The Jumanji Remake is Not Gonna Have a Board Game?! (PLUS RANT ABOUT SONY)

Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! This post is going to be about “Jumanji.” I am not gonna review the movie, but I’m gonna bring something to your attention, although I already brought to your attention somewhat, you probably read the title so you know what I’m gonna be talking about, maybe. Anyway, this post is about “Jumanji.”

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Not that Jumanji! I’m talking about the other Jumanji, the other one that I currently have little to no expectations for.

There, that’s the image I’m looking for. Actually, you know what? I take it back, let’s go back to the other one for a second. I feel like I should bring up the original and discuss what it’s about.

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The original “Jumanji” came out in 1995, the premise of the film is that there is a board game called Jumanji, two kids find this game and they eventually play it. During gameplay, someone who has been trapped in the game for decades is released. All of sudden, as the movie progresses, a bunch of dangers arise, and the only way to stop those dangers is to finish the game. I love this movie, I don’t watch it all that much, but whenever I do, I’m entertained throughout, and I also admire the ending. And I will say that I actually watched the 2015 “Goosebumps” movie and in a way, it’s almost similar to this and I really enjoyed it. I never read the books nor have I watched the TV series to this, but there are some very similar things about both films that kept me hooked throughout. Despite what I said, I’m not ready for a “Jumanji” remake, especially one like the one I hear we are going to get.

Alright, now this image seems appropriate. This time around, they aren’t doing a board game, this time, they are doing a video game. I know I sound like the very definition of an angry fanboy complaining about nothing. I am not, I saw the original “Jumanji,” I will say once again I loved it, but here’s what I see wrong with this. The change itself is very unnecessary, if they wanted a video game in the film, then don’t call it a “Jumanji” remake! The only excuse I can abide by if a video game was in a film like this as opposed to a board game, is if this was Jumanji 2. Now, I know Robin Williams is dead, RIP by the way, but they can set this with different characters in the same universe. Let’s say that the game of “Jumanji” makes the news, and this gives an idea for video game developers to build off of, that idea being a video game where you find the game of Jumanji. It has everything that Jumanji has to offer minus the real-life destruction along with the pain and suffering you could experience in real life. The intention is to make a game that would sell, and people play it and enjoy it, then all of a sudden there is one copy. Somebody buys that copy and they don’t realize what is happening, everything that is happening in the video game eventually comes out in real life, so all of a sudden, it’s another situation where you have to finish the game to stop the apocalypse, yes it is repetitive but remakes are even more repetitive.

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I mentioned this briefly but I should mention this again, but this movie shouldn’t exist for another reason, and that is because of Robin Williams’s death. I mean, if Sony wants to make it, they can give it a go, but a huge part of me fears it won’t be good. This film is being done in respect for Robin Williams from what I’ve seen, and gosh golly I hope that’s true. I was never a huge Robin Williams fanatic, but even I can agree that he was gone too soon. If you look up above in this paragraph you may notice that Sony is doing this project, and that doesn’t surprise me because they also did the original. In all honesty, Sony is been so f*cking fun to watch lately. They f*cked up Spider-Man this decade, and while Marvel Studios seems to have mastered him when they were given the right to use Spider-Man in the MCU films, Sony is probably gonna take some of that charm of his away in his standalone film. I say that considering I saw the new trailer for “Spider-Man: Homecoming,” and while part of me is looking forward to it, another part of me is way less excited now because they shown WAY too much in their latest trailer, but whatever, only time will tell. Oh, you also gotta consider the fact that 3 of their movies made it onto my top 10 worst list of movies that came out in the last year. These clusterf*cks include “Money Monster,” “The Fifth Wave,” and “Ghostbusters,” which if you’re new to this blog, I’ll say this to you. “Ghostbusters” is my top worst movie to have released last year, and if any person were a movie, this movie would be Adolf Hitler. You know something? I’m not done! Haha, this is what I said in my rant about “Ghostbusters” during my top 10. Apparently they are doing another Smurfs movie, I mean, it’s not set in New York this time which is a plus, but it almost sounds like “Trolls” which came out last year, which I didn’t watch, I watched the Cinemasins video though, but I’ve heard enough not to care. Oh yeah, and let’s go back to f*cking Spider-Man! Apparently I’m hearing news about Sony wanting to make a movie about Black Cat, Silver Sable, and Venom! Like, why?! DO WE REALLY NEED THESE?! Guess what? This rant isn’t over! You know what Sony is also doing? They’re taking pisses down our throats–err I mean, they’re making a f*cking Emoji movie! Really?! That’s gonna get everyone to the theater?! EMOJIS?! ARE YOU GUYS BATS*IT CRAZY?! I mean, I heard Patrick Stewart is playing the poop Emoji, but based on the teaser alone I feel like this movie is going to be a poop Emoji itself. Why am I still talking about this?! OK, let me just say, now that I think about it, I feel like this film is gonna be the next “Ghostbusters.” You’ve got some popular current day actors, including Jack Black, who by the way was actually R.L Stine in “Goosebumps” in case that brings any relevance. This project is under Sony, yeah, you probably know who they are by now. And you also have one of the big stars involved with the original pass away just beforehand. I’m serious, Harold Ramis passed away less than six months before Robin Williams. So… I hope this movie is good, but I think it’s just gonna be another case of having audiences having to eat s*it for a couple of hours.

A couple more things about this film, it releases on December 22, 2017, which is a week after “The Last Jedi,” so, this is gonna be interesting to observe box office wise. Also another thing is that Dwayne Johnson is in the film. I have no problem with him as an actor, but I feel like he’s gonna start going through a phase where he just does remakes and reboots. I don’t know, I’m probably just thinking random things that won’t happen. But I say this considering the fact that according to his IMDb, he has just completed a “Baywatch” movie and he’s announced to be in a “Big Trouble in Little China” remake. So, I don’t know, we’ll see. Anyways, thanks for putting up with my attitude, I am clearly madder about Sony than I am about “Jumanji,” or I guess it’s called “Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle” now. I honestly just thought this was news worth sharing and I wanted to state my thoughts on it. Also just to let you all know, the live-action version of “Ghost in the Shell” comes out this weekend and I hope to get a chance to see it. And who knows? Maybe if I do get to see it, I might as well dedicate part of the review to my thoughts on the whole Scarlett Johansson casting choice controversy. If not, maybe I could try and see “Power Rangers” or something, I don’t know. Anyway, stay tuned for more reviews, and if they’re related to Sony, hopefully it has to do with a quality film. Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

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