

*LOOKS AROUND ROOM*

Nope, not here.

*ENTERS HALLWAY, LOOKS AROUND*

Nope, not here either.

*ENTERS SISTER’S ROOM*

My sister has a violin in here, but I don’t want to destroy it. It’s like if Bart took Lisa’s saxophone on “The Simpsons.”

*LOOKS AROUND*

Where is it? Come on little buddy, I know you’re hiding somewhere.

*CONTINUES LOOKING AROUND*

It’s nowhere in sight.

*ENTERS STORAGE ROOM*

Where the hell is this thing? No, seriously, where the hell is this thing?!…. Ugh! Not here!

*ENTERS MASTER BEDROOM*

OK, this isn’t funny! I usually keep my teeny-tiny violin on the messy floor in my room! Who took it?!

*LOOKS AROUND*

This is a joke! It’s not here!

*ENTERS BATHROOM*

I don’t know why it would be in here, but why not check here?

*LOOKS AROUND*

(After) Well, screw everything. It’s not in there, I literally shoved my hand as far as I could in the toilet just to see if it was there! Ugh!

*STARTS WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS*

Where the flying f*ck is this thing?!

*ENTERS LIVING ROOM*

(Starts whistling) Do-da-dee-dee-do, f*ck my life. F*ck me. F*ck every single thing in the universe. (Continues whistling) This is absurd, just like a smelly turd. (Continues whistling) This is a load of crap, just give me a bitch slap. (Continues whistling) This s*it is getting old fast, just f*ck me in the ass. (Continues whistling…suddenly stops in anger) You know what, f*ck this. I’m done.

*GOES BACK UP TO ROOM*

OK, guys, forget the f*cking violin, I’ll just tell you the news.

Zack Snyder has a daughter named Autumn, unfortunately, that use of the word “has” must now convert to “had.” It turns out that the daughter committed suicide. Apparently the suicide occurred in March, something I actually had no idea about at the time, but still, it happened. Because of this, Zack Snyder is stepping down from the “Justice League” project. First off, I’m sorry for his family and I hope the daughter rests in peace. Second, let’s talk about his replacement.

Recognize this guy? No? Well, if you’re a nerd and you’re familiar with certain content, and don’t know who this guy is, you’re gonna love him once you hear his name. Ladies and gentlemen, here we have Joss Whedon. What is he famous for? He wrote and directed every single episode of “Firefly,” he wrote and directed for “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” and he’s also the director of “Avengers” 1 & 2 in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

The fact that Joss Whedon is actually taking on this project is actually not a bad move. The concepts of “The Avengers” and “Justice League” are similar. Get heroes together, have the fate of the universe be something at stake, go out and kick some ass. I don’t know how much Zack has left to do. I hope Whedon doesn’t go out and reshoot anything unless he has a very coherent plan behind it. Remember what happened to “Suicide Squad?” Also, maybe Zack can give some tips in order to have the film look stylistic while at the same time be story based.

Just to add something in here, I have a fun fact for you all. Joss Whedon is also directing another upcoming film in the DCEU. That as a matter of fact is going to be a “Batgirl” movie. I haven’t really looked into Batgirl’s backstory all that much but Whedon is a respectable director, I haven’t seen all of his work, but I’m willing to see whatever he wants to bring to the table.

 

Also, one question that was on my mind for a while concerning this upcoming “Justice League” movie is this: Considering how we already have “The Avengers” as a movie, how similar will this movie be to that movie? A concern I have from Joss Whedon stepping in is that he might be taking on a film too much like “The Avengers” and stealing a lot of elements of that film. Maybe it could work, I don’t know, but it’s still a concern to me. Just so you’re aware, he’s not the only guy from a Marvel comic-based movie that is involved with this project. JK Simmons, who actually played J. Jonah Jameson in Sam Raimi’s “Spider-Man” trilogy, is playing Commissioner Gordon in this upcoming film.

Now I want to know from you guys, what are your thoughts on Joss Whedon taking over “Justice League?” Do you think he’s a better fit for this than Zack Snyder? Let me know in the comments! Speaking of upcoming DC content, the new “Wonder Woman” movie comes out next week, which is actually my most anticipated film of the year, so I hope to maybe see that the Thursday night it releases and immediately send a review out to you all! Stay tuned for more reviews and other great content! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

How “Young Sheldon” Ruins the Continuity of “The Big Bang Theory”

 

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Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! I don’t usually do posts on TV shows, I have done a few, but movies have ultimately been my primary focus. I don’t think I’ll be going to the movies this weekend so I might as well do this post. In case you weren’t aware, CBS is developing a new sitcom this fall, this sitcom is going by the name of “Young Sheldon.” If you are a fan of “The Big Bang Theory,” you can quite possibly tell that this will be a spinoff to the show. Based on the name of the show, this is going to focus on a part of Sheldon Cooper’s childhood.

“The Big Bang Theory” is actually one of my favorite sitcoms on the air right now. I know that there are a good number of people who hate it and wonder how it’s getting a couple more seasons, but it doesn’t matter, I love it. I see where the humor is and I can appreciate it. So with that in mind, a lot of you must be thinking I’m excited for “Young Sheldon.” I am, but I’m also somewhat worried. I watched almost every single episode of this show, I missed some of the latest season, but based on this, that justifies my love for the show. There are also a lot of episodes I deeply remember quotes from. I’m going to bring up a couple of them here and we’ll get to those in a second, but first, I’m gonna dive a little deeper into the concept of “Young Sheldon.”

According to a preview I watched for this show, this takes place in 1989 in East Texas. At the time, Sheldon Cooper is 9 years old. This focuses on Sheldon’s relationship with his family. Throughout the trailer you can see his father, his teenage brother, Sheldon’s twin sister, Missi, which if you ever watched S1E15 of “The Big Bang Theory,” “The Pork Chop Indeterminacy,” she’s featured in there too. I also don’t want to forget Sheldon’s mother, who is also featured in various “Big Bang Theory” episodes and is represented as a hardcore Christian. This also focuses on Sheldon Cooper in high school, which brings me to a complaint.

If you have ever seen S1E4, “The Luminous Fish Effect,” something is established there that goes against this. Here’s an actual quote from the episode: “I spent the past three and a half years staring at grease boards full of equations, and before that I was working on my thesis, and before that I was in college, and before that I was in fifth grade.” So this newer show, already ruins the continuity of the older show. You want to know something else? I’m gonna bring up the next episode as well.

The next episode I’m gonna be referring to is called “The Hamburger Postulate.” In this episode, there is a segment where one of the main characters, Leonard Hofstadter, along with one of the supporting characters who doesn’t usually show up anymore, Leslie Winkle, have sex in Leonard’s bedroom. There is a point where Sheldon is concerned about this, because he sees a tie on Leonard’s doorknob and doesn’t know what it means. He figures he’d go to Penny, which if you never saw the show, lives across the hall from Sheldon, he says to Penny that he needs her opinion in the matter of semiotics, which is the study of signs and symbols. They go to the door of Leonard’s room, the two are standing in front of it. Sheldon is curious to know what it means, to which Penny says “Come on, you went to college,” and Sheldon utters “Yes, but I was eleven.” If this show gets more than one season, and gets to a point where Sheldon goes to college, they better make sure he is eleven!

If you want my suggestion on how to accurately fulfill the timeline, when Sheldon is at the grade which he’s represented in the show, he should probably do something that is rather inappropriate for as far as his high school is concerned, Sheldon doesn’t realize what he’s doing is wrong. And the school wants him out, but they think he should still learn, so they feel the need to put him in the fifth grade. Also, I heard that Jim Parsons is going to be narrating the show, so if the first suggestion won’t fly, maybe at one point in the show, he can say something about telling his roommate his past and how gullible his roommate is. It would fix the continuity problem and be somewhat savage.

There is a good chance I will be watching “Young Sheldon” when it comes out in the fall, I’m somewhat curious to see what life was like for Sheldon as a child. Sure, we get stories about it sometimes on “The Big Bang Theory,” but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see stories told in this fashion. The vibe of the show from what I’ve gotten out the preview, reminds me more of shows like “Speechless” and “The Goldbergs” as opposed to “The Big Bang Theory.” But I’ve enjoyed “Speechless” from time to time and “The Goldbergs” is one my favorite sitcoms on the air now so I don’t mind this. I want to know, what do you think of the idea of “Young Sheldon?” Also, if you’ve seen “The Big Bang Theory,” what do you think about that show? Leave your thoughts in the comments and let me know! Also, guys be sure to check out my review for “The Circle,” I have the link for it down below, I think you will enjoy the review, stay tuned for more great content! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

“THE CIRCLE” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/05/15/the-circle-2017-the-worst-kind-of-circle-jerk/

 

Man Sues Date Over Use of Cell Phone During a Showing of “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2”

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Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! Before we start this post, some of you may have been thinking I’ve been focusing too much on “Guardians of the Galaxy” lately, and when you saw this post you probably thought about possibly coming to my house, finding me, and throwing me out the window. With that being said, if this is annoying, I apologize. On that subject, I have to be more annoying. If you came on this post with any interest towards “Guardians of the Galaxy,” be sure to check out my posts related to “Guardians of the Galaxy.” I have reviews for the movies and a post on some post-credit news going around before the release of “Vol. 2.” The links are down below, please check em out.

“GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2” POST-CREDIT NEWS: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/04/21/guardians-of-the-galaxy-vol-2-has-five-post-credit-scenes-what-does-this-mean/

“GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/05/05/guardians-of-the-galaxy-2014-marvels-best-a-holes/

“GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/05/07/guardians-of-the-galaxy-vol-2-2017-return-of-the-a-holes-plus-update-on-post-credit-rumors/

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, we’re gonna talk about some Guardians related news I came across. Apparently there was this couple who recently went out on a date, this was actually their first date as a matter of fact. They went to see “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.” From what I was able to speculate from various sources, the price per ticket was $17.31, and these two went to see the movie at the AMC Barton Creek Square 14 in Austin, TX. I did some research and came to the conclusion that the two went to an IMAX 3D showing of the movie. Now I’m gonna ask you all a question, what is the most annoying thing somebody could do in a movie theater? I mean, to me, there are plenty of things. Somebody could be talking a lot during the film, someone who has seen the movie already that is seeing it again could shout out a spoiler to f*ck with the audience, someone could bring in an infant that cries all the time, as much as I enjoy going to the cinema, a lot of things could go wrong. One of my biggest pet peeves that I’ve had to deal with throughout multiple cinematic experiences is that there’s at least one person that uses their phone.

Yep, in today’s digital age, it goes without a doubt that lots of people are attached to their cell phones. Admittedly, I am too, but I know when not to use it. One of those times is when I’m in the movie theater and I’m watching a film. A lot of theaters have disclaimers given out to audiences telling them to turn off their cell phones. Nowadays whenever I go to an AMC location, right before the AMC intro sequence begins, a little PSA comes up for about 10 or 15 seconds telling the audience that that you can’t talk or use your cell phone because it is either disruptive or distracting. It ends with the phrase “Don’t ruin the movie.” These two went to an AMC location too, but they went to see the movie in IMAX, and I’ve actually seen IMAX movies at AMC before, most recently “Rogue One,” and as of now they don’t play the exact same messages that you get in traditional AMC showings. They give disclaimers, but I don’t remember them touching upon cell phone use. With that being said, the woman on this date was always using her cell phone throughout the show. And the guy, instead of simply telling her not to do that, breaking up with the girl, or reminding her why she shouldn’t text during the movie, actually took this matter to a level greater than I could have ever imagined. He wants to sue this woman.

What lead to this? Well, the two paid their money in some way, shape, or form beforehand, the movie was going on, and this woman just kept taking out her phone to look at and respond to texts. The guy was getting peeved and so he asked the woman to put her phone away, she refused. At one point, the guy suggested to the girl to take her phone outside and talk there. Not only did she do that, she didn’t come back in, because she went home without her date leaving him without a ride home.

The guy who is filing the lawsuit goes by the name of Brandon Vezmar and he is seeking $17.31, which as mentioned, is the price per ticket paid by the couple who saw the movie. In Vezmar’s petition he claims “While damages are sought to be modest, the principle is important as defendant’s behavior is a threat to civilized society.”

The girl’s name however remains a mystery to me, and while the guy claimed that the girl took out her phone and texted around 10-20 times, the girl says otherwise. She says she kept her phone low, trying not to disturb anyone, and it happened around 2-3 times. One thing I’m unaware of when it comes to this girl’s texting is why she was even texting in the first place. Was there some sort of emergency? Because if there was, I’d understand, but if there happened to be just about any other reason, I’m not gonna accept that. If you want a place to text while watching a movie, just stay home. Maybe if this was happening during the previews or something I’d be fine, but not during the movie, which according to what I’ve heard, is the time which this all happened. Also, let me just say, I’m aware of the girl trying to hide the phone screen, which I admire, but if other people are annoyed, do your best to respect them. It’s like if you spit out something racist, someone’s probably gonna get annoyed and it won’t end well. On another note, the girl is now under a protective order against Dezmar, who has contacted both the girl and her sister. This girl said she’s not paying the guy back because of these words she uttered: “he took me out on a date.”

Also, on a little sidenote, James Gunn, the director of the film the couple went to see, actually weighed in on the whole scenario on Twitter. He said “Why stop at suing? She deserves jail time!” Wow, I did not think I would ever have to see this in my life. I don’t typically tolerate the use of cell phones in movie theater auditoriums, but this guy’s reaction is something I would never do in life. I want to know your thoughts on this, and also, something I want to ask, have you ever been in a theater with someone who used their phone during the movie? Did it annoy you? What did they do on their phone? Let me know! Also, be sure to check out my review for “The Circle,” or as I like to call it, the most recent movie to drive my brain in circles. I had fun reviewing it, you’ll be able to find an icon that says “The Circle (2017): The Worst Kind of Circle Jerk,” be sure to check it out. Stay tuned for more great content! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

The Circle (2017): The Worst Kind of Circle Jerk

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“The Circle” is directed by James Ponsoldt who you may know as the director of the 2013 film “The Spectacular Now,” this film stars Emma Watson and Tom Hanks and is about a woman who gets her dream job at a company known as the Circle. This company basically has the same vibe you’d get from companies such as Apple and Google. While this girl is happy about accomplishing the goal of getting to work at the Circle, it turns out that this company has an agenda that would affect the lives of mankind, including people this girl knows.

If you don’t know anything about “The Circle,” let me kick this review off by saying that this movie has been out for a couple of weeks, and I can’t imagine it will be in theaters for much longer. Why is that you ask? Simply, because of all of the statistics it has received. Some examples of this include the fact that it has a 16% on Rotten Tomatoes, it has a 5.3/10 on IMDb with average ratings coming in around mostly 5 and 6 out of 10, and it has around an overall estimated rating of 2.5/5 stars on Fandango based on ratings given by a total of 1,606 fans at the time I checked. With this being said, I, being the movie reviewing moron I am, just so happened to watch this film today during a 4:45 showing at the AMC Loews Liberty Tree Mall 20 in Danvers, MA. What did I think about the film? Well… it’s very hard to process and come up with a simple answer to that question. Let’s just start off by saying, it’s not good.

Let’s start off by talking about the main character of the film, Mae Holland. This character is played by Emma Watson, who you may know as Belle from the live-action “Beauty and the Beast” film that just came out, or as Hermione Granger from the “Harry Potter” films. Her character was somewhat admirable at first, but throughout the film she just became extremely off and on in terms of overall likability. Watching her in this film, I could believe everything she was doing, but it didn’t mean I liked everything she was doing.

Next up we’re gonna talk about Tom Hanks, a lot of people consider him to be one of the best, if not the best, people to ever act. How is he in this film? He’s not bad at all, I liked his performance, but his character was not someone I was able to latch onto. I mean, I get it, if you watch the film you’d understand he’s not exactly the nicest dude on the planet, but the motivations of a lot of people here including Hanks’s character seem unbelievably idiotic.

If you have seen the film “Star Wars: The Force Awakens,” chances are you’d recognize this dude above, John Boyega. He’s in this movie, and after some thinking, one thought went through my mind and that thought was, why was he in this movie? I mean, much like a lot of people in this film this dude gave a good performance, but why did he need to be here? It felt investing at first, but towards the end, having his character in the film felt unneeded. If they cut his screen time a bit towards the end of the movie, the movie would have been a bit better than it was, but it failed to accomplish that task so the movie doesn’t gain any points for reducing John Boyega’s screen time.

The same goes for another character, his name is Mercer and he’s played by Ellar Coltrane. I didn’t care much for his character at the beginning, although he becomes somewhat more interesting towards the conclusion. Although despite my jump in interest towards his character, I didn’t think it was enough for me to fully appreciate him. I mean, I GET why he’s in the movie, but I felt like I didn’t see enough of him or get to know him in a way that makes the character become very fleshed out.

Another character in this movie was played by Patton Oswalt, who you may from various roles such as Spence from “King of Queens,” he also voiced Remy in the 2007 animation “Ratatouille,” and he’s even now got a role on “Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Return.” The guy has proven himself to be a respectable actor, and that’s how he is in this movie, but there’s only one thing that I’ll truly remember his character for, I won’t go into detail, but he makes this really funny angry face towards the end of this movie, it’s almost like looking at General Krennic from “Rogue One” when he’s having a really frustrating day! I mean, how the f*ck did a movie with such talented actors end up being so bad?

I had a ton of problems with this movie, some were nitpicky, but that’s the person I am, I nitpick, so what? Let’s just get into some of them.

If you notice the two characters above, they were actually in one scene with Mae, the main character of the film, and they were having a conversation. This discussion was about Mae and how she feels about her start at the Circle. When I was watching this conversation unfold, I couldn’t help but think to myself that I was simultaneously watching a “Saturday Night Live” sketch, because that is what the conversation felt like overall, you know if you sometimes watch ‘SNL” you might occasionally come across one sketch that feels awkward and it’s not exactly funny for being awkward. I mean, comedy wasn’t a primary goal for this film to accomplish, but seriously, that conversation felt awkward. Let’s just put it this way, imagine you’re a parent and you go into an R rated movie with your kid for the first time, the kid might be on the younger side, maybe going into their teen years, a sex scene comes up and people are completely naked, with all sorts of realism in tact, chances are that experience might end up being awkward for at least one of you. If the kid were watching a sex scene alone depending on their age, they might feel some awkwardness throughout, but an adult would traditionally be OK. If I watch the scene I brought up originally again as an adult, I’d probably just want to cover my eyes or ears until it’s over.

This isn’t my biggest problem, but another problem I had is that the film overall didn’t really have much of a conflict. I mean, instead of a conflict, we got bits and pieces of a conflict per se, if you… really… want to put it that way, this is very hard to describe. At one point, we’re at a conflict involving security and privacy, at another point we’re at a conflict of voting/getting people on the grid/making everyone have an account under the company shown in the movie, and later we have a conflict of finding criminals. We eventually get back to the first conflict, but it feels like some stuff shown throughout the movie just ends up not mattering much at all. I mean, you get to know the characters better, but it just doesn’t feel like I wasted my time on something worth wasting my time towards.

Also, without spoiling anything, there was a point during one of the speeches during the movie where there was a timer used. From observing the movie hoping to avoid any distractions, I believe I may have noticed a crazy timejump that just came out of nowhere. I have no idea if it was intentional or what. The timer started at 20:00 and stopped at some point between 10-11 minutes. I don’t know the exact number, but if I had to guess, I believe it was 10:27 but I don’t give a s*it about that, much like how I don’t give a s*it about this movie.

Also, I noticed in one shot somewhere in the beginning of the movie that one guy went in front of the camera and it was somewhat distracting. I couldn’t tell if that was an actor or some guy who was supposed to be on set and off camera. It really distracted me. I noticed a blooper like that in “Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith,” but the thing about that movie and this one is that I noticed this myself, so I didn’t mind seeing that little mishap in “Revenge of the Sith,” it kind of annoyed me here though.

Oh, yeah, the movie ends, which brought me some good news and some bad news. Let’s start with the good news first, the good news is, yay! The movie’s over! I don’t have to sit through this lunacy anymore! The bad news is the ending itself. As I am a polite person, I’m not gonna go into detail about it, but I will say that it felt like it lacked a true climax, much like how this movie seemed to lack an overall investing main conflict. I was in the theater with other people, some of whom happened to be related to me, I was almost speechless towards the end as the credits began to pop up. Let me just say, if I was in the theater alone, I probably would have shouted something along the lines of “WHAT THE F*CK?!” at the top of my lungs.

This leads me into one thing that the movie had a rather deep focus on, that is these small cameras. I can’t remember the name of it, or even if it had a name to begin with, but who gives a crap? I don’t want to think about it, my head will explode if I think hard about it and you probably wouldn’t see this review if that happened. These cameras could be placed in random areas and chances are that lots of people wouldn’t notice that. Let’s just say that the camera was around me in the movie theater and I shouted what I could have shouted if I saw this movie alone. Saying that would have probably been really awkward. Also, I saw in one review that this is basically the new “1984.” Now, I never read that book, but all over I hear some people are saying that their lives feel like they are in the book “1984.” I honestly hope this doesn’t become a reality. I HATE being watched. This has nothing to do with the movie itself, although I will say this kind of makes the characters unrelatable based on some actions they take regarding this matter.

By the way, on a rather sad note, Bill Paxton is in this film. I have not had much of a connection to this actor, but I know a lot of people do. I will be honest, I didn’t even realize Paxton was even the character I was watching in this movie. There are times when the movie cuts to segments with him and his wife, and it almost feels like something I should care about, but at times, I just feel like we should just get back to Emma Watson’s character working at the Circle. By the way, RIP Bill.

In the end, you can probably tell I hated this film. I thought it was pretty bad to begin with, but it just tumbles and explodes towards the very end, much like my mind. This film has a somewhat interesting concept and good performances, the execution however is something that really requires severe improvement. The movie made me ask questions, the movie made me think of what would happen if Apple and Google combined into one company, but even with that, I just wanted to run out of the auditorium just to get away from this cinematic excrement. I’m gonna give “The Circle” a 2/10. This movie had potential, but overall, it just ended up being a giant clusterf*ck. The more I think about this movie the worse it gets to tell you the truth. Thanks for reading this review, I just want to let you know that I currently have no idea what I’m gonna see next. I’m thinking “King Arthur: Legend of the Sword,” “Snatched,” or “The Wall.” I’m willing to bet some of you want me to go see “Alien: Covenant” next weekend, but I think I should wait on that because I haven’t watched any of the “Alien” films, so I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Be sure to stay tuned for more reviews, and also in honor of “Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2” crushing the box office for yet another weekend, I’ll post a link to my “Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2” review if you want to read it. Hope you enjoyed this review and look forward to more exciting content! Scene Before is your click to the flicks! Also, f*ck this movie!

“GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/05/07/guardians-of-the-galaxy-vol-2-2017-return-of-the-a-holes-plus-update-on-post-credit-rumors/

Spider-Man 3 (2007): Is It Really As Bad As Everyone Says?

“Spider-Man 3” is directed by Sam Raimi and stars Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco, Topher Grace, Thomas Haden Church, along with Bryce Dallas Howard and this is the third and most recent installment in Sam Raimi’s “Spider-Man” series. This film takes place at a time when Peter Parker is still in college, he seems to have his life altogether, right now he’s dating the girl of his dreams, Mary Jane. However, he’s still having problems with his now former companion, Harry Osborn. When this is all going down, a black substance bonds with Peter and it causes inner turmoil while at the same time, needing to save the city of the New York.

I had no idea about this until over half a decade after this film came out, but there are a lot of people who consider this the worst “Spider-Man” film to date. A lot of people are now saying that about “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” but we’ll probably talk more about that when we get to my review for that film. If you want to know where I stand with this film, I’d say that AS A MOVIE, it is the worst crafted in Sam Raimi’s trilogy. However personally, AS FAR AS ENTERTAINMENT VALUE GOES, I’d say this personally is more entertaining than the original Sam Raimi film. Not as much as the second one, but still, this is where I stand with it. Some of you might hate me for saying all of this, but it’s my opinion, not yours? Want to share your opinion? Either leave a comment or do your own review. With that out of the way, let’s dive into some characters.

Tobey Maguire is in this film once again as Peter Parker. One thing I’m sure you’ll agree with me on if you’ve seen all the “Spider-Man” films is that when it comes to Peter’s story, this is the worst of them all. I mean, Tobey Maguire, did a fine job as Parker, but there’s one gigantic thing shown in this movie that just made me think of Peter Parker as emo. I mean, it’s symbolic during the movie and I can tell why it’s there, but it’s a little weird to look at while watching the film. If you are halfway through the movie, just look at Peter’s hair, tell me that doesn’t look emo.

Speaking of Peter’s story, part of it involves Harry Osborn, who is once again played by James Franco. In this movie, Peter and Harry are not getting along, and now Harry has a plan to kill Peter to get him back for “killing Harry’s father.” So now he’s the New Goblin and he’s using similar equipment to what the Green Goblin used in the original “Spider-Man.” Although I will say an improvement this time around is the costume.

If you look at the costume for the New Goblin it looks a little more realistic than what we’ve got with the Green Goblin. It’s not as colorful, but I don’t really care. If you remember the Green Goblin, it wasn’t a TERRIBLE costume, but if you look at it hard enough, you could probably think of it as a costume you’d see on some villain from “Power Rangers” or something.

On the subject of villains, one common complaint I’ve heard about this film is that it has three villains. Personally, I don’t mind the idea of having three villains, but I will say that the idea could have been executed better. Would I rather have one villain in the film as opposed to three? Sure, we might get to that eventually.

The villain we’re gonna talk about now is Sandman, played by Thomas Haden Church. The first scene with this guy actually also introduces his wife, who seems to hate him and his daughter, who seems to miss him. His other identity is Flint Marko, and he escaped from prison. I also will say that every single fight with this guy was fun to watch, especially the train sequence, which actually makes me want to say something. The “Spider-Man” film before this one also had an action sequence which took place on a train, is this one as good as that one? No. Although I will admit, the scene does a good job at showing the characters’ powers, especially Sandman’s, and it reveals a key difference between regular Spidey and black Spidey, at least from what I noticed, which was executed quite well if you ask me.

The last of the villains we’ll talk about is Venom. Out of all the villains in this film, this was the weakest of the bunch, and he really didn’t need to be in this film. By the way, spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen this movie. A character in this film who goes by the name of Edward Brock Jr is actually under Venom’s mask, this happens by Peter struggling to take his black suit off, a black suit which was formed by a symbiotic life form bonding to him, but being right near a church bell will do the trick. While this may have made having the black suit plot somewhat necessary, I would have been fine with a black suit story with Venom out of the picture. I will admit that Venom is scary at some points in the film, but it doesn’t change how useless he is. Want to know something else? One thing I noticed throughout this film is that the villains all are never referred to by their villainous name. Parker already knows their real names so he uses those in conversation with them. I mean, as far as I remember, Parker also never referred to Doc Ock or the Green Goblin by villainous names either, but at least other people in the previous “Spider-Man” movies did so someone would know who they were as a villain. I do remember Spidey calling the Green Goblin “Gobby” one time and he also once referred to the same guy as “Goblin” later on, but that’s all I recall.

Let’s also talk about Flint Marko’s transformation into Sandman, I won’t go into detail, but before it happens, Marko falls into a pit of sand and a machine is turning on above him. We then cut to a shot in a lab containing a bunch of scientists, they say that there is something in the pit, one person assumes that it is a bird and it’ll probably fly away when the machine is engaged. OK, I just want to know, have you EVER confused a human being for a bird? Maybe if Big Bird from “Sesame Street” was in that pit I’d understand but as far as I know Big Bird doesn’t fly!

Bryce Dallas Howard is also in this movie, and she plays Gwen Stacy. As far as her performance goes, it’s not that bad. In this movie, she goes to college with Peter and the two are lab partners. The movie never goes any deeper into that but that is part of a relationship drama subplot that’s thrown into this film between Peter and Mary Jane. Now that I admit it, this movie does have a lot of stories to tell and wrap up all at once. I admit, the way it all wrapped up was OK to me, I can’t say I’m mad about it.

Speaking of Mary Jane, I’m surprised I haven’t talked about her yet. MJ starts off in this film as a star in a play. Unfortunately, when critics go see her on stage during the play, one critic said in a newspaper said Mary Jane was a little too quiet while performing for everyone to hear. MJ gets frustrated by this and she feels down on herself. She actually comes by Peter’s apartment to share the news, Peter points out that this guy is a critic and his opinion doesn’t matter and she’s talented. I will say that as a critic, I know I sometimes give some flak to people or movies on here, but at the end of the day, I may as well just be an asshole who watches movies. My opinion doesn’t really matter, it’s just out there for everyone to see.

Once again, I gotta talk about J Jonah Jameson, because why the heck not? I mentioned before that JK Simmons, the guy who plays this character, is my favorite actor ever. I’m willing to bet that even if you didn’t like this movie, you will still say JK Simmons was great in it just like in the two earlier “Spider-Man” films. In this movie, my favorite scene with Jameson was the one where he had to take a pill. Betty Brant, played by Elizabeth Banks, sends him an alert to take his pill through an intercom. This is actually set off by a buzzer, and it’s the same buzzer you hear in “Spider-Man 2” for the same device although this time it actually vibrates the desk whenever going off. Jameson gets a couple of alerts not to take a certain pill he’s about to pick up. He points to one container of pills which has the one he’s supposed to take, Brant nods signaling Jameson has the right pill, then the buzzer goes off again as he’s about to take it and the desk shakes once more, and this time, some of the pills just go flying out of the container just before Brant says “Drink plenty of water.” It’s hysterical.

Now if you have paid attention paragraphs ago, I mentioned that this movie doesn’t really need Venom. I think this movie could have been slightly better if this film introduced no villain and just had Peter and Harry go toe to toe, or if Harry and Sandman are the villains. All the other characters can exist too, they don’t have to, but they can, just as long as nobody turns into Venom, all will be OK. With the first idea, it can start out the same way, be carried out in similar ways throughout the film, but it should all end with an emotional battle between Harry and Peter, maybe Harry sacrifices himself in the end after realizing what he’s doing isn’t worth fighting for. With the second idea, the same thing could happen, although this time, Harry lives, realizes what he’s doing isn’t worth fighting for, the two are friends again like old times, reports of Sandman are spreading like crazy, maybe Sandman is approaching an area where the two are, and now the two have to take him down together. In this circumstance, I wouldn’t care what happens to Harry, he could live, he could die, whatever.

Also, Danny Elfman is back for this film, although this time around, he’s not the composer, Christopher Young is taking that part instead. Danny Elfman actually composed music for the previous two “Spider-Man” films, which was magnificent in both films, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love Young’s score. Some of my favorite pieces throughout the film include the music playing during the first fight between Harry and Peter, the music used for when black Spidey’s introduced and the train fight music. Also, once again, we have another “Spider-Man” film with 3 minute long opening credits, which once again, I don’t mind. I love watching them and they have great music behind them so I really don’t care.

If you ask me, I wouldn’t entirely blame Sam Raimi for the final product we received, because he even mentions that he didn’t originally want Venom in the movie simply because Raimi himself wasn’t fascinated with the character, Sony wanted this to happen and so Raimi shoehorned him in. Also, as I mentioned, a lot of people don’t like this movie, and you know what? Sam Raimi doesn’t like it either. Here’s an actual quote spoken by Sam Raimi on a Nerdist podcast with Chris Hardwick concerning “Spider-Man 3”: “It’s a movie that just didn’t work very well. I tried to make it work, but I didn’t really believe in all the characters, so that couldn’t be hidden from people who loved Spider-Man. If the director doesn’t love something, it’s wrong of them to make it when so many other people love it. I think [raising the stakes after Spider-Man 2] was the thinking going into it, and I think that’s what doomed us. I should’ve just stuck with the characters and the relationships and progressed them to the next step and not tried to top the bar.”

Also, one thing I didn’t like about this movie is that it didn’t show Peter’s spider-sense tingling, this is a minor complaint, but I just like hearing the sound of the spider-sense.

Another minor complaint I have about this movie is the jazz club scene, I mean, based one what I’m witnessing in the movie, the scene flows naturally and doesn’t cause any holes in the story, but the whole vibe of the scene doesn’t really fit in a “Spider-Man” movie. You know the auction scene in “Batman & Robin?” This isn’t as cringey as that or anything, but it’s just somewhat out of place. The end of this scene is kind of important, but you have to wait four or so minutes to get through this out of place scene to get to that.

In the end, I don’t really hate this movie, I know a lot of people do, I know some people can’t stand this. I get it, but to me, it’s not that bad. I said it once, and I’ll say it once more, as a movie, it’s the worst crafted in Sam Raimi’s trilogy, as a piece of entertainment, this is better than the original film from my perspective, so I’ll say that “Spider-Man 3” gets a 7/10. This movie has problems, for sure, but when I watch this film I notice way more positives as opposed to negatives. Thanks for reading this review, as far as upcoming reviews go I’m hoping to go see “The Circle” sometime soon and perhaps “King Arthur: Legend of the Sword.” Also guys, if you want to read my other “Spider-Man” related reviews, I have links to them down below. Next month I’m gonna be tackling “The Amazing Spider-Man” which is the first of the two Marc Webb Spider-Man films. Stay tuned for that along with other great content coming soon! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

“SPIDER-MAN” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/03/18/spider-man-your-friendly-neighborhood-2002-movie/?frame-nonce=34b7344400

“SPIDER-MAN 2” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/04/14/spider-man-2-best-superhero-movie-to-date-spoilers-for-this-movie-spider-man-1/?frame-nonce=34b7344400

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017): Return of the A-Holes (PLUS UPDATE ON POST-CREDIT RUMORS)

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“Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” is directed by James Gunn, the guy who also directed the previous “Guardians of the Galaxy” film, and stars Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, and Kurt Russell as the heroes we know from the comic books along with the first movie as they face their next mission. The team of a-holes who now occasionally fight crime, take down monsters, and retrieve various important items for money stumble upon Star Lord’s father, and some other s*it happens.

Now let’s just get into something real quick, the original “Guardians of the Galaxy” is one of my favorite comic book films in recent years. It wasn’t the best of the year it came out, that personally belongs to “Captain America: The Winter Soldier,” but still, it was one of the most fun, action-packed, and hilarious movies of that year so I was able to appreciate the movie for those aspects which it delivered on. Do you get that in this movie? You certainly do. Although with that being said, this movie is not as good as the original. Also, it’s not as good as a lot of other movies in the MCU. Also, before we get into the characters and all sorts of other s*it, I do want to talk about something concerning this movie.

A little while ago, I managed to see some news that this movie was going to get five post-credit sequences, I actually did a post on it (link to that post below) and as a service to my fans (if I have any), I would like to report that this statement is in fact true and not just a random rumor floating around the Internet spreading like memes, cat videos, or Donald Trump’s tweets. I won’t go into any detail, but if you are into the after credits stuff and you think this movie is gonna contain one or two scenes, you’re wrong, stay a little longer, in fact stay until the very end, just do it, because that’s how long these scenes go on for.

https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/04/21/guardians-of-the-galaxy-vol-2-has-five-post-credit-scenes-what-does-this-mean/?frame-nonce=ec960a7b90

Chris Pratt returns in this movie once again as Peter Quill, AKA Star Lord. If you remember the first scene in the original movie featuring this character as a kid, that’s something that actually comes into play during this movie, and it kind of made me feel emotions for the character during the film, and you know something? I was not expecting to care much for Star Lord with his father in the mix, I had no idea what to expect going into the auditorium, but what I got was actually kinda surprising.

Speaking of Peter’s father, let’s talk about his character. In this movie, Peter’s father who happens to go by the name of Ego, is in the movie for a large chunk of time. Honestly, I thought this character was gonna be just some guy Peter meets in the middle of the road, boy was I wrong, this character was more than that, as this movie goes on the guy actually becomes more likable as a character which completely shocked me. Also, the father-son relationship between Peter and Ego brought some weight to the movie and boosted the movie in terms of its likability.

On the subject of new characters, let’s talk about Mantis, and no, not the one from “Kung fu Panda,” that’s a guy. This Mantis, played by Pom Klementieff, can touch someone and sense their feelings. If you remember that trailer for the movie that came out at the end of last fall, the scene where this is exposed was shown in that, despite how I knew this scene was coming, seeing it in the theater was hysterical that I couldn’t help but laugh hard. Mantis in my opinion is one of the more likable new characters in the movie and I gotta say, I love her voice.

Another new character I want to talk about is Baby Groot. Going into this movie, I was worried that this movie was gonna give this character too much screen time simply to show off his cuteness. I know some people were expecting him to be cute, I heard some folks say he was in fact cute. Was he cute? Sure, I mean, I don’t go for cuteness or anything, and I wasn’t oohing and ahhing at Baby Groot, although I heard a few people doing that during the movie. I will admit, some of the cuteness represented in the film was kinda forced. For instance there is this one scene where a crash landing is occurring and it just randomly cuts to Baby Groot on the ship eating something that either looked like some random candy I never heard of or jelly beans.

Also, you may have seen these gold people in the trailers for this film, I don’t even give a flying crap about their names because I didn’t really care for them in the film, might as well show that here. I guess I’ll just call them the Golden Girls, yes, there are guys, but still, why not call em the Golden Girls? They were kind of a threat at one point in the movie and that’s basically all you see when it comes to these characters, I didn’t latch onto them or gain any sort of amusement from watching these characters, in fact, personally, THESE CHARACTERS WERE WORSE THAN RONAN, and that character was cliche as hell! I mean, these characters were not cliche, they were just bad.

Also, Rocket in this movie, he’s awesome once again, I must admit, he’s more quotable and funnier in the original, much like some other characters in this film, but still, I’d say Rocket applies here as well. Although that doesn’t mean he doesn’t bring any humor at all to appreciate, there’s this one ongoing gag where if you call him a (insert random animal name here) he would get really pissed. He also starts a gag about another character in the film called Taserface, which is off and on in terms of successful hilarity, but when it’s on, IT’S ON.

This next section is dedicated to the characters of Gamora and Nebula. I talked about Gamora in my review for the first film, but I left Nebula out considering how forgettable she was to me. You may already be aware of these two characters being the daughters of Thanos, which you’re unfamiliar with Marvel…

he’s basically the result of Barney the Dinosaur getting killed and getting reincarnated as a dick with a minor eating disorder. Anyway, the relationship between Gamora and Nebula is fleshed out more during this film as opposed to the original, but in the end, I didn’t really care for it. Also, let me just say once again, Gamora’s a badass, and as I’m writing this review right now, I kind of feel like I have a crush on her as a character. I don’t know, maybe it’s because she’s green and it kind of makes her stick in my mind more. …I don’t know if you’re thinking what I’m thinking but I’m thinking I kinda sound like a pervert right now (laughs)…

 

One of the biggest surprises to me in this movie was Drax. I liked this character when he was in the first movie, but I do think he could have been written a little better, despite being rather quotable, I think there’s not many problems with this character here. There are multiple scenes where this guy laughs, and hearing it is basically music to my ears. Also, some of the lines uttered by this character are some of the best things about this movie.

Let’s also talk about Yondu, I wasn’t into this character as much as some others, and I will mention that when this character first appeared on screen, it was like watching a cartoon when hearing his voice. That illusion dwindles overtime, but I had that thought on my mind when watching this movie. However, this character was serviceable and I can’t say I’m too pissed about him.

If you have seen my review for the original “Guardians of the Galaxy” I mentioned the soundtrack was one of the most interesting parts of the first film and something that made it so fun. This movie also relied partially on the soundtrack and the sound choices in this film were good, but not as good as the first one. In one of the trailers, the song called “Fox on the Run” from Sweet was featured in it and I was kinda disappointed that it wasn’t in the movie, honestly, I would have liked that. I don’t listen to that song much, but I think it would have fit in this film quite a bit.

Another thing I talked about in my review for the first movie is the visuals, I pointed out that the visuals in the first “Guardians of the Galaxy” are some of my favorite in the MCU, personally, these visuals are better. Not as good as “Doctor Strange” though. I will say that there’s one scene where ships are swarming all over the place, the visuals were well-polished there and while there was a lot to look at, I couldn’t complain because what I was looking at was dazzling. Also, I just want to say for the record, I was in the front row, in an IMAX theater.

I will say, the humor in this movie, is not as good as the first one, and that’s a real disappointment because the humor in the original movie is part of what made it so great, so naturally, you’d expect this movie to follow up with some amazing humor. It does at times, and sometimes it just made want to shoot myself. Also, I will state for parents watching this, if you want to take your kids to see this film, be careful, because it has a penis joke and there’s probably even one scene that can give some younger minds some ideas on how babies are made. One part of the humor I thought was forced was one segment when they were throwing in toilet humor, it seemed like something that was just randomly thrown in to make younger audiences laugh and keep them from getting bored. If I remember correctly, I don’t think there’s one time in the MCU aside from this film which toilet humor was actually used.

In the end, as far as Marvel movies go, this film could have been a lot better. Would I watch this movie again? Sure, I’d definitely buy the Blu-Ray considering I have an MCU collection which is near completion, but if there were a time I’d watch this movie, it would either just be when I want background noise, or if I want something to fall asleep to. I do like a number of the new characters, but all in all, this film was a major disappointment, I mean, it’s not deplorable, but by MCU standards this was not fabulous. I’m going to give “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” a 6/10. Thanks for reading this review, if you want to see my review for the original “Guardians of the Galaxy,” it’s actually my last post, so chances are, you’ll find something that can lead you to it. Also, I’m gonna be continuing my series of Spider-Man related reviews pretty soon. This month I’m gonna focus on “Spider-Man 3,” which hopefully I can review next week, we’ll see what happens. Stay tuned for that review along with more reviews coming up! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014): Marvel’s Best “A-Holes”

“Guardians of the Galaxy” is directed by James Gunn, who wrote the screenplays for the early 2000s live-action “Scooby-Doo” films, and stars Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Vin Diesel, and Bradley Cooper as five criminals are placed together to save the universe from a strong and vicious warrior named Ronan.

When this movie hit theaters in 2014 it was a gigantic hit. It was loved by Marvel fans and traditional moviegoers alike. Out of all the movies in the MCU, I’d be willing to bet this is the one will most likely appeal to kids based on the content shown in it. Also, if there was one movie in the MCU that I believe knows how to have fun throughout, this one takes the cake. Speaking of things that are fun, the hilarity in this movie is present much more here as opposed to any other film in the MCU, and it actually really works here. I remember when I saw the first trailer for the film on my cell phone and a lot of people were saying that they were skeptical towards the humor put in the film and thought there was too much of it. I had an open mind and I thought it was gonna work. Well look what happened! It did!

 

Chris Pratt plays the lead hero in this movie, in real life, he’s known as Peter Quill, but he’s also known as Star Lord. When you first see Peter as an adult, it just suddenly turns into a funny, entertaining, and engaging introduction to such a lovable character. Sure, you see him as a kid at a first, but still, you get a scene that not only sets a tone for the character, but basically the movie as a whole. It’s got funky music, humor, while at the same time, sticking to the story and not jumping off.

This character shown above, Gamora, is played by Zoe Saldana, who you may know as that blue chick from “Avatar,” Neytiri. I will say when it comes to looks and how the character is shown in action, this character is the one I prefer. She was raised by the character of Thanos, which if you are unfamiliar with Marvel, Thanos is basically the winner of the purple dickhead contest. A lot of the scenes Gamora’s actually in, are entertaining and there’s one scene where she is in with Starlord, actually I take that back, two scenes to me that are highlights of the film in terms of hilarity. These two scenes both mention “Kevin Bacon” by the way, so let’s say that if you have seen this movie, you’d probably know which two scenes I’m referring to.

Let’s get into the character of Rocket. Rocket’s basically a raccoon. If you ask me who the funniest character in the movie is, chances are I’m gonna say Rocket takes the cake. Granted there are plenty of characters in the film who are in fact funny, but if I had to choose one, this fellow’s the winner. He’s also probably the most badass of the bunch as well. There’s one scene where the characters are on an escape mission and he has a weapon, he just goes “Oh…yeah.” Then he just shooting everywhere in sight. The first time I saw that in the theater, I thought I was watching a “Call of Duty” film, I mean, it would be more likely to relate this to a film with a 12 year old boy playing “Call of Duty” or something.

Next up we have Groot, played by Vin Diesel. In the movie, he’s basically a tree that assists Rocket in one way or another, like if you watch the movie you’d probably notice the size of Rocket as opposed to the size of Groot, Rocket’s very puny and Groot’s very tall, so you may notice in the movie that Rocket is on Groot’s shoulder when he’s in action at some moments. Also, it’s kind of funny seeing how Rocket can understand what Groot is saying, after all, pretty much the only thing you can hear Groot say is “I am Groot.” It’s basically the “Hodor” of the Marvel Universe.

Another character I want to dive into is Drax the Destroyer, to be honest, this character wasn’t exactly as memorable as the other characters, but then again, you couldn’t really get to see him as much because he shows up around the 30 or so minute mark in the movie. Dave Bautista actually did pull of the guy as a hero, and despite what I said about lack of memorability, I will say that much like a lot of the other characters in the movie, he actually managed to be pretty funny at times. Also, I will say, having seen the movie a few times now, the fact that Dave Bautista was a wrestler, probably makes his character slightly more badass. It’s kind of like Dwayne Johnson in the “Fast and Furious” movies.

While I may sound like someone who is extremely optimistic, let’s get into one of this film’s biggest problems, at least to me, that, is the character of Ronan, played by Lee Pace, who you may know as Thranduil, Legolas’s father, from “The Hobbit.” Wow that was way more commas than I would’ve imagined. In this movie, Ronan is the main antagonist and the way he acts is pretty cliche, I mean, the way it is represented in this movie doesn’t really piss me off or anything, it’s just something that irks me. Although I will say, my hate for this villain isn’t really anything new when it comes to Marvel, when it comes to the MCU, the villains are either cliche or forgettable, this one is both because I barely remembered him a while after the movie came out. At least I still remember Vanko from “Iron Man 2,” at least I still remember Bucky from “The Winter Soldier,” at least I still remember Loki from “Thor.” This is one reason why I loved “Captain America: Civil War” which came out last year quite possibly more than any other film in the MCU, there was no technical villain, it was two sides of the Avengers fighting each other.

Another thing I want to talk about is the soundtrack, unlike all the other Marvel Cinematic Universe movies, it relied much upon the soundtrack when it comes to putting in songs from various artists. Sure, the first two “Iron Man” films put in some ACDC songs here and there, but all in all that was about it for relying on outside music. The song choices in this movie fit each scene and they were fun to listen to. You have songs such as “Come and Get Your Love” by Redbone, “Hooked on a Feeling” by Blue Swede, and “Cherry Bomb” by the Runaways.

Also, another thing I want to point out, in terms of visual effects, this is one of the better films in the MCU when it comes to that aspect. It has a somewhat futuristic feel to it on some of the planets, and at times, it is some of what you expect out of a sci-fi, which isn’t terrible at all, because it is pure eye candy. I don’t know if it’s as good as “Doctor Strange,” another film in the series, but still, it still delivers well-polished looking visuals throughout the feature.

So, is “Guardians of the Galaxy” one of the most fun comic book movies to date? Yes. Is it by any means the best of all time? No, and it’s also not the best in the MCU, I’d say it has some problems, like with the cliche villain and some forgettable characters, however I can’t help but be entertained throughout this movie. With these problems, I can still say that “Guardians of the Galaxy” still passes the border to receive a final verdict of 9/10. I honestly don’t know if I’m keeping this score, it might drop to an 8 sometime soon, but this movie gets a lot of points for entertainment value. Thanks for reading this guys, tomorrow I’m actually gonna go see the sequel to this film, “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2,” please look forward to my review for that, it is my 2nd most anticipated movie of the year and I can’t wait to review it for you all! Stay tuned for that and more reviews! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!