Gifted

2017 Box Office: Little Room For Originality

Posted on by Jack Drees

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Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! As it is the beginning of 2018, I feel it is appropriate to leave links to two posts down below for you to read in case you haven’t read them. My top 10 BEST movies of 2017, and my top 10 WORST movies of 2017. I’ve had fun making these lists, I’m sure you’ll have fun reading them, and I’m also interested in hearing what your best and worst films of the year are. So, read the posts, leave a like, comment, add Scene Before to your subscriptions through email or WordPress, and keep life going!

TOP 10 BEST MOVIES OF 2017: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2018/01/02/top-10-best-movies-of-2017-2/

TOP 10 WORST MOVIES OF 2017: https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2018/01/02/top-10-worst-movies-of-2017/

Staying on topic, the end of the year and the start of a new one has a meaning when it comes to film. From one perspective it means January is here and a lot of crap is being put in theaters that people are gonna suffer through if all the award winning movies are high in ticket sales. Another perspective goes along the lines of what I just did with the posts above which I have links to, my top 10 best and worst movies of the year. Not only that, but we also have a bunch of award shows that are on the rise. January has the Golden Globes, the Screen Actors Guild Awards, the BAFTA awards, and the Critics’ Choice Awards. In February you got some stuff here and there, but when it comes to film, many people say the Academy Awards might be the only thing that matters (unless you’re that one guy who handed Warren Beatty the wrong card). When it comes to reflection, that’s not the limit to what’s been done this year so far. I’m pretty active on Twitter, and one account I occasionally surf is Collider. They posted a tweet which contained the five highest grossing films at the box office for 2017. This tweet had a link which lead to the highest grossing films of the year, looking over 2017’s box office winners and losers. Here’s the tweet:

This list reveals the top five for the specific category, and as I looked at the results, I’d say that it all makes a lick of sense. How do I feel about it? Honestly, not too good. Because a some time ago, I asked something about the future of movies, and so far nothing has been done about it. Although then again, it wasn’t that long ago that I asked. The question I asked was also the title of a post I did, the post is called “Where Are The Original Movies?” The answer, not here.

Of the top five films mentioned on this list, THREE are superhero films based on comic books, ONE is from a franchise that people recognize instantaneously once you put a picture of a lightsaber in front of them, and ONE is a live action remake that only adds a couple new things in of a Disney animation which is considered a classic by a lot of people. By the way, those aren’t the only two adaptations of the story! Oh yeah, did I mention FOUR of these have Disney at least partially associated with them? I will admit that I personally am at fault. I managed to see four of these films. These include “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2,” “Spider-Man: Homecoming,” and “Wonder Woman.” I review movies, and it feels like a job where I don’t get paid because I don’t monetize my site at the moment, and I actually legit wanted to see all of these films.

Out of the four I saw, I only found one to be great, in fact it made my top five of the year, specifically “Wonder Woman.” I gave it a 10/10 in my review and while it’s not technically flawless, given the villain side of the story, I thought it was an amazing ride with Gal Gadot proving to the world that she is this kick-ass superhero. Plus I felt for the most part this seemed like it was not a studio-type film unlike 2016’s “Batman v. Superman,” it was more like one person (Patty Jenkins) unleashing their vision and sharing it with everyone.

When it comes to “Spider-Man: Homecoming,” it tried to be a different “Spider-Man” movie, but in the end, the execution could have been better. The script had Spidey cracking jokes all over the place. And I think that’s fine, this is Tom Holland playing him, and he played the character in “Captain America: Civil War,” another movie where Spidey cracks jokes. Not to mention, BRILLIANT jokes. Unfortunately, the brilliance wasn’t repeated in “Homecoming.” In my review, I gave it a 7/10, but right now it’s borderline 6-7/10. Speaking of failed attempts at humor, let’s talk about “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.”

When I saw the first trailer for “Guardians 2,” I was in instant hype mode. Granted, I don’t consider the first installment to be the best movie in the MCU, but I also think it is definitely one of the better ones. Not to mention, I consider it to be the most fun out of all the movies released in said cinematic universe. This second installment however wasn’t exactly terrible, but it should have been WAY better than it was. It shoves too much into one movie, kind of like “Age of Ultron,” and at the same time, it feels like it doesn’t feel it inserts too little. No pun intended, but BABY GROOT SUCKS! The humor seemed to land with just about the five-hundred other people watching the film alongside me, but I only laughed at various times. It just wasn’t that funny. The first one is lovable, quotable, and memorable. This one isn’t lovable, but you can say it’s quotable and memorable. I remember a turd joke. I remember a conversation about male genitalia. I will say that for the most part, “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” at least tried to be one thing. I can’t exactly say the same for the conundrum that is “Star Wars: The Last Jedi.”

I love “Star Wars.” There are so many days where I think about “Star Wars” and how much it has brought a tremendous influence on our culture. When it comes to “The Last Jedi,” it’s a very weird installment when it comes to the “Star Wars” saga, and I don’t mean that in a good way. I say that because you can look at a movie like “Colossal,” think of it as weird, and praise it for being weird. The way I’m using “weird” when it comes to this movie is not a good kind. I mean that as in, this movie is “not ‘Star Wars.'” I do appreciate it for not ripping off “The Empire Strikes Back,” but the way they’re taking a lot of the stuff shown in the movie made the whole experience more of a wreck the more I think about it. Also, I’m glad Porgs aren’t in the film for that long, but seriously, they can go to hell.

For the record, the results I talked about are domestic. These results make me wonder what the rest of the decade will look like for box office returns. In the 2010s decade, there have been a small number of original films making the top five for box office returns. These include “The Secret Life of Pets,” “Inside Out,” and “Frozen.” I will give credit to “Inside Out” because I do feel it deserved every penny it made. I watched that and it was extremely emotional. I did watch “The Secret Life of Pets” in the theater, and while it was a technically passable animation, it wasn’t exactly something I would ever want to watch again or show to a kid. I also watched a portion of “Frozen,” and it made me want to die. Beautiful animation, but what else does it have going for it?! The further we go in terms of cinematic history, the more I’ll probably miss 2009 because in that year, “Avatar” came out, and it shut the door on other movies at the box office. And while I do consider that movie to be overrated, and already somewhat dated, I do have to give credit because at the very least, it’s a property that nobody’s heard of.  People have picked up on how much it can be compared to movies like “Pocahontas,” but still. Although I wonder how many people confused it for “Avatar: The Last Airbender.” Sure, it’s from a well known director, but it’s still better than paying money to see “The Hunger Games.” Why did it make so much money? IT’S F*CKING POPULAR! But wait, there are other films on this list too. Just for the sake of letting out information, let’s add on the other top films at the 2017 box office. Just to tell you which ones are actually original ideas, I have those in bold.

6. IT
7. Thor: Ragnarok
8. Despicable Me 3
9. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
10. Justice League
11. Logan
12. The Fate of the Furious
13. Coco
14. Dunkirk
15. The LEGO Batman Movie
16. Get Out
17. The Boss Baby
18. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
19. Kong: Skull Island
20. Cars 3

As you can see, only TWO original films are in the top 20 for the 2017 box office numbers. Just a fun fact, I saw neither one of those, and I’m deeply disappointed in myself. I never got around to watching “Coco” because I don’t know anyone who would want to watch animations, but I heard so many great things about it. As for “Get Out,” I was in a similar situation, I don’t know many people who would want to watch a horror film. I almost picked it up on Blu-ray based on thoughts I had in the past, but I never got to it. Although for those who actually did manage to go see those films, I have tremendous respect for you. Admittedly, I saw five of these fifteen films from beginning to end. I saw another one, “Kong: Skull Island” for the first ten minutes, but my 4K Blu-ray player was having problems therefore not allowing me to watch the rest of the picture. Of the five I saw, I loved two of them. This seriously does beg a question I asked in the past. Why do people watch these movies?

If you want my theory, it’s because everyone is familiar with a particular property. This is why “Star Wars” has owned the box office for the past three years. Main saga installments such as “The Force Awakens” and “The Last Jedi” broke box office records because a large number of people wanted to see these films since it’s part of a well known franchise that a lot of people admire. They didn’t really know what the verdict was from critics who saw the film early, in fact many people, including myself, bought tickets as early as about two or so months prior to release. People went to see “Thor: Ragnarok” because it’s Marvel, the same can be said for “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.” Also, you can consider how both of those movies received positive ratings from critics. People saw “Logan” because the Wolverine’s in it. People saw “Justice League” because it’s DC, although in reality you can say that’s why some folks skipped this movie. You can also say because it has Batman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Cyborg, Aquaman, those people. People saw “The Fate of the Furious” because it’s “Fast and Furious.” Not to mention, it’s not that complicated of a movie, it’s not one of those films where you have to sit down and think. You just eat popcorn and let time go by. People saw “The LEGO Batman Movie” because it’s animated so it’s good for the kids, it has Batman, and “The LEGO Movie” was not only popular, but well received. People saw “Cars 3” because it’s animated, it’s from Pixar, there are a couple of installments leading up to it, and there’s a good chance your kid dragged you to it. You see my point?

I also have to say that studios are partially responsible for this craze. When studios like Disney put out another “Star Wars” movie or another Marvel movie, do you think they’re doing it because they want to put out a quality movie that will be talked about generations to come? It’s possible, however it’s also possible that they’re thinking with their wallet, or in this case their Scrooge McDuck money vault. Yes, I’m still talking about “The Force Awakens” today, and I think it’s an amazing movie. One of my biggest problems with it is that they played it safe, but it’s a very minor issue. There’s a good chance I’ll probably still be talking about “The Last Jedi” too, but I might not be talking about it saying that it’s a great movie. The name “Star Wars” will put almost anyone in the theater. If “The Phantom Menace” didn’t prove that already, these past few years certainly have. Disney also released “Beauty and the Beast,” which I heard is visually dazzling, but ultimately just the same story as the animated version, just told in live action, with a couple songs added in, and changing someone’s traits to make them homosexual. I’m not saying live action remakes from Disney are terrible, after all I really enjoyed “The Jungle Book.” I will blurt that I actually might not have the right to say what I’m saying because I didn’t see any version of “Beauty and the Beast.” This is the problem. Hollywood is just redoing old ideas and passing them off as new. It works for “Super Mario Bros,” not for Disney movies.

As for 2018, originality isn’t looking too great for Disney either. Let’s see what movies they have lined up:

  • A Wrinkle in Time (based on a book by Madeleine L’Engle)
  • Solo: A Star Wars Story (Star Wars)
  • Avengers: Infinity War (Marvel)
  • Black Panther (Marvel)
  • Ant-Man and the Wasp (Marvel)
  • Incredibles 2 (Pixar sequel)
  • The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (Based on a story and ballet)
  • Ralph Breaks the Internet: Wreck-It Ralph 2 (Disney animation sequel)
  • Mary Poppins Returns (Title pretty much says it all)

It’s not just Disney to blame here. Let’s talk about some other unoriginal films coming out in 2018!

  • Deadpool 2
  • X-Men: Dark Phoenix
  • Ready Player One
  • Pacific Rim: Uprising
  • Rampage
  • Tomb Raider
  • Fifty Shades Freed
  • Creed 2
  • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
  • Bumblebee: The Movie
  • Aquaman
  • Fantastic Beasts and the Crimes of Grindenwald
  • Venom
  • Slender Man
  • The New Mutants
  • Sicario 2: Soldado
  • Johnny English 3
  • Goosebumps: Horror Land
  • The Grinch
  • Super Troopers 2
  • Scarface
  • The Equalizer 2
  • Barbie
  • Mission: Impossible 6
  • Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
  • Maze Runner: The Death Cure
  • Insidious: The Last Key
  • Animal Crackers
  • Ocean’s 8
  • The Purge: The Island
  • Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation
  • Teen Titans Go! to the Movies
  • Robin Hood
  • The Predator
  • God’s Not Dead: A Light in Darkness

You get the point by now…

I get that filmmaking is technically a business, and people use it to make money, but they have to realize what they’re doing to people who watch the films. They could walk in, walk out, and say that they had an experience. It could be good, it could be bad. The real question is: How many experiences like the ones I just described will have a good chunk of people who felt like they experienced something new? Granted, storytelling has been around for a long time. The oldest written story passed down to us, The “Epic of Gilgamesh,” was introduced to the world around 2100 BC. We’ve been telling stories for as long as time can stand. It’s quite possible that original stories are going the way of the woolly mammoth. In fact a lot of original stuff we’re actually getting now borrows elements from other pieces of work. At this point, I don’t really care if we get a new franchise or a new movie from something we haven’t technically watched in the past, but I want to see more of that and less sequels each and every day. I may be a picky eater, I always have been since I was a kid, but my tastes in film go like this: As long as the film’s good in any way possible, it’s cool. Do I like unoriginal work? Yes, as long as it’s good. I’m not saying every original film is good either. Heck, 2017 gave a ton of original crap! Films like “Gifted,” “Downsizing,” and “The Space Between Us.”

I’m also not saying every unoriginal film did well at the box office in 2017. Films like “Blade Runner 2049,” “xXx: Return of Xander Cage,” “Ghost in the Shell,” “Underworld: Blood Wars,” “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter,” “A Bad Moms Christmas,” “The Mummy,” and “The LEGO Ninjago Movie” didn’t appear to be as successful as other films during the year. By the way, for those of you who skipped out on “Blade Runner 2049,” you missed a work of art.

What I want studios and filmmakers to learn is this: It’s OK to take risks, it’s OK to be different, that’s what storytelling is about. Showing a unique vision to the world, not grabbing everyone’s wallet and swallowing it because of something they already know getting a new installment. How do you think Quentin Tarantino is popular today? How do you think he got popular in the first place? Is he doing the same thing as everyone else? Is he recycling old ideas? Sure, he definitely has influence from others, but his ideas are usually original so people usually view his movies as refreshing. Christopher Nolan has borrowed ideas from others, including his own brother, but at least he has done some stuff of his own like “Inception.” Not to mention, he stays away from traditional Hollywood conventions, even in unoriginal content like “The Dark Knight.” Another director I have my eyes on now is Nacho Vigolando. He wrote and directed “Colossal,” one of my top films of 2017.

The concept of “Colossal” itself, takes a number of elements from other movies, but in end, it’s truly its own thing. A girl named Gloria (Anne Hathaway) is kicked out of her apartment by her boyfriend who goes by the name Tim (Dan Stevens). Gloria moves back to her hometown where she reunites with a childhood friend, Oscar (Jason Sudeikis). As the movie progresses, we are shown that a monster recently attacked Seoul, South Korea. The thing that everyone has yet to realize, Gloria is responsible for the monstrous actions. You can do so many things with this, and what they did with it was just imaginative. It tries to be a lot of things at once, and believe it or not, it actually works! Films like this are something that I could imagine inspiring a generation of filmmakers. The problem is that it’s not all that popular, it’s an independent film, and was never really marketed all that well. In fact, I never really anticipated “Colossal” to be the absolute masterpiece that it is. People never really talked about it much before or even during the release. The same can’t really be said for a chunk of unoriginal content.

One of the movies I’m really looking forward to in 2018 is “Incredibles 2.” Not much has been shown for it yet, but regardless, I want to see it. Why? Because the original film is my favorite animation ever made! This just really makes me wonder, how rare is it for someone to actually go on for a long time, hyping for something totally original? Hype is something that people usually have for unoriginal content for no other reason other than because what they’re hyping for IS that unoriginal content. I’ve hyped for original content, but the more I look around, that’s not the case with everyone else. Look at all the hype “Avengers: Infinity War” is getting right now! This based on comic book story has been built up for quite some time through the release of a ton of films, and now that it’s almost here, there’s an enormous craze regarding it.

I’m not saying all unoriginal ideas are bad, I think I’ve made that clear already. In fact, I want to say one of them could be a future masterpiece. This year I was one of those people who actually got off their ass, went to the theater, and saw “Blade Runner 2049.” Just about everyone who saw the film would agree with me when I say it’s good. I’d bet not everyone would say they enjoyed it as much as I did. There will inevitably be those people who were bored out of their minds due to the movie’s slow pace, but in the end, this movie is just a testament to cinema. From a technical perspective, I was blown away. Roger Deakins’s cinematography was some of the best I’ve seen all year. The visual effects were eye candy that you’d want in your mouth instantly. Watching every single frame pass by was like looking at neon Heaven. Story-wise, I was also impressed, especially for a sequel like this. It develops all of its characters perfectly, continues in a future that probably will not happen entirely, but based on the world of “Blade Runner,” it does seem like something that would make sense from a certain angle. I’ll remind you that the original film came out in 1982 and took place in 2019, this sequel released thirty five years after, 2017, and took place in 2049. Sadly, not many people saw this when you compare the results this movie got against others. Although you might as well consider that not many people left their houses to go and see the first “Blade Runner” either. One of the biggest things I appreciated out of this sequel is how it didn’t set the stage for endless sequels or a cinematic universe. It felt like a movie, not a neverending TV series.

As interesting as cinematic universes are, they are becoming more and more common and the concept is just becoming rather boring. I will say, I have an idea for a cinematic universe, I think it could work, but as far as standalone franchises, I’m only incorporating two of them. It’s simple and effective. Standalone sequels have a beginning, middle, and end. They can give a sense of satisfaction. I’m not saying cinematic universe movies don’t have a beginning, middle, and end, but meshed in there is setup. Sometimes it works, sometimes it just comes off like a kid trying to get attention. Despite how much “Avengers: Infinity War” may sound like a finale for the MCU, trust me when I say it’s not. For one thing, there’s going to be a fourth “Avengers” film the following year, and Marvel still has more plans for films afterwards. They have another “Spider-Man” movie and another “Guardians of the Galaxy” movie! According to James Gunn, writer and director of the first two “Guardians of the Galaxy” films, not to mention the possible writer and director of the upcoming third installment, he says that “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3” will expand the cosmic universe. Honestly, I don’t know how to feel. At least “Two and a Half Men” had a conclusion! It took about twelve or so years to get to it, but it happened! Although you know what could happen once this cinematic universe ends? One word. Reboot. And you know what? It’ll probably make some f*cking money!

You know what else could be true? I don’t know, we’re probably just reaching the bottom of the barrel and running out of ideas. Although I can’t say that’s true because I have an idea for an original film. I won’t say what it is, but if any major Hollywood studio wants in on it, I’d be happy to send it to them. I don’t have the script finished yet, but I can definitely work on it if you want to see this idea realized in the future.

I’m not against unoriginal content, but from my personal viewpoint on society, these results make it seem like that’s all anyone watches now. Is it a popular thing? Someone watched it. Is it based on something that happened before? Someone watched it. I just want to see a future where at least some original content gets to shine as much as unoriginal content. Well, as long as said original content is good. I want to say to both studios and audiences, take some steps off the beaten path. I did that when I saw “Colossal,” I was originally planning to see “Kong: Skull Island,” but “Colossal” was the movie I ultimately had time for, and it was f*cking worth the ride.

Thanks for reading this post! As far as upcoming reviews go, I do plan on seeing this film called “The Commuter,” there’s a chance you may have heard of it on TV. It stars Liam Neeson as a person on a train who’s caught in a criminal conspiracy. The director who’s doing this film directed “The Shallows,” which was pretty great, but it’s January, so anything could happen.

Also I want to inform you that pretty soon I’ll be starting a new mini-series of reviews, specifically for the “Maze Runner” movies. I’m gonna watch “The Maze Runner” and “Maze Runner: The Scorch Trails,” and I’ll review the first film one week, and follow up with a review for the second film the week afterwards. This is all being done in preparation for “Maze Runner: The Death Cure,” which comes out January 26th. Stay tuned for those reviews and more great content! I want to know, which movies did you see in 2017? Did you see any that made the top results at the box office? Do you think we need more original content? Would you watch more original content? Leave your comments below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

Top 10 WORST Movies of 2017

Posted on by Jack Drees

Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! I just posted my top 10 BEST movies of 2017, so that means I now have to do my top 10 WORST movies of 2017. I’ve seen a good number of movies this year, some of which were great, some OK, and others that I probably don’t want to watch again unless I was being paid, or maybe I don’t want the money because the movie would torture me enough to where I beg for mercy. This list is dedicated to THOSE films. The worst of the worst. Just like with my BEST movies list I’ll remind you that I not seen every single movie that has come out in 2017. So if you’re wondering why movies like “Fifty Shades Darker,” “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter,” or “Jigsaw” are not present here, consider what I just said your reason. There’s tons of crap that comes out that there’s not enough time to watch it all. Not to mention I haven’t seen “Fifty Shades of Grey,” nor have I seen any prior “Resident Evil” or “Saw” installments so it would be even weirder watching those movies. So there you go, my case stands. Also, this is my personal opinion so if you’re wondering why I didn’t put a certain movie on the list, there’s a chance I didn’t see it or I actually admired it. Another rule I’ll state is that the films I’m talking about had to have been shown in the theater at least once, and as far as I know, I haven’t seen any theater times listed anywhere for “Sharknado 5: Global Swarming” so that movie’s off the list. Before we proceed onto my top 10, I have two dishonorable mentions I feel need to be briefly talked about on here.

Dishonorable Mention: The Glass Castle

My first honorable mention is “The Glass Castle.” This is based on a book I didn’t read in its entirety, but having gone through a portion of it, I have to automatically say the book is not only better than the movie, but actually something worth your time.

Dishonorable Mention: Gifted

Lastly for the brief mentions, we have “Gifted,” which is a word that associates with the movie’s title, a character in the movie with said title, but not the movie itself. It has solid performances and nice location choices, but the amount of product placement this movie had made it feel like a commercial.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s reflect on my poor life choices. These are my top 10 WORST movies of 2017.

#10: Transformers: The Last Knight

(Sigh) That’s right. This s*it happened. “Transformers: The Last Knight” happened. I know a lot of people don’t like the “Transformers” movies, but I will say that each one has at least one redeeming quality about them. The score, the effects, I will even go as far as to say that the first movie had a solid story. The experience I had watching this film in the theater is one of the worst I EVER had. I can imagine everyone who saw this in IMAX got a slightly better experience than I did seeing this film in Real-D 3D. While some movies partially shot with IMAX cameras change its aspect ratio only when shown in IMAX, not to mention every once in awhile during the runtime like with “The Dark Knight” and “The Dark Knight Rises,” I actually experienced aspect ratio changes in a standard theater! I mean, WHAT?! This doesn’t bring ANY immersion to the table! Unless I was seeing this in something like RPX or Cinemark XD or something else along those lines, watching this movie anywhere but IMAX would be a s*it filled ride down a toilet! Unlike other movies partially shot in IMAX which changes its ratio after some period of time, the ratio kept changing every other second, and it almost felt like there was no reason for it! The only real positive I can give to this film is that it is actually somewhat funny at times and the effects are also kind of cool. Other than that, it’s pretty much the same thing you’ve seen in previous “Transformers” installments shoved into this one. Here’s some advice: Either end the franchise, start over, or just TRY to make a good movie.

#9: Snatched

This next movie is Goldie Hawn’s return to the big screen. Having seen this film, she should have waited just a bit longer. After seeing “Snatched,” I can confirm it is complete and total s*it. I will be somewhat fair to this considering it is after all a stupid comedy so it’s not really trying to come off as Shakespeare material, but in all reality, this movie was bad. The movie reminded me of “The Guilt Trip,” which a good amount of people didn’t like, but I thought was all right for what it was. So in a way, you can say this is a worse version of “The Guilt Trip.” Although instead of a parent and child going on a road trip, they’re on vacation in paradise. The experience of watching the movie itself is rather unfunny, awkward, and you grow to dislike some of the characters as you watch it. One thing I really hate in comedies, maybe depending on the movie, is when you can predict what’s coming. This movie has that for me. There was one really funny scene and a rather chuckleworthy character, but if the movie didn’t have those elements mixed in, it would be higher on the list. Did I mention this movie’s complete and total s*it? Cause if I didn’t, “Snatched” is complete and total s*it!

#8: The Circle

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Let’s just say that the movie I’m preparing to tell you about is one you’ve never seen before. I tell you the plot is rather relevant in ways, it’s based on a book liked by many readers, it has cast members including Tom Hanks (Saving Private Ryan, Forrest Gump), Emma Watson (Beauty and the Beast, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone), John Boyega (Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Attack the Block), Bill Paxton (Weird Science, Aliens), Karen Gillan (Guardians of the Galaxy, Doctor Who), Patton Oswalt (King of Queens, Ratatouille), ALL of those people! Then you see the movie, and kick me in the f*cking crotch. What movie I’m talking about? I’m talking about “The Circle.” Aside from the fact that the plot could have been executed better and that there’s periods of the film where basically nothing happens, the movie just makes you think, why are all of these actors together?! How do you get all of these heavyweights/popular names all in one movie and have it suck ass?! The movie’s marketing makes you think that Tom Hanks is going to be in the film for quite some time, but he isn’t really! He’s barely even there at all! In fact, speaking of actors here, what purpose does John Boyega serve? For what I recall upon first watching the movie, you could literally remove him from the picture and have little to no change to the story, at least that’s what I recall. Oh yeah, and speaking of abominable things this movie has, the ending sucks. This ending’s so bad that as far as this decade goes, it rivals movies like “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” and the “Ghostbusters” reboot. The good news is, if you are somehow curious to watch this piece of crap, it’s free if you’re an Amazon Prime member (at the time of making this list)! So if you have Prime, you have the option to subject yourself to this unbelievably atrocious torture.

#7: Underworld: Blood Wars

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Kate Beckinsale. Badass, right? Not here! Not in “Underworld: Blood Wars” she isn’t! This is fifth installment in the “Underworld” franchise, and at this point, it needs to stop! In fact, it looks like it’s gonna keep going on, I heard it’s getting a TV series sometime in the future. The whole idea behind “Underworld” isn’t that heavy, it’s a world of humans, vampires, and werewolves, it’s a time of war, and it might as well be an excuse for mindless action. I enjoyed the first two “Underworld” installments, but based on how I feel about the material released after, that’s where the series should have stopped. I mean, to be fair, there’s one good thing about the movie and that’s the fact that it’s really short compared to a lot of other movies released nowadays, so you can say that implies I spent less time suffering here than I did during other films.

#6: The Only Living Boy in New York

Coming in at #6 is a movie I watched towards the year’s end since it was free on Amazon. By the way, the fact that this movie was free was the only perk that came with watching it, because other than that, I gotta say “The Only Living Boy In New York” is a piece of crap. Kate Beckinsale plays one of the lead roles in this film and I hate saying that because that means “Underworld: Blood Wars” isn’t the only dumpster fire featuring said actress! This movie was directed by Marc Webb, who also directed another movie on this list which is featured in the honorable mentions, “Gifted.” I will say though, at least “Gifted” was funny at times, it had some likable characters, and a hint of charm to it. Here in this movie, it almost feels like nobody’s happy, the main character’s mopey, the mistress he falls in love with during the movie is confused and thinks more like a computer running on Dial-Up Internet than a human, nobody seems like they’re in a good mood. Also, let’s talk about the music. By itself, the music isn’t all that bad, but at times, it feels a little too epic for a movie such as this. At times it felt like something that would be appropriate for something like an adventure flick as opposed to a drama. The way people behave in this movie almost gave me a headache. The choices they make, the way they act around each other, the way they are themselves, it’s just awkward, boring, or painful to watch. Also, the reason behind the movie’s title is something I didn’t care for. I didn’t care for how the main character wanted to write and I cared more for the mistress story. And this is really freaking sad if you ask me because as the owner of Scene Before, I’m a writer!

#5: Downsizing

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Coming in at #5 is “Downsizing.” Prior to this list’s publication, this was the most recent 2017 release I saw, meaning 2017 ended with a big whimper. On paper, this film sounds interesting. A guy is shrunken down and goes to live in this space with other tiny beings. Trust me when I say that this movie just makes you rack your mind up with tons of questions about the film’s practicality. Not only that, but the movie is just BOOORING! If there’s a clever way to describe “Downsizing,” I’d describe it like this: In the first act, it might as well be called “Questioning the Logic of Everything: The Movie,” and the following acts are basically what can be referred to as “C-SPAN with no politics and more fictional characters.” If Matt Damon made a bad decision on doing “The Great Wall” this year, that logically means he made an even worse decision by doing this piece of s*it.

#4: How to Be a Latin Lover

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There are some films that are funny such as “The Hangover,” some that try to be funny but fail such as “Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb,” and then there are those that give you the illusion that you just died, you entered Hell, and it’s the Devil that’s torturing you. Case and point, “How to Be a Latin Lover.” Woooow. If “Snatched” is complete and total s*it, then “How to Be a Latin Lover” is complete and total birds*it. I didn’t see this in the theater, but I was eager to check it out once it came out on Blu-ray because I found it used for a reasonable price. This is a comedy that not only has jokes we’ve seen before HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF TIMES (sex jokes up the wazoo, some of which are just cringeworthy to say the least), but also contains lazy jokes that I never thought I’d hear. Speaking of cringeworthy, there are a number of characters that really made me feel as if I was getting ten needles shoved in my eyes at the same time. Kristen Bell was just cartoony to the point of absurdity, the lead character played by Eugenio Derbez was unlikable, the henchmen are just giving forced jokes that are just painful to listen to. The jokes given by the henchmen could entertain kids watching say “Alvin and the Chipmunks 5: Chip Just Got Real.” That’s not a real movie, but it better not be in the future.

#3: Father Figures

If “Snatched” is complete and total s*it, and “How to Be a Latin Lover” is complete and total birds*it, then “Father Figures” is the biggest piece of dogs*it of all time! Imagine you’re tied to a chair, a dog is magically floating over your head, and said dog is taking a dump in your mouth for almost two hours. That would be irritating, right? I refuse to call this movie what they want me to call it! It’s not “Father Figures!” It’s “Bastards!” It’s a somewhat funnier title yet still appropriate for the story! Although if you want to be more accurate, it should be called “Bastard” because in reality, this movie is one f*cking bastard. Owen Wilson and Ed Helms aren’t funny in this movie, the only good parts about it are Terry Bradshaw and JK Simmons. Ving Rhames, AKA the guy whose voice you hear in the Arby’s commercials is in the movie, so that’s a plus. I can’t say he stands out. But at least I get to say he’s in it! Out of all the films I’ve seen this year, this one probably contains the scene that shrank my brain more than any other. This movie was draggy, annoying, and overall just unpleasant to watch. Avoid it like the plague!

#2: The Space Between Us

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Sci-fi is one of my goto genres when it comes to naming great films. I can give a ton of them. “Star Wars,” “Blade Runner,” “The Matrix,” “Interstellar,” “Back to the Future,” “The Martian,” “Arrival,” all of those movies show my love for sci-fi, not to mention film in general. Movies like “The Space Between Us?” Not so much. Seriously, what was this thing?! I have a friend who saw this movie, she got the “privilege” of seeing it with the rest of her work crew, and she f*cking hated it. This movie, like “How to Be a Latin Lover,” is a movie that I didn’t see in theaters, but picked up once I found it used on Blu-ray. It’s an absolute rarity that I can’t stand watching a science fiction flick as much as I wasn’t able to stand this one. Like, what the f*ck did I watch? The whole plot of the film is that two beings are attracted to each other romantically, one’s on Mars, one’s on Earth, and we have to suffer through one of the worst romances ever put in a movie. These two have no chemistry, and I felt like I was gonna die watching this. Oh yeah, and some of the camerawork and editing sucks too. I don’t think there’s many movies that annoyed me as much as this one when it comes to jumpcuts. It’s just so stupid! As much as I like Tom Holland as the MCU’s Spider-Man, I’m kind of mad they didn’t cast Asa Butterfield as that character because if they did there’s a possibility we wouldn’t have to have seen this garbage.

#1: The Emoji Movie

We’ve reached the bottom of the list folks. We’ve officially broken ground and went under! This is #1! There’s only one word that can describe this movie, and that word, is s*it. In fact, I think it’s very appropriate because this movie actually has a piece of s*it in it. At #1, I give you, the movie I DID NOT WANT TO SEE, but I did anyhow to fulfill the requests of those who wanted me to watch this, and to prove that I’m willing to sit through any movie. My #1 worst movie of 2017 is… “The Emoji Movie.” Remember how I said in my top 10 best list that “Colossal” was jaw-dropping? Well, this is jaw-dropping as well. I dropped my jaw as vomit exited my mouth thinking about this piece of crap. OK, I didn’t do that, but really, what minds thought this movie was a good idea? Well, according to the poster, Columbia Pictures and Sony Pictures Animation, and I’d like to give a giant f*ck you to both of them. I know I usually swear on these posts, and I have gotten some criticism for it, but f*ck it, I gotta do what I gotta do. And what I gotta do is say, f*ck this movie! Speaking of which, while I may swear on various posts, I don’t think I’ve done it to the extent which I did during my review/rant for “The Emoji Movie.” The post was so graphic in terms of language that I actually had to provide a warning in the title, which is a first for this blog! Here are some actual quotes from my tirade–err I mean, review, sorry, review:

“Some dumbasses watched some animations and said “Oh yeah, that was the s*it!,” and thought “Let’s try to recreate those, but with Emojis!” So they went to Sony Pictures Animation and suggested this s*itshow of an idea to them and Sony Pictures Animation told them, “Welcome aboard! Time to capitalize on the name “Emoji!” Who cares if it’s s*it? We decided that “The Angry Birds Movie” was a good idea so let’s become known as the phone movie gods!” My response to that is, thanks Sony Animation! Thanks for being a bunch of f*cking twerps that don’t understand the concepts of art and storytelling (flips two birds)!”

 

“It almost felt like Sony Animation or someone else behind this film thought about contacting a bunch of companies who make apps and say “Hey, you want to be in our s*itf*ck in the ass?” and they somehow put them all in there so they can just make s*itloads of money!”

 

““The Emoji Movie” is nothing but a rip off of better animations, a s*itty idea which became a s*itty movie, and a poorly written, anger-inducing f*ckpile of a film created by a bunch of c*cksucking jackasses that just want to capitialize on a trend! If this movie makes enough money, there’s a slight chance that some motherf*cker might make a “Fidget Spinner” movie! I have a good idea for one, but we DON’T NEED ONE!”

 

And I just realized, I haven’t even gotten into the film itself. It’s basically an hour and a half of TJ Miller being this Emoji that doesn’t fit into its own environment, he goes out on a quest to become a normal Emoji, and while this is happening, we sometimes cut to the real world outside the phone where TJ Miller is and we see this teenager who has a crush on a girl. At the same time, his phone is acting up and he wants to solve the problem. This is because of certain, catastrophic events if you will. Throughout we get this quest that has elements of “Wreck-It Ralph,” “The LEGO Movie,” and “Inside Out.” Although unlike those movies, this movie did its story in such a lazy fashion. Product placement up the wazoo, annoying characters up the wazoo, forced plot points up the wazoo, forced characterization that doesn’t even fit up the wazoo, and s*itty dialogue up the wazoo. The only positive I’ll give towards “The Emoji Movie” is the animation, it is passable and if this movie were silent, I imagine some people would be fine watching this. But here’s the thing. It’s 2017. Good animation is a requirement by now, it’s something a lot of folks expect in their movies. This movie, story-wise is dumb as f*ck, and character-wise, is full of crap. “The Emoji Movie” is not only one of the worst movies of the year, I will even go as far as to say, it’s the all time worst animation I’ve ever seen. It’s stupid on paper! So imagine how much dumber it is on a screen! This movie is worse than cancer! This movie is worse than Hitler! This movie is worse than getting a sword shoved up your ass! This movie is worse than any other movie I’ve seen in 2017.

Guys! 2017 is history! I think that is something that a small part of me never thought I’d say. This year not only wasn’t the greatest for movies, it was probably the worst for me personally. I may be a Negative Nancy because there were a number of positive moments in 2017, such as getting to meet the cast of “Revenge of the Nerds,” getting to see an IMAX 70mm presentation, and getting a chance to do a ton of reviews for the latest in film. Although in reality, this year was shrouded in f*ckery. The US alone is a proper example. We have a controversial group of people alongside a controversial leader of the country. We have a lot of sexual harassment scandals coming out of nowhere, which is good for getting the word out, but they occasionally involve people who have been admired. We also have the “new Internet.” Net Neutrality has been repealed, meaning that the Internet itself can be more expensive from a user perspective, which could mean that you have to pay to read my blog (at least I think that’s possible). By the way, f*ck FCC Chairman Ajit Pai. Seriously though, the year’s over, and it’s time to move on! I would like to thank everyone for reading my blog in 2017, and I hope to see more people reading it during 2018! I think personally that 2018 will manage to be worse than 2017, but only time will tell, and I really want to get off that topic now. Thanks for reading this countdown! I hope your 2018 goes well, I’m hoping to review more movies for you guys, unleash more content, and I hope you enjoy it all! I mentioned at the beginning of this post that I did my top 10 BEST movies of 2017, and if you want to read that, click the red box below that says “Top 10 BEST Movies of 2017.” Stay tuned for more reviews, more countdowns, other great content! I want to know, what are your worst movies of 2017? Do you think I missed a certain film? Let know about it and maybe I’ll agree, and if I haven’t seen it, I know now not to watch it! Leave all of that info down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!