The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson (2019): Worse Than The Haunting of Sharon Tate?

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“The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson” is directed by Daniel Farrands, who also directed the gosh-awful piece of crap that some would call a movie, “The Haunting of Sharon Tate.”  This film stars Mena Suvari (American Pie, American Beauty), Nick Stahl (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, Sin City), Agnes Bruckner (The Bold and the Beautiful, Once Upon a Time), Drew Roy (Falling Skies, Hannah Montana), and Taryn Manning (Orange Is the New Black, Crossroads) in a film that dives into the final days of OJ Simpson’s wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, as shown from her point of view.

If you have been following my blog, you’d already know that I have talked about a couple films this year and reviewed them. However, this is ultimately the first film released this particular decade that I have to tackle. And to be honest, I wish I could have chosen a better one.

To call what I’m reviewing a “January movie” is perhaps generous. Because for those of you who must know, the month of January is usually a dumping ground for films. Maybe the film is not that good, not that profitable, and maybe studios don’t know what to do with it. But when I think of other bad January movies, a lot of them contain some sort of charm when compared to “The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson.”

This film is from director Daniel Farrands, who also directed a movie I mentioned earlier, which happens to be the worst movie I sat through in 2019, “The Haunting of Sharon Tate.” I don’t, THANKFULLY, remember all that I saw. But what I do remember is that I witnessed one of the most distasteful, incompetent, not to mention insulting films I have ever sat through. IT WAS EVEN RELEASED IN THEATERS! F*CKING THEATERS!

And guess what? This one is no different! Not only did it get a small release in theaters, but just like “The Haunting of Sharon Tate,” this piece of s*it can just go to Hell! I rented this film on Prime Video with absolute curiosity as to what I was going to witness. But honestly, this movie feels like a tarnation even if it is free. As I watched this film, based on the vibe and characters, this felt like one of those films that could easily go straight to Lifetime, but for some reason, I have no full idea why, this got approved for a theatrical release.

Technically speaking, it’s barely watchable. The music is fitting, but also kind of a waste of time and space. The camerawork… well, is full of properly framed material… But there’s not really much of anything special about it. But speaking of things on camera, this director must really love horror movies. Because I saw a review before checking this movie out, but having witnessed that review, I have been informed that there is a clip that might as well be out of “Nightmare on Elm Street.” Now, I have not seen “Nightmare on Elm Street” but I have seen the clip that this film CLEARLY rips off.

Actually, you know what? Saying that this film rips off “Nightmare on Elm Street” is honestly too generous. If anything it almost tries to… pay respects, I guess? BUT IT DOES SO TO ABOMINABLE LEVELS! If anything it just does a horribly shot and blasphemously edited sequence that pretty much can only be compared to something out of a really bad Michael Bay movie. The scene has so many massively off-putting jumpcuts and mind-numbingly annoying flickers that I am almost surprised I did not exit my viewing experience with a headache! IT’S SO BAD!

Speaking of Lifetime movies, the characters and acting levels represented in this film are very fitting for such an environment.

There’s this whole subplot about Nicole trying to find someone, the dialogue in the earliest scene regarding this is still in my head, specifically where one of her friends is trying to encourage her to go to town on a waiter. Cringe! Period! I can’t even form complete sentences at this point! GAH! Even if Arnold Schwarzenegger confirmed to me that it’s not a tumor, I’d probably feel like a tumor is destroying me as we speak.

I will give credit though to the lead actress, Mena Suvari, because I feel like even though this movie fell apart through screenwriting, music, and the lack of ability to helm a project, this is still a competent performance. I felt like this was the performance needed out of a character like this. She’s shy, not incredibly outspoken, and a bit reserved. It might be the best part of the movie. Although given how much this mess shatters itself like a newer model iPhone when tossed to the ground, it doesn’t really say much!

For all of you writing a book on the history of film reviews, mark this day, because I am about to use “The Haunting of Sharon Tate,” a film that broke me to no end that it wound up being my #3 worst film of the past decade, AS THE POSITIVE in a comparison. We have officially reached worldwide insanity.

Whereas “The Haunting of Sharon Tate,” did one thing, and I repeat ONE THING that could have been interesting regarding its screenplay, this film has nothing that feels fresh or emotionally investing, even though the main character is about to get bloody murdered! “The Haunting of Sharon Tate” AT THE VERY LEAST had one interesting point within its screenplay… Are our lives written from beginning to end? Is everything in our lives pre-planned? Can we write our own scripts? That reminds me, THIS MOVIE HAS A F*CKING DREADFUL SCRIPT! Am I being a little harsh? It’s possible. After all, this is the first feature-length script from Michael Arter, who also had a credit for “The Haunting of Sharon Tate” as a production coordinator. Still, I gotta be truthful, I have to point out what irked me, because honesty is the best policy.

In fact, get this. Whenever Simpson says something regarding how she thinks she is going to brutally murdered one day or something else along those lines, it felt like an utter joke. And speaking of jokes, there is a scene where Simpson and another character are sitting in the kitchen as they drink… WAIT FOR IT. WHAT COULD IT EVER BE? Oh, I know! ORANGE JUICE! Is it just me or is this movie a punishment for someone? Possibly a punishment for me?

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I should also point out, when it comes to Simpsons’ friends, specifically Kris Kardashian (Agnes Bruckner) and Faye Resnick (Tayrn Manning), their characters at times feature some of the most painful to watch overacting I sat through in recent memory. If this film was a parody, this probably would have worked. Admittedly, this is what the film feels like at times, but without any intention whatsoever.

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Also, Faye Resnick’s wig is one of the worst I have seen on film. It almost looks like a wig someone would wear if they made a poorly realized stage play for an episode of “Friends” and they needed someone to play Rachel.

“The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson” is just short of an hour and a half, making it barely feature-length. Luckily, it does not feel longer than it needs to be, but this almost makes the movie feel disappointingly cheap, especially when considering that not all of the footage is shot specifically for it! Daniel Farrands is a director who I will be honest, needs to avoid going down the rabbit hole he seems to have fallen into. Is he a nice guy in person? Probably. Maybe he’s a charming fellow. This isn’t the only type of film Farrands has helmed. After all he has done documentaries before he dove into feature-length movies. Documentaries which by the way, also focus on the realm of horror. But I really think stories based on famous murders is not going to be something I would look forward to from now on if Farrands is behind the camera. If Farrands is really passionate about horror, then maybe he has some potential to create something magical within its genre, but these past couple of films I have seen from him have been dull, unsatisfying, and a waste of my time. Speaking of unsatisfying, this film contains a sex scene that isn’t exactly gross, but it feels poorly put together. The music in this scene feels incredibly out of place! It makes the belly-button sex in “The Room” look like “Pulp Fiction!”

In the end, this film is MURDER. It is nothing short of one of the worst experiences of film-viewing that I have ever dredged through. This is the first 2020 film, (some say it’s a 2019 film, but it’s a 2020 film as far as the United States is concerned) that I have witnessed. If this is not the worst film we are getting this year, not to mention for the remainder of this entire decade, then chances are this is God’s way of punishing us. “The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson” is perhaps acted as competently as possible, at least as far as Mena Suvari is concerned. Although the film is also shrouded in a piss-poor script, catastrophic scenes, and terrible directing. Is this film worse than “The Haunting of Sharon Tate?” Honestly, yes. As boring as “The Haunting of Sharon Tate” is, the film, from what I remember is collectively acted better, and I’ll also reiterate that the conversations about fate were at least somewhat intriguing even if they were almost tacked on. Story-wise, this film honestly has nothing. I’m going to give “The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson” a 1/10. This is honestly one of the worst films I have ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of them, especially over these past number of years. I’d honestly rather watch “Cats” again! I’m not kidding! It’s that bad! Daniel Farrands, get your act together, and make better films! Get crackin’!

Thanks for reading this review! I just want to let everyone know that I just saw “Dolittle,” the latest movie, not to mention reboot in the “Dr. Dolittle” franchise and the first film featuring Robert Downey Jr. outside of Marvel Studios since 2014’s “The Judge.” I just went to see it in Dolby Cinema and I hope to have my thoughts on it as soon as possible. Be sure to follow Scene Before if you want to stay up to date on my latest content, you can do so by using an email or WordPress account! As for social media, check out my Facebook page if you want to not only receive access to my content as early as possible, but also random thoughts from the Movie Reviewing Moron. I want to know, did you see “The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson?” What did you think about it? Or, now that 2020 is here, what films have you seen so far? I know it’s early, but just for fun, give me your best and worst. Just to make it easier, feel free to insert films from past years! Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

I Feel Pretty (2018): I Feel Less Than Satisfied

Before we dive into my review for “I Feel Pretty,” let me just state that the overall message that the movie is trying to promote based on content it possesses, is that inner beauty is greater and more important than outer beauty. This movie is rated PG-13 and doesn’t have any talking animals or superheroes in it, so I can assure you that not many families or kids will be going to see this movie. But let’s just say that they did, how will this lesson come off to them? Kids need lessons in life, they all do. And it seems that a couple by the name of Paul and Genevieve could be getting ready to deliver whatever lessons they have in store for their own kid. Because they are expecting one, but the journey to get to that expectation point was a rough one! This is all explained in “What the IVF?!”

“What the IVF?” is a relatively new series on YouTube revolving around the happily married couple, Genevieve and Paul. The two decide to have a kid, but the process of making a kid is a lot harder than they probably once thought. Throughout this journey of wondering what insane or pleasant curveball is destined to arrive in their path, Genevieve and Paul have to suffer through the miseries that come with sex (Who knew?), math (If x equals having a baby, than x also equals “MAKE IT END!”), and needles (I’m not kidding, they are probably more disturbing than finding ten intruders in your mancave!). You can find the series on YouTube and watch all of the short episodes you want! In the latest episode, it starts out with a boost of positivity, and then it talks about that thing that is commonly associated with saving money, good hands, mayhem, khakis, people named “Flo,” JK Simmons, and geckos. That thing called insurance. To watch this episode, you can click the video above. Although if you are not a fan of “clicking things above,” then look below, because you can find the links to the “WTIVF?” YouTube channel, the show’s website, and other social media profiles. Be sure to follow them on social media, subscribe to them on YouTube, hit the notification bell, whatever it is you do. Also, be sure to tell them, if you do any of those things, that Jack Drees sent ya over!

WTIVF? WEBSITE: http://www.whattheivf.com/

WTIVF? YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCILXSidkzWgwrQ5Oa1py78w/featured?disable_polymer=1

WTIVF? TWITTER: https://twitter.com/WTivF

WTIVF? INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/wtivf/

WTIVF? FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/What-The-IVF-288868031634125/

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“I Feel Pretty” is directed by Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein, who also co-wrote the film together. This film stars Amy Schumer as a woman who is insecure about herself in terms of beauty, when all of sudden, she falls, and from then on, she thinks she’s a beyond gorgeous person. But the thing is, the only thing that changed about Schumer’s character, is… well, absolutely nothing. She’s confident and empowered, but that’s all the changes that enter Schumer’s character’s life.

You might be thinking, “Jack! What are you doing? “Deadpool 2” just came out! Why aren’t you seeing that? This movie is about a month old now! Hell, you can be seeing “Book Club” even though you’re not even in the target demographic! Are you high?” The answer, no, I’m not high. I’m waiting to see “Deadpool 2” with a certain person who can’t see it right away due to a difference in schedules, but don’t worry, that review’s comin’! Staying on topic regarding “I feel Pretty,” this is a movie that I for one, honestly, wasn’t exactly hyping up, but part of me imagined had its particular audience. But the question is, would the audience enjoy the movie? It’s not easy to say. My mother probably wanted to see it, I have a friend who wanted to see it, and she said she didn’t really enjoy it because all of the funny parts were shown in the trailer, and when it comes to reception, I’m noticing mainly negative reviews. So, even if I were in the target audience, I probably would have had a part of my brain tell me to avoid this movie at all costs. By the way, regarding one of those recent comments, I watched the trailer to this movie, and I didn’t laugh once, so imagine how I felt after seeing that and having that knowledge.

Another thing that worries me when it comes to this movie is how serious it’s trying to be. One thing that you might hear from some people that may be considered a flaw in a comedy movie is that a movie that’s supposed to be funny and wacky, it gets serious, and becomes more like a drama. I’ve heard that complaint when it comes to movies like 2015’s “Hot Pursuit,” which thank gosh I’ve yet to, and hopefully will never see. I don’t always mind seriousness in comedy movies, a couple of movies starring Adam Sandler, “Click” and “Big Daddy,” have two of my favorite movie endings because they took a somewhat unexpected serious turn, and those turns kind of made the two individual movies better as wholes. As much as Adam Sandler can’t make me laugh nowadays with stinkers like “Grown Ups,” those two movies will always be something I’ll give the man kudos for.

As for the movie itself, let’s start off with the positives, it’s better than “Life of the Party.” *BLASTS CONFETTI, CELEBRATORY MUSIC STARTS PLAYING AND STOPS WHEN I SPEAK* Unfortunately, that’s not saying much, because the movie is nevertheless not all that great. If you’re watching this from a certain point view, I guess there is some enjoyment to be had throughout, but I personally just found myself dissatisfied with what I saw. I will say, it is a lot better than I once thought it would be, but the movie overall just made me question what it had to offer. The good news is, unlike movies such as “Battlefield Earth,” “The Space Between Us” or “Pitch Perfect,” I wasn’t hating myself throughout the experience of watching the film from beginning to end. The way I felt throughout various portions of this movie is kind of similar to how I felt watching the live-action version of “Ghost in the Shell.” I didn’t feel TERRIBLE, there were various qualities about the movie I raved about. These include the visual effects, the score, and some of the performances. There were points where I kind of enjoyed what I saw during “I Feel Pretty.” Well, there were a few, that statement doesn’t say all that much. Because most of the movie is a bitch!

Speaking of that, let’s talk about Amy Schumer’s character. She goes by the name of Renee Bennett and the movie truly kicks into high gear once her character has a great fall at the gym. Once she lands on the ground, she goes through a major personality change. She goes from thinking she’s probably the ugliest of the ugly to the most stunning woman in the world. Her character personally brings a lot of questions into my mind. One of the first questions I’ve ever asked while watching this movie during this moment was “Why is this happening?” I mean, I get it, I get what’s going on, but her character, and I know this is kind of intentional, just sends off awkward vibes. Maybe it’s because I’m a straight man, but in all seriousness, her character felt like a cartoon at times. There were times where I was kind of able to sympathize with her, but there were other times where I thought she was just a moron. Part of it has to do with drinking, but as soon as I saw her change her attitude into the very definition of “intense insanity mode,” I rooted for her less. Ultimately, when it comes to this character, she’s not exactly what I’d call my favorite.

One of the biggest standouts to me when it comes to the movie’s characters, is Michelle Williams’s character of Avery LeClarie. Her last name plays a prominent role in this film, especially considering it is associated with a makeup company with that particular name in it. She basically runs the show for that company, and if you watch the movie you’d notice that she, her company employees, and perhaps their customers, are very much towards the high-end. She and Renee develop a relationship throughout the film, given how Renee starts working here as a receptionist. Given Renee’s fish out of water personality that doesn’t have much of an association with the company, Renee has different marketing and product ideas than everyone else such as Avery.

One thing that I feel that this movie is trying to let its viewers know is the lesson that inner beauty matters more than outer beauty. Honestly, I think they’ve kind of flopped on that. I say that because you have Amy Schumer, who I imagine a lot of viewers would view as imperfect when it comes to their body, but she’s totally confident. However, we get through the movie, trying to get to the climax, where Amy Schumer gives a well-delivered speech. Then, snobby Avery is in a shot, Schumer’s character of Renee is in it too, and I hear Avery let Renee know that the building the two work in has a health and fitness center. One of the last shots in this movie, is Schumer in that health and fitness center. So apparently, Schumer proves to the world that even if you don’t fit society’s standards of the preferred body image, she’s proud of what she’s done, and now, she takes advantage of the gym. WHAT IS THIS MOVIE TRYING TO BE? I feel like that if you are a movie and you have a lesson, you stick to that lesson! But no, the movie failed! Sorry, movie. You screwed up. Maybe it’s providing another lesson? Be who you want to be no matter what choices you make? Sure, it’s a good lesson, well, for the most part, you shouldn’t be a killer or choose to murder someone, but if that lesson were to exist, then I’d make the complaint that it clutters the film!

One last thing I’ll say is that there’s this one character in film played by Emily Ratajkowski, she knows who Renee is. Her name is Mallory and she runs into Renee at the store. She asks this one question that is a total standout, and probably the line of the movie that stands out to me more than any other. She asks, “How’s your vagina?”

Now… I get that part of her was kind of affected during the fall. BUT WHO ASKS A QUESTION LIKE THAT?! During the fall, I’m pretty sure more than her vagina had an unfortunate impact. I get that comment is kind of unusual to say in real life, and it’s just crazy to hear, but in all reality, as a viewer, it didn’t feel like it needed to be there! It just threw me off! And you know something? I can imagine a comment like this working, but this is not one of those times. I don’t know, maybe I’ll make a bunch of movies or shorts and experiment with the line. I’ll call the experiment “Project Privacy,” or “PP.”

In the end, “I Feel Pretty” didn’t make me feel pretty good afterwards. I’ll be honest, once I walked out of the auditorium I didn’t exactly know what to think. As I walked out, I thought to myself that the movie wasn’t great, but it had some good ideas around it. It reminded me of “Freaky Friday,” although it was nowhere near as interesting or compelling as the book. Although it was definitely better than the 1976 movie with Barbara Harris and Jodie Foster with the repetitive police siren at the end! My gosh that was a trainwreck! “I Feel Pretty” has a lesson worth exposing and sharing, but it just was not executed the way it should have been. Not to mention, most of the time, it failed to make me laugh. Not good.

Honestly, when it comes to grading this movie, this is probably the hardest grading session I’ve ever had for when it comes to giving a final verdict on this blog. Because, walking out of the theater, I said this film, was somewhere around a 2 or 3/10. The more I thought about the movie though, the less I hated it. Granted, I still didn’t particularly enjoy it, I didn’t find it to be great. But it wasn’t exactly a disaster. In fact, when I walked out the auditorium and stated the possibility of this movie being a 2 or 3/10, I wasn’t particularly angry or ready to kill someone as I was when I saw other movies. I felt this way when I saw “Allegiant,” (2/10) “The Girl on the Train,” (2/10), and “The Witch” (3/10). I can guarantee you at this point this movie is not a 2/10, nor is it a 1/10. It’s certainly not a 10/10, I just mentioned this movie, a comedy, wasn’t funny. Given how I stated all of this information, I have a grade in my mind that I’m going to give this movie at least for now. This could change at any time. I’m going to give “I Feel Pretty” a high 3/10.

I think this is a totally fair grade. This grade could totally change in the future. I’ve currently seen 14 movies released this year. It’s currently May, and at the end of the year, you may know that I do my countdowns for my top 10 best and worst films of the year. If I see no more movies this year and I’m still functioning well enough to make the lists, I’d have to split each one into a top 5, and thus far, this does belong on the worst list. The lowest I imagine this being is a 1 and the highest I imagine this being is a 5 or 6. I honestly don’t know what will happen. And if the movie does change in terms of the grade I declare it to be, this is definitely not the first time I’ve done something like this on this blog. I originally said “Suicide Squad” was a 7/10, upon a rewatch at home it’s now a 3/10. I once stated “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” to be a 9/10, but now it’s a 4/10 based on how much I believe they’ve tried too hard with comedic moments and relied on forced side stories along with ridiculous choices made by certain characters. “Blade Runner 2049” was at first to me, a 9/10. After constantly listening to the addictive soundtrack and thinking about the movie more and what it did for me as a viewer, I have to say it was worthy of a 10/10. If “I Feel Pretty” changes its score, I have no idea what will happen to it, but for now, a 3/10 seems to be a fair grade.

Thanks for reading this review, stay tuned because on Thursday, May 24th, I’m going to a 10:00 opening night showing of “Solo: A Star Wars Story.” That review will be up Friday, May 25th! To be 100% honest, I’m actually apprehensive of how this movie will turn out. Certain things at certain times have sold me. Then I think about what this movie, from a marketing and story perspective truly seems to be. To be specific, a factory product meant to bring in money. I’m excited, I’m getting to see “Star Wars” opening night after an incident where I nearly missed that opportunity (crazy story for another time if necessary), but I have to remember that Disney has their hands on this franchise now and they’re making all of these decisions that I have no control over.

Also, I keep mentioning this, I have a “Mission: Impossible III” review coming up. The end of the month is near, and with that in mind, I certainly have enough free time to get this review done and published for you all to read. This will be my third entry in my Tom Cruise “Mission: Impossible” review series, leading up to “Mission: Impossible: Fallout.” That movie can’t come soon enough…

Also, I’m not saying this is official, but I’m thinking of maybe doing a review of “2001: A Space Odyssey.” I say this because the movie just turned 50 years old in April, and pretty soon, a theater located towns away from my house, will be showing the movie in 70mm. This will be shown in an unrestored print that will allow viewers to watch “2001” the way everyone did back in 1968. It’s gonna be cool.

Last but not least, “Deadpool 2” is out and I still need to review that like I mentioned earlier. I’m probably gonna make an attempt to go see it this upcoming Memorial Day weekend. I might see it maybe Saturday or Monday, as long as I watch it before my Fandango VIP points bonus expires. But seriously, I’m hearing amazing things about “Deadpool 2,” which makes me want to instantly flock to the theater ASAP!

With all of that being said, be sure to stay tuned for all of what I just promoted, along with a lot of other great content! I want to know, did you see “I Feel Pretty?” What did you think about it? Or, would you rather be ugly and nice to those around you or beautiful/handsome and not give a crap to those around you? Leave your response in the comments, and you know what? I’m gonna risk this question, and you can say whatever you want about it. But… How’s your vagina? *Spreads worldwide facepalm* Scene Before is your click to the flicks!