Transformers: The Last Knight

Movies and COVID-19: Behind the Scenes – Part 5

Posted on by Jack Drees

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Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! It is now time for part 5 of the Scene Before series “Movies and COVID-19: Behind the Scenes.” This series describes the recent happenings, or in some cases, a lack of happenings, in the film industry as the world deals with the COVID-19 outbreak.

Per usual, real world matters first! Because life sucks! The United Kingdom is currently in a bit of trouble as evidenced from actions taken this past Thursday. Britain has confirmed they have extended their countrywide lockdown for a total of three more weeks. This was announced by foreign secretary Dominic Raab, who is taking on responsibilities in place of Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who was previously announced to have a positive case of COVID-19. With this extension, the country’s lockdown is likely going to last until the second week of May unless things change.

For the record, a good number of people in my country, specifically the United States, often point out that the economy is likely to collapse should we keep these restrictions going for any longer. One take that I found interesting mainly because I don’t hear it all that much, is the one given by the recently mentioned Dominic Raab. He suggests the opposite and thinks if we loosen these restrictions, the economy is going to go to hell. After all, since there’s always a chance of a second outbreak, there’s always a chance of a second economic downfall.

Although here in America, people clearly want the economy opened back up, including medical expert Anthony Fauci. The well-known director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases was on the Snapchat show “Good Luck America,” which discusses the role young people have in spreading the virus. He explained on the show that he’s likely missing baseball season as he suggests, “I’m living in Washington, we have the world champion Washington Nationals. I want to see them play again.” He also thinks that sporting events like baseball and football could happen should there be a lack of an audience in stadiums.

President Donald J. Trump, who Fauci has been seen alongside for much of this crisis through cameras, wants the economy opened back up by May 1st, as I mentioned in part 4. As of suggesting that notion, certain states have declared the idea of opening back up on said day like Trump is opting for. One notable state is Ohio, which much like much of America, is planning to follow phases as to what exactly will open at supposed times. Restaurants may be more essential than bars, and bars may be more essential than football stadiums.

Speaking of U.S. states, one of the most talked about states in general regarding this crisis, has been New York. Governor Andrew Cuomo, whose brother is a CNN reporter who has been tested positive for COVID-19, has been a significant voice in not only trying to pull his state into the right direction, but for the rest of the country as everybody deals with this. Although another voice that New Yorkers heard last week was former presidential candidate and current New York City Mayor Bill De Blasio, who had some unfortunate news for the state. De Blasio suggested that all major gatherings for the month of May have been canceled except for certain events like farmers’ markets. So if you are expecting to attend a “Last Week Tonight” taping this May, sorry to say, you’re gonna have to continue staring at John Oliver in front of a white void.

Screenshot (59)

Well, at least he got the rat painting he’s been searching a month to find.

Fun fact, when this whole crisis initiated, I was in Florida, which may be one of the worst hit states when it comes to this mess. For the record, Florida does not have the most cases for the virus, in fact none of them hold a candle to New York. In fact, my state, Massachusetts, has more cases to my surprise! But when it comes to properly closing everything in the state, those ends have not been met. In fact, Governor Rick DeSantis just opened a crucial element to what makes Florida Florida, the beaches. I should note that not all beaches have been opened, and they are NOT open for the purposes of bringing blankets, chairs, and coolers. They are specifically open for exercise-related purposes, plus taking care of pets. Individuals are still supposed to keep their distance from others and avoid gatherings of 50 people. Many of south Florida’s beaches, such as those in Miami, continue to remain closed, but if you live in Duval County (Jacksonville), there’s a good chance that you can find an open beach near you.

The beaches managed to receive a major turnout. However, not everyone is happy, as partially evidenced by the reaction that surfaced on social media. One of the top trending topics of the past weekend is #FloridaMorons. Here’s some of the tweets that surfaced.

Just because we talk about movies here…

Also, one man wanted to drop a public service announcement…

Thank you, sir! Very informative!

Now that we are done with our continuously depressing and ridiculous reality, let’s move onto movie topics. This first part is not a main topic since it may not have as much relevance as others, but I do feel it needs to be talked about. One of the topics I discussed last week is “Parasite’s” Hulu debut. Now Hulu has been a pretty popular streaming service that has been relevant for a few years. In fact, now that Disney oversees them, they are included in a bundle package with their other streaming services including Disney+ and ESPN+. But for a streaming service overseen by a company that does not make many independent features, “Parasite” has earned an ASTOUNDING success on the service so far. The movie dropped on Hulu Wednesday April 8th, where from then on, it was not long before the film immediately became the most streamed foreign or independent feature on the service in just a week. According to IndieWire, the film is also the second most watched film on the platform of all time. This beats the likes of mega-titles such as “Transformers: The Last Knight,” “A Quiet Place,” and “How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World.” Given the film’s Korean background, how Hulu does not even serve Korea, plus the necessity for non-Korean viewers to read subtitles, it should come as a surprise that “Parasite” is as popular as it is on Hulu. Although keep in mind, the film has already been a critical success in the states, not only having major buzz from reviews, but tons of award wins as well, including the Academy’s Best Picture, which no international feature has received prior to “Parasite.” The film has made over $50 million at the U.S. box office, indicating success. So either everybody wanted a chance to watch the film again, or there’s a possibility that a majority of Hulu users missed out on the theater experience but now have an opportunity to watch at home.

Speaking of theater experiences and watching something at home, Lionsgate is trying to recreate the communal theater atmosphere while keeping movie watchers on their couch. One of the best parts of going to the movies sometimes is the reactions people can blurt out during a presentation. If you have seen the last two “Avengers” movies, you’d understand. Lionsgate is attempting to get people together to react to their favorite movies without hearing anybody else and with the intention of keeping viewers behind closed doors.

FRIDAY NIGHT LIONSGATE MOVIES ON YOUTUBE

Throughout the series, I have often touched upon the goings on behind some of the bigger studios. Disney and Universal have shuttered theme parks, delayed films, and have decided to put some of their films like “Artemis Fowl” and “Trolls: World Tour” straight to a digital streaming service. Paramount delayed a ton of films, but some of their classics will be airing on CBS soon. Warner Bros. has stated in the past about its optimism to release “Tenet” in theaters on time, all the while delaying big films like “Wonder Woman 1984.” But one of the major studios I have not talked about all that much yet in this series is Lionsgate. While they don’t have the franchise power that a company like Disney has, they do possess the rights to iconic properties including “The Hunger Games” and “John Wick,” which are relevant to this topic.

Recently, specifically Friday April 17th, Lionsgate teamed up with Fandango, YouTube, and NATO (National Association of Theatre Owners) to get people to watch “The Hunger Games” on YouTube for free. This is part of an event called “Lionsgate Live! A Night at the Movies.” These are movie night events hosted by Jamie Lee Curtis (Halloween, Scream Queens), will feature celebrity guests, special programming, and opportunities for fans to interact via YouTube live. While the odds of watching “The Hunger Games” on one of these Fridays will no longer be ever in your favor, there are still a few movies listed for this special occasion. These include…

  • DIRTY DANCING (APRIL 24)
  • LA LA LAND (MAY 1)
  • JOHN WICK (MAY 8)

Just a reminder, if you want to watch “John Wick” during this occasion on YouTube, there is an age restriction. For the record, “John Wick” is rated R whereas the other films listed are rated PG-13. So if you want to watch your fan favorites with OTHER PEOPLE, I never thought I’d say that ever again! go to the Movieclips YouTube channel, check to see if one of the movies is playing or will be playing, and enjoy! This event will benefit the Will Rogers Motion Picture Pioneers Foundation, a foundation dedicated to helping workers within the motion picture industry. This even includes the many theater employees affected by the COVID-19 crisis. Even companies behind food are getting in on this, which does make sense as cinemas and food go together like bread and butt–, sorry. Popcorn and butter. I don’t always agree with that statement, my apologies to all popcorn eaters who butter on their popcorn at the movies, but still, it makes sense here. So feel free to amuse yourselves over my forced statement all damn day.

Popcornopolis, which judging by the name, you can probably tell makes popcorn, will be donating 10% of its sales to the cause. Meanwhile, SnackNation, typically known for being a healthy snack delivery service for offices and homes, will be giving away a specially priced box of goodies for these movie nights. The box will include fruity candy, chips, puffs, popcorn, and more. The box is priced at $9.95 and shipping is free. So if you are tired of going to Target to get some Sour Patch Kids while also buying tons of toilet paper, give this snack box a shot, and if you don’t use it for one of these movie nights, it could always work for something else you pop on at home. “Tiger King” is pretty hip right now, why not give that a shot? If you wanted to get some grub from SnackNation for “Dirty Dancing,” there is a solid chance that you might not get it on time. But if you wanted something for “La La Land” or “John Wick,” by all means place your order!

Also in on this are major movie theater chains including AMC Theatres (Please make it through this!), Regal Entertainment Group, and Cinemark Theatres.

SAN DIEGO COMIC-CON CANCELLED FOR FIRST TIME EVER

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Alright, my fellow nerds. Buckle up. This is possibly the most dissatisfying news any comic convention fanatic will ever hear. San Diego Comic-Con, known for pioneering the comic con name and blueprint has officially been cancelled for the first time ever. The event started out small and has grown ever since. It has achieved fame for its success at bringing together communities of nerds of all kinds from comic book collectors, sci-fi fanatics, movie buffs, fantasy lovers, and TV junkies. It’s even gotten so big that “Conan” on TBS has done shows in San Diego as the con goes on! It’s an event so lively that even if you don’t get to go, you are guaranteed to hear something from it that is extravagant in the nerd world, mainly because there is heavy self-promotion going on in the sacred “Hall H,” where celebrities talk to fans, crews behind projects promote trailers, and the effort to get in is just as hard as it is to get through waiting at the DMV. Sadly, this year, there won’t be any of that. Last year, SDCC brought some great news to the nerd sphere, especially within Marvel, because that is where they laid the groundwork for phase 4, advertising plans for each theatrical movie set to release, and even the shows they’re planning to drop onto Disney+. Unfortunately, this news is already outdated as we won’t be seeing one of those projects, specifically “Black Widow,” this May and instead wait until November, which is when “Eternals” was originally supposed to release.

Who knows what could have happened this year? Would we finally get another trailer to “Godzilla vs. Kong?” Would we get a look at footage for James Gunn’s “The Suicide Squad?” Maybe we’d get word that Warner Bros. will release the Snyder Cut the same day that Universal plans on releasing the Butthole Cut for “Cats.” Who knows?

Not to get selfish here, but I go to a couple cons every year, and I don’t know if I’ll even get to go to one based on this information. San Diego Comic-Con is such a powerful name in this industry. So powerful in fact that they even felt it was necessary to call out another con for using their name, even when this has been a thing that has been done for years to the point where it has become commonplace. It’s a comic convention where people get together to be happy, not an international format of “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire!” But with the first sentence of this paragraph in mind, with a name San-Diego cancelling, I have a feeling that others may eventually follow in the con’s footsteps because of name power. For all I know, that could be different because every area of this Earth is dealing with COVID-19 in its own way, but I figured that the U.S., or at least most of it, would be done with this virus in a couple months that way we can gain a sense of normalcy. But who knows at this point?

By the way, I could go for a massive bucket of overpriced movie theater popcorn right now.

MOVIES THEATERS ON REOPENING

AMC Shore 8 - Huntington, New York 11743 - AMC Theatres

Remember how in part 3 I was talking about the possibility of AMC falling into its grave? Well, turns out they have a plan! To specify, a $500 million plan. Has a nice ring to it. Keep in mind, AMC has MASSIVE debts, so while $500 million does not cover everything, it’s likely to help during this time. Wall Street has officially parsed AMC, giving them the thumbs up. This will give AMC some time to prevent themselves from heading into dreaded Chapter 11 bankruptcy territory. Stock-wise, AMC is now at $3.20, up 31% reaching their highest level in a couple of weeks. Similarly, Cinemark, a nationwide chain whose subsidiaries include Rave Cinemas and Century Theatres, is also up. While not as high as the 31% for AMC, it bounced up 16% to achieve $13.48 per share.

Speaking of AMC and Cinemark, movie theater operators such as these have planned for a hopeful summer reboot. After all, the kids are out of school, you can only go to the beach so many times before getting sunburned all over, so the cinema is a great outing. Cinemark themselves stated that they are planning for an opening on July 1st, suggesting that they plan on spending June rehiring employees and will screen some classic films during the summer. How classic? I don’t know. Could be black and white, color, old, new, across the board. But I would kill to see “Endgame” in a theater again. I would love to take someone who hasn’t seen the movie just to see how’d they react to it in a theatrical environment, because that movie, plus the Jackoff-winning Best Picture “Infinity War” were literally built for audiences to come together. And while it is disappointing for a film like “Black Widow” to not come out until November instead of May, I would much prefer that, when I can likely see it with a crowd, then curling up in my room watching it as it goes straight to streaming. In fact, I still have no plans to get Disney+. HBO Max might be on my radar though (I’ll get back to that).

While I did talk about reality before, I should bring it up again. The Governor of Georgia, otherwise known as Brian Kemp, has recently announced that he gave the green light to businesses to reopen their doors beginning April 27th. Regardless of whether or not this is stupid, which I personally think it is, movie theater chains will likely need longer than a week to rehire and retrain people before opening doors again, as insiders suggest. As for local theaters, I don’t know what the case will be, but chains are likely to follow a structured process. Maybe they will open all their theaters at once, maybe vary state by state, do a few at a time, but who knows?

THESE DELAY STORIES ARE GETTING TIRESOME!

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So… “Black Widow” has been delayed. “Eternals” has been delayed. “The New Mutants” has been delayed. “Top Gun: Maverick” has been delayed. “Infinite” has been delayed. “A Quiet Place Part II” has been delayed. Now the Caped Crusader has something he’d like to say to all of those movies.

That’s right guys! Unfortunately, Matt Reeves’ upcoming “The Batman,” starring Robert Pattinson (Twilight, The Lighthouse), has been pushed back from it’s original release date, June 25th, 2021, and will now hit theaters October 1st, 2021. If you had to ask me, here’s my response.

If you ask me, “The Batman” is a film that I am definitely looking forward to, and I am disappointed by the announcement. Despite the flack Pattinson sometimes gets for his past roles, most notably “Twilight,” he has generated an excellent acting method over the past number of years. Plus, it’s f*cking Batman, how could I not get excited over a movie with Batman in it?

Well, okay, maybe not all of them are that exciting. By the way, f*ck the convenient Bat Credit Card.

Although I will state, as disappointed as I am, it could still be worse. After all, movies like “Top Gun: Maverick,” which I’ve previously talked about had trailers and a marketing campaign all set up. “Batman” hasn’t even finished filming yet. In fact, production shut down earlier this year due to the virus. While I am underwhelmed and dissatisfied with the news, I cannot say I’m scarred for life. Although not having a “Batman” movie during summer blockbuster season does feel a little weird. Maybe this is a case, much like “Joker” where the delay to October can be favorable for “The Batman” as there COULD be an effort to get some awards buzz for the movie. There could be a possibility that “The Batman” is also intentionally made for mature audiences, perhaps the MPAA will give it an R rating, making the Dark Knight the DARKEST Knight. Even so, this is NOT the delay we deserve. NOR is it the one eager movie and comic book fans need right now.

“The Batman” is being put out by Warnermedia, which should not be surprising as DC Comics and Warner Bros. go together like peanut butter and jelly. Speaking of Warnermedia delays, a movie set in the universe of HBO’s hit series “The Sopranos,” originally set to release September 25th, 2020, is now coming out March 12th, 2021. The film is a prequel to the recently mentioned title and is currently going by the name of “The Many Saints of Newark.”

Also in DC Comics movie news, a couple more titles have been moved around. “Shazam 2,” which was supposed to release April 1st, 2022, is being pushed back seven months to a new November 4th release. I have no problem with this, because that just means I have probably already figured out what I might want to do on my 23rd birthday about 2.5 years before it even arrives.

Alright, kids. Buckle up. This movie deserves its own paragraph, because while I am busy bitching about all of these movies that have been pushed back like a skinny dude in a wrestling match, there’s one movie that has believe it or not, been pushed FORWARD. I’m talking about another DC movie, “The Flash!” The film was supposed to release July 1st, 2022 but has recently been pushed forward to its new June 2nd release date, also in 2022. I have NO IDEA if this movie will be out by this time, and to be honest, it’s almost wishful thinking. This film was supposed to come out in 2018 as the DCEU’s sixth installment. Phil Lord and Christopher Miller, famous for movies including “21 Jump Street” and TV shows including “The Last Man on Earth” were supposed to get the ground running. They sent a treatment, but they couldn’t direct the film because they were busy. Seth-Grahame Smith was hired to direct, but he dropped out in 2016 due to creative differences. Then, Rick Famuyiwa said he was directing as of June 2016, and production was going to start in January 2017. But by the looks of things, that did not seem to last, as Screen Junkies reported that Robert Zemeckis was on a shortlist of directors to take on “The Flash.” Also on the shortlist, Sam Raimi and Matthew Vaughn, two famous directors within the comic movie realm. This comes three months after a Variety report that Joby Harold (Edge of Tomorrow, Underground) was going to rewrite the script. FLASH (see what I did there?) forward to June 2017, look who’s back! Lord and Miller, that’s who! While things did not seem to go far, the Wrap reported that the dynamic duo were in talks to direct the film again. Then in February 2018, another duo popped up, this time it was John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein. These two managed to create one of the best comedies of the past five years, “Game Night,” and they also acquired comic book movie experience through writing the Disney/Sony collaboration, “Spider-Man: Homecoming.” Then came July 2019, where the duo announced their departure from the project! As of now, the project is expected to be helmed by Andy Muschietti (It, Mama) and Christina Hodson (Birds of Prey, Bumblebee). Also joining the project as a producer is Barbara Muschietti, Andy’s sister. As for Ezra Miller, who plays The Flash in the DCEU, who knows what’ll happen to him after the recent controversial video of him released where he chokes a woman? This project is going GREAT so far!

Holy crap, that was a mouthful. You think “The New Mutants” is having trouble? At least that movie got f*cking shot! “The Flash” has not even reached “production” level! It’s insanity! I remain hopeful that this film comes out in June 2022, but this is one of those cases of where I’ll believe this movie when I see it.

Warnermedia has also delayed two movies to November 2021. One of which was the movie Tom Hanks was shooting in Australia when tested positive for COVID-19, an untitled Elvis film. The film was originally supposed to come out October of next year. However, one film got the “F9” treatment where it won’t even see the light of day this year. It was once set to come out this November, but that will not be happening.

Moving away from Warnermedia, let’s talk about Sony. Recently I discussed that the studio pretty much abandoned the summer of 2020, pushing back films including “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” and “Morbius.” But it just so appears that they have delayed one of their Fall projects as well, specifically “Venom 2,” which is now titled “Venom: Let There Be Carnage.” Based on the title, the film is likely to have the comic book villain Carnage as the main antagonist, information that has been teased since the first movie. I’ll be blunt here, I am not looking forward to “Venom 2.” This is a delay that I am not personally offended by. I will say, I do feel bad for the people behind the film, because the first one came out in an October as well and grossed over $800 million. Then again, that piece of crap people like to call “Venom” grossed over $800 million even though it is most likely the worst movie that I have seen which is related to “Spider-Man.” This sequel has one thing giving me mixed thoughts, and that is the director. I feel like the vision for the first “Venom” is entirely corporate and lacks soul. I still wonder why people even clapped at the end of the movie. Even though Ruben Fleischer did some decent stuff in the past, like “Zombieland,” this was an idea that felt rushed and underwhelming. And honestly, they should have gone for the R rating. But this time, it is being directed by Andy Serkis, who definitely has a knack for visual effects, both in terms of acting and behind the scenes. However, I’ve heard “Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle” was not the best work in the world. It has a 53% on Rotten Tomatoes, indicating that a majority of critics liked it, but it’s also not the finest number of all time. I like Andy Serkis, but I have vivid memories of the first “Venom” and they’re not pretty. I still have a bad taste in my mouth. The “Venom” sequel hits theaters June 25, 2021, which was “The Batman’s” former release date, as opposed to when “Venom: Let There Be Carnage” was supposed to hit theaters, October 2nd, 2020.

HBO MAX LAUNCH DATE ANNOUNCED

Now I love physical media, and I will likely continue to buy it even in a time where I cannot leave my house. It is by far the best way to watch a movie. Although if I were to invest in a streaming service anytime soon, one of my options is likely going to be HBO Max, which, yes, it will have HBO content. This service will be launching May 27th, as announced in a trailer down below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yLNhhHs3-k

Doesn’t HBO have a couple fancy streaming services already? Sure, but this is one may be worth your time. Aside from including bunches of HBO content including “Game of Thrones,” “Westworld,” and “The Sopranos,” they will also be shipping in content from alternate channels such as TBS, TNT, Cartoon Network, and truTV, all of which are owned by Warnermedia. So this means in addition to all of the HBO programming available at launch, viewers will have access to content including “Conan,” “Impractical Jokers,” “Rick and Morty,” and “Miracle Workers.” Also available for TV are all the seasons of “Friends” and “The Big Bang Theory,” two of the longest running situation comedies of all-time. Another really long series that you can invest some time in is “South Park,” the long-running animated series that caters to an adult demographic. That series in particular will join the service this June. They’re even using content from a streaming service that I don’t know how many of you knew existed, DC Universe. From this, it can be confirmed that one of the starters for this service is “Doom Patrol,” based on a previously established superhero team. One show I am still wondering about is DC’s “Harley Quinn,” which recently dropped season 2 on DC Universe, but who knows what’ll happen in regards to coming to HBO Max? But don’t worry, there’s movies too! Some of the upcoming titles are “2001: A Space Odyssey,” “A Star is Born,” “The Dark Knight,” “Joker,” “The Matrix,” “Pokemon: Detective Pikachu,” the DCEU movies, and the Studio Ghibli library. The service is likely to serve around 10,000 hours of content at launch, which is more than Disney+ and Comcast’s Peacock, which is now available for Xfinity customers, but will be available for everybody else starting July 15th.

The downside however, is the price. At $14.99/month, which is more than what one would pay for Hulu, which has significantly more content, it is not the cheapest service out there. However, HBO has been known for their premium programming, therefore it is no surprise that a premium price would be placed for HBO Max. But if you are a Charter customer, it is free as long as you are currently paying for HBO. Certain AT&T customers, specifically those paying premium prices for AT&T’s services, will also be given HBO Max for free. Nevertheless, even though I don’t stream much, I think I would get some use out of HBO Max if I were to buy a subscription. Warner Bros. is my favorite movie studio, HBO is a notable channel with a lot of content known for quality, and TBS, plus truTV, have done some originals I like, plus some that I have missed out on that I want to check out like “Wrecked.” I just hope that said originals make it to the service in the first place.

Speaking of originals, there is some original content coming to HBO Max. Season 3 of “Search Party,” which originally aired on TBS, will debut on the service. Anna Kendrick will be starring in a new comedy, “Love Life,” which comes from Lionsgate Television. But if you have kids, there will also be content related to “Sesame Street” and “Looney Tunes.” HBO Max was going to have a “Friends” reunion at launch, but it has been delayed due to COVID-19 complications. Sorry, they will not be there for you.

Going back to my original point, HBO Max launches May 27th on smart devices, so if you cut the cord but miss many of the cable-based shows, or you just want some acclaimed TV and movies to watch, HBO Max may get your seal of approval.

HOME VIDEO RELEASES

Going back to my comment on physical media, it is fun to collect, but not everyone does it anymore. In fact, it’s getting hard to do in these times now that places like the mall have basically shut their doors down. Walmart’s still open, so there’s that. And if you do want to know what new releases are on DVD and Blu-ray, some notable titles include “Bad Boys For Life,” “Ip Man 4: The Finale,” “The Gentlemen,” and “Like a Boss,” which already released on digital, but needed some time to come out on physical formats. Out of these films, the only one I’ve seen is “The Gentlemen,” which honestly underwhelmed me. Hopefully that won’t be the same case should some of you give it a shot.

As for digital media, there is not much new content to pick from. However, “Wendy,” a movie that takes place on an island and follows a young girl in world that is increasingly facing destruction, has just dropped on services as of April 17th. So if you are expecting me to talk about any blockbuster titles dropping, think again.

Thanks for reading the fifth part of the ongoing series “Movies and COVID-19: Behind the Scenes!” This was a long one to make, so I’ll try to wrap things up quick. If you’re wondering where my reviews are, I want to make them, but the apocalypse is currently my priority. Plus, “My Spy” hasn’t dropped on Prime yet, so there’s that. But should things still be hectic next week, which they most likely will, there’s a good chance you’ll see a part 6 to this series. Because life sucks! I have not left my house for *anything,* even a walk, for almost a month now. How did the country, no, the WORLD even get here?! Be sure to follow Scene Before either with an email or WordPress account so you can tuned for more great content! Speaking of great content, why not check out my Facebook page? Give it a like and keep up with the latest info through Mark Zuckerberg’s wonderland! I want to know, did I miss anything for this past week? What are some your big points as of late regarding film and COVID-19? It could even be something I already mentioned! Or, what are you looking forward to seeing on HBO Max? Is there something you want to see that has not been fully announced? If they drop TBS’s “King of the Nerds” on the service, I’m sucking all my money into it. Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

75th Golden Globes and Gender Equality: What Does It Equal?

Posted on by Jack Drees

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Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! On January 7th, 2018 the “75th Golden Globes” was held. Seventy-five, undoubtedly, is a big number for any event, however this felt like other “Golden Globes” shows I watched with a 75 shoved in the title. Although based on my experience, it wasn’t as pleasant to watch. Nevertheless, it happened. Strange things occurred when it comes to the show. No, that’s not a “Stranger Things” pun, even though the show had a nomination. Apparently “The Boss Baby” was GOOD ENOUGH to be nominated for Best Animated Feature Film. As for one of the winners, specifically James Franco (The Disaster Artist), who won Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy, which in my opinion is incredibly deserved, he allowed Tommy Wiseau, the person who may be most responsible for his film, to come onstage as he was thanking him. As Wiseau came up, he tried to take the mic, but Franco pushed him out of the way. To be fair, Franco had limited time to speak so this was rather understandable. However it still comes off as either rude or weird. I don’t know, make your pick.

For those who were wondering what Tommy would have said, he went on KTLA 5, a local news network out of Los Angeles, CA. While he was on the program, he was promoting his disasterpiece, “The Room,” saying it’ll be back in cinemas for one night only, specifically Wednesday, January 10th. This technically means that “The Room” has a quality that associates with a lot of bad movies, despite how this is technically a rerelease, you can now say “The Room” released in January! During the promotion, the whole push incident was brought up. Tommy explained what he would have said if he actually had the mic. “If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live, and I’d say I’m making dream, it’s alive, it’s real, and again I’m very proud of “The Room,” etc. That’s it, that’s all I want to say. Nice thing. But somebody was like naaaaw, you cannot do that.” Out of all the things that were prominent at the Golden Globes this year, it was the message to not sexually harass and the promotion of the #MeToo movement.

The #MeToo movement was popularized in October 2017 when word was getting out that apparently a lot of men in Hollywood happened to be perverts. Such people included Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Louis CK, Ben Affleck, Danny Masterson, Brett Ratner, and Bryan Singer. I think this movement is a good way to say that you shouldn’t sexually abuse others against their will.

When it comes to a lot of award shows I watch, I notice that they always touch upon certain social issues. As this occurs, people give their thoughts on the issue and I have nothing against it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, there’s nothing wrong with having an opinion on anything. Unless of course you actually enjoyed “The Emoji Movie.” This year, the Me Too movement was extremely prominent. Almost everyone was wearing black. Not just women, but men too. A lot of women mentioned something along the lines of sexual harassment and how awful it is in their acceptance speech, Oprah Winfrey was given the Cecil B. DeMille award, which lead to an extended speech about sexual harassment, how “time is up,” and letting women know that they shouldn’t have to worry about the concept as much in the future now that all of the #MeToo stuff is happening. The #MeToo movement from my personal point of view is a very positive movement. However, the question I have is, is it completely justified or executed in a proper manner?

On one hand, I’d say it’s absolutely justified, sexual harassment is a serious issue. I’m well aware it’s usually the men who give the harassment and the women who receive the harassment, and I’m proud of all these women coming out and telling the hidden secrets behind all of the perversion they’ve received over the years. There are times however during this Golden Globes event where I think the events surrounding it went a little too far.

As mentioned earlier, almost everyone who attended the Golden Globes wore black. When it comes to the people who didn’t, one standout is Blanca Blanco. Yes, that’s her real name. Blanca Blanco is an actress who appeared in movies such as “Teen Star Academy” and “Fake News.” So in other words, you probably don’t care about what she’s done career-wise. Blanco showed up to the event wearing a red dress, which eventually lead to loads of flak. She made an exclusive statement to Refinery29, an American digital media company whose target audience is young women, and she had this to say:

“I love red. Wearing red does not mean I’m against #timesup movement. I applaud and stand by the courageous actresses that continue to brake the circle of abuse through their actions and their style choice. It is one of many factors leading women to a safer place because of their status in the acting world. I am excited about the ‘Time’s UP’ movement because true change is long overdue.”

By the way, me spelling “brake” is not an error, that’s how Blanco wrote her statement.

Up above is a photo of Blanco in her red dress, and this is when the controversy first started. A number of people think the dress is fine example of stupidity that disgraces the #MeToo movement whereas others think its just a nice looking dress that stands out. I’m on the side that doesn’t exactly care about the dress color. It’s extremely elegant and presentable as a dress, and it doesn’t matter whether its red or black or violet! Although rainbow colors would be a little weird for it according to my imagination. Blanca Blanco is that one person who shows up at the photo studio for a family photo who didn’t wear the same outfit, and I don’t care! By the way, why do outfits always have to match for family photos? That’s so odd! If I ever shown up to an event such as the Golden Globes, I would try to look nice, but in the end, color isn’t something that should necessarily be non-optional for its attendees. You can do it to show your support for a movement, but just because someone doesn’t wear a certain color, it doesn’t mean they don’t support a movement. What was it that Blanca Blanco said in that statement?

“I love red.”

You go girl! Also, what amazes me about this is how women’s rights are still an issue today, and everyone is kind of saying that this woman doesn’t have the right to wear red. By the way, I’ll have Blanca Blanco remind you something.

No red-shaming!

Next up, we’re gonna talk about Natalie Portman, or as I like to call her, one of the two people in a romantic relationship that had no chemistry in “Star Wars Episode II.” She’s a fine actress, but from a script perspective her character just didn’t work. During hear appearance at the Golden Globes, she went onstage alongside Ron Howard, and before going any further. Look at Natalie’s smile! She looks like she went into an orphanage, stayed awhile, and had a nice meal. And by a nice meal, I mean she ate all of the children! While the two were onstage, they were presenting the nominees and winner for Best Director. Natalie had one thing to say before the nominees were presented. She said, “And here are the all male nominees.” Best Director had five nominees, all of which were male. They are Christopher Nolan (Dunkirk), Steven Spielberg (The Post), Martin McDonagh (Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri), Ridley Scott (All the Money in the World), and Guillermo del Toro (The Shape of Water). Let me just say that all of these from what I heard were completely justifiable nominees, and I can somewhat understand people complaining that Greta Gerwig (Lady Bird) or Patty Jenkins (Wonder Woman) didn’t get nominated. However, I don’t really find this joke funny. For one thing, it’s kind of forced and comes off as cringeworthy. Another thing I don’t like about it is that it’s basically shaming talented people, just because they’re men. Yes, you can technically say that the nominators are to blame here, but in reality, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re accusing them for nominating people and what they did was wrong because they have something that they can’t alter! Well, unless you get a procedure done. Not to mention, Portman was standing next to Ron Howard, a male director. Do I find the jab offensive? Not really. It’s just something that shouldn’t have been said. This may be a night to promote gender equality, but it’s also a night to celebrate achievement in film. And yes, more female directors would be nice, but it’s a female’s choice on whether or not she directs a movie just like how it’s a male’s choice. As much as I would love to see more great movies directed by women, I ultimately just want to see terrific movies directed by PEOPLE. Speaking of women and men, let’s talk about how the show opened.

Seth Meyers kicked the night off by walking onstage, and before he introduces himself with his full name, he says to everyone, “Good evening ladies and remaining gentlemen.” Having heard that, not only is that clever, but also hilarious. The monologue continues and eventually arrives at a point where Seth does a bit that he does on “Late Night with Seth Meyers” called Jokes Seth Can’t Tell, but every single joke is coming from a Hollywood star in the Golden Globe audience. I can’t really say I laughed all that much, even though it was nice hearing Jessica Chastain’s voice. At one point, we get to Amy Poehler, who I can’t really say makes terrible decisions in the business given that she played Joy in “Inside Out,” but hearing her talk here made me think I was watching “Ghostbusters” 2016. I’m not against feminist values, but she’s just forcing this “mansplaining” joke, if you can call it a joke, down everyone’s throat. It just felt like an awkward comedy or a really horrible “SNL” sketch.

Also, I want to say, Barbra Streisand (Yentl, The Guilt Trip) showed up at the event, and when she went onstage, this happened to be towards the end of the show. This was some time after Oprah Winfrey accepted her Cecil B. DeMille award. I must say, out of everyone who appeared and spoke at the event, she probably had the speech that will be recalled most out of them all. When Oprah exclaimed “Their time is up,” that put my brain into remembrance mode. So when Streisand shows up onstage later, she reminds everyone that time’s up, she was the first and only female director to win Best Director at a Golden Globes event, and that we need more female directors, not to mention more nominated female directors. I’m gonna say the same thing I said about Natalie Portman. People should make great movies, not just women. And I’m also gonna say this, just let the people nominated have their night. Much like Natalie’s jab, I don’t find anything Streisand is saying offensive. In fact, she does make a good point, we do need more competent movies from female directors. Although in reality, movies are movies, and people are people. I don’t care who directed the movie, as long as it’s not Anthony Ferrante (Sharknado 1-5). In the end, I just think what she’s saying is somewhat disrespectful at this time and place. If all the Best Director nominees were objectively terrible, let’s just say the nominees were Michael Bay (Transformers: The Last Knight), Paul W.S Anderson (Resident Evil: The Final Chapter), Peter Chelsom (The Space Between Us), Tomas Alfredson (The Snowman), and Dean Devlin (Geostorm), then I’d understand. However, all the nominees probably deserved some respect based on how well received their films happened to be. I seriously want to know, when you watch “America’s Got Talent,” does the host, AKA the one who presents all the winners and people going through to the next round, say something like “We need more variety winners?” No they don’t! I’m not against Oprah Winfrey’s speech whatsoever because it was mainly about ending abuse. Not nominating many female directors isn’t abuse, it’s just not considering people in a certain category. Also, I must say, at least Natalie Portman’s comment, while perhaps forced, was an attempt to make people laugh. Streisand’s comment just felt like it was rushed and it literally had no impact other than simply existing. With the exception of a gender swap, there is probably no other way a man can change exactly who they are. They’re a man, they can’t control that, just as how women can’t control being a woman. I’m not against the idea of nominating more female directors and having them win, but I’m against the idea of women literally having to insult boys for being boys. PLEASE DON’T TAKE THOSE LAST FOUR WORDS THE WRONG WAY.

There are so many people who gave this Golden Globes event a 1 on IMDb, and I can see why. I wouldn’t say it’s a 1/10 show, there are some good moments, it’s just that a chunk of the stuff about Time’s Up came off as forced despite being a positive movement, much like the #MeToo movement. You can share ideas, but there’s a fine line between sharing ideas and forcing them. Sharing them was done with Seth’s introduction line, forcing them was done with Natalie Portman as she presented the Best Director nominees. Next year, let’s try sharing and see how that pans out. Thanks for reading this post, I just want everyone to know that next week I will have my review up for “Molly’s Game,” I’m going to see it next Monday, so I’ll either get the review up by the end of the day or on Tuesday. Also, on Thursday, January 18th, I’m going to be starting my review series for the “Maze Runner” movies, starting with the first installment, simply referred to as “The Maze Runner.” This is being done because the third movie in the series, “Maze Runner: Death Cure,” will be releasing January 26th, and I figured I’d review the first two “Maze Runner” films in preparation for the third installment. Stay tuned for those reviews, and look forward to more great content! Did you watch the 75th Golden Globes show? What did you think? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

“So I want all the girls watching here, now, to know that a new day is on the horizon! And when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women, many of whom are right here in this room tonight, and some pretty phenomenal men, fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who take us to the time when nobody ever has to say “Me too” again.” -Oprah Winfrey

Top 10 WORST Movies of 2017

Posted on by Jack Drees

Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! I just posted my top 10 BEST movies of 2017, so that means I now have to do my top 10 WORST movies of 2017. I’ve seen a good number of movies this year, some of which were great, some OK, and others that I probably don’t want to watch again unless I was being paid, or maybe I don’t want the money because the movie would torture me enough to where I beg for mercy. This list is dedicated to THOSE films. The worst of the worst. Just like with my BEST movies list I’ll remind you that I not seen every single movie that has come out in 2017. So if you’re wondering why movies like “Fifty Shades Darker,” “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter,” or “Jigsaw” are not present here, consider what I just said your reason. There’s tons of crap that comes out that there’s not enough time to watch it all. Not to mention I haven’t seen “Fifty Shades of Grey,” nor have I seen any prior “Resident Evil” or “Saw” installments so it would be even weirder watching those movies. So there you go, my case stands. Also, this is my personal opinion so if you’re wondering why I didn’t put a certain movie on the list, there’s a chance I didn’t see it or I actually admired it. Another rule I’ll state is that the films I’m talking about had to have been shown in the theater at least once, and as far as I know, I haven’t seen any theater times listed anywhere for “Sharknado 5: Global Swarming” so that movie’s off the list. Before we proceed onto my top 10, I have two dishonorable mentions I feel need to be briefly talked about on here.

Dishonorable Mention: The Glass Castle

My first honorable mention is “The Glass Castle.” This is based on a book I didn’t read in its entirety, but having gone through a portion of it, I have to automatically say the book is not only better than the movie, but actually something worth your time.

Dishonorable Mention: Gifted

Lastly for the brief mentions, we have “Gifted,” which is a word that associates with the movie’s title, a character in the movie with said title, but not the movie itself. It has solid performances and nice location choices, but the amount of product placement this movie had made it feel like a commercial.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s reflect on my poor life choices. These are my top 10 WORST movies of 2017.

#10: Transformers: The Last Knight

(Sigh) That’s right. This s*it happened. “Transformers: The Last Knight” happened. I know a lot of people don’t like the “Transformers” movies, but I will say that each one has at least one redeeming quality about them. The score, the effects, I will even go as far as to say that the first movie had a solid story. The experience I had watching this film in the theater is one of the worst I EVER had. I can imagine everyone who saw this in IMAX got a slightly better experience than I did seeing this film in Real-D 3D. While some movies partially shot with IMAX cameras change its aspect ratio only when shown in IMAX, not to mention every once in awhile during the runtime like with “The Dark Knight” and “The Dark Knight Rises,” I actually experienced aspect ratio changes in a standard theater! I mean, WHAT?! This doesn’t bring ANY immersion to the table! Unless I was seeing this in something like RPX or Cinemark XD or something else along those lines, watching this movie anywhere but IMAX would be a s*it filled ride down a toilet! Unlike other movies partially shot in IMAX which changes its ratio after some period of time, the ratio kept changing every other second, and it almost felt like there was no reason for it! The only real positive I can give to this film is that it is actually somewhat funny at times and the effects are also kind of cool. Other than that, it’s pretty much the same thing you’ve seen in previous “Transformers” installments shoved into this one. Here’s some advice: Either end the franchise, start over, or just TRY to make a good movie.

#9: Snatched

This next movie is Goldie Hawn’s return to the big screen. Having seen this film, she should have waited just a bit longer. After seeing “Snatched,” I can confirm it is complete and total s*it. I will be somewhat fair to this considering it is after all a stupid comedy so it’s not really trying to come off as Shakespeare material, but in all reality, this movie was bad. The movie reminded me of “The Guilt Trip,” which a good amount of people didn’t like, but I thought was all right for what it was. So in a way, you can say this is a worse version of “The Guilt Trip.” Although instead of a parent and child going on a road trip, they’re on vacation in paradise. The experience of watching the movie itself is rather unfunny, awkward, and you grow to dislike some of the characters as you watch it. One thing I really hate in comedies, maybe depending on the movie, is when you can predict what’s coming. This movie has that for me. There was one really funny scene and a rather chuckleworthy character, but if the movie didn’t have those elements mixed in, it would be higher on the list. Did I mention this movie’s complete and total s*it? Cause if I didn’t, “Snatched” is complete and total s*it!

#8: The Circle

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Let’s just say that the movie I’m preparing to tell you about is one you’ve never seen before. I tell you the plot is rather relevant in ways, it’s based on a book liked by many readers, it has cast members including Tom Hanks (Saving Private Ryan, Forrest Gump), Emma Watson (Beauty and the Beast, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone), John Boyega (Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Attack the Block), Bill Paxton (Weird Science, Aliens), Karen Gillan (Guardians of the Galaxy, Doctor Who), Patton Oswalt (King of Queens, Ratatouille), ALL of those people! Then you see the movie, and kick me in the f*cking crotch. What movie I’m talking about? I’m talking about “The Circle.” Aside from the fact that the plot could have been executed better and that there’s periods of the film where basically nothing happens, the movie just makes you think, why are all of these actors together?! How do you get all of these heavyweights/popular names all in one movie and have it suck ass?! The movie’s marketing makes you think that Tom Hanks is going to be in the film for quite some time, but he isn’t really! He’s barely even there at all! In fact, speaking of actors here, what purpose does John Boyega serve? For what I recall upon first watching the movie, you could literally remove him from the picture and have little to no change to the story, at least that’s what I recall. Oh yeah, and speaking of abominable things this movie has, the ending sucks. This ending’s so bad that as far as this decade goes, it rivals movies like “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” and the “Ghostbusters” reboot. The good news is, if you are somehow curious to watch this piece of crap, it’s free if you’re an Amazon Prime member (at the time of making this list)! So if you have Prime, you have the option to subject yourself to this unbelievably atrocious torture.

#7: Underworld: Blood Wars

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Kate Beckinsale. Badass, right? Not here! Not in “Underworld: Blood Wars” she isn’t! This is fifth installment in the “Underworld” franchise, and at this point, it needs to stop! In fact, it looks like it’s gonna keep going on, I heard it’s getting a TV series sometime in the future. The whole idea behind “Underworld” isn’t that heavy, it’s a world of humans, vampires, and werewolves, it’s a time of war, and it might as well be an excuse for mindless action. I enjoyed the first two “Underworld” installments, but based on how I feel about the material released after, that’s where the series should have stopped. I mean, to be fair, there’s one good thing about the movie and that’s the fact that it’s really short compared to a lot of other movies released nowadays, so you can say that implies I spent less time suffering here than I did during other films.

#6: The Only Living Boy in New York

Coming in at #6 is a movie I watched towards the year’s end since it was free on Amazon. By the way, the fact that this movie was free was the only perk that came with watching it, because other than that, I gotta say “The Only Living Boy In New York” is a piece of crap. Kate Beckinsale plays one of the lead roles in this film and I hate saying that because that means “Underworld: Blood Wars” isn’t the only dumpster fire featuring said actress! This movie was directed by Marc Webb, who also directed another movie on this list which is featured in the honorable mentions, “Gifted.” I will say though, at least “Gifted” was funny at times, it had some likable characters, and a hint of charm to it. Here in this movie, it almost feels like nobody’s happy, the main character’s mopey, the mistress he falls in love with during the movie is confused and thinks more like a computer running on Dial-Up Internet than a human, nobody seems like they’re in a good mood. Also, let’s talk about the music. By itself, the music isn’t all that bad, but at times, it feels a little too epic for a movie such as this. At times it felt like something that would be appropriate for something like an adventure flick as opposed to a drama. The way people behave in this movie almost gave me a headache. The choices they make, the way they act around each other, the way they are themselves, it’s just awkward, boring, or painful to watch. Also, the reason behind the movie’s title is something I didn’t care for. I didn’t care for how the main character wanted to write and I cared more for the mistress story. And this is really freaking sad if you ask me because as the owner of Scene Before, I’m a writer!

#5: Downsizing

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Coming in at #5 is “Downsizing.” Prior to this list’s publication, this was the most recent 2017 release I saw, meaning 2017 ended with a big whimper. On paper, this film sounds interesting. A guy is shrunken down and goes to live in this space with other tiny beings. Trust me when I say that this movie just makes you rack your mind up with tons of questions about the film’s practicality. Not only that, but the movie is just BOOORING! If there’s a clever way to describe “Downsizing,” I’d describe it like this: In the first act, it might as well be called “Questioning the Logic of Everything: The Movie,” and the following acts are basically what can be referred to as “C-SPAN with no politics and more fictional characters.” If Matt Damon made a bad decision on doing “The Great Wall” this year, that logically means he made an even worse decision by doing this piece of s*it.

#4: How to Be a Latin Lover

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There are some films that are funny such as “The Hangover,” some that try to be funny but fail such as “Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb,” and then there are those that give you the illusion that you just died, you entered Hell, and it’s the Devil that’s torturing you. Case and point, “How to Be a Latin Lover.” Woooow. If “Snatched” is complete and total s*it, then “How to Be a Latin Lover” is complete and total birds*it. I didn’t see this in the theater, but I was eager to check it out once it came out on Blu-ray because I found it used for a reasonable price. This is a comedy that not only has jokes we’ve seen before HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF TIMES (sex jokes up the wazoo, some of which are just cringeworthy to say the least), but also contains lazy jokes that I never thought I’d hear. Speaking of cringeworthy, there are a number of characters that really made me feel as if I was getting ten needles shoved in my eyes at the same time. Kristen Bell was just cartoony to the point of absurdity, the lead character played by Eugenio Derbez was unlikable, the henchmen are just giving forced jokes that are just painful to listen to. The jokes given by the henchmen could entertain kids watching say “Alvin and the Chipmunks 5: Chip Just Got Real.” That’s not a real movie, but it better not be in the future.

#3: Father Figures

If “Snatched” is complete and total s*it, and “How to Be a Latin Lover” is complete and total birds*it, then “Father Figures” is the biggest piece of dogs*it of all time! Imagine you’re tied to a chair, a dog is magically floating over your head, and said dog is taking a dump in your mouth for almost two hours. That would be irritating, right? I refuse to call this movie what they want me to call it! It’s not “Father Figures!” It’s “Bastards!” It’s a somewhat funnier title yet still appropriate for the story! Although if you want to be more accurate, it should be called “Bastard” because in reality, this movie is one f*cking bastard. Owen Wilson and Ed Helms aren’t funny in this movie, the only good parts about it are Terry Bradshaw and JK Simmons. Ving Rhames, AKA the guy whose voice you hear in the Arby’s commercials is in the movie, so that’s a plus. I can’t say he stands out. But at least I get to say he’s in it! Out of all the films I’ve seen this year, this one probably contains the scene that shrank my brain more than any other. This movie was draggy, annoying, and overall just unpleasant to watch. Avoid it like the plague!

#2: The Space Between Us

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Sci-fi is one of my goto genres when it comes to naming great films. I can give a ton of them. “Star Wars,” “Blade Runner,” “The Matrix,” “Interstellar,” “Back to the Future,” “The Martian,” “Arrival,” all of those movies show my love for sci-fi, not to mention film in general. Movies like “The Space Between Us?” Not so much. Seriously, what was this thing?! I have a friend who saw this movie, she got the “privilege” of seeing it with the rest of her work crew, and she f*cking hated it. This movie, like “How to Be a Latin Lover,” is a movie that I didn’t see in theaters, but picked up once I found it used on Blu-ray. It’s an absolute rarity that I can’t stand watching a science fiction flick as much as I wasn’t able to stand this one. Like, what the f*ck did I watch? The whole plot of the film is that two beings are attracted to each other romantically, one’s on Mars, one’s on Earth, and we have to suffer through one of the worst romances ever put in a movie. These two have no chemistry, and I felt like I was gonna die watching this. Oh yeah, and some of the camerawork and editing sucks too. I don’t think there’s many movies that annoyed me as much as this one when it comes to jumpcuts. It’s just so stupid! As much as I like Tom Holland as the MCU’s Spider-Man, I’m kind of mad they didn’t cast Asa Butterfield as that character because if they did there’s a possibility we wouldn’t have to have seen this garbage.

#1: The Emoji Movie

We’ve reached the bottom of the list folks. We’ve officially broken ground and went under! This is #1! There’s only one word that can describe this movie, and that word, is s*it. In fact, I think it’s very appropriate because this movie actually has a piece of s*it in it. At #1, I give you, the movie I DID NOT WANT TO SEE, but I did anyhow to fulfill the requests of those who wanted me to watch this, and to prove that I’m willing to sit through any movie. My #1 worst movie of 2017 is… “The Emoji Movie.” Remember how I said in my top 10 best list that “Colossal” was jaw-dropping? Well, this is jaw-dropping as well. I dropped my jaw as vomit exited my mouth thinking about this piece of crap. OK, I didn’t do that, but really, what minds thought this movie was a good idea? Well, according to the poster, Columbia Pictures and Sony Pictures Animation, and I’d like to give a giant f*ck you to both of them. I know I usually swear on these posts, and I have gotten some criticism for it, but f*ck it, I gotta do what I gotta do. And what I gotta do is say, f*ck this movie! Speaking of which, while I may swear on various posts, I don’t think I’ve done it to the extent which I did during my review/rant for “The Emoji Movie.” The post was so graphic in terms of language that I actually had to provide a warning in the title, which is a first for this blog! Here are some actual quotes from my tirade–err I mean, review, sorry, review:

“Some dumbasses watched some animations and said “Oh yeah, that was the s*it!,” and thought “Let’s try to recreate those, but with Emojis!” So they went to Sony Pictures Animation and suggested this s*itshow of an idea to them and Sony Pictures Animation told them, “Welcome aboard! Time to capitalize on the name “Emoji!” Who cares if it’s s*it? We decided that “The Angry Birds Movie” was a good idea so let’s become known as the phone movie gods!” My response to that is, thanks Sony Animation! Thanks for being a bunch of f*cking twerps that don’t understand the concepts of art and storytelling (flips two birds)!”

 

“It almost felt like Sony Animation or someone else behind this film thought about contacting a bunch of companies who make apps and say “Hey, you want to be in our s*itf*ck in the ass?” and they somehow put them all in there so they can just make s*itloads of money!”

 

““The Emoji Movie” is nothing but a rip off of better animations, a s*itty idea which became a s*itty movie, and a poorly written, anger-inducing f*ckpile of a film created by a bunch of c*cksucking jackasses that just want to capitialize on a trend! If this movie makes enough money, there’s a slight chance that some motherf*cker might make a “Fidget Spinner” movie! I have a good idea for one, but we DON’T NEED ONE!”

 

And I just realized, I haven’t even gotten into the film itself. It’s basically an hour and a half of TJ Miller being this Emoji that doesn’t fit into its own environment, he goes out on a quest to become a normal Emoji, and while this is happening, we sometimes cut to the real world outside the phone where TJ Miller is and we see this teenager who has a crush on a girl. At the same time, his phone is acting up and he wants to solve the problem. This is because of certain, catastrophic events if you will. Throughout we get this quest that has elements of “Wreck-It Ralph,” “The LEGO Movie,” and “Inside Out.” Although unlike those movies, this movie did its story in such a lazy fashion. Product placement up the wazoo, annoying characters up the wazoo, forced plot points up the wazoo, forced characterization that doesn’t even fit up the wazoo, and s*itty dialogue up the wazoo. The only positive I’ll give towards “The Emoji Movie” is the animation, it is passable and if this movie were silent, I imagine some people would be fine watching this. But here’s the thing. It’s 2017. Good animation is a requirement by now, it’s something a lot of folks expect in their movies. This movie, story-wise is dumb as f*ck, and character-wise, is full of crap. “The Emoji Movie” is not only one of the worst movies of the year, I will even go as far as to say, it’s the all time worst animation I’ve ever seen. It’s stupid on paper! So imagine how much dumber it is on a screen! This movie is worse than cancer! This movie is worse than Hitler! This movie is worse than getting a sword shoved up your ass! This movie is worse than any other movie I’ve seen in 2017.

Guys! 2017 is history! I think that is something that a small part of me never thought I’d say. This year not only wasn’t the greatest for movies, it was probably the worst for me personally. I may be a Negative Nancy because there were a number of positive moments in 2017, such as getting to meet the cast of “Revenge of the Nerds,” getting to see an IMAX 70mm presentation, and getting a chance to do a ton of reviews for the latest in film. Although in reality, this year was shrouded in f*ckery. The US alone is a proper example. We have a controversial group of people alongside a controversial leader of the country. We have a lot of sexual harassment scandals coming out of nowhere, which is good for getting the word out, but they occasionally involve people who have been admired. We also have the “new Internet.” Net Neutrality has been repealed, meaning that the Internet itself can be more expensive from a user perspective, which could mean that you have to pay to read my blog (at least I think that’s possible). By the way, f*ck FCC Chairman Ajit Pai. Seriously though, the year’s over, and it’s time to move on! I would like to thank everyone for reading my blog in 2017, and I hope to see more people reading it during 2018! I think personally that 2018 will manage to be worse than 2017, but only time will tell, and I really want to get off that topic now. Thanks for reading this countdown! I hope your 2018 goes well, I’m hoping to review more movies for you guys, unleash more content, and I hope you enjoy it all! I mentioned at the beginning of this post that I did my top 10 BEST movies of 2017, and if you want to read that, click the red box below that says “Top 10 BEST Movies of 2017.” Stay tuned for more reviews, more countdowns, other great content! I want to know, what are your worst movies of 2017? Do you think I missed a certain film? Let know about it and maybe I’ll agree, and if I haven’t seen it, I know now not to watch it! Leave all of that info down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!