“Eden” is directed by Ron Howard (A Beautiful Mind, Apollo 13) and stars Jude Law (Sherlock Holmes, Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald), Ana de Armas (Blade Runner 2049, Knives Out), Vanessa Kirby (Mission: Impossible – Fallout, The Fantastic Four: First Steps), Sydney Sweeney (Euphoria, Anyone But You), Daniel Brühl (The Zookeeper’s Wife, The King’s Man), Felix Kammerer (All Quiet on the Western Front, All the Light We Cannot See), Toby Wallace (The Society, Pistol), and Richard Roxborough (Prosper, Moulin Rouge!). This survival film is inspired by true events and is about a group of people who hope to start a new life on an island, only to find that their greatest threat is each other.
Ron Howard is one of the most storied figures in Hollywood, from his humble beginnings as an actor on projects like “The Andy Griffith Show, “Happy Days,” and “American Graffiti,” to directing cinematic staples like “Apollo 13” and “A Beautiful Mind.” My question is, where is the hype for “Eden?” That is a serious question. After all, Ron Howard has a prolific resume, the stars of the film are well known, and it is based on a true story.
Instead of there being one answer as to why the hype for “Eden” feels relatively low, I would speculate that it comes down to multiple factors. Part of it could be due to Ron Howard’s more prominent projects being behind him. Also, this is from a lesser known studio, so it could not quite get as big of a push as it could have. And like the commercials or not, one of this film’s stars, Sydney Sweeney, has entered some recent controversy through her ad campaign for American Eagle.
We live in crazy times. Who knew we’d live in an era where a Ron Howard film did not sound like a big deal? Granted, I have heard about the making of this film through the internet. But I still wonder how many people have done the same. You also have Jude Law playing a lead role. He is just a small part of this movie’s talented ensemble, because you have three of the most prolific and picturesque actresses all in the same movie. One includes Sydney Sweeney as Margaret Wittner. While she may not have much to offer on the surface, Sweeney plays a surprisingly layered character. I ended up feeling bad for her in ways I did not expect. Ana de Armas is also a standout as Baroness Eloise Bosquet de Wagner Wehrhorn, an over the top actor who lives like every day is a cinematic adventure. Vanessa Kirby is also in the film as Dore Strauch. While she is not my favorite character in the film, she has a commanding presence and owns every line she is given. Every time she is on screen I cannot help but be immersed into each scene with her.
The film has a respectable cast. If I told you Jude Law and Vanessa Kirby were in this film, I would barely scratch the surface for how star-studded this movie is. For the most part, the cast is used wisely, but I will not lie, there are parts of this film that feel surprisingly staged. Granted, like most movies, just about everything here is written on a page. Of course it is staged. But when I watch certain films, there is sometimes an authenticity to a character’s performance that makes the experience riveting. While I find “Manchester by the Sea” to be a smidge overrated, I will not deny that the characters in that film came off as raw due to each actor playing their part to the best of their ability. On top of that, the film’s director did their job by unleashing the best vision they can. I am not an actor, although I have done acting in various short films, and sometimes the performances in “Eden” feel like they are made for a stageplay rather than a movie.
The performances could have been toned down a little. This is especially true for Ana de Armas. Yes, I did say she is a standout, but there are select lines where I thought I was watching someone who was trying too hard. Her performance is definitely not an easy one to capture. But at times I watched Ana de Armas and saw her as more of a villain figure on a modern reality competition like “Survivor” rather than a movie based on true events set sometime in the 20th century. Granted, the movie is set with a group of people alone on an island, so of course it is like a reality competition. At times, the cast does a good job with their material, but there is that occasional moment where it feels like the actor thinks they are in a completely different movie than their co-star.
“Eden” is not the year’s most memorable film, but it is one that kept me consistently engaged. It is a film where I liked getting to know the characters, their personalities, and their quirks. At one moment I would be watching a zany business opportunist. Then in another, I am watching a hermit writer trying to figure out what it means to be human. The film weaves in several stories at once, and for the most part, it flows naturally. Some portions of the plot are better than others, but it is hard to find a dull moment throughout the film. In fact, the story flies at a smooth pace. Prior to buying my ticket for this film, I was not aware of the tales it bases itself upon, but it makes for a fascinating narrative. There is only one scene that comes to mind that I found rather disturbing, but the final product does not quite go too over the top when it comes to gore and violence. This is not an easy watch, but it could definitely be more terrifying.
If I have anything else to say, this movie makes me wonder if Sydney Sweeney is going to be typecast sometime in the future. Between this film and “Immaculate,” Sweeney seems to be the current favorite for playing characters who deal with unique pregnancies. She is not horrible in either film, but nevertheless…
In the end, “Eden” is not a bad little movie, but it is one that does not have a lot of standout elements. On paper, to call this film intriguing would be an understatement between its cast, crew, and plot. But it is far from the best movie of the year. I cannot speak for every actor in this film, but a couple of the film’s big stars were also in a couple films that came out earlier this year, and I would prefer to watch those a second time over this one. Ana de Armas is much more convincing as an action star in “Ballerina,” and Vanessa Kirby plays a large role in Marvel’s exceptional “The Fantastic Four: First Steps.” I may be biased because I dig my action movies, but I think those films did a much better job at accomplishing their respective goals compared to “Eden.” I cannot wait to watch those films again. They have replay value. I cannot say the same is true with “Eden.” Maybe if I find it on cable I will put it on, but I do not see myself buying the Blu-ray. That is if it is even coming out on Blu-ray at this point. I am going to give “Eden” a 6/10.
“Eden” is now playing in theaters and is available to rent or buy on VOD.
Thanks for reading this review! My next review is going to be for “Splitsville!” Stay tuned! Also coming soon, I will be sharing my thoughts on “The Long Walk,” “A Big Bold Beautiful Journey,” “Him,” “Eleanor the Great,” and “The Lost Bus.” If you want to see these reviews and more from Scene Before, follow the blog either with an email or WordPress account! Also, check out the official Facebook page! I want to know, did you see “Eden?” What did you think about it? Or, what is your favorite Ron Howard movie? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!
“Madame Web” is directed by S.J. Clarkson (The Defenders, Jessica Jones) and stars Dakota Johnson (Fifty Shades of Grey, The High Note), Sydney Sweeney (Anyone But You, Euphoria), Isabella Merced (Transformers: The Last Knight, Dora and the Lost City of Gold), Celeste O’Connor (Ghostbusters: Afterlife, Selah and the Spades), Tahar Rahim (The Serpent, The Mauritanian), Mike Epps (The Hangover, Next Friday), Emma Roberts (Nerve, Scream Queens), and Adam Scott (Parks and Recreation, Big Little Lies). This film centers around a woman named Cassandra Webb. When this paramedic discovers she is clairvoyant, she tries to balance learning about her past all the while protecting the future of three teenage girls.
In the moviegoing market, comic book movies are a dime a dozen nowadays. But there are reasons for that. For starters, a lot of them have received positive reviews in recent years. DC titles like “Joker,” “The Suicide Squad,” and “Wonder Woman” have received a lot of love over the years. In the case of the first title, it even got some recognition at the Academy Awards. The MCU has had a lot of positive critical reception and have been darlings with fans and audiences. On Sony’s side, the animated “Spider-Verse” titles have tons of dedicated fans. But let’s not forget the real reason why these films keep getting made. It’s the same reason every film gets made. Profit.
Films like “Iron Man 3,” “Aquaman,” and “Captain Marvel” for example, all made more than a billion dollars. Naturally, Sony wants a piece of that pie as well. And it’s not like they’re a stranger to it. Their collaborations with Marvel Studios, “Spider-Man: Far from Home” and “Spider-Man: No Way Home” both joined the billion dollar club. At the time, 2002’s “Spider-Man” became the fastest movie to ever reach $100 million at the box office. But in recent years, the studio has moved over to making films about Spider-Man characters without the use of the webhead as its primary protagonist. “Venom,” despite how much I think it is hot garbage, made more than $856 million. “Venom: Let There Be Carnage,” even though it came out when the COVID-19 pandemic kept some audiences at home, still managed to pass the $500 million mark. Then came “Morbius…” With the film grossing $167.5 million against a reported $75 million budget, it barely reached a point of breaking even.
And some may ask why these films seem to be making less than some of their competitors. While there are other factors that definitely come into play, I can shed light on one of them. These films are just not as memorable or high quality compared to say a lot of the MCU installments we have gotten over the years.
If you all remember my review for “Morbius,” I railed that movie into the ground. I wondered why Sony decided to get the writers of “Gods of Egypt,” Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless, to pen the picture. Maybe they are nice people. Maybe they save kittens from trees on a regular basis, I have no idea, but it does not change the fact these two are some of the worst writers in Hollywood. I was especially shocked that Sony saw “Morbius” and thought, “You know who we should get to write our next comic book film?” The guys who gave us that schlocky Jared Leto film we pushed back for a couple years! As for the one trailer released in this film’s lackluster marketing campaign, it honestly did not help things. But of course, there have been plenty of uninteresting trailers to good movies. But what did I think of the movie itself? Well, to answer this question, I am just gonna have to ask anyone who is reading this to strap themselves in. Because this movie is getting the angry, tangent-filled review it deserves. Why? Because this movie is one of the worst I have ever seen in my entire life. I am not exaggerating. I am not being hyperbolic. This may be the worst film of the decade. Period. End of sentence. Done. Finito. The rain has taken the spider out.
This film is the first I have seen where they flashed the Columbia Pictures 100 years logo. I guess it only took a century to make something as truly diabolical and asinine as whatever this ridiculousness happens to be. I do not know how they did it. But somehow, Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless wrote a film that is worse than “Morbius.” Get ready guys, I am about to do something I hoped I would not have to do, use “Morbius” as THE POSITIVE.
While “Morbius” was not great, the film at least started with a hint of promise. Looking back, the film had an okay, not great, but mildly amusing first act that did an alright job at establishing a key relationship in the film. You got to know Michael. You got to know Milo. It actually helps the film somewhat as it shoddily progresses. In “Madame Web,” I was about to break just from scene one.
As far as big budget movies go, this is one of the most headache-inducing I have watched. This may seem like a small thing, but there are a couple moments in the film that had these unnecessary zooms. It felt like the cameraman was trying out a camera for the first time and attempting to figure out how the zoom works! It’s that bad! Of course, the cringeworthy dialogue from the beginning did not help much either. And if you like cringeworthy dialogue, fasten your seatbelts, because you are in for a treat! This movie has it in spades! Disappointingly, “He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died,” is not one of those lines. Yep, that infamously awful line from the trailer, it’s not in the movie. As for the other straight up abysmal utterances of words and phrases that did make it into the final project, they are not much better.
What makes “Madame Web” inferior to “Morbius?” Well, looking back at “Morbius,” I think Jared Leto did a great job staying in character the entire time and Matt Smith had the energy of a lively game show host with an edge. As much as I hate bashing actors nowadays, there is not one performance in the film to write home about.
With the exception of one scene past the film’s halfway mark, I cannot say Dakota Johnson gave her best work in this film. To be fair though, going back to the irritatingly terrible screenplay, it did not help things. The one moment Johnson shines in the film just so happens to be the one halfway decent moment in the screenplay. It is one where we get to have a nice, charming moment between her and another character. It is perhaps the only moment of the movie where any of the characters unleash authentic emotion. It was the one moment of the movie where I didn’t hate myself. Then we get to the next scene, and I am not kidding, where it only took a few lines for me to slap myself in the face like I was the first guy trying to figure out how to cure amnesia.
Dakota Johnson may play the protagonist of the film and had top billing. Given what she had to venture through, I’d argue she was underpaid. Right below her is Sydney Sweeney. In the time it took me to write this review, I think significantly more teenage boys took the time to buy posters of Sweeney to put on their bedroom walls than they did to secure “Madame Web” tickets. Knowing the inexcusably bad execution of her character on the page, I think those teenagers made some comparably reasonable purchases. For one thing, from a casting perspective, I find it hilarious that they ended up casting Sydney Sweeney to play a shy, reserved teenage girl. It might be the funniest casting since getting John Cena to play Vin Diesel’s brother in “F9: The Fast Saga.” Now I have seen twenty-something year old actors play teens decently before, and I have seen suave, confidence-exuding actors play roles that do not quite match those aspects of their real life persona. The profession is called acting for a reason. Look at Ana de Armas in “Knives Out!” She is perhaps one of the most beautiful actresses in the business today, but I don’t think you would get that impression of Ana de Armas if your first watch of her in a movie happened to be “Knives Out.” The best thing I can say about Sydney Sweeney in “Madame Web” is the same thing I can say for Jared Leto in “Morbius.” She did her best with the excruciatingly dull material given to her.
In comic book movie speak, the placement between Sydney Sweeney, the other teenage girls, and Dakota Johnson reminds me of the 2015 “Fantastic 4” reboot. An uninteresting, poorly contrived group of four people that is randomly placed together with no semblance of personality or likability. But you know what? I was able to find more positives in “Fantastic 4” than I did for “Madame Web.” The visual effects look nice, some of the first act was okay, and I think Miles Teller did a good job in the lead role. Meanwhile, “Madame Web” pales visually minus a few creative moments, I rolled my eyes from scene one, and I could not find a good performance even if you put a hypnotist in front of me to convince me that one was in front of me all along.
Speaking of “Fantastic 4,” this film, not to mention their respective distributors, have something in common. They come from similar obligations. Rights maintenance. It’s not show friends, it’s show business. Sony is obligated to commence production on a “Spider-Man” project every five years and nine months. They do not have to release the film, they just have to say that it is in production. After seeing “Madame Web,” I can say to those complaining that studios are not making enough original movies, Sony probably feels your pain. They likely felt that they did not want to make this film and instead, they had to. But you know what they could have done? I don’t know, cancelled it?! Go all David Zaslav on it and scrap it for a tax write-off?! That’s what they could have done! For those who say “Batgirl” should never have been cancelled, I think “Madame Web” may prove why that movie met its fate. After all, “Madame Web” is not making all the money in the world. You know why it is not making all the money in the world? It’s unwatchable! Simple as that!
As a fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which this movie does not connect to, I recognize that the entirety of that timeline is not based on the vision of one director, or writer. A lot of it traces back to Kevin Feige, the President of Marvel Studios. As much as I am not one for what many would call studio interference, I will not deny that a lot of the success of the MCU is owed to Feige and his ability to balance connectivity from one project to the next. Not everything is a hit. There have been duds like “Thor: The Dark World,” but everything makes sense and at least feels like it is coming from some hint of passion. Feige cares about what goes on the screen. The filmmakers care about what goes on the screen. I am not saying this film’s director, S.J. Clarkson does not care. But as a whole, this movie feels like made by people who could care less about how it would turn out. Despite how much money these movies make and their extreme presence in popular culture, the MCU movies feel like they are made with love. At least they are when standing next to “Madame Web,” which feels like it was made to fit into a release schedule.
Speaking of release dates, I love how this movie was released on Valentine’s Day. I have never been in a relationship myself, but I nevertheless feel like I am in a fair position to give some advice. If you took your partner to see “Madame Web” on Valentine’s Day, they have every right to use that as a reason to block your phone number, ghost you, or break up with you. I don’t make the rules. I just tell things as they are.
Seriously! Who in their right mind saw “Morbius” and thought the writers should continue working in this cinematic universe? The fact that they were able to conjure a script that is inferior to their previous project is baffling to me.
And if you think I got into the movie’s most shameful moments yet, just wait. You have seen nothing yet. If you have been following this blog for the past five or six years, chances are you may remember my thoughts on “Uncle Drew.” But for those who need catching up, I have to say the movie was not funny, not charming, and completely lacking in any likability whatsoever. As far as I am concerned, “Uncle Drew” has only given me two things. One of the most passionate reviews I have done on this platform, and ire. Not much else. In that review, I titled it the “worst Pepsi commercial ever.” That highly talked about ad with Kendall Jenner has nothing on just how bad that movie was. It was filled to the brim with Pepsi product placement to the point where I almost wanted to chuck a couple Coca-Colas directly at the screen.
Ladies and gentlemen, I think “Madame Web” is now a fine contender to be the worst Pepsi commercial in history.
I am almost scared to know what went on behind the scenes of “Madame Web,” but at the same time, I am curious to know how much money Pepsi shelled out just have the exposure they’ve gotten in this film. Sony films in general are usually obnoxious enough for how much they advertise their own products. Just look at “Gran Turismo!” Not only is that based on a PlayStation exclusive video game, but it also doubles as a Nissan commercial, and ends up making the Walkman an essential element to the story. When it comes to product placement, Sony is arguably the most shameless major studio when it comes to this heinous trend. I understand, movies are expensive and studios need to pay the bills. But why does Pepsi need to be thrown in my face so obnoxiously? At this point, this is not a movie. It’s a giant, uninspired, bloody two hour ad! The real protagonist of this film is not Cassandra Webb, it’s Pepsi!
Speaking of lazy, the ending of this film downright sucks on so many levels. For starters, it reuses footage from Sam Raimi’s “Spider-Man 2.” Not only did it feel like a quick copout, but it made me wish I was watching a much better movie! As for other reasons why the ending sucks, I must once again go back to my old friend “Morbius.”
I said one of the reasons that film did not work for me was because it lied in its marketing campaign about certain things. Unfortunately, Sony learned nothing when marketing “Madame Web.” Because there is an entire segment of the trailer dedicated to showing off something regarding the teenage girls. Now, as mentioned, the teenage girls are in the movie. And that “something” I just mentioned is in the final picture. Unfortunately though, that something is used to basically tease a certain thing in the future. Perhaps a “Madame Web 2.” To that I must say, if you cannot give me a cool movie the first time, why should I care about what you are going to give me the second time? The ending of this movie basically just tells me that after being trapped in front of a screen for two hours, it wants me to come back for an occasion where we actually see something potentially worthwhile. One of the flaws of cinematic universes or modern film franchises in general is that everybody is so concerned about building excitement in regards to what’s next to the point where it is easy to forget that you have to focus on the feature that is in front of you. Additionally, we get a costume reveal for our title character and I have to say, it is strange to look at. Maybe it is because so much of this movie looks dark and greyish at times. Compared to a lot of other comic book movies, the color palette looks bleak. If these Sony Marvel movies have one thing in common, it’s that they look dark and depressing. It sometimes turns me off. I get that characters like Venom are often seen as villains, but still.
Honestly though, the movie is sometimes hilarious, but not in a good way. There is an entire subplot dedicated to the birth of a certain character whose name is never mentioned. As a “Spider-Man” fan, I am able to put the pieces together and determine who this character is, but the way this movie goes about this feels insulting and lazy. The subplot also brings out one of the most cringeworthy jokes in the movie. Basically, Emma Roberts’s character reveals her water just broke, to which one of the teenage girls ends up shouting, “Ewwwwwwww!” I am not joking, to say I facepalmed in that moment would be an understatement. If you were in my auditorium and you heard a loud slapping sound out of nowhere, that was me slapping my hand on my face in anger.
And yes, for those who ask, that was the scene that followed the one decent moment in the movie.
From a technical perspective, “Madame Web” has some okay moments in terms of the action sequences, but nothing I will worship until the day I die. In fact, once again, there is one action sequence that further emphasizes my displeasure with Pepsi’s overexposure throughout this turd of a film. I think the weakest part of the film from a technical standpoint is the sound. Now, everything’s clear. I could hear all the dialogue, in its everlasting, infinite, sigh-inducing glory… But there are multiple parts of the film where I thought I was getting brain damage from how loud the movie was. I watched the film in IMAX, which would naturally mean the sound would be louder. But I have been to numerous IMAX experiences and have witnessed plenty where louder sound has only served as a benefit. Take “Oppenheimer” for example. That trinity test scene was bonkers in IMAX. It was something else. It was one of the most riveting things I witnessed in my entire life simply because I felt like I was a part of that scene. Sometimes “Madame Web” was just loud enough to the point where my headache must have gotten irritated by what was in front of it. Speaking of headaches, the way this movie goes about explaining our main protagonist’s powers sometimes got on my nerves. It’s not that I did not understand it, but rather that it was showcased in such a way that messed with my mind the longer it lasted on the screen.
“Madame Web” is an hour and 56 minutes long. Honestly, that runtime is incredibly flawed. According to my calculations, I think I found the perfect runtime for the film. And that runtime is nothing because a film like this should have never been released. The fact that it even got made is mind-blowing. When this film started, I was turned off. As it progressed, I was seething. When the credits showed up, I stormed out of the theater like a young child who got blue shelled by their friend twice in one race during a session of “Mario Kart!”
I wish I were exaggerating. You may think I am simply telling you this for dramatic effect. It’s true. But I assure you, that short paragraph I just wrote, has more substance than “Madame Web” can provide in less than two hours.
In the end, to call “Madame Web” a joke would make sense, but to do that would be insult against comedy. Because comedy makes you laugh. The only thing “Madame Web” did was intensify my anger. I love comic book movies. I know they are not exactly in the best state right now, but I remember walking out of every MCU movie that came out last year. And even if they were not fantastic, they at least had some redeeming qualities. I know a lot of people have been recently bagging on “Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania” and “The Marvels,” but I dare you to watch those two movies and “Madame Web” in a marathon and tell me that “Madame Web” is not the worst of those three. Because those two movies, despite their flaws, manage to pack in some fun. They deliver good action, neat effects for the most part, and have likable protagonists at the forefront. When I say that “Madame Web” is the worst film of the decade, it is hard to imagine such an assessment being a stretch. Between a wasted superhero story where we barely get any superhero DNA throughout, a lackluster villain, bad writing, terrible jokes, obscene dialogue, and tired homages to “Spider-Man” lore, “Madame Web” is an utterly atrocious mess that will go down in history as one of the most asinine, sloppy, downright criminal pieces of cinema that has ever disgraced the silver screen. Martin Scorsese, if you are reading this, I may disagree with you on comic book movies in regards to whether or not they are cinema. But after seeing “Madame Web,” I think it would be wrong to even call it a theme park ride. Why? …Because theme park rides are fun. I am going to give “Madame Web” a 1/10.
“Madame Web” is now playing in theaters everywhere. Tickets are available now.
Thanks for reading this review! My next review is going to be for “Drive-Away Dolls!” Hopefully that will serve as a palette cleanser for the fiendish brain cell-eradicator of a movie I just watched. One can only hope. Also coming soon, I will have my thoughts on “Bob Marley: One Love,” “Dune Part Two,” “High Tide,” and “Kung Fu Panda 4.” Stay tuned! If you want to see this and more from Scene Before, follow the blog either with an email or WordPress account! Also, check out the official Facebook page! I want to know, did you see “Madame Web,” and why did you think it was terrible? Err, sorry! My mind nearly broke for a second, what I meant was, what did you think of the movie? Or, what is the superior project? “Madame Web” or “Morbius?” Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!
“Anyone But You” is directed by Will Gluck (Friends with Benefits, Peter Rabbit) and stars Sydney Sweeney (Euphoria, The Handmaid’s Tale), Glen Powell (Hidden Figures, Top Gun: Maverick), Alexandra Shipp (X-Men: Apocalypse, Barbie), GaTa (Good Mourning, Dave), Hadley Robinson (Utopia, Winning Time: The Rise of the Lakers Dynasty), Michelle Hurd (Star Trek: Picard, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit), Dermont Mulroney (The Wedding Date, About Schmidt), Darren Barnet (Never Have I Ever, Gran Turismo), Bryan Brown (Cocktail, The Thorn Birds), and Rachel Griffiths (The King’s Daughter, Hacksaw Ridge). This film is about man and a woman who meet in a coffee shop, hit it off romantically, only to have everything fall apart the next day. Some time later, the two reunite at a destination wedding in Australia all the while pretending to be a couple.
During many of my horror movie reviews, I would point out that horror is one of my weaker genres. When I started Scene Before, and even before I started, I tended to avoid horror because many of the movies coming out in said genre either looked identical or uninteresting. Thankfully, having explored more of the genre over the years, I have welcomed quite a few fascinating titles into my life. Similarly, romcoms are another type of film that usually slip under the radar for me. They’re just not my kind of movie. I’ve watched romcoms in the past. In 2019 I saw and reviewed “Long Shot” and “Isn’t It Romantic?,” which offered two completely different experiences for me. In 2022 I reviewed “Ticket to Paradise,” which ultimately got a thumbs up from me despite some problems that came up throughout the runtime. Last year, I reviewed “No Hard Feelings,” which I called a romcom in my review, though looking back it probably would be more accurate to call it a sex comedy than a romantic comedy. When it comes to this blog I have some experience with the genre. But compared to some other types of films, I am a bit of a novice here.
That said, this film is directed by Will Gluck, whose resume as a writer and director is kind of iffy. He previously did the recent “Peter Rabbit” movies, both of which I skipped because they looked like wastes of time. He did “Friends with Benefits,” which I thought was kind of cute. He also did the 2014 edition of “Annie,” which I watched once when it was on Starz. I did not see all of it, but I saw enough of to say I would rather devote my time to something more valuable. Gluck did not write this film, but he also directed “Easy A,” which thanks to some brilliant pacing, a great story, snappy editing, and a marvelous lead performance by Emma Stone, ended up being one of the more memorable coming of age stories of the 2010s.
So, going into “Anyone But You,” I cannot say I was stoked. But I would say I had generously moderate expectations.
Even with those expectations in mind, I was still let down.
This film is dumb. And I can tell it is dumb on purpose. But it is the kind of dumb I cannot appreciate. There is a difference between dumb fun and just dumb. This is the latter. Maybe it is because it is more in line with the films I usually like to seek out, I found a film like “Godzilla vs. Kong” to be an excellent example of dumb fun because even with the wooden characters and oddly structured storyline, the film has some of the best action I had seen in some time upon its release. It was a technical beast. The score was incredible. The special effects were really good. There was a lot to appreciate visually that kept the movie from being bad, unlike its 2019 predecessor, “Godzilla: King of the Monsters.” On the other hand, there are plenty of times in “Anyone But You” where visual gags popped up that either did not generate a reaction out of me, or if they did generate one, it was one that I don’t think the movie would have been going for.
Much of the humor in “Anyone But You,” most notably in the first half, are visual gags that either have to do with private parts or showing off ironclad bodies, sometimes both. It’s the same joke over and over again. If the joke is not funny the first time. Then it is not funny the second, third, fourth, and fifth time. The joke was old when it started, and it was basically on its deathbed by the film’s halfway mark.
My favorite joke in the movie though is one that involves a koala. Of course, Australia, koalas. What a pair. But there are a couple moments in the movie where we see a koala, and those made for my most notable reactions of the film. The jokes are so simple and quick, but that’s part of what makes them great.
And speaking of Australia, one joke that got old really fast was how much this movie utilized the character of Beau. The actor who portrays him, Joe Davidson, said in a press release, “Beau is what you get when you mix all the Australian islands and icons all into one character.” I have lived in the Boston area all my life, and I have seen a number of movies where the characters in said area will have noticeably played up accents. Movies like “The Departed” and “Good Will Hunting,” both of which I enjoyed. But the accents in both of them are definitely over the top, I’d say particularly more so in the former at times but I’d have to watch both films again to compare and contrast. And sometimes when the accents, and in the case of “Anyone But You,” the stereotypes, happen to be this played up, it is distracting. It is almost annoying. Beau is a living, breathing caricature of what some people would perhaps interpret as a hunky, Hemsworth-like Australian. And of course, they make a Hemsworth joke in the movie. Totally didn’t see that coming at all… It reminded me, as a Bostonian, when I saw “80 for Brady” and we would cut to the commentators and they would spew out the most asinine, ear-destroying Boston accents I remember hearing in film history. Safe to say, they were wicked awful. I am not saying there is anything wrong with Australia, their traditions, and what people think of them. I just think the jokes here range somewhere between lazy and overdone.
But how are the two leads of the film? I mean, they’re okay I guess. Sydney Sweeney does an alright job in her role and the material given to her, but there is not as much an oomph in her character or performance compared to what I would have liked to see. But I have to say, Glen Powell is a powerhouse in this film. I honestly forgot how charming he is. I thought Powell was one of the highlights of “Top Gun: Maverick,” and I am glad he is bringing the same appeal to this movie. While I did not love the movie, the material, the jokes, basically a ton of things in it, my biggest positive of the film is that I cannot see anyone other than Glen Powell playing his respective role. The movie is not funny, but Powell makes the most of what is in front of him and he is clearly trying. I just wish he were written better.
One of the more prominent problems I have with “Anyone But You” is that it ultimately feels like two different movies. Yes, I know it is a romantic comedy, which basically promises a romantic movie and a comedic movie all in one package, but the movie as a whole seems to lack a sense of consistency. The first half is a plethora of failed attempts at comedy, and the movie seems to dive into something more serious by the end of it that quite frankly did not keep me hooked. Part of that is because I never found myself completely invested with the characters in the first half. And the weird part is, despite noticing more obvious comedic attempts in the first half of the film, I am looking back at the film and would say I found the second half to be funnier.
As the film continues, it becomes cliche-riddled, bore-inducing, and tiresome. Is the movie offensively bad? I would not go that far. But it is far from the first pick I would make on a Friday movie night. Again, romcoms are not my genre, but I have come to a point in my life where I am practically okay watching any kind of movie regardless of the genre or what it is advertised to be. That said, I also heard enough about this film have some hesitancy towards it, and I felt as if I was right on those reservations. The film is not funny, overly cheesy, not romantic, and kind of forgettable. There are so many other options in theaters right now that I think you would be doing yourself a favor if you check out something else instead.
In the end, “Anyone But You” did not work for me. This is a romantic comedy that is neither romantic or funny. The jokes not only sometimes feel been there done that, but even the more clever ones fell flat because they felt as if they were repeating an earlier comedic attempt. Going forward, I am probably not going to remember a single character’s name from this film, maybe except Bea, partially because she is the lead, but the film somewhat reminded me of “Titanic” because of how many times I had to hear the names “Jack” and “Rose” in its extended runtime. I felt as if I had a similar experience hearing Bea’s name throughout the film. This movie is stupid and I feel dumber for having wasted my time on it. I would rather watch anything but this film if you ask me. I am going to give “Anyone But You” a 4/10.
“Anyone But You” is now playing in theaters everywhere. Tickets are available now.
Thanks for reading this review! Happy New Year, everyone! And it is time to celebrate with some end of the year countdowns! Pretty soon I am going to be sharing my lists for my best and worst movies of 2023! Stay tuned! If you want to see these lists and more from Scene Before, follow the blog either with an email or WordPress account! Also, check out the official Facebook page! I want to know, did you see “Anyone But You?” What did you think about it? Or, what is your least favorite movie genre? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!
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