Deadpool 2 (2018): X-Men Origins: Peter *SOME FOUL LANGUAGE, SPOILERS IF YOU LIKE MOVIE REFERENCES*

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Before we dive into this “Deadpool 2” review, I should have you know that I am actually writing this review on vacation. You might be asking these two questions:

QUESTION 1: “Jack, why are you taking a vacation? You don’t deserve a vacation! I want more content out of your blog! I’m your overlord! Why aren’t you listening?”
QUESTION 2: “Jack, you’re on vacation, why are you doing this? Just enjoy yourself! Doesn’t blogging get in the way of your relaxation!”

I have a couple answers. To specify, I have one for the first question and another for both questions.

ANSWER 1: My latest piece of content here was published during this exact vacation, so f*ck you.
ANSWER 2: No, blogging is not getting in the way of my vacation, I intended on blogging no matter what people think.

Nevetheless, the powers of my creative juices are flowing and I’m willing to deliver some great content! Speaking of which, you may be asking, where am I vacationing? The answer, Walt Disney World, and I must say, this place has tons of kids. One place that will be getting more kids is the US state of California. A couple by the name of Paul and Genevieve are currently expecting, and to add in another piece to the puzzle, they live in California. their journey to reach this point however, was one through hell. This is all explained… in “What the IVF?!”

“What the IVF?” is a relatively new series on YouTube starring the recently mentioned couple, Paul and Genevieve. This series documents everything up to the duo’s journey to conception, and unfortunately for them, it wasn’t all that pretty. Actually, I take that back, it was pretty. I’d say it’s pretty terrifying! The two encounter unfortunate realities in sex, tests, appointments, and scary things that are smaller and less attractive than the Seattle Space Needle. You can find the latest “WTIVF?” content on the series’s dedicated YouTube channel. One such example is their latest episode, where as the title says, the two try EVERYTHING. I think that’s just amazing, because the two didn’t try bungee jumping. SPOILER ALERT! Be sure to subscribe to the “WTIVF?” YouTube channel, check out their website, and visit their other social media pages! All the links are listed below, so please check them out! Also be sure to tell them that Jack Drees sent ya over!

WTIVF? WEBSITE: http://www.whattheivf.com/

WTIVF? YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCILXSidkzWgwrQ5Oa1py78w/featured?disable_polymer=1

WTIVF? TWITTER: https://twitter.com/WTivF

WTIVF? INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/wtivf/

WTIVF? FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/What-The-IVF-288868031634125/

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“Deadpool 2” is directed by David Leitch (Atomic Blonde, John Wick) and stars Ryan Reynolds (Green Lantern, The Hitman’s Bodyguard), Morena Baccarin (Firefly, Gotham), Josh Brolin (Avengers: Infinity War, No Country For Old Men), Zazie Beetz (Atlanta, Geostorm), Terry Crews (The Expendables, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs), Lewis Tan (Into the Badlands, Iron Fist), TJ Miller (Silicon Valley, The Emoji Movie), and Rob Delaney (Catastrophe, Burning Love). From the asshats of a studio known as Twentieth Century Fox, known for making pieces of trash including “Snatched,” “Fantastic Four” (make your choice on that one), “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked,” “Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds In Paradise,” and “Freddy Got Fingered,” comes their latest attempt at not trying to f*ck up the character of Deadpool. The movie “Deadpool 2” is about Wade Wilson, who is trying to form a team of mutants in order to protect a boy from the evil Cable.

This review, at least to me, is rather overdue. “Deadpool 2” was released on the third weekend of May this year. I REALLY wanted to see this a lot earlier than I did, but hey, I finally witnessed what I’ve been missing all this time. Apparently “I Feel Pretty,” a movie dedicated to a completely different audience and one that didn’t even get many great reviews, was a much more important task to take on during “Deadpool 2’s” opening weekend. I didn’t even see “Book Club” around that time, a much more recent release and something more people were talking about at that point. Let me just say, I’m an idiot, but at least I’m smart enough to know that. The point is, part of me regrets not seeing this movie earlier. And I say this regardless of my ultimate thoughts.

“Deadpool 2” is one of my most anticipated movies of the year, BY FAR one of the best marketed movies I’ve ever seen, and I’ve had positive thoughts delivered to me from people I know. Any movie that embraces the fact that they’re from the studio that brought you “27 Dresses” is a movie that you know is going to be good. In stores like Walmart, to promote the new movie, Fox released special slipcovers to some of their older movies, including some in the X-Men universe, where “Deadpool” is photobombing! Not to mention, this is a sequel to one of my favorite movies of 2016. When I did my top 10 list at the end of the year, “Deadpool” made it to my top 5. I loved the humor, the action, Ryan Reynolds’s performance, the overall script, and the fourth wall breaking. I was, naturally, very excited for the sequel as time passed. I mean, why wouldn’t I be? In a day and age where we are saturated with comic book movies and superhero movies, the IP of “Deadpool” in the realm of film delivers a breath of fresh air in ways. I was really looking forward to this movie, and as far as my response to it, I gotta say this was absolutely worth my time. Now I will say, like most sequels, this installment doesn’t surpass the original. However, it does what a sequel should do. It manages to maintain a similar feel to the original film while still effectively continuing the journey of the characters we care about. All the interesting and lovable characters, Wade, Vanessa, Weasel, Blind Al, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Colossus, Dopinder, they’re back, and they have not turned to s*it! They’re all funny, charming, and raw. That last one may be a bit of stretch, but regarding the universe which this movie takes place, everything just felt like it fell into place. You’ve even got some FANTASTIC new characters, a couple who by the way we will eventually get to.

Without revealing enormous details to this movie, “Deadpool 2” is told in such an interesting manner that just makes it more enjoyable than it would be if it were told in other fashions. Deadpool narrates throughout and just makes it a thrilling experience of a film. After some serious thoughts, I gotta declare Ryan Reynolds an official utter god of narration. Congrats, Ryan Reynolds! You have officially joined the ranks with people like Morgan Freeman, Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and William Shatner as the official gods of narration. I will say though, Ryan, if you’re reading this post, this will not make everyone forget about “Green Lantern.” This story is told in a somewhat similar way to how the first one was told, but with some differences in the mix. I don’t see it as unoriginal, I think it’s one of the most effective ways a story such as the one “Deadpool 2” provides can be told, so well done!

Speaking of things that are well done, this movie contains a number of references to things you may know from pop culture. If you are trying to go into this movie completely blind and you don’t want to know a SINGLE SOLITARY THING THIS MOVIE REFERENCES, either skip over this list or leave the post. Keep in mind, these are not the exact references, these are just properties that has some sort of reference in the film.

Some references include:

  • Top Gun
  • Say Anything
  • My Little Pony
  • Other Marvel properties
  • Passion of the Christ
  • Bambi
  • The Lion King
  • Saw VII
  • The DC Universe, and Batman
  • John Wick
  • Fox & Friends
  • The Human Centipede
  • The Terminator
  • The Goonies

I like all of these references, and I even gotta say that a number of them were possibly better than some of the references in another movie I watched this year, “Ready Player One,” which is amazing, because some would argue that movie is sort of built around references.

Let’s talk about Wade Wilson. I’ll say, even if the alter ego of “Deadpool” weren’t a thing, I gotta go ahead and say that I would love to hang out with Mr. Wilson himself. And part of it has to do with, much like in the first movie, Ryan Reynolds’s overall performance as the character. If I had to think about the best superhero interpretation of all time, although in this case it’s more of an anti-hero, Ryan Reynolds’s Deadpool would certainly be in the conversation. He just takes a character which on paper, is already funny enough, takes it, and applies “awesome cream” to it. Two movies in, Ryan Reynolds has nailed the character to the tenth degree that at this point, I can’t imagine any other actor playing the character of Deadpool. Seriously, watch this movie, or the first one for that matter, and you can’t imagine someone else on screen saying “Is there a motherf*cking tub somewhere?! This f*cked-up unicorn needs a f*cking bath! Seriously! I’ll put this bitchface somewhere! For f*ck’s sake! It needs to be inside of something and I can’t take it to Cher because apparently I now have a restraining order from her! And no, don’t say take the unicorn to Stan Lee! That guy’s a c*ck! He didn’t sign my f*cking comic book!”

Next up, we have Morena Baccarin’s character of Vanessa, and over the past couple of years, this character has truly grown on me. Part of it may be because I’m a straight, white, hormonal teenage boy who doesn’t know all what the world is cracked up to be, but nevertheless. Let me just say that the romance between Vanessa and Wade in these movies, is one of the all time best romances I’ve seen on film. The dialogue between them, the vibe given off from watching them, the overall sense of connection they have, it’s a dramatic symphony on screen. The character of Vanessa, by herself, is great. But put her together with Wade, you’ve got a whole different ballgame.

When it comes to this film’s main antagonist, Cable, I got to say, he’s terrific. He might be just as good, if not better, as Francis, the villain from the first “Deadpool.” He’s played by Josh Brolin, who I think is a spectacular choice to play the role based on his performance, not to mention it brings a very coincidental moment in movie history since Brolin was in another superhero movie based on a Marvel property released a few weeks prior to this one as the main antagonist. If you have to ask me if I had to choose between Cable and Thanos and tell you which villain is better, I’d personally pick Thanos, however when it comes to the character of Cable himself, he does not disappoint. And that’s a good thing because Cable was probably highly anticipated since his name was mentioned at the end of the credits in the first “Deadpool.”

One thing that might come off as different and interesting about “Deadpool 2” is that we find out a couple things about Negasonic Teenage Warhead. First, her character is LGBT. Second, she has an on-screen relationship with someone of her sex. This is the first relationship of this kind in a superhero movie and while it didn’t really have much of an effect on the movie as a whole, it made me think to myself, I haven’t seen everything in a superhero movie, and there will probably be more to see as time goes by. And I will say, having seen this, makes Brianna Hildebrand a solid casting choice for Negasonic Teenage Warhead considering she’s gay in real life.

I’m not gonna talk about all of the X-Force addons, but I really do want to talk about two in particular, and to start this off, let’s talk about Domino. She’s lucky, which as of watching this movie, I’ll say is TOTALLY A SUPERPOWER. Domino is played by Zazie Beatz, and while she is on the FX show “Atlanta” and somewhat known by a number of people for that sort of thing, this movie is probably gonna help her in the future and make her land more roles! Also, after watching this movie, I will say that luck is not only a superpower, but at times, a funny superpower. Be sure to look out for what I mean.

Now, let’s dive into my most anticipated character in the entirety of “Deadpool 2,” a guy by the name of Peter. When I did my review for the final trailer of “Deadpool 2,” here’s a bit of what I said:

“I seriously want some more promotion with this character, I want the merchandisers to shove this character into every store as an action figure! I want Funko to make him a Pop figure! Also make exclusives for him at GameStop! FYE! Walmart! Hot Topic! Target! Walgreen’s! 7-Eleven! San Diego Comic-Con! New York Comic Con! Emerald City Comic Con! Rhode Island Comic Con! Toys R Us even though they’re going out of business! Blockbuster if they come back as a toy shop! RadioShack if they make a comeback and rename themselves as ToyShack and develop a bigger market for remote control cars! Maybe somewhere in Kim Kardashian’s ass! I want Peter to go far and wide as Peter’s eyes can see!”

I apologize to all souls who happen to go by the name of Peter, but a major lesson I was focusing on was “F*ck everyone named Peter (except this one we’re talking about).” Honestly, I was a tad disappointed by Peter. But then again, I had REALLY high expectations for him. I had nothing against Peter, but you barely get Peter in this movie. So I kinda blame the writers on this one. Peter himself was awesome, and also goes to show that people without powers can also be heroes. It just goes to show that it doesn’t always matter who the character is, it doesn’t matter how amazing they are in one way, in this example it’s on paper or a trailer, they can ultimately be a disappointment in another medium. You can take a character as awesome as Batman, and put him in something s*itty like “Batman and Robin,” which kind of can ultimately make that iteration of Batman s*itty as well. I like Peter, and what you see of him here in this film, is nice, but I wanted to see MORE of him.

One thing that’s totally great about not only the first “Deadpool” movie but the property of Deadpool in general is its need if you will to poke fun at random things. This movie manages to poke fun at another superhero movie with an R rating, “Logan.” I will say, I didn’t see “Logan,” so I won’t get into detail about it, but I know some things about it, and what this movie does regarding that movie is nothing short of a treat. The first line in the movie is “F*ck Wolverine.” You know you’re getting something fantastic with that line! I won’t go into detail, but the way they handle the meta humor not just with that, but just about everything else in “Deadpool 2” is marvelous!

Something that honestly kind of shocked me is that the movie, based on the trailers and the way that this movie’s marketing made me think before actually going to see it, is the vibe that was provided at various points, especially towards the end, of the film. This is the second installment of this iteration of “Deadpool,” and usually when I see second installments, I think to myself, if this goes well, there might as well be another sequel. While I would love to see another “Deadpool” movie, I feel like that could potentially come off as forced depending on what happens. This second movie had a very satisfying ending that if “Deadpool 3” were to ever be announced, I would sort of be excited, but another part of me would ask why that’s even a thing. I don’t even know why I’m keeping a comment like that, considering how I read that “Deadpool 3” is already in development. To my utter surprise, I’d actually prefer getting a sequel to “Blade Runner 2049” despite its super satisfying ending because I feel like there is more to be told in the “Blade Runner” universe. I’d even rather see a sequel to “Kingsman: The Golden Circle” because while I didn’t particularly think that movie had the overall quality the first one contained, I can still imagine more in that franchise being told. “Deadpool 2” has an ending that makes you go, “Well, that felt like an ending.” Part of it may be due to other events that occur beforehand, but still, when all events are taken and put together in a timeline, someone like me would think to themselves, I saw what I need to see. I’m not saying I didn’t like what I saw, it’s not like I hate the franchise now and I’m just done with it, I just think the franchise has really reached a point if anything else is told, it would be tacked on or unnecessary.

Although if they do make a third one, I gotta say, something I saw in this second installment, gave me an idea for the third one. Since TJ Miller has been in the news recently for some bad reasons, the crew should either get Christopher Plummer (All the Money in the World, A Beautiful Mind) to play his character of Weasel, or if they can’t do that, don’t bring back TJ Miller, but get some random guy, maybe someone who looks like Weasel in ways, and CGI Plummer’s face over. I say this because there was a segment where there happened to be a news feed playing, and on the bottom of the screen, there was a bulletin, and some of the text included something along the lines of “Christopher Plummer turns down role in ‘Deadpool 2.'” Also, if the crew actually got in contact with Christopher Miller, please let the world know! I would love to know if that’s actually true!

In the end, one of the best marketed movies I’ve ever seen is also able to deliver one of my favorite movies of the year. I definitely want to buy “Deadpool 2” once it comes out on 4K, and after seeing this movie, it reminded me of how much I want to go to Rhode Island Comic Con this November because they’re getting a few of the “Deadpool” cast members including Brianna Hildebrand (Negasonic Teenage Warhead), Stefan Kapičić (Colussus), and Morena Baccarin (Vanessa). This is not even my favorite superhero movie this year, but this goes to show how much better this year’s superhero movies are compared to last year’s superhero movies. I didn’t see “Logan” last year, but I did see “Wonder Woman,” and I know that the DCEU is usually regarded as the inferior story as far as comic book superhero cinematic universes go, but I LOVED that movie. “Deadpool 2” is the third GREAT superhero movie I’ve watched in 2018, the only superhero movie this year that I saw which I didn’t think made it to that sort of mark is “Black Panther,” which is saying something because I thought it was actually pretty good, and I saw it in theaters twice. Fox, if you’re reading this, I gotta say, if you want to make a “Deadpool 3,” go for it, I’ll probably see it, but don’t just do it to force a story down our throats for money. I’m gonna give “Deadpool 2” a 9/10. This is the same rating I gave “Incredibles 2,” another superhero movie that came out this year. And if you ask me, I’d say that “Incredibles 2” was better, but if this were a marketing contest, “Deadpool 2” would blow so many movies out of the water! Not only is it creative, but as I watched the movie, I was thinking to myself, so many of the movie’s funny parts weren’t even shown in the trailers. THIS IS WHAT A MOVIE SHOULD BE.

Thanks for reading this review! Be sure to stay tuned for a post that I keep talking about, and don’t deliver on (because I’m working on it and I’m getting other stuff out first), my upcoming mysterious “2001: A Space Odyssey” post! Please stay tuned for that, and no, you’re not getting a single hint as to what it is! Don’t even think about asking for anything! However, stay tuned for that, and also stay tuned for more great content! I want to know, did you see “Deadpool 2?” What did you think about it? What would you say is better? “Deadpool” or “Deadpool 2?” Comment down below, please give me your thoughts, I’d love to hear them! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

Deadpool 2 (2018): The Final Trailer: GO PETER!

Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! The new trailer for “Deadpool 2” is out, and it is being referred to as “The Final Trailer.” Honestly, when it comes to the marketing for “Deadpool 2,” I think it’s probably some of the best marketing I’ve seen for a movie in my entire life. A lot of people have given praise recently towards “Avengers: Infinity War” for providing such an epic and perhaps dark vibe in its trailers. To me, after this recent trailer for “Deadpool 2,” it’s almost hard to tell if this movie was marketed better than “Infinity War.” For those of you who don’t know my thoughts on the first “Deadpool” film, I really enjoyed it, I actually saw it twice in IMAX laser, it was definitely the funniest technical comedy of 2016. And since we’re getting this sequel pretty soon, I’m actually super excited. After multiple watches, the Bob Ross trailer totally grew on me, a couple more trailers came out that I really enjoyed. In fact, the trailer titled “Meet Cable,” is the trailer I liked the least out of all of them, but even upon my first reaction, I was dying laughing. I don’t know if this recent trailer is the king of em’ all, but it’s certainly a contender. So let’s dive into it!

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The trailer starts off and we see a compilation of shots. You have your establishing shots (such as the one above), your action shots, and your dialogue shots. It seems that Deadpool is with a crew and they might be going to Cable’s location, perhaps a hideout or somewhere he happens to be terrorizing. One shot not included above is the first shot of the trailer where you see a few vehicles making their way through a bridge. A vehicle or two looks plot-related, and I want to point out that shot because if you go back to 2016, when this film was first being made, the then director of the film, Tim Miller, left the project due to creative differences. Around the time he left, Ryan Reynolds went on Twitter and made a poll asking where the climactic sequence for “Deadpool 2” should be. Both of the choices by the way were “A bridge.” So I’m not making any bets here, but that shot is probably one of the first shots of the climax. Deadpool is going over the plan to everyone, and the final shot before the logo, is my favorite of the opening shots.

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WADE: “Hit it!”

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Deadpool continues his jibber-jabber by talking about a kid who happens to be in trouble. That kid by the way goes by the name of Russell and he’s played by Julian Dennison who you may know as Ricky from Taika Waititi’s “Hunt for the Wilderpeople.” Cable, played by Josh Brolin, soon says “Move or die.” The next thing we hear, which is apparently in a completely different scene, is Deadpool uttering “Pump the hate brakes, Thanos.” And then that’s followed by…

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THIS. F*CKING THIS. I DIG IT! Not as funny as the last trailer’s “FROM THE STUDIO THAT BROUGHT YOU “27 DRESSES” AND “THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA,” but that is awesome!

Then we get a conversation between Wade Wilson and his friend, Weasel, and Wade says he needs backup, so he and Weasel are gonna form a “super-duper f*cking group.”

So now Deadpool and Weasel are meeting with applicants to join the future team. The people we see include Bedlam, played by former “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” host and current “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” regular, Terry Crews. We also have Shatterstar, played by “Into the Badlands’s” own Lewis Tan. And finally, Domino, who refers to herself as lucky. Then the rest of their interaction plays out this way:

WADE: Luck isn’t a superpower. And certainly not very cinematic.

DOMINO: Yes, it is.

WADE: Let’s meet in the middle and say “No, it isn’t.”

Domino is being played by Zazie Beatz, who you may know as Van from the FX TV show “Atlanta.”

This team by the way, if you don’t already know, is going to be the X-Force, as revealed in the trailer before this one.

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Next things next, we have the X-Force skydiving, right after Deadpool says “F*ck it, it’s showtime.”

Also, “Deadpool” marketing always has a way with words. This is just another example of that.

After a series of partially awesome and partially hilarious shots of characters in action, we get, depending on how this actually plays out, what could potentially become one of my all time favorite exchanges in a superhero movie…

CABLE: “You’re no f*cking hero. You’re just a clown dressed up as a sex toy.”

WADE: “So dark. You sure you’re not from the DC Universe?”

F*CK YEAH! After this we get more action shots, which continue to be accompanied by LL Cool J’s “Mama Said Knock You Out,” which also played in the last trailer for this movie. In some of these shots you see characters like Dopinder, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Colossus, and this shot down below which is hysterical here, but I imagine as it plays out on the big screen in front of everyone (as long as you as a parent don’t bring your young children), will be the very thing that kills you.

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This shot… is money. By the way, if you’re a parent, and you’re reading this, or if you’re anyone for that matter, but a parent especially, I dare you to put this as your desktop photo on your computer or as your home photo on your phone. I double dog dare you to do as I say!

Also, fans of “The Goonies,” rejoice!

WADE: “Bring it on one-eyed Willie.”

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Then we see Cable shooting at Deadpool like a champ, to which Deadpool’s katanas shout, “Not today, douchebag!” This goes on for a few seconds, and part of me imagines these few seconds do not even justify the amount of time this will go on for during the movie. Then we see Deadpool is clearly tired of all the deflecting, and he’s out of breath.

Afterwards we get a logo that says “DP2,” which after I say it a number of times, is not only fun, but also sounds like a terrific beat to a piece of music.

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Now I introduced f*cking gifted and superpowered potential badasses such as Bedlam, Shatterstar, and Domino. With that being said, let’s move on to the real badass, Peter! I like to call this guy, “Deadpool 2’s” Winston Zeddemore from “Ghostbusters.” Because why does he join? He has no powers, he just saw the ad. And according to Wade, that’s enough to get him in. Then we get perhaps the funniest and best shot of the entire trailer.

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Peter is skydiving!

Enough f*cking said!

After this, we get some very important news, tickets are on sale! I actually have not gotten them, I don’t know when I will, but I’m pretty sure I’m bound to get them soon. I don’t know if I’ll go opening night. I already am seeing “Avengers: Infinity War” opening night, and when it comes to “Solo: A Star Wars Story,” that’s another movie whose opening night tickets I’m trying to get my paws on. This movie comes out at a time not far in between those two, and actually one week before “Solo,” so I’m wondering if I should risk getting opening night tickets, because I don’t know if some of the people who I’d likely go with would end up getting opening night fatigue.

I love this trailer, I think it is one of the best recent trailers I’ve seen. The action looks very kick-ass, the effects look amazing, and most of all, the movie might be this year’s greatest comedy. This movie continues to show that meta humor rocks! If the first “Deadpool,” “The LEGO Batman Movie,” “Seinfeld,” “Family Guy,” and “The Simpsons” haven’t supported that statement already, I don’t know what will!

Oh, and don’t forget, f*cking Peter!

What about f*cking Peter?! Everything about f*cking Peter! That’s what! I seriously want some more promotion with this character, I want the merchandisers to shove this character into every store as an action figure! I want Funko to make him a Pop figure! Also make exclusives for him at GameStop! FYE! Walmart! Hot Topic! Target! Walgreen’s! 7-Eleven! San Diego Comic-Con! New York Comic Con! Emerald City Comic Con! Rhode Island Comic Con! Toys R Us even though they’re going out of business! Blockbuster if they come back as a toy shop! RadioShack if they make a comeback and rename themselves as ToyShack and develop a bigger market for remote control cars! Maybe somewhere in Kim Kardashian’s ass! I want Peter to go far and wide as Peter’s eyes can see! F*ck Peter Parker! F*ck Peter Quill! F*ck Peter Pan! F*ck Peter Griffin! F*ck Peter Rabbit! F*ck Peter Venkman! F*ck Peter Brady! F*ck Peter Gibbons! F*ck Peter Pettigrew! F*ck Peter Piper! F*ck em’ all! Because there’s only one fictional character named Peter that matters at this point, and that is Peter! Just… Peter. Not Peter Boyle! Not Peter Dinklage! Not Peter Cushing! Not Peter Capaldi! None of those REAL Peters! Just Peter! You know what? I want to see Peter in action! Taking down characters with powers, even though he has no powers, and if he dies in this movie, it better be the most emotional thing I’ve ever seen! Dedicate a funeral to him at the end of the movie! Because at the end of the day, the only character that matters, is Peter! If you do that, this will be the next “Citizen Kane!” This movie will be a masterpiece, and we’ll all demand a follow-up that might be just as good, maybe slightly worse or better, which will then conclude the “Deadpool” trilogy to be remembered for generations.

HAIL, PETER!

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Also, I hear that “Deadpool 2” is still in post-production. And one character who happens to be in the movie is Weasel played by TJ Miller. It’s now less than a month until the movie releases, so I don’t know how much time the crew has, but there’s one thing I think they should do. I love TJ Miller, I think he’s a great actor, but here’s the thing. He’s been in the news lately and if you’ve been hearing about it, it has not been for good reasons. And if you remember one of the movies from the previous Oscar season, “All the Money In the World,” that was a movie that was going to star Kevin Spacey. But once the news came out that Kevin Spacey was a sex pervert, some hope seemed lost. The movie had about a couple of months until it was released. Trailers were already shown with Kevin Spacey’s character. But the crew decided to do something. They’d recast his character last minute and reshoot. So they get Christopher Plummer (A Beautiful Mind, Beginners) to replace him, so when the movie comes out, audiences will notice Plummer playing Spacey’s character. What they should do for “Deadpool 2” is find a way to incorporate Christopher Plummer into the movie as TJ Miller’s character, so we can 1, start a trend where Christopher Plummer is a replacement cast member of a character originally to be played by a sex pervert, in this case Miller had allegations, not confirmations, but still, you can also consider his recent fake bomb threat. Also consider 2, it’ll make the movie even funnier than it already was! Maybe for a scene or two, try CGIing Christopher Plummer’s body and/or face onto TJ Miller’s character, reshoot some scenes with Plummer if possible, or if that doesn’t work out or is too taxing, get Plummer to come in, record a couple lines that TJ Miller says, and put that into the final product. I also imagine that there are some lines that people can’t wait to hear TJ Miller say, but I imagine they’ll get a hard laugh out of themselves from realizing they’ve listened to Miller the whole time and then suddenly, one line is from the voice of Christopher Plummer! Trust me, it’s genius! Even if the audience doesn’t know who Christopher Plummer is, they’ll probably just find it funny because it’s some elderly man in a near-middle-aged guy’s body!

Thanks for reading this trailer review! Honestly, and I’m not even joking, this is probably some of the most fun I’ve had writing for this blog. If I can’t have fun writing about Christopher Plummer replacing people who behaved beyond improperly at some point in their lives, I can’t have fun doing anything. I’m also excited to see what David Leitch can do with this film given how he directed “Atomic Blonde,” one of my favorite movies from last year, and he co-directed “John Wick,” another great film! So you can tell by that Leitch can definitely make a kick-ass action movie. Next week I’ll have a couple of new reviews up, one of them I planned for a long time, and another one is a bit more on the unexpected side. Starting with the unexpected, I’m going to be seeing “A Quiet Place” tomorrow. I’ve been dying to check this out, my sister has a friend whose mother invited me to come along with them to see this thing so I can’t wait to finally gaze my eyes upon what might be one of the most unique movie experiences of the year. Also stay tuned for my review for a movie that most people who even watch movies nowadays are gonna try to review, “Avengers: Infinity War,” because you need another critic to review this movie right when it comes out. Stay tuned for those reviews, and speaking of reviews, check out my review for a movie which just like “Deadpool,” is sexual, and that is “Blockers.” Click the link down below to read it, I think you’ll enjoy it, and if you don’t, that’s fine, I’m just glad you’re here now! I want to know, did you watch the final trailer for “Deadpool 2?” What did you think about it? Also, do you think the crew behind “Deadpool 2” should do that Christopher Plummer thing I’ve mentioned? Let me know down below and if you have admittedly faked a bomb threat or been accused of being a sex pervert, please change your username to Christopher Plummer so I know who you are. Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

“BLOCKERS” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2018/04/13/blockers-2018-when-parents-dont-want-their-kids-gettin-cocky/

Ready Player One (2018): Pop Culture’s Ultimate Birthchild

*SPONSORSHIP ALERT* (although nobody’s payin’ me)

Before we dive into my review for one of my most anticipated movies of 2018, let me just have you know that this review is being called “Pop Culture’s Ultimate Birthchild.” If you watch “Ready Player One” and/or read the book, you’d know precisely what I’m talking about. And speaking of birthchildren, there’s one couple out there in California who are currently expecting a birthchild. The couple contains souls by the names of Genevieve and Paul, and they are going to giving birth to a child sometime in the future. You can find out the true story of this babymaking journey in “What the IVF?!”

“What the IVF?” documents the seemingly endless but also effort-filled journey of having a child. What’s so hard about it? Watching over them? Finding a babysitter? Trying to get them to fall asleep? No, you fools! The hard part is making them! Watch as Genevieve and Paul do something that will change humanity. By, you know, trying to increase its overall population by 1. But the process of doing that isn’t easy! The couple suffer through troublesome situations in regards to sex, math, testing, costs, and because they TOTALLY asked for them, infinite needles! If you want to watch the fifth episode to this series, it’s listed up above. This time, Genevieve and Paul’s marriage might be going down the toilet! Not to mention, nothing seems all that pleasant at this point. Watch the episode, comment, subscribe, hit the notification bell, share with your friends, enemies, frenemies, whoever they may be. Also check out the “WTIVF” website, and their other forms of presence on social media, all of which is listed down below! Oh yeah, and tell them Jack Drees sent ya! I’m sure they’ll appreciate it!

WTIVF? WEBSITE: http://www.whattheivf.com/

WTIVF? YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCILXSidkzWgwrQ5Oa1py78w/featured?disable_polymer=1

WTIVF? TWITTER: https://twitter.com/WTivF

WTIVF? INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/wtivf/

WTIVF? FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/What-The-IVF-288868031634125/

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“Ready Player One” is directed by Steven Spielberg (Jurassic Park, Lincoln) and stars Tye Sheridan (X-Men Apocalypse, Mud), Olivia Cooke (Ouija, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl), Ben Mendelsohn (Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, The Dark Knight Rises) and is based on the pop culture extravaganza of a book written by Ernest Cline, who by the way, is one of the film’s screenwriters alongside Zak Penn (The Avengers, The Incredible Hulk).

Much like the book, this movie centers around the character of Wade Owen Watts, a teenage boy who is currently living in the 2040s. Oh yeah, and just like every other movie that takes place in the future that seems to have something depressing, Earth is dying, who’d a thunk it? Nowadays he basically spends his time on the virtual reality headset universe known as the OASIS (Ontologically Anthropocentric Sensory Immersive Simulation), where you can literally live your reality meeting other avatars who go by nicknames. For example, Wade’s avatar name in the game is known as Parzival. Another example would be for a different character in the movie, Samantha, which is the name she goes by in real life, but in the OASIS, she’s known as Art3mis. There’s not just that, you can do just about anything you can think of! You want to drive a DeLorean? You’ve got yourself a DeLorean! You want an Iron Giant to hang out with? Of course you do, and you’ve got one! You want to ride the bike from “Akira?” Bingo! This is basically a future, where there’s nowhere left to go. And I’ve seen a lot of media will give this dystopian landscape where everything looks all depressing, but one thing I’ve never noticed is a hint of pop culture in there. And I feel this movie, the more I think about it, is kind of relevant. Not just for the environmental message that you’d find in films like “Wall-E” or “Interstellar,” but the fact that maybe we’re running out of ideas in terms of what could be the next big franchise or the next big movie or the next big TV show. The movie doesn’t really dive into that, but this is an unoriginal movie which centers around unoriginality and it’s all the better for it!

This was one of my most anticipated movies of the year. Most of the promotional material had me nerdgasming! The visuals looked astounding! The music, like, oh my gosh! The teaser trailer for “Ready Player One” which was revealed at San Diego Comic-Con, went on to become one of my favorite trailers of 2017, and the movie had a couple more trailers that went on to become instant favorites of mine for this current year. I went to see the movie in 70mm film! A lot of people see “Avengers: Infinity War” as their most anticipated movie of the year, and I totally get why, but when it comes to both movies, I can’t help but hype both up like the Soup Nazi when his place was in business on “Seinfeld.” I even did something that I never do before going to see a movie. I actually read the book. Let me just pull up a quote that I left in my review for “The Firm.”

“…movies are more fun! Sorry, books!”

Part of my reading of the book has to do with a challenge I gave to some friends, but still.

After reading the book and seeing the promotional material of the movie, I felt like this was a fictionalized “King of the Nerds.” If you have seen “King of the Nerds,” you’d probably know it as a part competition and part nerd culture extravaganza. This show is actually quite possibly my favorite of all time, making me even gladder to have read the book to capture the feeling of the show inside me once more after it was canceled by TBS in 2015. And speaking of “King of the Nerds,” “Revenge of the Nerds,” the movie which the show is sort of based on, is referenced in the book. In fact, there’s one part where the main character of Wade Watts goes searching for something important to the plot, and he tries going into a recreation of the house that the nerds rent and fix in the movie! If you know me in real life, if something receives a comparison to “King of the Nerds,” you know that I am jumping up and down.

Unfortunately, there’s no “Revenge of the Nerds” references in the movie. However, when you take the rest of the movie for what it is, you might as well refer to it by one word: Amazing. Am I fanboying? Sort of. I’m only fanboying because this film met, and in ways, exceeded my expectations. I am not one of those people who says this:

“This is a great book! Terrific! Unbelievable! If you change an ounce of this book, I will find you studio freaks at your filthy houses and slaughter every last one of you!”

Yes, there are changes from the book, and personally, I can understand the changes, and based on what we’ve gotten out of this movie, I don’t care! This movie itself, was probably one of the most thrilling experiences I’ve had in a theater. If the 70mm show wasn’t enough to please, some of the scenes which have now become new personal faves of mine certainly were!

Steven Spielberg directed this film, and when I first heard about him taking on this project, I was like, “cool.” As I read the book though, I thought to myself, there is NO OTHER MAN ON THIS EARTH that should direct this movie! Well, it was mainly because Spielberg was referenced in the book and it was done in a form of appreciation. Now that I’ve seen the film from start to finish, I can’t say anything else except, THERE’S STILL NO F*CKING WAY ANOTHER PERSON COULD HAVE DIRECTED THIS FILM! Steven Spielberg’s hayday was blockbusters galore, not to mention he’s a master of putting you into the action. Just watch “Saving Private Ryan” or “Jurassic Park!” The film’s opening contains this big and important race, and I guarantee you that at some point, you’ll feel like you’re in it.

Speaking of action, “Ready Player One” also contains one of the best mega-battles I’ve seen in a movie, and one of the best chases I’ve seen in a movie. There’s this big climactic battle that decides the future of both sides, and as I watched, I felt like I was back the early 2000s, going to the theater, and watching “Lord of the Rings.” I ate it up and I wanted more! Now I know that I talked about the race during the film’s starting point, and it’s sort of chase-like, but we cut to the real chase towards the end of the film. Literally. This final chase, may be one of the very best I’ve ever seen in a movie. The climactic chase of the movie almost feels like a mix of “Inception” and “The Lego Movie.” In other words, it was a mix of a heartfelt moment and the dropping of my jaw. I don’t even want to go into it, because I want you as a viewer to be surprised.

Now I mention that this movie, like the book, is really freaking good! But if there’s one thing that the book does better, it’s character development. I’m not saying that the characters in this movie sucked, in fact I really liked all of them. But in comparison to the book, the book did it better.

Let’s talk about the main character of Wade Watts, otherwise known as Parzival. In some ways, much like the book, I resemble this character. We both want to do something that will prevent our governments from harming us personally, we’re both uber nerds, and we both know a lot about a variety of popular culture. Although then again, that’s what pretty much a majority of the movie’s characters know about. In the book, Watts was actually fat in real life. I can kind of understand why they would cast a guy like Tye Sheridan for the role of Watts even though he’s not fat, but they could have paid homage to the book and done that. If they did cast someone fat, it would have increased the chance of seeing a key character moment from the book. I’m not saying I’m unsatisfied with what we got, but still, the book did it better.

Although one thing that may rival the book entirely in my opinion was the depiction of Samantha, or Art3mis. When I read the book, I always thought of the interactions in the OASIS between Parzival and Art3mis as cutesy, and as something that just developed over time. The movie feels faster, and it almost makes Samantha’s avatar look like someone a boy would usually be attracted to. Well, to me anyway, looks are subjective. Sure, in the book I can kind of buy Parzival’s infatuation towards Art3mis, but it didn’t have a raw feeling, like this movie did, and I personally thought it worked. Cooke as an actress pretty much nailed what this character needed, and I admired her performance.

Now let’s get into one of my favorite parts of the movie, and that is the character of Nolan Sorrento played by Ben Mendelsohn. Having seen him play Krennic in “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story,” it should be proof at this point that Mendelsohn can play one awesome villain! Here, he does that too! He’s basically this corporate baddie that oversees all the operations of IOI (Innovative Online Industries) and he wants to change the OASIS to make it more like what can be translated as something like Net Neutrality or EA shoving micro-transactions down your throat. As if his representation of evil was good enough, his character has one of the major highlights of the movie for me. There’s a point where he’s talking with Wade and he’s trying to act consumer-friendly, attractive, and telling Wade what he would probably want to hear, and someone is on the other end, speaking into his ear without Wade’s knowledge. Trust me, it’s kind of funny.

Now let’s state another highlight performance of the movie, and that is the character of James Halliday, played by Mark Rylance. This is Rylance’s third performance with Steven Speilberg, and he was cast perfectly in regards to this character. Halliday was charming, somewhat funny, and a mix between Willy Wonka and Steve Jobs. You’ve got the one side that seems to scream charisma and wonder and you have another that represents brains and sometimes over-stressed. I will say though, I was doing research on this movie, and while I think Rylance’s performance is terrific, there is someone I would have loved to see bring their skills to the table.

Rylance’s character is once again, comparable to Willy Wonka, and thus it kind of makes sense where Steven Spielberg’s mind would be going at one point. One idea he had for the character of Halliday before Rylance ultimately took over is to get Gene Wilder back on screen. According to the movie’s trivia page on IMDb, “Wilder respectfully declined.” Mark Rylance was cast in 2016 some time before Gene Wilder’s death. But what if Wilder were in the movie? I imagine the movie would make a hell lot more money than it already did, it would have a stronger opening weekend, and based on recent events, it might actually bring something emotional to the movie. Although then again, I wonder if they still would have been filming the scenes for Halliday at the time of Wilder’s death, so it probably wouldn’t have even mattered. Nevertheless, Wilder as Halliday would have been PERFECT, A+, 10/10 casting. However, Rylance, based on his portrayal, is just as solid.

Moving onto one thing that I heard a number of people complain about, let’s talk about references. People were nervous about this movie because they figured the only thing that it stands for is to make references down your throat. Personally, I did not have that complaint going in. I thought the movie was gonna have a fine number of references that didn’t feel bloated. Besides, references are awesome! As far as this movie goes none of the references forced (for what I remember), they were charming, and they were even sometimes hysterical! One of the biggest standouts is a moment where the main characters are going into the world of a classic movie. No, seriously, they go in, and several events from that movie play out in this one! I didn’t have too too many people in my theater, so I can’t say much noise was made, but I heard there were some presentations that people attended where audience members collectively gasped. The most references come in during the commencement of the movie and the climax, and while the middle definitely has some, it seems to come off as more story-oriented. And that’s not to say that the beginning and end aren’t story oriented. I’d say the references used at the start and finish were properly utilized while still maintaining an interesting story, thus making the movie better. You know, unlike “The Emoji Movie,” which story-wise and reference wise, is nothing but trash buried beneath the ground after being lit on fire. That movie was nothing but a complete waste of the talent from minds like Patrick Stewart, Anna Faris, and TJ Miller.

Fortunately, TJ Miller’s talent is not wasted here! If you don’t already know, TJ Miller plays the character of I-R0k, and let’s just get serious for a moment. TJ Miller’s voice, IS ASTOUNDING. If Morgan Freeman is the king of narrating serious pieces of work, then TJ Miller is the king of narrating anything that sounds hilarious. Just watch “Silicon Valley,” “Deadpool,” heck, I’ll say “Transformers: Age of Extinction.” HELL! I’d say even watch “The Emoji Movie!” Even though the movie sucks, you still get to hear the killer voice of TJ f*cking Miller. TJ Miller was TOP-NOTCH CASTING for I-R0k, and after seeing Miller play him, I probably can’t imagine anyone else taking on the role! If the remake and reboot craze continues and “Ready Player One” is the next in line, I quadruple dog dare those behind the project to find a better I-R0k.

In the end, “Ready Player One,” was a f*cking blast! I had very high expectations for the movie, and I certainly was not let down. This is also personally, almost a #1 favorite of mine for Steven Spielberg. I saw this movie on a Tuesday night, and this review was finished on a Friday. On this day, I’m still thinking to myself, “I want to see this again.” Have I seen it again? No I have not, but I’d literally cut through traffic and smash cars to pieces just to go to the theater for a second time and catch the experience once more. So with that being said, “Ready Player One” is yet another win for Spielberg and I’m going to give it a 10/10!

Thanks for reading this review! Fun fact about my experience watching this in the theater, I mentioned I went to see this in 70mm, and it actually was in this quaint theater near Boston, and they played a trailer for “2001: A Space Odyssey” since the theater was bringing it back in the 70mm format for its 50th anniversary. Just… One of the best things I’ve witnessed in my entire life. I might do something soon for “2001” if possible, maybe a movie review, maybe dissect it, or something else along those lines. As far as other content goes, I have a few ideas lined up. Maybe I’ll go see “Blockers,” “A Quiet Place,” “Pacific Rim: Uprising,” or maybe I’ll wind up seeing “Ready Player One” again. Who knows? Stay tuned for more great content! I want to know, did you see “Ready Player One?” What did you think about it? Did you read the book? What did you think about that? I personally love it, and comparing both the movie and the book side by side, they both make themselves great in their own ways. Also, if you were going to make a book or movie full of references, what would the references be and how would the movie play out? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

The Emoji Movie (2017): A Literal Pile of Sir Patrick Stewart (WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE)

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Before we begin this review of the piece of crap they call “The Emoji Movie” I would like to remind everyone that I’m not doing this for clicks, as you can see above, I have proof I saw this. I’m doing this review for a couple of reasons. 1: To give you a movie review. 2: I’ve gotten requests to do this. I would like to say to those people, thanks for the request and I’m happy to deliver on it, but at the same time, f*ck you. But seriously, who doesn’t love hearing a guy complain about a s*itty movie? If you have children, let them read at their own risk, and enjoy my review!

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“The Emoji Movie,” AKA an animated s*itshow, is directed by Tony Leondis, who you may know for directing “Igor,” an animation from 2008, and it stars TJ Miller (Silicon Valley, Deadpool), James Corden (The Late Late Show with James Corden, Gavin and Stacey), Anna Faris (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Mom), Maya Rudolph (Bridesmaids, Grown Ups), Steven Wright (Mad About You, Son of the Mask), Jennifer Coolidge (Legally Blonde, 2 Broke Girls), and Patrick Stewart (Star Trek: The Next Generation, X-Men). This movie revolves around the Meh Emoji, played by TJ Miller, and if you know the Emojis and are familiar with them, you’d know they represent symbols and they can’t really change, so naturally in this movie about Emojis which actually live inside a person’s phone, each Emoji is only capable of making one expression. However, TJ Miller’s Meh is a bit more expressive, making him unique from other Emojis. However Meh isn’t intending on having that unique quality about him last so he sets out on a quest in order to make him a normal Emoji.

I bet you’re asking, “Jack! What the f*ck are you doing?! This movie has no potential! Why are you seeing this?!” My answer to you is, I don’t know. Going in, I expected this movie to make me want to kill myself. On opening night, “The Emoji Movie” was leaked to have gotten a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. Granted the rating has gone up since I found out about that, but it’s worth pointing out. If I weren’t doing this blog, I’d probably ignore this movie, but the thing is, quite a few people have requested that I’d do this. I made a Twitter poll not long ago and when the results came in, it turned out more people wanted me to review “The Emoji Movie” than not review it. So ultimately, I wanted to see how deplorable this movie actually was. And trust me fellas, this movie was crap! This is probably the worst animation I’ve ever seen. This movie copypastes elements from other animations which have been released over the years but has none of the charm, heart, humor, or likability needed to make a good product. This movie makes “Ice Age: Collision Course” look like “How to Train Your Dragon.” This movie makes “Transformers: The Last Knight” look like “Pacific Rim.” This movie makes “Terminator: Salvation” look like “TRON.” This movie makes “Battlefield Earth” look like “Interstellar.” This movie makes “Fant4stic” look like “Spider-Man 2.” “The Emoji Movie” is so bad that it doesn’t come as much of a shock when you think about it, it’s a movie about Emojis! A concept which on paper, sounds dumb as s*it and is also dumb as s*it in reality. When I talked about the first teaser trailer for this atrocity, I knew something bad was going to happen, and damn I turned out to be right!

Let’s talk about TJ Miller’s character of Meh in depth. If you ask me, I like TJ Miller, I enjoy him in “Silicon Valley,” I appreciated his character in “Deadpool,” and I also like his voice. Even if he’s doing crap, he still does a fine job. For example, he was in “Transformers: Age of Extinction,” which in my book is mediocre at best. He played a character named Lucas Flannery and at one point while watching that character, he might as well come off as some sex pervert or something. Granted he’s not on screen as long as other characters, but this is something many people saw in that character. If you watch him in the beginning of the film, you’d probably have a good guess as to what I’m talking about. TJ Miller wasn’t terrible casting-wise for Meh, which utterly surprised me, he also isn’t TERRIBLE as a character, but the thing that this movie was trying to do with a lot of the characters, this one included, was make them funny, although the movie failed to deliever on that. Although I will say, one thing that’s kind of funny about TJ Miller being cast in this movie, is that in “Deadpool,” another movie he’s in, he has to explain to the main character of Wade Wilson, what the poop Emoji is.

WADE WILSON (Ryan Reynolds): (Looking at a text from Ajax) What is that?

WEASEL (TJ Miller): That’s the s*it Emoji. You know the turd with the smiley face and eyes. I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long.

Along Meh’s journey over the course of the runtime, we meet a couple supporting characters. Hi-Five (James Corden) and Jailbreak (Anna Faris). This is part of where the elements from other animations come into play. Hi-Five is basically the comic relief of the film, it’s almost like your typical “scene stealer” you’ve seen in movies like “Up” (Dug), “The Secret Life of Pets” (Snowball), or “Frozen” (Olaf). I’m fine with this movie having a character like that, but the big problem I have with the character has to do with the most basic quality a comic relief character needs, which is humor! I don’t recall any funny moments from the character, same for the movie itself. I wanted this character to literally DIE. There was one moment where there was some sort of giggle coming out of my mouth, but I need more than a giggle! In fact there were actually kids in this theater with me, they almost didn’t utter a sound. I actually was in the second upper row in the theater, there was barely anyone in my row, but one row above me, there was a family. I don’t know what their final thoughts are on this movie, but I remember one part of the movie scaring a kid, and I recall that more than making them laugh. By the way, the character who caused the kid to get terrified was Smiler, played by Maya Rudolph, we’ll get to her in a bit, but let’s talk about Jailbreak for now. Jailbreak wasn’t the worst character on screen, although there were some things I didn’t like about her for sure. One thing that was noticeable was how much she was like Wyldstyle (Yes, that’s how her name is spelled) from “The LEGO Movie.” The only difference between her and Wyldstyle is that Jailbreak doesn’t have a boyfriend when we first meet her, and she’s basically displayed as some sort of feminist. I don’t have too big of a problem with that, but still. Not only do we get a rather cliche character, but as she develops during the film, she just becomes more and more cringeworthy! Oh yeah, speaking of cliche characters from animations, TJ Miller’s Meh, who we recently talked about, actually is kind of stock too! In a way, he’s almost like Emmett from “The LEGO Movie” and Ralph from “Wreck-It Ralph!” I imagine some of the people imagined this is part of went on behind the scenes. Some dumbasses watched some animations and said “Oh yeah, that was the s*it!,” and thought “Let’s try to recreate those, but with Emojis!” So they went to Sony Pictures Animation and suggested this s*itshow of an idea to them and Sony Pictures Animation told them, “Welcome aboard! Time to capitalize on the name “Emoji!” Who cares if it’s s*it? We decided that “The Angry Birds Movie” was a good idea so let’s become known as the phone movie gods!” My response to that is, thanks Sony Animation! Thanks for being a bunch of f*cking twerps that don’t understand the concepts of art and storytelling (flips two birds)!

On a different subject, let’s talk about Maya Rudolph’s character of Smiler, she was the film’s main antagonist. I find this character to be one of the most annoying villains I’ve seen in my life. And by annoying, she didn’t exactly annoy any of the movie’s characters, she annoyed me. I HATED her voice. She’s basically what would happen if Joy from “Inside Out” went insane. I despised this character! As a villain, her motivation was clear, but as a character, her personality didn’t make me smile, IT MADE ME RAGE! Speaking of things that made me rage, we get ANOTHER similarity to “The LEGO Movie” when it comes to the villain! She has these minions that are supposed to look menacing, you know how in “The LEGO Movie” they have these characters referred to as Micromanagers? They’re all black and red and they essentially, well, micromanage stuff. Guess what’s in this piece of crap?! MORE BLACK AND RED MINIONS! They look different and they don’t exactly do the same thing the Micromanagers do, but it just comes off as unoriginal especially when you keep a lot of the other elements from this film in mind. What are the names of the minions? I don’t know and I don’t give a f*ck!

One of my absolute biggest disappointments concerning “The Emoji Movie” is Sir Patrick Stewart. Now keep in mind, when say Patrick Stewart is a disappointment, I didn’t hate him in this movie, it’s just that I wanted to see more of him. He plays the Poop Emoji, and I think it’s a superb casting choice, by far the best one in the movie. Who doesn’t want to see a British piece of s*it walking around with a remarkably soothing voice? I will say, regardless of what you think of Patrick Stewart in this film, there’s one interview where Stewart is talking about the movie, it’s on “Conan.” The interview was meant to promote “Logan,” but Patrick Stewart and Conan O’Brien talked about “The Emoji Movie” at one point. I don’t know, I just love it. The video’s down below if you want to watch it.

Although one of the biggest flaws when it comes to this character, is something concerning him and his son, Poop Jr., or PJ. There’s this one scene from the trailer containing a poop joke, you know what I’m talking about if you’ve seen it. Before that even happens, Patrick Stewart comes out of a stall with his son, who is established to be ten years old. I’d be OK with this if the son was like, I don’t know, three and he wasn’t toilet trained, or if he was puking at one point or had diarrhea or something, but the problem here is, he’s toilet trained, shouldn’t he be in his own stall? Does he or his father have some sort of fetish with watching people eliminate waste? OK, no, that’s probably not the case, this is a kids movie, but still. In fact, during the same scene, TJ Miller’s Meh is in the bathroom too, he’s actually in there with his mother and father. One thing I want to know, is this a unisex public restroom? Because if it isn’t, this would be really awkward. Also the record, it’s easy to tell based on the qualities of the characters that none of the Mehs are transgender or anything. Just put the father Meh in the bathroom without the mother and you would avoid me questioning this scene! Speaking of which, let’s talk about Meh’s parents.

The parents of Meh are referred to as Mel Meh (Steven Wright) and Mary Meh (Jennifer Coolidge), and they serve their purpose. They’re there when they need to be, but my biggest problem with them is that maybe they’re in the movie a little too much. OUT OF THE MOTHERF*CKING BLUE, some subplot comes up that has to do with them separating, which basically does nothing for the film as a whole! You may as well consider this the opposite of “Seinfeld” because “Seinfeld” is a show about nothing and yet it turned out to be something, and here, you get something, but it turns out to be nothing! By the way, there’s a f*cking “Casablanca” reference thrown in somewhere into this subplot. THIS MOVIE TRIED TO REFERENCE “CASABLANCA!” A critically acclaimed, black and white film, was referenced, in this movie! I’m a sucker for references, but movies, TV shows, video games, whatever it may be, in my book, have to make sure these references are utilized properly and doesn’t end up feeling forced! I haven’t seen “Casablanca,” but this reminds me of the “Ghostbusters” remake when they try to reference “Scarface!”

Now part of movie takes place in this inside a real world and another part of it is in a virtual world. Does it sound like something that’s been done before? If you said yes, I’m with you because this idea has been done before. Three movies that pop in my mind when it comes to this are “Wreck-it Ralph,” “The LEGO Movie,” and “Inside Out,” all of which I consider to be great. You can also say this was done in 2011’s “The Smurfs,” but you’d be wrong, that has transporting between dimensions, not to mention it’s just hilarious to call “The Smurfs” a MOVIE. Here, the virtual world is inside a cell phone with all of these apps and Emojis and all sorts of other s*it. The real world is basically during present day, and we see a teenage boy who has a crush on a girl. While they did happen to exchange phone numbers, he’s still a little apprehensive towards the status between him and the girl because he’s having trouble deciding what to say to her and what Emoji to send to her. Now one movie reviewer whose content I frequently check out is Jeremy Jahns, he has an “awesometacular” YouTube channel. He mentions in his review that this makes no sense because the boy and the girl already has given out phone numbers to each other so the boy should have no problem contacting this girl. Believe it or not, I don’t use Emojis quite often, but I am in high school, and IF I have a crush on a girl, I might sometimes not know what to say or type, or if I know there’s something I know I want to say or type, I might not know exactly when I want to say or type it. The boy in this movie, the one who owns the phone all of these Emojis are in, wasn’t a horrible character, but watching him at times in this movie was just weird. His role in the movie involves trying to ask out Addie, the girl he has a crush on to what is referred to as the “Fall Dance.” That’s a pretty cliche dance name if you ask me, but that’s not important. He also is trying to take his phone to tech support because it’s starting to go crazy due to all the activity going on in there with the Emojis. He certainly moved the plot along, but when you combine the world of the Emojis with reality, it suddenly becomes cringeworthy. This is especially noticeable during the “Candy Crush” segment of the movie. In fact, let’s compare this to two other animations, “Wreck-It Ralph” and “Inside Out.” This also just goes to show you how much this movie is like those!

When it comes to both of these movies, both of those take place in two different dimensions which can’t be crossed. In Wreck-It Ralph, you have the real world, which is basically inside an arcade, and for the virtual world, it’s inside the games which make up the arcade. In “Inside Out,” the movie took place in the real world, where we see the life of Riley, the film’s main character who moves to San Francisco with her parents, along with the virtual world, which is inside Riley’s head and we get to look at all of the emotions such as Joy, Fear, and Anger. What makes “Wreck-It Ralph” and “Inside Out” great is that they focus a lot on their story and happen to remain smart, which is kind of funny because this movie takes place in a “smartphone.” Also, “Wreck-It Ralph” was a fun ride for kids and adults alike, “Inside Out,” wowed me and almost made me cry at the end. Another similarity is that these three films contain a character going on an adventure away from where they primarily belong, which is fine, I don’t mind that, but the other movies did it better. Also, the inclusion of “Candy Crush” kind of reminded me of “Sugar Rush” from “Wreck-It Ralph.” The way the characters and apps are in “The Emoji Movie” remind me of “Wreck-It Ralph” too because in “Wreck-It Ralph” you’ve got all of these iconic video game characters like Pac-Man, Q*bert, Bowser, Zangief, and Sonic the Hedgehog, who actually was played by the same guy who did the voice for him in “Sonic Free Riders” and “Sonic Generations.” In this movie, it’s kind of hard not to include these characters, after all, this is “The Emoji Movie,” but “Wreck-It Ralph” did a better job at including those characters by not including anything that would be considered forced or cringeworthy. Not to mention, the characters that are all in the Wreck-It Ralph video game are exclusive to this movie, they aren’t based off of any sort of video game, they were made up for the “Wreck-It Ralph” movie. When I first heard about “The Emoji Movie,” I thought this movie wasn’t necessary. I gave kudos to the animators for making it look good, but then again you can look at an animation like “Ice Age: Collision Course” and say it looks good. Also, in “Wreck-It Ralph,” the video game the main character belongs in goes out of order due to “technical difficulties,” and in “The Emoji Movie,” the phone might not have much time left because of its own technical difficulties. And there’s one moment in this movie, specifically towards the end, which reminded me of a flashback that occurred in “Wreck-It Ralph” in Sugar Rush.

One thing I DETESTED in this movie is the obnoxious product placement! This movie has more product placement than a Michael Bay “Transformers” film! You can argue that “The LEGO Movie” was a commercial, but here’s the thing, the story came first. It almost felt like Sony Animation or someone else behind this film thought about contacting a bunch of companies who make apps and say “Hey, you want to be in our s*itf*ck in the ass?” and they somehow put them all in there so they can just make s*itloads of money! “The LEGO Movie” utilized product placement to a certain degree and there’s only one moment in the movie that feels commercial-esque (the moment that talks about a bunch of LEGO sets) but not only does it fly by, it’s kind of makes me laugh. This movie has an entire segment inside “Candy Crush” that moved the plot along, and when it comes to other stuff, it’s almost like this: “You guys know Facebook? Oh look, here’s Facebook!” “You guys know YouTube? Here’s YouTube!” “You guys know Instagram? Oh look, there’s Instagram!” There’s also a segment containing a dance sequence which was PAINFUL to watch. Guess where it takes place? “Just Dance!” There’s even a moment where our heroes have to get to Dropbox! Not only that, but guess how they get there? Twitter! No, they don’t go through the app, instead, the Twitter bird mascot shows up! What the f*ck?!

I want to ask something, were you expecting a good movie out of this? Because I sure wasn’t. This was one of my least anticipated films of the year, and the reason why I saw it is basically people wanted me to go see it. I’m doing this for others, not myself. “The Emoji Movie” is nothing but a rip off of better animations, a s*itty idea which became a s*itty movie, and a poorly written, anger-inducing f*ckpile of a film created by a bunch of c*cksucking jackasses that just want to capitialize on a trend! If this movie makes enough money, there’s a slight chance that some motherf*cker might make a “Fidget Spinner” movie! I have a good idea for one, but we DON’T NEED ONE! If you bring your family to this film, you’d all probably be bored. If you bring your boyfriend or girlfriend to this film, they’ll dump you. If you bring your husband or wife to this film, they’ll divorce you. If you bring your best friend to this film, they’ll call the friendship off. If you bring your boss to this movie, they’ll fire you. If you bring a celebrity or someone like that whom you admire because they like you well enough and want to hang out with you, they’ll need a restraining order in order to protect themselves from you. “The Emoji Movie” is a quality example of a s*itty Hollywood movie that f*cks up people’s minds and makes them all explode. I’m gonna give “The Emoji Movie” a Sir Patrick Stewart/10, which can translate to 💩/🔟 if you speak Emoji, which can also mean s*it/10, although if you’re a kid it would be better for you to say poop/10, which in plain English, comes out to 1/10. There’s no reason for this movie to exist, I’ve only seen a few movies in my life that are worse than this damn pile of holy s*itness. I would probably much rather go back in time and f*ck Adolf Hitler in the ass than watch this movie again. Also for the record, I’m heterosexual so that makes it extra embarrassing. Thanks for reading this rant–err–I mean, review. Please don’t see this movie. You’re better off watching “Dunkirk” with your kids. Sure, it may be a war film with scary events happening, but at least you’ll be watching art. Speaking of which, check out my review for “Dunkirk,” the link is down below, it’s a good read, I highly suggest you check it out. Stay tuned for more reviews! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

“DUNKIRK” REVIEW: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2017/07/26/dunkirk-2017-a-bloodless-yet-realistic-depiction-of-war/

The Emoji Movie Scores 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, IS IT REALLY THAT SHOCKING?

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Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! One of my last posts of 2016 had to do with “The Emoji Movie.” In that post, I dove into the sheer awfulness of the teaser promoting the movie, along with the idea of the movie itself. By the way, if you’re interested in that post, the link for it is down below. There was also another trailer for this movie, which by the way, was better, but that didn’t get me any more excited for the film. This flick has a cast with names I like, including TJ Miller (Silicon Valley, Deadpool), Anna Faris (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Mom),  Patrick Stewart (Star Trek: The Next Generation, X-Men), and even Sofia Vergara who I like despite how I think “Modern Family” might as well just be the single most overrated show, if not in the territory for sitcoms, ever made. The animation overall, at least from what I’ve seen, isn’t all that bad either. Aside from these statements, I can’t really think of any other positives I can give based on what I’ve witnessed other than one example of toilet humor from the main trailer. Why am I doing this post? Well, this isn’t a review of the movie, I haven’t seen it. Other people have though, and so far the results are not looking good.

The Emoji Movie: How is This a Thing?!: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2016/12/27/the-emoji-movie-how-is-this-a-thing/

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As of now, this movie has 0% on Rotten Tomatoes! This is something that I don’t normally see with many films. Although there are films that currently stand among this category, including “Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2,” “Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back,” “Fred: The Movie,” “Max Steel,” “The Ridiculous 6,” “Beethoven’s 4th,” “Mulan II,” “The Fox and the Hound 2,” and “United Passions,” a movie so poorly received that The Guardian’s own Jordan Hoffman said in his review “as cinema it is excrement.” Haha, love that quote. I just want to remind everyone, that there’s this one movie that came out last year in January, which was also animated. That my friends, is “Norm of the North.” I never saw it from beginning to end, although if that’s something you’re interested in (laughs), it’s free on Amazon with Prime Video. Many people consider this to be one of the worst animations ever made, especially when you consider the fact that it was in theaters. It currently has a 3.7/10 on IMDb, along with a 9% on Rotten Tomatoes. I know “The Emoji Movie” literally just came out, but this could be worse than “Norm of the North.” A lot of people disliked “Norm of the North” due to it’s animation and content displayed in the movie. I can only imagine how this movie would be compared to that. The animation looks decent in the trailer, so either it looks like crap in some scenes of the movie I don’t know about, or everything else is beyond horrible and the animation is just fine.

I wasn’t even expecting this movie to be good, I was just hoping the folks over at Sony Pictures Animation would put at least a shred of effort into this movie, and speaking of underwhelming animations, Sony Pictures Animation came out with a movie last year as well, which also has to do with something iconic related to phones. That, ladies and gentlemen, is referred to as, “The Angry Birds Movie.” Much like “Norm of the North,” I didn’t see this, but I heard it wasn’t too great. It got decent ratings on IMDb, 6.3/10 to be specific. But this film does have its haters, haha, I kind of just made them sound like trolls. This film was considered underwhelming due to how it seemed to display conservative propaganda, from my view from watching the Cinemasins video on this movie I have no idea if the people behind this movie ere even go for that or what. There’s also how it seemed to make particular viewers think that some of the movie might actually be a little over the edge for certain children, and other reasons. Also, you have to consider the fact that this was written by the same screenwriter who wrote the first two live-action “Alvin and the Chipmunks” movies.

This almost makes me think that in the near future, we’ll be seeing more movies based on stuff having to do with your phone or other electronics. What’s next? A movie about Twitter where we have to root for the blue bird who has some necessary story arch? A movie about Snapchat where we have to root for the ghost in the middle of the yellow square? A movie based on Subway Surfers where there’s a subway surfing competition? A movie based on Jetpack Joyride which is basically an escape movie the whole time? A social media mascot cinematic universe? People are saying that movies based on video games are crappy, let me just remind you that I have an idea for a video game based movie and I do think it has potential, but I don’t have time to get into that. Movies based on Emojis is probably, on paper, one of the dumbest concepts I’ve heard for a movie, AND IT GOT GREENLIT! AND RELEASED! IN THEATERS! IN REAL-D 3D! Just be glad Christopher Nolan’s “Dunkirk” came out last week or else this would receive a greater chance of being an IMAX movie!

So I was right, this movie is very likely to be an abomination. If I go see this movie, I wonder if I’ll just mark it as the worst movie of the year. I can only imagine what would happen from here. As much as I don’t want to see the movie to maintain my utter sanity, I also feel like seeing it just to see how truly awful it really is. If I don’t see this in the theater, I’ll more than likely buy it or rent it when it comes out on home video. If there’s anything else left to say, it’s this. First off, f*ck you Sony and Sony Pictures Animation for releasing this. Second, to this movie, I gotta say, good luck at the box office, good luck. Who knows? Maybe my ten dollars could go towards this movie, only time will tell. Thanks for reading this post, and also be sure to check out my latest review for the movie “Dunkirk.” Just click on the red box that will take you to the review, or who knows, maybe if you scroll down, that review will be right below this post. I love the movie, I highly recommend it, but also recommend you read the review just you know what to expect going in. Also, be sure to look forward to my future reviews, I mentioned I MIGHT review this movie, not sure though. Although I will say I do want to check out “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” and “Atomic Blonde” because they do sound intriguing. Stay tuned for more great content! And since we’re talking about Emojis, this is a reminder to everyone to not be a 💩😶, if you don’t know what that means in your native language, unless you speak Emoji, comment down below and I’ll leave a response to that comment saying what that means. Scene Before is your click to the flicks!