The Instigators (2024): Wicked Average

“The Instigators” is directed by Doug Liman (The Bourne Identity, Jumper) and stars Matt Damon (The Martian, Good Will Hunting), Casey Affleck (Manchester by the Sea, Gone Baby Gone), Hong Chau (Kinds of Kindness, The Menu), Michael Stuhlbarg (Call Me by Your Name, The Shape of Water), Paul Walter Hauser (Cobra Kai, Inside Out 2) Ving Rhames (The Garfield Movie, Mission: Impossible), Alfred Molina (Raiders of the Lost Ark, Spider-Man 2), Toby Jones (Frost/Nixon, W), Jack Harlow (White Men Can’t Jump), and Ron Perlman (Hellboy, Pinocchio). This film is about two men who go on the run with a therapist after a heist does not go as planned.

As someone who has lived in Massachusetts all his life, it should not come as a surprise that I have a few Boston-based movies under my belt. Movies like “The Departed,” “Good Will Hunting,” “Spotlight,” “Ted,” “Patriots Day,” “Stronger…” Granted I still have not seen everything like “Mystic River,” “Black Mass,” “Gone Baby Gone…” Still waiting to get around to those. But as someone from this area, I feel it is my duty to check out a Boston-based film when possible, which is one reason why I saw “The Instigators” recently.

Sadly though, I cannot say I was that excited for this movie. The trailer failed to impress me, and I did not think this movie was going to do that well.

There are times where I almost forgot I had to review this movie, which is really weird when you consider my experience with it. This is a true story… When I saw this film on opening Thursday night, I am not making this up, my theater was decked to the brim with “The Instigators” posters. If this were my bedroom, you would think I have an unhealthy obsession with this movie. That should probably give you some indication as to how my experience went down.

For the record, I do not despise “The Instigators,” but I also cannot say it is worth your time either. This is one of those movies that barely kept me awake as it went. Does it have a good pace to it? Sure. Do I like the cast in the movie? Sure. Do I think the movie has some clever moments? Sure. But everything about the overall experience of the film just screams middle of the road. There is nothing outright amazing about “The Instigators,” especially when compared to other Boston titles like “The Departed.” If I was in a Boston mood and I wanted to truly pay attention to every single detail on screen, I would simply turn on “The Departed.” But as for “The Instigators,” the situation in which I most likely see myself watching this movie again in the future would probably be when I just need some background noise. Part of me wants to say that I could maybe catch the movie on cable and just leave it on, but I highly doubt that Apple is going to allow that to happen. I do not think they are in that kind of business.

Now as someone who resides on the North Shore of the Bay State, I do fit into some local stereotypes. I do enjoy Dunkin’, I buy a ticket to a ballgame at Fenway, I have used the term “Storrowed” every once in a while, and I have even had the privilege of seeing a couple Boston Marathons in person. When I was in college the Boston Marathon route went right by my campus, so I took advantage of my commuter parking pass and got to see the event play out a couple times. Heck, I went to see this movie IN THE ONLY THEATER TECHNICALLY IN BOSTON, not any of its suburbs, selling tickets for it! But I have to be real with you, as much as I try, to varying successes and failures, to maintain my local roots, I have to admit this movie does a good job linking itself to the Greater Boston culture. When I say this however, I should also say, the movie almost does… TOO GOOD of a job. Sometimes the outcome this movie provides when it comes to its Boston tributes, if you can call them that, is almost pornographic. Whether it means Alfred Molina randomly showing up with Dunkin’, getting Rob Gronkowski of all people to make a rather gratuitous cameo, or having Hong Chau’s character mention she’s from Lynn during a chase and having the other characters say “Lynn Lynn the City of sin” just because. Though I must admit, there is a scene in the movie where we see a protest outside of Boston City Hall and I almost burst out laughing as soon as I saw a sign that read “FIX THE MBTA!”.

It is almost as if the crew behind this movie decided to ingrain themselves so heavily in Boston culture to the point where they sort of built a decent atmosphere for the film, but did not have the brains on how to make the film as entertaining as can be. Because as I look back at this film, I find to be uneventful, unmemorable, and minimally engaging. I cannot say I hate any of the characters on screen, but I am not going to remember their names in six months.

That said, this film is led by Matt Damon and Casey Affleck, and the two, to my lack of surprise, have decent chemistry in their roles. They both do a good job as two guys from Quincy, and even though I admit their journeys in this film fall into some pits of predictability, I enjoyed seeing their motivations play out and their personalities come to life. But when you have these two leading a movie like this, I kind of expect something more from the script or the plot, or even the direction.

Heck, this movie is directed by Doug Liman, whose resume partially includes “The Bourne Identity” and “Edge of Tomorrow,” which like those movies or not, you would probably agree with me when I say they look pretty cinematic. This movie honestly looks like it was made for television between its lighting that appears as if the crew forgot to brighten the bulb a tad occasionally. Yet at other times, it has some unusual camera tricks that try to appear cinematic, but only manage to feel jarring the longer I gaze my eyes upon them.

If I had to pick a performance in the film that stood out to me the most, it would probably be Ron Perlman as Mayor Miccelli. At a glance, Perlman very much looks the part of a politician. He has this look to him that like some politicians, you question yourself in the back of your mind on whether or not to trust him. His presence in the film made for some good scenes, especially towards the end.

And you know what? This is a poetic transition. If I had anything else to say that is positive about the film, I must admit, I was not 100% thrilled with all that it had to offer, but there are several scenes where you can easily be entertained by these characters. The entire cast oozes charisma, even if they are playing characters whose names you will probably erase from your memory after leaving the theater. Is part of it because some of the actors in the cast are recognizable? Perhaps. Why do you think I am going about this review referring to the actors names but not acknowledging their respective characters? But like some of their previous work, those recognizable actors play their parts well here. However, for me, this film was missing something. If anything the film is almost too stereotypical and lacking in any oomph that will make audiences remember it for years to come.

In the end, “The Instigators” is a somewhat entertaining movie, but it is not one that had me engaged the entire time. As the heist goes down, I am interested in what is going on. But I cannot say there are any standout moments in this film that will cement it as one of my favorites of the year. Does everyone in the cast do a good job? Again, sure. But they are not Oscar-worthy. This movie is on Apple TV+, and I can frankly see why. I have to be real, their record has not been working for me. Other than “CODA,” which is amazing, I cannot say I have seen one movie from Apple yet, and I include “Killers of the Flower Moon” in this thought, that has totally floored me. If you were planning on watching “The Instigators,” I am here to tell you your time will not be completely wasted, but you can probably use that time to do other things that would be more exciting. I am going to give “The Instigators” a 5/10.

“The Instigators” is now playing in select theaters and is available on Apple TV+ for all subscribers.

Thanks for reading this review! If you want to see more reviews like this, I have more coming! Stay tuned for my thoughts on “Sing Sing,” “Borderlands,” “Skincare,” “My Old Ass,” “Reagan,” and “It Ends with Us.” If you want to see these reviews and more from Scene Before, follow the blog either with an email or WordPress account! Also, check out the official Facebook page! I want to know, did you see “The Instigators?” What did you think about it? Or, since I clearly have no faith in their service, what is something you recommend on Apple TV+? Yes, I know they’ve got shows like “Ted Lasso,” “Severance,” “For All Mankind,” but I want to specifically ask if there are any movies from them that you enjoyed. Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

Army of the Dead (2021): A Stellar Cast Risk Their Lives Against Zombies in Quarantined Vegas

“Army of the Dead” is directed by Zack Snyder (Man of Steel, 300) and stars Dave Bautista (My Spy, Guardians of the Galaxy), Ella Purnell (Never Let Me Go, Sweetbitter), Omari Hardwick (Kick-Ass, Sorry to Bother You), Ana de la Reguera (Goliath, Narcos), Theo Rossi (Luke Cage, Sons of Anarchy), Matthias Schweighöfer (The Most Beautiful Day, You Are Wanted), Nora Arnezeder (Mozart in the Jungle, Safe House), Hiroyuki Sanada (Mortal Kombat, The Last Samurai), Tig Notaro (Transparent, Star Trek: Discovery), Raúl Castillo (Wrath of Man, Atypical), Huma Qureshi (Gangs of Wasseypur, Dedh Ishqiya), and Garret Dillahunt (The Mindy Project, Fear the Walking Dead). This film is about a group of people living in the future where Las Vegas has been taken over by zombies. These people unite together for one purpose, to get stinkin’ rich. To do that, they venture into Las Vegas, which is now a quarantine zone, to acquire a sinfully delicious amount of money.

I remember during the 2010s there was a huge zombie craze with shows like “The Walking Dead.” To be frank, as cool as zombies happen to be conceptually, I never fell into the rabbit hole of the craze. I mean I like “World War Z,” I like “Zombieland,” but I have not even gone back to watch many of the classic zombie stories. I still have not seen George Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead.” Admittedly, horror is one of my Achilles heels as a movie fan. I barely have any entries from that genre in my movie collection and of the genres that I imagine would “cater” to me, it is the one that I watch the least. I’m more of an action fan. I’m more of a comedy fan. I’m more of a sci-fi and fantasy fan. But there was something about “Army of the Dead” that sounded really intriguing. And I say this as someone who skipped the trailers. I just thought between the cast, Zack Snyder at the helm, and the environment, specifically a post-apocalyptic Vegas, it was a recipe for greatness. Now I did not think this would be a masterpiece, but it would at the very least be fun.

And fun it WAS.

I have not seen this movie since the theater last month. Yes, it released in theaters. But it’s also on Netflix if you want to watch it right now. Either way, I will just say, if you want something to watch where you can just shove tons of popcorn in your mouth, I think “Army of the Dead” is your answer. It is a film that, while well-crafted from start to finish, does not always take itself seriously, although I will admit it sometimes has an identity crisis that reminds me of the “Transformers” movies just a little. And for those reasons, it works like a charm.

If you want to know how not so serious this movie actually is, just watch the news segments during the film and listen to the quotes of the President of the United States. I do not want to spoil the film for those who have not watched it yet, but the President, who we do not necessarily see, does something that maybe in the world of this movie would make just a tiny tad of sense, but only to a certain demographic of people that would define themselves as uber-Patriotic perhaps. I don’t know, let’s just say that it is something that plays into the climax of the film and it is one of the highlights without giving anything away.

Going back to what I said about this film being like a “Transformers” movie, I am not necessarily lying. Because it is action-packed, there’s guns and explosions, and unfortunately, the characters, even though they have brief moments of charisma, leave a little to be desired. I did not think about this when watching the movie, but the main relationship between Dave Bautista and his daughter kind of gave me the same vibe of the relationship presented between the father and daughter in “Transformers: Age of Extinction.” In fact, walking out of the movie, and as I reflect on it, I barely even remember the names of the father and daughter when being forced to think about them without assistance from the Internet. The same can be said for all the other characters in the movie as well. I will say, the cast in the film is great, although there were quite a few characters I liked more than others. I was not necessarily a fan of Lily (Nora Arnezeder), as well portrayed as she was, but that has more to do with the plot and how things unfold than anything else.

Although if you want to know my favorite character in the film, I would say that honor goes to Tig Notaro’s character of Marianne Peters. If I have learned one thing in life, almost nothing matters more than a good first impression. And it when it comes to good first impressions, Peters’s first utterances in this film absolutely slap. On top of being one of the more wonderfully snarky characters in the entire film, Notaro did all of her footage on a green screen. For the record, her role was originally going to be played by Chris D’Elia but that changed in the middle of 2020 when sexual misconduct allegations surfaced regarding his name. From that point, Zack Snyder had to redo D’Elia’s scenes with someone new and that someone happened to be Notaro. I had no idea about this until after I watched the movie and I have to admit, having watched the film on the big screen, I did not notice any subtleties of an actor change.

After watching the movie, it is somewhat easier to pick up on this information, but it nevertheless looks nearly seamless. Well done.

In the previous film I reviewed, specifically “Wrath of Man,” I talked about the Johnny Cash song “Folsom Prison Blues” and how effectively used it was in that film. Since seeing the film, I have had little inklings of it in my head. I did not listen to that song much, but this film arguably has an even better use of a song that I do listen to from time to time. That song to be specific, is “Suspicious Minds” by Elvis Presley. I will not say too much other than the fact that this song plays in both the beginning and end of the film, but this once again goes to show the power of a film that can utilize a song to its fullest potential, because if executed right, it can ingrain itself into one’s head, kind of like it did with mine. I often point out the excellent use of film scores, but rarely do I point out written songs made prior to the movie that are then implemented later, and I figured now would be a good time.

In the end, “Army of the Dead” is not gonna win too many awards, it’s not gonna take Best Picture this year. I would be surprised if it is in my top 10 movies of the year in December, but it is a damn good time and one you certainly should check out. I often hear complaints from people who watch the movie that it is too long. Admittedly, I did not experience that fatigue. Maybe it is because I saw it in Cinemark XD and there were certain scenes that really popped that let me keep my chin up, but even though this film is almost two and a half hours, it felt like it was twenty to thirty minutes shorter than it actually was. The movie is just fun and that is all that I could ask for. I might be curious to watch it on Netflix one day, because I remember, speaking of Zack Snyder, when I watched the four hour “Zack Snyder’s Justice League” on HBO Max I had one or two brief pauses in between. I want to know if I would make it through “Army of the Dead” in one sitting, if I would need to pause, or if I would tap out at a certain point. That would be an interesting experiment, but it is not one I plan to do at the moment. Nevertheless, I *really* enjoyed myself with “Army of the Dead,” which by the way, I would now say has one of the more memorable opening credits sequences in film history. It sets the tone, it’s hypnotic, and presents everything you need to know. It was just the start of a straight up good time. I’m going to give “Army of the Dead” a 7/10.

“Army of the Dead” released in theaters on May 14th, although it is unlikely to be playing anywhere near you at the moment. So if you want to watch the film right now, it is available exclusively on Netflix.

Thanks for reading this review! My next review is going to be for John Krasinski’s brand new sequel, “A Quiet Place Part II.” Just crazy to think, that film was supposed to come out LAST YEAR. I will tell you if it is worth the wait very soon, just stay tuned! Speaking of staying tuned, be sure to follow Scene Before either with an email or WordPress account and check out the Facebook page so you can stay tuned for more great content! I want to know, did you see “Army of the Dead?” What did you think about it? Or, what are some movies that you think are too long? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

The Hurricane Heist (2018): Fast Storm, Slow Movie

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“The Hurricane Heist” is directed Rob Cohen (xXx, The Fast and the Furious) and stars Toby Kebbell (Fantastic Four, Warcraft), Maggie Grace (Taken, Lost), and Ryan Kwanten (True Blood, The Right Kind of Wrong) in a movie that’s pretty much as exactly as it sounds. A group of people want to pull off a heist, but why not do it during a hurricane?! It’ll be great! F*ck me.

I bought this movie on Blu-ray when I was in Connecticut, and while I can say that for the most part, I didn’t go in expecting all that much, I was just hoping to have fun. The marketing for this movie made it look bad, but the kind of bad that I imagine you’d want to see. Appropriately, the advertising had “Rock You Like a Hurricane.” I was just like, alright, let’s embrace the stupid. Unfortunately, I couldn’t, because this movie was just too boring. Sure, you’ve got an epic storm. But there is NOTHING ELSE of interest! I felt like I was watching the most boring episode of Bob Ross’s “The Joy of Painting.” In that episode, you don’t watch Bob paint, you watch paint dry. I was watching this late at night, and I still remember shouting “BOOOORING!” four or five times throughout this piece of crap!

What’s so boring about it? You don’t like any of the characters! The casting is wrong on so many levels! The writing is unrealistic! And I even think some of the dubbing is a fail too! When I saw who was directing this film, I knew this was not going to be a masterpiece, but this was so much worse than I originally thought it would be. I say that because having viewed some of his work, his movies can kind of fall into a guilty pleasure category. If you’ve never seen “xXx,” I will say that it’s not really a good movie, but Vin Diesel is believable as Xander Cage, he has charisma, Samuel L. Jackson’s pretty good, and you’ve even got some neat one liners. I love the line, “Don’t be a dick, Dick.” This movie has no humor, it’s too serious and almost feels like there is no passion put into it. Also, let’s be honest, with a title like “The Hurricane Heist” and considering what goes down in terms of story, doesn’t this sound like a pitch movie?

It’s a heist film, with a hurricane! It’s a disaster film, with a heist! We’ll put in tons of CGI just to have something the audiences can look at! IT’S GONNA BE GREAT!

Let’s talk about Toby Kebbell in this movie. When it comes to Toby Kebbell, he plays a guy named Will, and what I have to say about his character is what can pretty much be said for everyone else’s characters. All of them suck, they have no personalities, not even their quirky southern accents could have saved this movie. Toby Kebbell just lacks wanted depth and charisma, sure we get a look at his backstory at the beginning of the film, but you just don’t end up caring about him, just like any other person in frame. His sibling rivalry with Breeze which we were introduced to during the film’s beginning is brought up one other time. Let me just back that statement up for a sec though, Will has a brother named BREEZE. What the hell?! Who names their kid Breeze?! I mean, I imagine there are some Breezes out there, but I’m sorry for everyone who has to live with such an unfortunate reality of a name you literally have to breeze through! It would probably be more believable if someone ends up naming their kid Jolly Green Giant. What kind of f*cked up situation would lead to that, I don’t know, but at least the name would sound AWESOME compared to Breeze. Also, I feel bad for Toby Kebbell, he played Dr. Doom in “Fant4stic,” he was in “Warcraft,” and now this! Not a good track record if you ask me!

As you can see in the image above, Maggie Grace’s character is there, but I’m not gonna talk about her! This movie doesn’t deserve such a thing! Now let’s kill the rest of it with thunder and lightning.

Although there’s one character I want to breeze over, and no, it’s not who you think it is. I want to talk about the character of Dixon, played by Ben Cross. I’d say that just about everyone in this movie is miscast, but Ben Cross sticks out like a sore thumb. If you watch this movie and observe Dixon, he almost comes across like a douchebag character The Rock would play when he still had hair and Director Krennic from “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story!” I don’t know how to describe it without cringing! It was like I was watching a cartoon!

I know I said this movie was boring, and sometimes saying that is an understatement. But I also gotta talk about how much of a disaster this is too. I know it’s a disaster film, but you probably get my point. And while we’re on that topic, another film I saw earlier this week was “The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time.” This movie not only had the absolute boredom I encountered while watching “Transcendence,” you guys remember that film where Johnny Depp played a computer? But I’ll also add this has the s*itty effects and stupidity of “The Last Sharknado.” And I will give this movie something, when it comes to stupidity, this movie is better at being stupid and fun than compared to “The Last Sharknado.” There’s this one sequence where it’s all very threatening, someone could get hurt, they could get shot, they could die, then suddenly we see breaking glass quickly rising into the atmosphere! I lost it at that scene, I was DYING laughing!

And this does bring something up, I’m not old enough to drink yet, and I probably never will drink. But let’s just say I’m at a party with my friends and there’s alcohol, I decide to put on “The Hurricane Heist” just for s*its and giggles. All of the moments where I’d endlessly be bored, I’d probably just end up appreciating everything and laughing my ass off. It’s almost like I’d be watching “The Room” at that point!

And this boredom factor that’s applied to the movie, it’s just sad that it’s there. Because I imagine that I could probably get through this movie with s*itty characters, maybe there’s some cool hurricane action. No, all of it was boring. Part of me felt dumber after watching this, I just don’t know if I could end up recommending this movie to anyone unless they have the right amount of alcohol.

In the end, “The Hurricane Heist” was as tough to get through as a natural disaster. I don’t even know how I survived this movie. There are a lot of movies I see that I want know how they did something in that movie. For example, I just saw “Mission: Impossible: Fallout,” I wanted to know how they did the helicopter sequence. Similarly, I wanted to know something about “The Hurricane Heist” as well. I wanted to know how it got made. I mean, how did this come to fruition? Which cigar-smoking studio executive thought this would work? This wasn’t even fun, it was just a drag. It had the pacing of C-SPAN and it lacked the guilty pleasure-like fun of “xXx,” a movie that this film’s director actually worked on! Also, the ending is one of the most abrupt I’ve seen in recent history. I don’t think I’ve seen an ending that abrupt since either “The Circle” or “Transformers: Dark of the Moon.” Luckily this post doesn’t end here, because I still need to give a verdict. I’m going to give “The Hurricane Heist” a 1/10. I will say though, despite my 1, this movie could be worse. It might be fun if you’re drunk with friends, but I was sober, so my brain just felt like it was taking a nap while I was trying to get the rest of my body to stay awake for over an hour and a half. Thanks for reading this review! Pretty soon I’m going to be doing a review for “Love, Simon” which I just bought on Blu-ray so look forward to that very soon. Be sure to follow me here on Scene Before either with your email or your WordPress account and be sure to stay tuned for more great content! I want to know, did you see “The Hurricane Heist?” What did you think about it? Or, what is a movie that looked like a guilty pleasure at first glance but turned out to be a piece of crap? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018): Somehow… This Star Wars Movie Exists

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“Solo: A Star Wars Story,” the first “Star Wars” movie in my entire life to have come out where I think to myself, “I never asked for this,” is kinda sorta maybe directed by Ron Howard (Apollo 13, Happy Days), and stars Alden Ehrenreich (Hail, Caesar!, Beautiful Creatures), Woody Harrelson (Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, Zombieland), Emilia Clarke (Game of Thrones, Me Before You), Donald Glover (The Martian, Atlanta), Thandie Newton (Mission: Impossible II, Westworld), and Paul Bettany (Iron Man, Margin Call). This film is the “Star Wars” prequel/spinoff released by the endless money-generators known as Disney. The film revolves around a young Han Solo, played by Alden Ehrenreich, as we get to know his origins. We also meet younger versions of Chewbacca (which if you have seen the main trailer to movie, you’d know he’s not THAT young), and Lando Calrissian. This film when you break it down is a heist adventure that takes place prior to the some of rebellious events we know in the “Star Wars” universe.

Going into this film I had a number of emotions on my mind. I was excited to see a new “Star Wars” film. Although I didn’t think it would be all that good. But since they’re owned by Disney now, and Star Wars=instant money, they obviously want this intellectual property shoved down our throats. I went to see this at 10PM tonight, I was originally going to see it at 7PM, but I couldn’t due to not knowing a certain event occurred around that time, and I spent $61 on NON-REFUNDABLE tickets. By the way, the person I handed the tickets down to, couldn’t even keep them because they were attending the same event as I! Plus, I was one of the numerous souls who bought their tickets pretty much as soon as they went on sale. As I spent my money on this movie, I was worried it was just going to be some corporate cash-in that only exists for no purpose of being compelling or a masterpiece. I was so worried that the intellectual property of “Star Wars” was no longer an idea of wonder or magic (funny how it’s owned by Disney now), and just a money maker. Based on what Disney has been doing to crank this movie out at a time like this, is basically making them look like the movie version of “Call of Duty.” I say this because “Call of Duty” releases one game each year and they have an enormous fanbase to back them up. Although when it comes to most of these games, none of them are perfect when it comes to story. Yes, a lot of people play these games for the multiplayer, but we’re talking about story and characterization here. I mean, heck! Apparently there’s a Boba Fett movie in the works! Yes, we had not really all that much exposure to the character as a whole, but that’s what makes the character mysterious and interesting! Disney wants to take the mystery of everything and reveal it all to you! It’s like if “2001: A Space Odyssey” had narration telling you what everything meant! That movie probably would still be interesting to watch, but it would be NOWHERE near the classic it is now.

Also, one of the biggest things tearing this movie apart is the production behind it. This movie is written by Lawrence Kasdan (right), who wrote three “Star Wars” films released prior to this one. His son, Jonathan (left) wrote the movie alongside him. The movie was originally to be directed by two people, Phil Lord and Christopher Miller, both of whom have done collaborative work before on “The LEGO Movie” and “21 Jump Street.” The vision of the screenplay was not fulfilled, so Lord and Miller left their directing positions. Although they are credited as executive producers. After a rather short search, Ron Howard signed on as the movie’s new official director.

Ron Howard to me is kind of mixed bag when it comes to directing. I think he can definitely be a good director, but in recent years he hasn’t done the best work of his life. He can do really good movies like “Apollo 13” and “Cinderella Man.” And while I haven’t seen these, I will point out, the Robert Langdon film series of his, was generally not up to par of what a movie could be according to many people.

With all that being said, I can now tell you this is probably the biggest surprise of a movie I’ve seen all year. Based on what I just said up above, you probably could tell I thought this movie was gonna suck. Turns out it didn’t exactly suck. I wouldn’t call it great, not a classic, definitely not the best “Star Wars” movie, in fact when it comes the “Star Wars” franchise, this is a movie that would probably rank on the lower end for me. I will say there are more movies in the franchise that I like as oppose to dislike, and this is part of the great number of movies in the franchise that I like. In fact, of all the movies released in the franchise that I LIKE, this is probably the one I like the least. I mean, unless you count the 2008 “Clone Wars” movie which as of now I think is “alright.” Not great, but alright. I don’t know, I don’t think I’ve watched it since I was 9 or 10. I own it, but I haven’t watched it in forever.

Let’s get down and dirty and talk about the film’s main character, Han Solo. This younger interpretation of Han Solo is played by Alden Ehrenreich. I’ve actually seen Ehrenreich before in “Hail, Caesar!.” While I don’t exactly remember Ehrenreich’s character or performance all that much in that particular movie, I will say that part of why I don’t remember that character so much is because the movie itself is forgettable. Not bad, but forgettable. Here though, his performance is pretty good for an interpretation of young Han Solo. I wouldn’t say this is solid, A+, perfect casting, however there are definitely worse routes that could have been taken regarding the casting choice. And much like this movie in general, my expectations for Enhenreich performance-wise and capturing the spirit of Han Solo was pretty low. So I gotta give props to him for proving me wrong.

But let’s all be honest, when it comes to characters we already know, one shines as the star of the movie and that is Lando Calrissian played by Donald Glover. Once he was shown in the trailers, a great portion of the fanbase just basically agreed that Lando was perfectly cast. And in this movie, I gotta say, he is everything you see in the trailers, and everything you probably want young Lando Calrissian to be. He’s a gambler, he’s charming, he’s expressive, he’s enthusiastic, and he’s alert. What a f*cking guy! You see this in the trailer, but during the movie, Calrissian says at one point “You might wanna buckle up baby,” that line is just full of instant goosebumps shoved right into your pie hole! Overall, Glover gives a fine performance in this movie and you know what? If they do a separate Lando spinoff, it better have Donald Glover in it! YOU HEAR THAT DISNEY?! I’M GIVING YOU MORE MONEY, SHOVE IT UP YOUR A–wait, it’s Disney, they’re scared of this sort of thing. Shove it up your unicorn rainbow.

Now… Let’s just hope Deadpool doesn’t read that last comment.

And of course, another main character in this movie is Chewbacca. I feel like this movie did a really good job on 1: Giving us a Chewbacca that’s part-sweetheart and part-monster. And 2: Establishing the chemistry between him and Han. Chewie in this movie represents a Chewbacca that I’ve thought about for sometime in my life. What do I mean? Well to do that, let’s talk about the Russians. Not about vodka, not about Stalin, not about pee-pee tapes, none of that, but we’re talkin’ about the Russians! For those of you who are unaware, here is some text taken from the Wikipedia page for Chewbacca.

“It is said that Chewbacca’s name is derived from собака (sobaka), the Russian word for dog.”

Once I learned that, it kind of made sense. Chewbacca is kind of in a way, Han’s best friend. Not only that, but as you watch this movie, you see Chewie and he starts off like a wolf, a wilder version of what a dog could be, but as you go through the film, you see him become tamer. OK, not entirely, he’s still a sore loser. But seriously, this depiction of Chewbacca was pretty solid and so were the interactions between him and Han.

Now I just introduced the older characters and those are all fine and dandy. Now let’s move onto some forgettable… bland… less worthy of being cared about… newer faces.

Of the newer characters that make an appearance, I gotta say Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s L3-37 is probably one of the better characters of them all. But that’s not saying much, because for the most part, the characters are all kind of mediocre. Upon first seeing her, I was somewhat worried, because I was convinced that I was somehow seeing “The Last Jedi” again. What I mean by that is that one of her first lines sounds like a PSA or something you hear in a social message. You know how in “The Last Jedi” they had a social message against animal cruelty? It felt out of place in a movie which had that scene taking place on a certain planet that already felt out of place! Luckily, she’s rather funny. A little too cartoony in my personal opinion. I mean, I get it, these movies do have an audience of children, and if I were watching this as a kid, maybe I’d enjoy it, but I just wasn’t into it. But ultimately I just didn’t care all that much about her character. Although, I must say, L3 may have uttered the closest thing to a real life swear in the “Star Wars” saga. Be sure to look out for it, chances are you’ll hear it if you pay close enough attention.

I gotta say, one character that I can’t decide whether she’s just mediocre or really cool is Emilia Clarke’s Qi’ra. She’s basically Han’s girlfriend, and that’s pretty much all I’ll say about her. Although, there’s a point sometime in the movie, where you see this transition of hers, I can’t decide whether or not I buy it.

One character I was kind of looking forward to seeing is Tobias Beckett, played by Woody Harrelson. He’s basically Han’s mentor and as the movie started and we got to know this character, I found him to be pretty nifty. As I reflect on what I saw last night, while we got through the movie’s runtime, I feel that Beckett had interesting moments here and there but ultimately, towards the end, he almost got to the point of crashing and burning. Woody played him well, but of course he did, he’s Woody, what else do you expect?

Let’s talk about the movie’s worst character, Paul Bettany’s Dryden Voss. Dryden Voss feels like a character that just exists to move the story along. You barely even see him, and he has numerous lines here and there. But as the movie progresses, he’s made out to be a bigger threat than not just anyone else, but also a bigger than than he seems to be.

And you know what? That is the biggest problem I have with this movie, there’s no threat. There’s no stakes. There’s nothing standing in our heroes’ way. I feel like if this movie established in some way at some point, even if it required a total rewrite or pushback on the release, a main villain, the final product would be better. It doesn’t even have to threaten the galaxy like Darth Vader or Kylo Ren. Without them, this movie just feels like sequences of events that play out on a screen.

And on the topic of sequences, I don’t know if any of you saw the trailer with the train scene. I was actually rather excited because one of my favorite duels in a movie, “Spider-Man 2,” takes place on a train, and I always imagine trains as great locations for action sequences. And the train sequence in this film, much like some other moments just feel forgettable or long. There was a point where I was out of the theater, and looking back on this film, thinking that the train scene might be longer than the duel between Anakin and Obi-Wan in “Revenge of the Sith.” Although with that fight, I admired the long time it went on for, it was exciting, epic, and thrilling, it was just satisfying. The chase on the train in “Solo” just almost makes you beg for it to be over. I gotta say, it’s almost, if not quite there, to be in the conversation for the most boring or worst action scene in “Star Wars” history. Now I don’t think that’s the case. I think the Battle of Naboo might be worse, but this is certainly a contender.

But at the end of the day, the question we all should be asking is… Do we need “Solo: A Star Wars Story?” Honestly, no. I’m a “Star Wars” fan, you have no idea how much this franchise has shaped me and a lot of other people. Although, just like a number of other fan groups, whether we’re talking about the realm of movies, TV, video games, music, sports, we’re not blind (for the most part). We’re not stupid. We have the absolute ability and complete freedom to judge something related to our fandom, whether we’re referring to something good, bad, mediocre, we have the right to let out our subjective thoughts. And my SUBJECTIVE thoughts are that this is OBJECTIVELY unnecessary.

One thing that I love about “Star Wars” that they usually seem to get right is that they know how to build lore and background related to characters, locations, and crazy happenings. When it comes to “Solo: A Star Wars Story,” there’s nothing really new except mainly some locations that you probably don’t want to know more about (although that train in the beginning was pretty cool), and some characters that you at most kind of give a crap about. Most of it is just explaining what happens to Han Solo, and if you follow the franchise and know the franchise, chances are you’d know what some of these things are. When this movie was first announced, I figured that the Kessel Run would play such a huge part in the film, it would be an intense, crazy, wild moment. And you do get the Kessel Run, and while Han Solo delivers an awesome line some point in the film related to it, the run itself was a tad underwhelming. I keep mentioning this film is not all that bad, but if you judge this film entirely on what it does to previously established “Star Wars” lore, it almost feels like it diminishes the magic behind all of said lore. And I feel like this is why I’m somewhat apprehensive towards where “Star Wars” is going. It’s not a wonderland anymore, it’s a factory, and Disney is running that factory. Pretty soon we’re gonna know about every single character and now we have to accept their stories no matter how s*itty they are. For those of you who are excited to see a Boba Fett “Star Wars” film, I’m glad you’re happy, but in all seriousness, his story could suck and potentially ruin the character.

I will say though, out of all the previously established lore, none of it seems to play a big deal in the entire picture except for the Millennium Falcon and getting to know certain characters. How Han Solo got his name can be in that sort of discussion as well. But in all reality, there’s nothing in this movie that feels like a big deal. I had fun, but the movie, as fun as it was, needed more of an oomph to make me like it better.

I must bring this into the discussion, and based on some of what I said before on this very post, this may make me hypocritical. As much fun as I had, I feel like if you took out the name “Star Wars,” erased everything related to “Star Wars” that has been once established, this probably would have been one of the most boring movies of the year. And I gotta say one more thing… what was it? Oh! I remember now!

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THE TENTACLES ARE BACK BABY! DISNEY CAN’T KEEP THEIR TENTACLES OF THE TENTACLES IN THEIR “STAR WARS” MOVIES! My biggest problem with this is that Robert Downey Jr. doesn’t make a cameo appearance, like, maybe in narration, and say “Get lost, Squidward!”

In the end, part me doesn’t know how I feel entirely about “Solo: A Star Wars Story.” I enjoyed it when I saw it. And you know what? I’d probably see it again and still enjoy it. Maybe not in the theater, but when it comes out on home video, I’d grab a copy for myself and watch it. It’s definitely better than “The Last Jedi” and absolutely much better than I thought it would actually turn out. “Solo” is a fun popcorn flick, but I feel like this is going to be one of those movies, somewhat like “The Last Jedi,” where opinions might mix across the board. Out of every movie in the “Star Wars” franchise, this has the most corporate feeling of all of them, and you may not notice it or feel it while watching the film itself. Although when I got to sit down and write this review, those sorts of thoughts came into my mind. I wouldn’t say I DON’T recommend “Solo: A Star Wars Story,” but to say I do would also be stretch. You be your own judge, but I kinda liked the movie. I’m gonna give “Solo: A Star Wars Story” a 6/10. Also, just to go over how forgettable this movie’s characters are, I forgot that Thandie Newton and Jon Faverau’s characters even existed! For those of you who follow me on Stardust (I need to get back on that!), I said in my review for the teaser trailer for this movie on there that this felt like it should be called “A Star Wars Product” as opposed to “A Star Wars Story,” because a story would exist for the purpose of being remembered and told for days, weeks, years, decades, centuries, however long you consider a long time. A product would just purely exist for two reasons. 1. To entertain the masses for a period of time. And 2. (Mr. Krabs voice) MONEY!

Thanks for reading this review! And while we are on the topic of things will make Disney richer, allow me to say that I already have my tickets to go see “Incredibles 2!” I have a day that I want to publish my review if possible, and that day is Thursday, June 14th, and if possible, I’d like to get it out before most of the opening Thursday night showings occur. You might be thinking, “Hey, Jackass! How are you gonna review this freaking thing before the opening night showings? That’s when… the film opens… and you have tickets.” Yes, I do have tickets, but they’re for Wednesday. And no, the film technically doesn’t open on that night, it opens on Thursday. But exclusively at IMAX locations, you can see both “Incredibles” films back to back as part of a double feature for one night only. I already purchased tickets for that, so if you are literally trying to be an imitator of me, go buy your tickets now! Stay tuned for my early review of that along with other great content! I want to know, did you see “Solo: A Star Wars Story?” What did you think about it? Or, what is a “Star Wars” spinoff you’d like to see? It can be for an original character, or a previously established character, whatever. Force those thoughts down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

Logan Lucky (2017): A Very Unlucky Movie

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“Logan Lucky” is directed by Steven Soderbergh who also directed “Ocean’s Eleven” and “Magic Mike.” This movie stars Channing Tatum (Magic Mike, 21 Jump Street), Adam Driver (Girls, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens), and Daniel Craig (Casino Royale, Cowboys & Aliens) and is about two brothers who try to pull of a heist while a NASCAR race in North Carolina is going down.

Going into this movie, I’ve had some experience with Steven Soderbergh. And by some, I mean not much at all. I’ve watched part of “Ocean’s Eleven,” which is a heist movie that takes place in Vegas, I fell asleep. For the record, I wasn’t bored, it was late. I was at my grandparents and I was in a sofa bed with my father, we were watching this at one point during the night. I haven’t watched it again since, but I know a lot of people like it. “Ocean’s Twelve” and “Ocean’s Thirteen” from what I heard aren’t as good as “Ocean’s Eleven.” This guy also did “Magic Mike,” which I haven’t seen, but from what I gathered, the movie might as well be called “Look at Channing’s Gigantic Tatum!”, which saying that now, is kind of interesting considering how Channing Tatum is in this movie, who we will get into in just a moment.

Here’s something I just want to get out about “Ocean’s Eleven,” while I recall it putting me to sleep, what I witnessed on screen wasn’t all that boring.. I’ll tell you guys, and a lot of people are gonna probably call me a nincompoop, type comments in all capitals or comments suggesting that you want me to die, or simply say I have the brain capacity of Patrick Star from “Spongebob Squarepants,” despite what I said, I’ll get something off my chest. …This movie was BORING. This is probably the most dull movie I’ve seen since “The Girl on the Train” which came out last year! What was boring about it? Well, let’s start with the basics, and by the basics I mean just about everything the movie has to offer!

When it comes to the pacing, it almost felt like it was a bunch of different movies crammed into one. There was the meat of the film, which was the heist, then you have this drama involving a couple of exes, then you have this father-daughter relationship film which felt like “Gifted,” a movie that a lot of people ended up enjoying but I couldn’t, you know, kind of like this movie. Part of the movie also felt like it had part of the finale of “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues,” with less humor, which actually does fit in terms of tone, although it took place in the middle of the movie as opposed to the end.

I also have to say that as far as character motivation goes, it really could have been improved. I like the cast, but the characters which the cast ended up playing were not that well written or executed. You have characters you either don’t give a s*it about, you have forgettable characters, and you also have one character that’s a little too cartoony for the movie he’s in. In terms of his looks and attitude, he reminded me of Nux in “Mad Max: Fury Road,” a character who works in “Mad Max: Fury Road,” but when it comes to “Logan Lucky,” this isn’t really the adequate time to yell about how lovely your day is. If you witness Daniel Craig, there’s a scene where he laughs and it’s kind of embarrassing.

The first character I’m gonna talk about in depth is played by Channing Tatum, he’s known in the movie as Jimmy Logan, and while he may have been fired at the beginning of the movie because of a preexisting condition, I didn’t feel any sort of connection to his character. This is partially due to how, as mentioned, the movie jumped back and forth between too many subplots and tons of exposition. I mean, getting fired from your job and not earning as much money as you once did is one reason that one would like to go on a heist, but I just didn’t care, something REALLY felt off. The other characters didn’t really seem to have much of a motivation, Daniel Craig’s character probably wanted to get away from jail, but that’s probably the only hint of motivation that I recall from this movie if it was even there.

Adam Driver was also in this movie as Jimmy’s brother, Clyde. The only quality that was even the least bit redeeming about the character was probably his fake arm. Clyde’s fake arm probably had more of a story that I cared about than Clyde himself. One of the movie’s best parts actually involved the arm. There was one scene where the characters were using a vacuum, and it ends up sucking the arm.

Now let’s dive into a character I thought would be interesting, but turned out to be lackluster. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Daniel Craig’s Joe Bang. Walking out of the movie, I don’t recall much of anything from his character, for the most part, Daniel Craig gave a good performance, but there was one moment that took me out of the film, which was his cartoony laugh I was talking about earlier.

And that’s the thing about this movie, it has a stellar cast, it has likable performances, including one from a child actress that wasn’t bad at all. Everyone sounded like they were from the south. In terms of costumes, yeah, technically these aren’t costumes but you get my point, it all suited the characters quite well. When it comes to aspects of the movie itself, it feels like the right vibe is there, but overall you have this s*itpile of a movie so it doesn’t feel like everything is being hit in the sweet spot.

Also, you can kind of say this is somewhat like “The Hunger Games” because I remember it taking it forever in those movies to actually get to the Hunger Games. This is said to be a heist movie, but this feels more like an exposition movie with a heist somewhere in the mix. This may have worked if I cared about the characters a bit more, but I basically said what I needed to say about them. Oh yeah, I forgot, there were a lot of other characters, including some played by big names such as Seth MacFarlane (Family Guy, American Dad!), Hilary Swank (Insomnia, Boys Don’t Cry), and Katie Holmes (Batman Begins, Dawson’s Creek), those characters aren’t worth talking about all that much. I mean, I didn’t care for just about anyone in this movie, the characters are basically random people with names inserted into a script and then transferred into something that might qualify as a film.

In the end, “Logan Lucky” was a HARD movie to review. This is partially because of my unpopular opinion and the fact that I actually did experience glimmers of enjoyment during segments of the film. I wanted to like this movie, especially because the rest of the Internet does. This has a 92% on Rotten Tomatoes as of now, which is higher than “Interstellar,” one of my favorite movies of all time. If you like this movie I really don’t blame you, we all have our own thoughts, I’ve met people who actually enjoyed watching “Gods of Egypt.” You know the movie featuring a bunch of Egyptians played by non-Egyptian actors? Yeah, that one. For me, this movie was boring, I had no interest while watching the movie, I just wanted to leave the auditorium. If you like the movie, that’s fine, but that just means we don’t have the same tastes when it comes to film. I’m gonna give “Logan Lucky” a 4/10. Thanks for reading this review, pretty soon I’m gonna go see “The Glass Castle” and review it for you all, and also stay tuned for my series of Tom Cruise movie reviews, I’ll be reviewing three movies in this category, so stay tuned for those! Also, I want to know, what is a movie that you think is bad that everyone else thinks is good? For me, that’s this movie. OR what is a movie that you think is good that everyone else thinks is bad? For me, that’s “Spider-Man 3.” Leave your thoughts in the comments! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!