Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! It is the start of a new year, which means it is time once again for the end of the year countdowns! I apologize if I am getting these out a bit late. A couple last minute watches came up and I wanted to get them in before making the most definitive lists possible. That said, it is time to count down my top 10 WORST movies of 2023. Before we start the list, let’s get into some ground rules. First off, for a movie to qualify for the list, I must have seen it. Of course. Second, the movie has to be some kind of a theatrical release. If it is a streaming exclusive, straight to TV movie, straight to DVD movie, it does not count. Congratulations to all the shark movies that can be found at Walmart for staying off this list. Not that I watch any of them. I will remind everyone that the movies on this list, not to mention the best list that will be up in a couple days are completely subjective picks. These are just my least favorite movies of the year. I am not trying to pressure anyone into disliking these movies. These are just my recommendations. If you can call them that. Now that we have all this information out of the way, let’s continue by listing a few dishonorable mentions.

Dishonorable Mention: Next Goal Wins

My first dishonorable mention is “Next Goal Wins.” I am not really a sports fan. I am not really a soccer fan. And safe to say, when it comes to this movie, I am not a huge fan of it either. Taika Waititi steps in and directs a comedy that honestly offers very few, if any, genuinely comedic moments. Many of the performances feel stale, the writing is quite bad, and the chemistry between a good portion of the characters happens to feel iffy at best.

Dishonorable Mention: Anyone But You

“Anyone But You” is what happens when you take two stunningly attractive leads, put them in a romantic comedy, and waste them all the while offering very little that feels romantic or funny. I did not like the characters. I did not enjoy the comedy gags. This is the kind of movie that makes me feel tired and sleepy. The story and structure become as cliche as anything. I cannot recommend this one.

Dishonorable Mention: Napoleon

And lastly for the dishonorable mentions is “Napoleon.” “Napoleon” is directed by Ridley Scott. I enjoy many of his movies like “Blade Runner,” “Thelma & Louise,” and even very recently, “The Last Duel.” When I become vastly more interested in learning about the love interest and wanting to know more about her than the titular character, chances are the movie failed to captivate me. The story is poorly structured, poorly paced, and there are only a couple scenes that kept me invested throughout the runtime.

With that said, it is time to talk about these ten movies, hopefully, for the last time in my entire life. These are my top 10 WORST movies of 2023!

#10: A Haunting in Venice

At #10 is “A Haunting in Venice!” I do not have a complete history with the Kenneth Branagh-helmed Hercule Poirot movies, but I was nevertheless intrigued with the marketing of “A Haunting in Venice.” One of the reasons why I was excited to watch this movie was because amongst its stacked cast, there happened to be Michelle Yeoh. I was very excited to see what she was going to do next after being in my favorite movie of 2022, “Everything Everywhere All at Once.” Safe to say, this was a significant step down as far as she was concerned. Not only that, but if I were in charge of the Razzies, her performance in this film might be a contender for one of the worst of the year. I love Michelle Yeoh, but come on. As for the movie itself, I found myself immensely bored with it. When a murder mystery fails to offer any engagement, that is a significant problem. When I watch a murder mystery I enjoy like “Knives Out” or its recent sequel, “Glass Onion,” I am trying to guess who is going to make the first kill, who is gonna die first, who is the murderer… I keep asking questions like those and might want to change my guess every once in a while. By the time the first person dies in “A Haunting in Venice,” a part of me died too. I wanted to fall asleep. I said in my review that the cast is the biggest problem I have with the film. It is not that everyone in the film puts in abysmal performances or anything. Well, maybe aside from Yeoh. I just came to the conclusion that no one in this movie interested me. When I look back at Branagh’s last movie in this universe, “Death on the Nile,” I remember liking the characters. That simultaneously made me like the story, and therefore the film. “A Haunting in Venice” simply brings together a bunch of big stars without a star-studded feel to back anything up. It is not even that good as a horror movie! I cannot see myself watching this crap next Halloween! Put this back where it came from!

#9: 80 for Brady

They say that Tom Brady is one of the greatest athletes of all time. He honestly should stick to football. “80 for Brady” was one of those experiences that simply made me go berserk. I did not want to see this movie. The thought of this movie by itself made me roll my eyes. My expectations for it could not have been more deflated. But I saw it because I had people in my life who wanted to see it. Safe to say, my low expectations were justified. “80 for Brady” takes a sport that I do not even enjoy, football, and somehow makes me think I should go back and instead watch the football game that inspired this movie to begin with. The film is based on real people with some creative liberties. Having looked into the true story, it is a nice story. But the way the movie adapts it makes for one of the year’s unfunniest comedies. The screenplay of the film is one of the most asinine I have seen in 2023. Even when our main quartet happens to run into something that could be dangerous or potentially tension-inducing, I know not to fear for them because they are either predictability going to get out of whatever pickle they’re in, or have some extremely convenient solution come their way that takes out any drama that the movie could offer. The movie is a set of tired comedy gags, wasted celebrity cameos, and it is essentially a mediocre commercial for the NFL. When I first saw the movie, I listed quite a few positives, but even with those in mind, there is zero replay value for this movie. I do not see a reason for me to go back and watch it a second time. When I watched the film, it was like a car crash. I did not love what I was seeing, but I cannot pretend that it was easy for me to take my eyes off it.

#8: Elemental

2023 was such a great year for animation. There were plenty of films within the medium that I enjoyed. And that makes it extra disappointing to say that “Elemental” could not quite join the ranks. This film is the first Pixar film I disliked. Not only was it bad, it was disappointing. The film looked like it borrowed a lot of what made many other Pixar titles great but it just couldn’t translate those trademarks from those pictures to this one. There was a point in “Elemental” where I almost thought I was watching a Pixar parody movie. “Elemental” is rather inventive in its world building and lore, but its characters across the board are mostly uninteresting. The writing is some of the worst I have come across this year. It felt nearly lazy. The humor mostly relies on puns that just don’t land. They never stop! Like any other Pixar movie, there are things to like about “Elemental.” The animation looks nice, a lot of the voice acting is good, and the story has some decent parts. But it is bombarded with all these tiny little… Elements, if you will, that water down the experience. Between the bad writing, unfunny jokes, tired gags, some unlikable characters, and a much smaller oomph factor than I am used to seeing from Pixar, “Elemental” is easily the worst film from the studio I have seen so far.

#7: Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken

Speaking of atrocious animated movies, hello, “Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken!” How I hardly missed thee! Unlike “Elemental,” which I put amongst my most anticipated movies of the year, “Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken” was one of those films that had me disengaged from the moment I heard about it. I ended up seeing it at a free advance screening, so I thankfully did not waste money on it. But even then, I felt ripped off. There is one particular positive of the movie that continues to stick in my head, particularly Will Forte’s performance as Captain Gordon Lighthouse. His role is quite small, but his voicework behind the role is excellent. But when I saw this movie I said it was a contender for the most cliche movie I have seen all year. Having seen more movies from this year some time after, that sentiment feels truer than ever. The movie looks nice, but the story is about as predictable as what happens when I throw an Xbox out from the roof of an apartment building. Chances are it’s gonna hit the ground and smash to pieces. Honestly, this film barely feels pieced together to begin with. I barely had any interest in the plot, the characters, anything. Part of me though wants to know what it would have been like to watch this movie as a kid. Would I have liked it? I don’t know. But I bring that up because I think one of the big problems of this movie is that it serves as a decent lesson for children, but as an adult, I can see the lesson, and therefore the story progression, coming from a mile away. I have grown up as a kid watching certain movies that I don’t watch as much anymore because my tastes evolve. But there are certain titles, including other DreamWorks animations like the first two “Shrek” films that stick with me to this day. I really want to know how this movie is going to age for this generation of children. Then again, that is going to be hard to say because the film could not even make its own budget back at the box office!

#6: Meg 2: The Trench

Warner Brothers released the biggest of the phenomenon of the summer, “Barbie.” But a couple weeks later they unveiled a massive travesty to moviegoing audiences like no other, and that my friends, is “Meg 2: The Trench.” When it comes to shark movies, I am fully convinced that we are never going to get anything as good, as iconic, or as memorable as Steven Spielberg’s original “Jaws.” But just because that theory may have merit, does not suggest that future shark movies should not at least try to be the next big thing. For those of you who do not know, I enjoyed the first “Meg” movie. The film is not Shakespeare by any means. In fact to some degree, it takes a bit to get going, but it is quite good. Not only does this sequel take a bit to get going as well, it feels as if it barely gets off the ground. The characters are disposable to the point where if a shark ate them, I could not care less. The shark action in this film is not exciting. In fact it is sometimes boring. And speaking of boring, I know there is a saying not to judge a book by its cover, but everything involving the trench in this film made for an utter snooze-fest. It did not look as eye-popping and mysterious as the movie advertised it to be, and story-wise, I was never invested in anything. This movie is partially set on a place called Fun Island, and yet this movie did not offer a single, solitary ounce of fun whatsoever. If you want a shark movie, just stick to “Jaws.” Heck, even the original “Meg” will do.

#5: Hypnotic

When it comes to picking the worst movies of the year, usually the reason why it ends up on such a list has to do with certain qualities that stand out. When it comes to my next entry, “Hypnotic,” it is the opposite. This movie is beyond forgettable. I will give credit where it is due. “Hypnotic” is a pretty cool concept, but the handling of it could have been a lot better. What makes this even more disappointing is having a charismatic actor and a decent director and attaching them to a movie that wastes their collective skill. “Hypnotic” is by no means offensive, but it feels like wasted potential across the board. At least it is short, so I did not have to suffer for too long. “Hypnotic” has the style of a certain type of Christopher Nolan movie with the pace of a boring baseball game. The film did not make a ton of money when it came out, and frankly, I can see why. Just because you have star power in front of and behind the camera, in addition to a compelling story idea, does mean everything will line up in the end. 

#4: 65

Here’s a fact. In 2022, “Jurassic World: Dominion” did the impossible. Make dinosaurs boring. Now a year later, another movie is continuing that tradition all the while wasting the talents of Adam Driver! How bad does your movie have to be for Adam Driver to come off as horrible in it? “65” can freaking go extinct for all I care. The one good thing about “65” is that the concept at least sounds interesting. But unfortunately, it is sullied as the movie progresses in its short but far from sweet runtime. The directing is some of the stiffest I have seen in any movie this year. I am honestly shocked that we got both a screenplay and a directorial effort as bad as we did because this movie is from the same duo who wrote “A Quiet Place,” I would not say “A Quiet Place” was my favorite horror film from the year it came out. But it happened to be quite a unique feature in more ways than one. “65” on the other hand is uniquely boring. It takes a certain event that everyone has in mind regarding dinosaurs and goes out of its way to describe that same event in a way that is about as amusing as watching my toenails grow.

#3: Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom

If you know my relationship with comic book movies, you’d know that this next entry hurts. In fact, throughout 2023, I liked every comic book movie that came out, except for one. And that sole exception is “Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom.” If you asked me years ago if I wanted to see a sequel to the 2018 “Aquaman” movie, I would have said “absolutely.” The first film, while not revolutionary, offered some of the most fun I had in any movie I saw that year! How can you not like a movie where an octopus plays the drums? Well, unfortunately, one of the worst things about “Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom” is that it tests that theory and offers disappointing results. Basically, this film takes everything that is good about the first “Aquaman” and offers a saturated version of it. Jason Momoa is not as charming as he once was. Black Manta may have more prominence, but the way they use him is intolerable. The special effects and overall palate of the movie offer as much of a stylistic look and color as they did in the previous film, but they somehow look worse. And oh yeah, did I mention that this movie somehow makes an octopus playing the drums uninteresting?!

Amber Heard is in this movie, and for all I know, they originally wrote her character in a different way or they had scenes featuring her that were deleted, you could basically erase her character from the entire movie and have it feel no different. Sure, the action sequences look kind of cool at times, but just because the action sequences look dope, does not make the movie good. If I were more invested in the characters and story, then chances are I am going to find the action scenes just a bit more appealing. Much of the movie revolves around a specific transition Arthur Curry makes as a person. Specifically, him being a dad. That barely offered anything interesting to the movie, other than maybe him connecting with his dad for some time. But when it comes to anything involving the villain, Atlantis, or King Orm for instance, that is where the movie sinks.

This is the last movie in the DCEU and unfortunately it is probably the worst one in the entire cinematic universe. I literally own every other DCEU movie on Blu-ray at the moment. Even “Wonder Woman 1984,” which I absolutely detested. To be fair though, the Best Buy SteelBook looked kind of nice. This is probably going to end up being the one DCEU movie I watch that I do not end up buying and owning for myself. It’s that bad. I am not experiencing comic book movie fatigue, but even I felt like I drowned in the Atlantic Ocean having watched this terribly tragic travesty on a platter some people might call a movie.

#2: Fast X

If “F9: The Fast Saga” was the death of a franchise, then “Fast X” is its rotting, torn, neglected corpse. Oh my gosh. When it comes to big budget franchises, there is no worse example of quality I have seen this year. When I think bad “Fast & Furious” movies, my mind often goes to “Tokyo Drift.” I watched it once, it was not for me. That said, looking back on it, at least there was a certain novelty to it despite its occasional cliches and predictable storyline. Structurally, it works as a film. “Fast X” does not even work as half a movie! That is what this movie basically is! Half a movie! That would be fine if the movie was good. But it is not! You could make an argument that 2021’s “Dune” is half a movie. I would say that argument is not entirely accurate, as its protagonist witnesses a full arc from start to finish, but the argument is definitely there to make and I would understand why one could make that argument. But in regards to “Fast X,” this film basically shows everything that is wrong with this franchise. And I say this as someone who has enjoyed most of the films in it. Everything from the 2001 original, to the 2009 revival, to even the “Hobbs & Shaw” spinoff. But the franchise is much like “Pirates of the Caribbean.” The bigger it got, the dumber it became. To be honest, “F9” was the tipping point for me. I have not watched it since the theater and I am perfectly happy with that situation. “Fast X” on the other hand takes “F9” and makes it look like a masterpiece.

Now, I must say, the film is occasionally finely shot, quickly edited, some of the locations pop, and I am glad to see an actual street race in this film unlike the last one. But there is not really much else that this film does right. Vin Diesel has zero personality as Dom Toretto. He is basically Superman in this entire film. Only difference, people look up to Superman. When did I ever watch Dom Toretto and think one day I would want to learn to fly? Speaking of Dom Toretto, remember how he has a kid? Oh yeah, he plays a significant role in the film. Did you know he drives now? Of course, it is “Fast & Furious.” Having your characters drive makes total sense. But there is one problem. THE KID IS EIGHT BLOODY YEARS OLD! Why is he driving?! Dom Toretto is a terrible father! He should not be having children. And honestly, I look at young Brian and I am not convinced that the kid is actually Dom’s. I have seen plenty of episodes of “Maury” to see some strange paternity results. But I am honestly convinced a better movie would have been if Dom Toretto wanted to take a test to find out if his kid is actually his. That would have offered more drama, more stakes, and more character development than what we got.

I look back at the worst movie I saw last year, “Morbius,” and I remember one of the reasons why I put that film so high on the list is because the film was already insufferable enough, but it only crippled whatever life was left in it during its last moments. Specifically the material during the credits. Now, “Fast X,” thankfully, has a mid-credits scene that is not as bad. Granted, I did not love it, but it is still is not great. But the ending of this film takes a story and concept that are already atrocious, and enhance that atrociousness by a thousand percent. If you have not seen this movie, I will not spoil the ending for you, but just about everything in it gave me perhaps the angriest reaction to any scene I watched this year. And for those of you who say these movies are supposed to be dumb fun, okay. Make them fun then! This movie was not that fun. It was one of the most intolerable, brain-melting experiences I ever had in a movie theater. Are there occasional moments that get my approval? Sure. That Pete Davidson cameo was pretty cool. I think they improved John Cena’s character from the last film and utilized his comedic talents a bit more. And it is amazing that I am bringing this guy back into the conversation again, Jason Momoa does an okay job as the villain. He is kind of chuckle-worthy at times. But there are serious overwhelming negatives to this picture to the point where it would be an utter chore for me to turn it on again, even on basic cable for the sake of emitting background noise. If you want a good “Fast & Furious” movie, go watch the original. It’s basically “Point Break” with street racing, but it delivers quite a rush. Want one that’s dumb and fun? Watch “Furious 7!” Between the white-knuckle action, creative sequences, and engaging rivalry between the protagonist and antagonist, it might actually be my favorite film of the franchise. If the next “Fast & Furious” movie comes out and it is somehow worse than what we got here, then I might be done with this franchise if they decide to keep going, and I could potentially be done with movies period. But thankfully, I am done with this rant. Now the real question is, what could beat this movie? I did not see “Expend4bles” this year, so congratulations to Jason Statham for not having another movie on this list. But while he may be safe, there is another manly, muscular actor who should worry.

#1: Freelance

I am not going to lie. My #2 and #1 picks are almost interchangeable. #2 could be #1 tomorrow and vice versa. But I put them in the spots in which they lie right now because #2 had more notable positives that I can recall at this point. The positives in this next film barely stand out and if I am being quite honest with you, it is somewhat difficult to point out anything that stands out in this next entry. That said, there was only one movie this year that I ended up giving a 1/10 score to on this blog, and I stand by it completely. The worst movie I saw in 2023 is “Freelance.” This is one of those movies that lacks flair, lacks charm, lacks energy, basically it lacks any semblance of quality whatsoever. Talk about a piece of schlocky garbage full of awkward humor, awkward dialogue, and awkward chemistry! So much so that it may have broken yours truly upon leaving the little slice of Heaven on earth known as AMC Burlington Cinema 10. This movie stars John Cena! Come on! I am not going to pretend John Cena is the greatest actor in the world, but he has been heavily improving his craft, mostly thanks to his work with James Gunn. I thought he was on the right path to balancing his abilities in comedy and drama. In “Freelance,” John Cena is about as interesting as a terms and services agreement. Alison Brie is not that much better. But maybe their characters could be a saving grace… No they are not! John Cena plays arguably the most insufferable, sorriest excuse of a protagonist I have ever seen. Cena’s character sounds like the worst dad in the world when he is talking to his kids. I honestly found his wife, played by Alice Eve, to be more appealing in the first few minutes because she actually sounded like someone who was, I do not know, a genuinely good person. Sure, the movie tries to get you to feel bad for Cena’s character, but it fails miserably. Some of my favorite movies make me ask thought-provoking questions. Those kinds of films have a monumental impact on me. “Freelance” just made me ask “Why?” in almost every other scene. The performances are about as stale as convenience store pizza. The dialogue is some of the most cringe-inducing I have heard all year. Nothing in this movie was funny, thrilling, or exciting. At times it was either a complete bore or an utter chore.

I love a good story where our main hero gets a chance to take on something bigger than themselves. When they get a shot at a dream. When they face significant obstacles. But these aspects are much more likely to work if the character is admirable. If I don’t like the character, why should I care? I did not like anyone in the film. If anything, the closest I got to “liking” a character was whenever Venegas, the dictator, was on screen. He was this film’s closest example to being a scene stealer, but when I say that, I say that generously. If the characters of a movie barely emit any spark or luster, than chances are that the movie I am watching is a waste of time. And unfortunately, this waste of time fails as an action movie. It fails as a thriller. It fails as a comedy. It fails as whatever other random genre it tries to insert from time to time. Why did John Cena decide to do this movie? Was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson too busy? At least if he starred in it we could have continued joking about the supposed contractual obligation The Rock has about having scenes featuring his character in the jungle.

What really shocks me here, and I am amazed that I almost forgot about this, is that this film is directed by Pierre Morel. If that name sounds familiar, he directed a few films, including one of my favorite Liam Neeson flicks, “Taken.” You know, the one movie he did several years ago that many of the movies he did after feel like they rip off to some degree? Not only was this a shock to me because of how great “Taken” was, but I was shocked that Morel agreed to helm a film where we go from watching a protagonist who could arguably be the father of the year to seeing a lame excuse of a parent as the center. If not for the big stars like John Cena, Alison Brie, and Alice Eve just to name a few, I would not be shocked to find out in another reality that this movie would probably be dumped onto streaming. And I would have been happy about that, because chances are if I had watched it, I would be more likely to forget it. But because I put my time into going to the cinema to watch this movie, it means something more. In fact, if you read my review, you’d know that I had to go to two different theaters to watch this movie because I left my wallet at home and I had to miss the first showtime. I feel like I put ten times the commitment into watching this movie than its screenplay does at delivering a good time. “Freelance” is an eyesore to the tenth degree. It is this year’s finest example of how not to make a movie. It is ultimately the worst film of 2023.

Thanks for reading this countdown! I very much hope you enjoyed looking back at the ten movies I saw this year that made me want to punch myself in the face for having watched them. In the community, there is a stigma if you will against these worst movies lists, saying that they should not be made. The reason why I continue to do them is because I believe in balance. You cannot have the good without the bad. It is my job on Scene Before to tell you which movies you should see, which also means it is my job to be honest when there is a movie you should avoid. So for those who don’t do worst lists, I completely understand why you don’t and I am not gonna rag you for it. I get it. I just think my work would be incomplete if I don’t do this. But pretty soon, we are going to be turning the frown upside down, because next week, it is onto the positives, it is almost time to reveal my top 10 BEST movies of 2023! I am quite excited to share these with you guys. Honestly, this year for movies has been nothing short of thrill-inducing. It is easily one of the best I have done on this blog right next to 2018. I cannot wait to talk about the greatest hits one more time. If you want to see this and more from Scene Before, follow the blog either with an email or WordPress account! Also, check out the official Facebook page! I want to know, what are your worst movies of 2023? What are some of the movies you saw this year you found to be nothing but hot garbage? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!