Ed Helms

Ron’s Gone Wrong (2021): A Mediocre Display of Social Media-Based Materialism

Posted on by Jack Drees

“Ron’s Gone Wrong” is directed by Sarah Smith, Jean-Phillipe Vine, and Octavio E. Rodriguez. This is one of those interesting cases where a film has three directors, don’t usually see that. This film stars Jack Dylan Grazer (Luca, It), Zach Galifianakis (The Hangover, Missing Link), Ed Helms (The Office, Vacation), Justice Smith (Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, All the Bright Places), Rob Delaney (Catastrophe, Deadpool 2), Kylie Cantrall (Just Go with It, Gabby Duran & the Unsittables), Ricardo Hurlado (School of Rock, Glitch Techs), and Olivia Colman (The Favourite, The Father). The film is set in the future where a giant company unveils their latest invention, the B-bot. The B-bot is a personal companion robot that is designed to make friends. Everyone has one, except for Barney, who lives in a slightly unusual household. One day, he opens up what appears to be a B-bot, only it is glitchy and all over the place. After a series of events, the two stay together, form a friendship and navigate themselves through a trend-based crowd of middle-schoolers.

When I saw the trailer for “Ron’s Gone Wrong” earlier this year, my expectations were somewhere in the middle. I liked the fact that it was an original property, which is nice to see. I liked the idea that it sort of connects to our reality (even though this film is set in the future). And the ultimate kneeslapper at the end, the “6 feet apart” joke, which probably would have been nowhere near as funny if it were not for COVID-19 happening. It’s the old saying, comedy equals tragedy plus time. And for the record, I did find out that this film was recorded and animated during the pandemic, therefore it is completely possible that the 6 feet apart joke could be a reference to it. My expectations were neither high or low, I was just looking for a good time at the movies.

And was it a good time at the movies?

Welllll….

I have watched a lot of animated movies. For this blog, I typically watch at least five in a year. But I always notice that in these movies, the filmmakers always intend to hide a lesson about something to children by the end. “The LEGO Movie” had a lesson telling children that just because you’re ordinary, doesn’t mean you’re not special. “The Lion King” taught children that life is hard and the truth will always come out, even if the consequences are deadly. “Cars” teaches children to keep their friends close and sometimes you do not need to win to be the best. I love when animations are more than just farts and giggles for the sake of farts and giggles. This is why I hate when someone says “x movie is for children, therefore x does not have to try hard at being great.” Uh… That’s lazy. That’s like saying the Boston Celtics won 17 championships, why not suck for one season? No, you give it your best shot and try to stick the landing.

“Ron’s Gone Wrong” has an obvious piece of social commentary within it. This film mainly follows Barney, who lives in what could be described as an “under a rock” setting compared to everyone else in the film. Once he acquires his B-bot, which is way different than others, this makes him more normal than before, but not in the ways that one would consider positive. There’s a moment where we see Barney encounter his bullies, and Ron helps fight back against them. I could not really decide whether I like this pair together or not, based on what I saw on screen at the time, because I doubt the movie is trying to encourage fighting for children, but I could imagine some could see it coming across that way if they don’t pay enough attention.

Although one of my favorite things about this film is how much it reminds me of today’s franchise and gaming culture. I don’t play “Fortnite,” but I know one of the big things about that game aside from the terrible hidden narrative that elevators are freakin’ useless, happen to be the skins. During the film, we see all these B-bots, and they seem to cater to the personalities of those who possess them. There’s one that displays a basketball, another one’s a monkey, another one’s a grizzly knight in armor. It’s kind of playing on the notion that the working B-bots all belong to trendy people who have no problem fitting in.

Another big allegory of the film that I picked up on was the idea that social media ruins lives. Now, these B-bots are not just personal companions to their owners, but they also run social media. Basically, the B-bot is a walking phone. There’s this great look into this one person who has something in particular happen to them during the film that makes them go from being the cool kid to the one nobody wants to sit next to during lunch.

If I had to compare this movie to anything else, I would say this it is a mashup of “Jingle All the Way” and “Free Guy.” While this film does not take place during Christmastime, unlike “Jingle All the Way,” this film heavily relies on a story that makes fun of materialism and certain things making children look cool. As for the “Free Guy” comparison, much of this film is spent from the perspective of a massive corporation who is responsible for the creation of the B-bot. The story is very similar, one guy came up with the idea, he had all the marbles and strings attached, but of course, someone else at the company is more concerned about making money and stocks. It’s your show friends vs. show business kind of story. I like bits and pieces of this, but for what I remember about the film, I don’t think I agreed with every move the characters took. Maybe I’m just an ass, I don’t know.

When it comes to animated fare, this one does not pass, but it also does not fail. I was endlessly annoyed by Barney’s B-bot. Now I get it, it’s out of control, it’s got problems. But the voicework for it became increasingly infuriating to listen to, and I’m a fan of Zach Galifianakis just to be clear. But the thing about his voiceover is that the B-bot literally says the same words the same way every single time. If they were trying to go for the typical robot thing where the bot is monotone, that’s one thing, but it’s a mix between monotone and expressive to the point where I feel like I myself am going to glitch out.

I also want to talk about my experience of watching this in the theater. It’s been a month, so I don’t remember everything. But I do remember this… After the movie had it’s big climactic moment, we see this one scene where there’s these B-bots rolling around, and one of them is in the form of a Stormtrooper. I believe there was a Darth Vader version in the movie as well. This movie is obviously making fun of the corporate way, the endless franchise propaganda we’re getting today. But if you’re a kid, it probably doesn’t matter. There was a mother and son next to me, and the son says something along the lines of “I like that one, it’s Star Wars!” Kids might not get the lesson just yet. Either way, Disney probably wins. They made this movie (under the 20th Century banner) and now they get to sell a kid more “Star Wars” stuff. That’s business!

Freakin’ corporations.

In the end, “Ron’s Gone Wrong” made me leave the theater with such a confused reaction. I did not hate this movie, but I didn’t love it either. I would not call it good, but I also would not call it a disaster. It has some occasional funny moments, but I did not always care for every character and there were certain parts I liked more than others. The film does come packed with lessons for children, but whether or not they take them, is a mystery at this point. I’m going to give “Ron’s Gone Wrong” a 6/10.

“Ron’s Gone Wrong” is now available to rent or buy. You can find it on DVD, Blu-ray, and 4K Blu-ray in stores. It is available to stream on Disney+, HBO, and HBO Max. It is also playing in select theaters.

Thanks for reading this review! If you enjoyed this review, be sure to look out for more of my upcoming reviews including “King Richard,” “tick…tick…BOOM!,” and “Encanto” just to name a few. The end of the year is here and there are plenty of movies to talk about. Let’s do it. If you want to see this and more from Scene Before, follow the blog either with an email or WordPress account! Also, check out the official Facebook page! I want to know, did you see “Ron’s Gone Wrong?” What did you think about it? Or, what is one item you always begged for as a kid? Perhaps as a gift? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

Tag (2018): The “It” Movie of the Year!

Posted on by Jack Drees

Before we start this review of “Tag,” let me just have you know that I here at Scene Before have been truly grateful to create content to whatever portion of my audience still continues to follow me. And you may or may not know with this post, I have hit a milestone. This “Tag” review you’re reading right now is my 200th post (not counting one that was deleted)! This news of having two-hundred posts almost slipped under my radar. And you know what? I like you all, so I gotta do something for ya in return. I won’t exactly say what it is, but stay tuned, it’s a surprise! Be sure to look out for my NOT EXACTLY 200TH POST SPECIAL coming soon!

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“Tag” is directed by Jeff Tomsic and stars Ed Helms (The Office, Vacation), Jake Johnson (New Girl, Jurassic World), Annabelle Wallis (Annabelle, X-Men: First Class), Hannibal Buress (Neighbors, The Secret Life of Pets), Isla Fisher (Now You See Me, Rise of the Guardians), Rashida Jones (Parks and Recreation, The Social Network), Leslie Bibb (Iron Man, Law Abiding Citizen), along with Jon Hamm (Mad Men, The Town), and Jeremy Renner (The Avengers, The Bourne Legacy). This film is about a bunch of friends who have been playing tag with each other since the first grade. Now they’re all adults, and one has a wedding coming up. This person has never been “it.” Everybody else is coming for him, and he’s not gonna let that get in his way. Did I mention this is based on true events?

Going into this movie, I gotta say this was really something I was truly looking forward to. This is a comedy based on true events, and it seemed to have itself center around friendship. One of my favorite movie trilogies ever, “Lord of the Rings,” nails its friendship theme, and naturally, I had some hopes for “Tag.” In reality, both pieces of art are very different when you take their ultimate results, but I figured this would be a movie that’s not only funny, but also just a message to remind yourself how important having friends truly is. I was also wondering if in terms of my overall verdict if this could compete with another movie I saw this year that has truly grown on me, “Blockers.” And you know what? When it comes to my thoughts on “Tag,” it’s certainly a fine competitor to “Blockers!” In fact, as of now, I’d probably have to think about this hard, “Tag” is quite possibly the best comedy of 2018! And without diving too much into spoilers, I’m gonna start off with a complaint that I seriously want to get out of the way.

If you know me, you’d know that I HATE product placement. There are times where I think it is fine, but for the most part, it blows. I will say though, the best part of this movie, is that there is only one instance of product placement that stuck out to me, and it is at the VERY BEGINNING of the film. As soon as that is over, the film is a laugh-filled thrill ride from start to finish. This movie is what happens when you take “The Disaster Artist” (comedy based on true events), combine it with “Premium Rush” (movie involving fast-paced thinking from characters), and put the two in a blender with “Wedding Crashers” (movie where wedding plays importance in story). In fact, when it comes to the overall way this movie was told (genre, pacing, etc), it’s hard to think of a better way that it could have been done. Is “Tag” realistic depiction of the events shown throughout? I can’t confirm entirely since I wasn’t a witness, however I would lean more towards saying “no” to answer that question. Although in the end, for a movie such as this, it doesn’t really matter, “Tag” allowed me to have tons of fun and absolutely enjoy myself.

There are a ton of characters in this movie, in fact I’m going to argue that there really isn’t one that I would consider to be the “main character.” I would say this film would technically have one sole “antagonist” (Jerry), but when it comes to having a main character, that doesn’t appear to be the case. I say this because in reality, this is more of a team-up of main characters than anything. They’re all after one guy, Jerry, and when you see Jerry, you know he’s ready to fight. I’d say that this film has a similarity to “Avengers: Infinity War,” it focuses a lot on its opposition. It doesn’t go out and make the opposition the main character just like “Infinity War,” but it does go out and highlight the power and unstoppable force of Jerry. When it comes to highlighting someone as a main character, you could make the argument that Ed Helms plays the main character, Hoagie, because he always has his name appear as if it were the most important one on the film’s posters, but I feel that wouldn’t be true because while the movie does revolve around him in one way or another, I’d argue that pretty much every character has their moment to shine.

Now let’s get serious for a moment and talk about Jerry. He’s played by Jeremy Renner, who I’d say plays the worst hero in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but plays one of the best characters in “Tag.” The thing about Jerry in this movie is that throughout each and every May when the friends play tag, Jerry is the one who is never “it.” He’s fast, he’s smart, and will always find a way to get you! Some of the best parts of the movie is when he talks to himself during tag. He’s figuring out whatever plan he can execute, and makes a moment that’s already funny and engaging, doubled in terms of both elements. And you know something? This really just adds a hint of surprise to the film. Jeremy Renner is one of those people I actually consider to be a fine actor, and he usually does a fine job in whatever you put him in. Although, one of my biggest worries going into “Tag” happened to be Jeremy Renner. I say that because I never particularly pictured Jeremy Renner being in a comedy. Although then again I never pictured Ansel Elgort as an action star and look how that turned out! What do I know about actors? Renner’s performance shines and makes the character of Jerry a total standout.

I don’t want to have to talk about each and every character on the team against Jerry, because that would take forever. However, when it comes to all of these characters, they all seem to have their own individual traits that stand out to them as opposed to another character alongside them. One character that truly stood out to me was the character of Anna, played by Isla Fisher. For the record, if you watch the movie, you can’t really say she’s in the game, because as suggested, the rules state that there are no girls allowed. However, there are times where she just acts like the most competitive psycho you’ll ever see in your entire life. I’m just imagining myself playing tennis, and instead of grunting as she returns the ball to the opposite side, she screams “f*ck you” or something. This may be a slight negative towards the movie, although in the way, it’s kind of also a positive, the team doesn’t really feel like it has one character that is supposed to shine more than any other, but at the same time, it can allow you to root more for the team as opposed to one individual part of the team.

One of the most interesting parts of the movie is seeing everyone trying to tag or outrun each other. If you have ever played tag as a kid for fun, let me just say that you have NOT played tag, and this movie will give you some pointers to throw down to your eight-year-old self. One character in this movie goes to the mall, because that’s where Jerry is. To make the character’s self look less obvious, they dress up as an elderly woman. This brings out one of the best combinations of action, narration, and intensity to the entire movie.

I kind of brought this up in the beginning, but I’ll sort of state this again, this movie has a very centralized theme of friendship. These friends have been together for a very long time and they’ve been playing a specific game for a long time. Tag is basically the one thing that is in these folks’s lives that keeps them attached to one another. As we grow up, we start to lose a connection with our own friends that we’ve known as kids, it’s just a natural thing that occurs. But these people keep in touch with each other in such a way that triggers a sense of nostalgia and togetherness. This movie does a good job at highlighting the importance of friendship while still maintaining a mood that you’d still traditionally find in a comedy. The very thing I just mentioned is why this is a true competitor at this point for “best comedy of 2018,” because this isn’t really just a funny comedy, it feels like a real story with real people (with exaggerated thoughts and emotions), and that may be because this is based on a true story.

In the end, “Tag” is definitely worth your time and money. Given what most people would say, “Tag” is unlikely to win the box office on its opening weekend against “Incredibles 2,” but I can guarantee you that it will very likely take the second place spot. And you know what? This movie is worth the money! Not only is it a great comedy, it’s a great story! I really enjoyed “Tag,” I would definitely go out to Best Buy and buy it when it comes out on home video, and I’m going to give it an 8/10. Also, I find it hilarious that I really like this movie because in my elementary school years, any game involving running or tagging was a game that I particularly didn’t want to play. It’s kinda crazy to me! Thanks for reading this review! Pretty soon I’ll have my review up for “Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol,” which will be my fourth entry in my Tom Cruise “Mission: Impossible” review series. Also, before I sign off here, I’d like to thank Warner Brothers for the free screening that I got of “Tag,” allowing me to finish this review early for you all. And if you want to see a post which I’ve written prior to going to see “Tag,” the link for it is at the end of this post you’re reading. Stay tuned for more great content! I want to know, did you see “Tag?” What did you think about it? Or, if you’re an adult, what is one way that you and your friends from school years keep in touch? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

SCENE BEFORE IS FINALLY VERY IMPORTANT (FIRST TIME ACCEPTING A PRE-RELEASE SCREENING INVITE): https://scenebefore.wordpress.com/2018/06/03/scene-before-is-finally-very-important-first-time-accepting-a-pre-release-screening-invite/

Scene Before is FINALLY Very Important (First Time Accepting a Pre-Release Screening Invite)

Posted on by Jack Drees

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Hey everyone, Jack Drees here! I’ve got a lot going on here lately on Scene Before. I still have to finish my review for “Revenge,” which by the way, at a point when watching that flick, I paused it in order to make this post as quick as possible. Not to mention I’m seeing “2001: A Space Odyssey” on Sunday in 70mm, which is not my first time watching the movie, but I love it so much that I had to take advantage of an opportunity like this. Not to mention, I still have yet to see “Deadpool 2!” Did I mention I have an “Incredibles” double feature coming up one day before the new “Incredibles” installment releases in theaters? Judging by all of this, I can personally say I have a lot on my plate. It almost feels like parenting. All of these movies are my kids that I have to watch. Speaking of kids, allow me to introduce you to Paul and Genevieve. No, they’re not kids, they’re adults. But they’re having kids! As I’ve gone over bunches of times, they have the phrase “keep effing trying” locked in their minds. They’ve been pushing themselves to the limit. They’ve been through hell and back! This is all explained in “What the IVF?!”

“What the IVF?” is the new series about the recently mentioned couple, Paul and Genevieve, as they do whatever it is a spider ca–err I mean they can, to have a baby. Unfortunately, the process of making one is a nightmare. This series goes over the various struggles the couple face ranging in areas including sex, math, appointments, and the pieces of crap some people call needles! You can see the latest “WTIVF?” content on YouTube, available on a channel sharing the same name as the series itself! Their latest video features–AH! CRAP! MORE NEEDLES! The couple try to make their injections a bit more interesting than the ones they’ve done in the past. How so? They jam out to music while they stick needles into the other person! A neat idea, and now that I think about it, this is not the first time I’ve seen something like this, because I remember a news story where someone was at the doctor’s office getting a shot and I believe some of the employees start singing Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off” while injecting a needle. Anyway, you can find out more info about “WTIVF?” from the show’s YouTube channel, be sure to subscribe and ring the bell, don’t forget about the show’s other social media accounts, along with the show’s personal website. Also be sure to tell Paul and Genevieve that Jack Drees sent ya over!

WTIVF? WEBSITE: http://www.whattheivf.com/

WTIVF? YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCILXSidkzWgwrQ5Oa1py78w/featured?disable_polymer=1

WTIVF? TWITTER: https://twitter.com/WTivF

WTIVF? INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/wtivf/

WTIVF? FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/What-The-IVF-288868031634125/

Now you may be reading the title of this post and thinking to yourself, what makes this so important? This blog is a nobody! This guy who might as well be a jackass is a nobody! And speaking of nobody, nobody reads this damn thing! Let me just inform you, yes, my name is Jack and I have an ass. No one really reads this blog all that much. And as far as me or my blog being a nobody, I guess you can kind of say that falls into your last statement which I have just confirmed is true. However, something happened recently that might have just changed my “nobody” status into, “taking names, without kicking too much ass.”

Some time ago, I’ve known that a lot of reviewers I follow get invited to screenings for various movies before they release to the public. Some may be invited to the world premiere, some may go to a theater near them depending on where they live. I figured I’d take advantage of this sort of deal. So I’ve done this under a number of places online. One notable sign up I did was for Warner Brothers. So earlier today, I get an email with the following subject:

“Sign Up for Passes for TAG Today!”

Now if you don’t know what “Tag” is, it’s a comedy about a bunch of friends who have been playing tag with each other since first grade. This is based on a true story, and these folks have basically risked everything in their lives. Relationships, jobs, staying in their part of the country, whatever.

Bear in mind, this is NOT my first time getting an invitation to a screening. I’ve actually been invited to several screenings. I’ve been invited to screenings for films such as “Downsizing,” “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” “Super Troopers 2,” and “Leap!.” Although for one such reason or another, having to do with such factors as timing or distance, I decided to ignore all of these screenings. Then I saw this email, checked the theater, checked the time, and I thought to myself… OK… Don’t get scared. Be a man. Don’t be a dude. I want Drax the Destroyer to say that I’m a man. Then I took my phone and showed the magical message to my mother. She thought this was amazing, and I asked her if she wanted to tag (no pun intended) along (screening had option to bring one guest). She thought something like this would be cool to do, and I immediately claimed two passes.

So this essentially marks a milestone in not only Scene Before history, but also my life. My goal here on Scene Before is to entertain you, get content out as quick as possible while making sure it has quality behind it, and make sure (mainly depending on the occasion) that my content is relevant for reasons having to do with what it contains or the time said content is released. Now that I get to see “Tag” over a week before it opens for special opening shows on Thursday, June 14th, and for all standard shows on Friday, June 15th, my content will probably have more relevance than ever. Most of the movies I review on this blog release at a certain time, and I go see it when it comes out in theaters. There are cases where I’ve done opening Thursday night shows for some movies and quickly uploaded my review the following day. Although in reality, there’s a good chance that some people who read my review have already seen the movie. This is especially when you consider that a lot of people went out to see the movie already on opening night (Avengers: Infinity War, Star Wars: The Last Jedi). I imagine some people just read my blog either because they think I’m a decent person, I’m cool, or they just know who I am. However, what I’m trying to do is build a following among the movie community, the movie fan community, and it is hard. Not only them, but I want a bigger audience in general. I’ve done this for two years and I have slightly over thirty users (email and WordPress) following me, one of which I can tell you is likely to be a spam account. I know a lot of people throughout the span of time have read Scene Before for one reason or another, but regardless of whatever reason you read this, kinda sorta as mentioned, my main goals are to pass time where I enjoy myself, inform others, and entertain people. My sixteen-year-old self who created this blog back in tenth grade would have had been pleased had he realized where this blogging journey would go. How far it’ll take me. I consider this to be one of my personal greatest accomplishments if you ask me.

I also have to say, I don’t know how long this blogging journey will continue. I’m an aspiring screenwriter for movies, director for movies, producer for movies. I have visions. If I end up in any such position where I choke or don’t reach said aspirations, this is what I have. I would love to continue blogging on here for the rest of my life if I could, and maybe, depending on how life goes, and I hate to say this, but how many views or earnings I get from this in the future, it could become a living. I really don’t know and I don’t want to get ahead of myself. However, if I continue getting invited to screenings like these, that only increases the possibility of me of delivering more content to you. And don’t worry, I will do my absolute best to avoid sacrificing quality. Because in a world that contains a bunch of wackos called humans, I want to satisfy, befriend, and entertain those sorts of wackos.

And before I close this off, let me just have you know that this is in no way a sponsorship deal for “Tag,” Warner Brothers (although in all seriousness they’re probably my personal favorite film studio), New Line, or anyone behind the scenes of this movie I’m going to see. If this were a sponsorship for any of these sorts of things, I’d probably have a lot money in my pocket, vault, or Scrooge McDuck bin than I do at the moment. But in case somebody related to what I just mentioned is reading this…

BASED ON TRUE EVENTS (WE’RE NOT KIDDING), the all new comedy from Warner Brothers and New Line Cinema, “Tag,” is in theaters everywhere Friday, June 15th! Rated R! Advance tickets are now on sale!

Also, no offense to a number of you reading this, given what I’ve been saying, as far as the world of movies go, I now may be more important than you. That does not make me better, but that makes me more important. But don’t worry, I will use my importance to both of our benefits and deliver more excellent content!

Thanks for reading this post that I’d thought I’d make just for the heck of it. Today is Saturday, June 2nd (depending on where you live, plus on my end, WordPress time is four hours fast), and that means tomorrow is Sunday, June 3rd, otherwise known as the day I go see “2001: A Space Odyssey” in 70mm film! And just so you know that this is in part thanks to Warner Brothers, not to mention Christopher Nolan, a director who has most of his films distributed by Warner Brothers, so before I go insane let me just get away from this. Although before I do, I must say, Christopher, you rock, you’re my idol, you even made my favorite movie ever, so I love what you’ve done in the past! Also, as mentioned, I said I’d review “Revenge.” I don’t have a date set for when that post will be done. I finished the movie, but given what I have going on this weekend and given this post, next week, I have to literally think of when my post should be all finalized. Stay tuned for more great content! So let me ask you all, how often do you get invited to pre-release screenings? If so, what was your personal favorite pre-release screening that you’ve been to? Let me know down below, and remember, I’m important! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

Father Figures (2017): A Very Bastardizing Film

Posted on by Jack Drees

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“Father Figures” is directed by Lawrence Sher in his directorial debut. This guy has done cinematography for movies such as “The Hangover,” “War Dogs,” and the 2005 film adaptation of “The Dukes of Hazzard.” The film stars Owen Wilson (Cars, Wedding Crashers), Ed Helms (The Office, Vacation), JK Simmons (Whiplash, Juno), Katt Williams (Norbit, Scary Movie 5), Terry Bradshaw (The Cannonball Run, Failure to Launch), Ving Rhames (Mission: Impossible, Pulp Fiction), and also features Christopher Walken (The Jungle Book, The Deer Hunter), along with Glenn Close. This film’s about two fraternal twins who find out the truth about their allegedly dead father has been a lie. The information concerning this has been hidden by their mother for years, leading to the twins going out to seek their real father.

I first heard about this film back in 2016, and I was wondering for a while, “What happened to this film?” Well, here it is now. Why did I hear about it that early? Turns out there was a trailer for a comedy that was supposed to release in January of this year, AKA this exact film, and at the end, we see a title card with the word “Bastards.” The name does make sense considering the technical definition for a bastard is a child whose birthparents weren’t married at the time of the child’s birth, which is true to the twins in the movie. Although I’m willing to bet they changed the name to “Father Figures” because to some people it might be weird walking around and talking about a movie called “Bastards” since the word is associated with vulgarity. Who’s they? I don’t know. I’m willing to bet it’s either the director or the studio, one of those two. Nevertheless, I think this movie shouldn’t have been called “Father Figures.” I don’t even think it should be called “Bastards.” You know what it should be called? “Bastard.” Just “Bastard.” And that’s because this movie felt like a total bastard! This is probably the worst comedy I’ve seen all year! This movie brought almost two hours of inglorious bastardization into my life!

I would like to take a second to apologize to Quentin Tarantino, I just probably ingloriously bastardized him if you know what I mean.

I’ve seen a number of s*itty comedies in 2017, but even at the end of the year, I’m still coming across them. I think I found the pinnacle of s*it when it comes to this year in comedy. “Father Figures” is a f*cking bastard and I’m about to tell you why in just a second! But before I go into why, let me go over some of the other crap I’ve seen this year when it comes to comedy.

First off, we have “Snatched,” which I saw in May. The movie’s about a mother and daughter going away to paradise, which doesn’t end up going well because they get captured and some other s*it happens. I knew going into this particular film it was going to be bad, but there was one really funny scene and there was a character that I kind of liked.

Next we have “How to Be a Latin Lover,” which was just awkward as hell to watch. It’s about a guy who is dumped by his elderly wife. He has to move in with his sister, played by Salma Hayek, and adjust to normal society after living a spoiled life. I bought the movie used for $9.99 on Blu-ray, which isn’t too bad of a deal for a Blu-ray if you ask me, but I still suffered through the unfunny jokes and awkward story full of mostly unlikable characters.

I also saw “Fist Fight,” which admittedly, is nowhere near as unwatchable as the other two films I mentioned, but is still something I would say technically qualifies as a waste of time. What’s the plot? Just take the basic idea of “Three O’Clock High” and make the teachers fight instead of the students. I just thought it contained too many predictable attempts at humor and forced sex jokes.

I’d probably rather watch any of these comedies before “Father Figures.” “How to Be a Latin Lover” is a tad debatable but in reality, “Father Figures” is just a comedy that should have never been made. I will admit, when I saw the first trailer for the film released in 2016, part of me was looking forward to this movie. Sure, I like Owen Wilson. Sure, I like Ed Helms. There’s someone I admire more in this movie compared to them, specifically JK f*cking Simmons! JK’s one of my favorite actors of all time! And if you put him in, well, anything for that matter, I’ll watch it. You can even put him in a movie called “Don’t Watch This Piece of Crap,” it can be eight minutes including credits, it can be a guy bloodied up screaming for help on pavement, and I’ll still check it out because JK Simmons was in it. Granted, I don’t think his performance was that bad. In fact, I have to say it’s one of the more redeemable parts of the entire film.

Speaking of likable performances. Terry Bradshaw was playing himself in this film. It almost gave me a similar vibe to seeing Sam Jones in “Ted” based on the chemistry between him and the two main characters.

Moving onto our recently suggested main characters, we have Kyle, played by Owen Wilson, alongside Peter, played by Ed Helms. Seeing these two together, I can somewhat buy into them being twins, but the whole ride they take during the movie was just a wreck. Neither of them are funny, they have a couple of moments where they disagree with each other and get in arguments, I just wanted to leave at some points instead of watch the duo compare themselves to one another every now and then.

This movie just feels like it has too much going on in it. When we get to what almost feels like the climax, the movie just goes on like its jacked up on Red Bull. It’s just an absolute marathon of twists and turns and it’s just too much to process for a simple comedy! In fact I gotta say, one of the twists, which admittedly, reminded me of the original “Star Wars” trilogy, was actually ruined about ten or so minutes after it happens! So yeah, f*ck everything I guess!

Let’s also talk about Glenn Close’s character of Helen. At the beginning of the film, it’s established that Helen is the mother of both these boys. I’m just wondering, why would she lie about the father of her sons? First off, they’re adults, and I’m not adopted, but if I were, I’d want to know as soon as possible! As far as telling anyone else, I’d probably think to myself before whether or not I do that, but still. I also have to say that she mentioned that Terry Bradshaw was the actual father of the two kids, and Ed Helms’s reaction almost seemed like it could have been done differently. This is a man he idolized, someone he has high appreciation for, and he grew up during his youth never knowing Bradshaw was his dad?! I’ve grown up idolizing Howie Mandel, and if my mother kept a secret until a point such as this, or even longer for that matter, that Howie Mandel was my real father, you know what I’d do? I’d lose my f*cking mind! I might break a window! I might light my house on fire! I might slap my mother in the face! I’m not kidding! I would be in utter shock, and perhaps apalled upon why I had a secret like this kept from me for so long! I’d be happy to know Howie was my father but… why wait so long?

*SPOILERS IN THIS PARAGRAPH*

Speaking of idiocy, I’m gonna talk about a scene involving a train and an automobile. Sorry, planes, you have to sit out on this one. There’s one scene where the two main characters are in a car with each other, they’re still on their quest to find their dad, and at one point, they pick up a hitchhiker, played by Katt Williams. Due to Ed Helms being somewhat apprehensive about the fate of himself along with the fate of his brother, the hitchhiker is sitting in the back with his hands cuffed up. At one point, the car stops, and the two begin to argue. Moments later, we as an audience find out the car is stuck on a train track, but the two brothers are too focused on arguing back and forth so they don’t notice an approaching train. The one who does notice the train however is the hitchhiker, he’s trying to warn the two, but they don’t listen. As the light is coming closer, and the hitchhiker is still alerting the duo, they finally notice the train. So they attempt to escape. Ed Helms and Katt Williams make it out of the car, but the train slams the car, suggesting that it could have killed Owen Wilson. But it didn’t, he’s completely fine. WHAT THE F*CK?!

This is honestly just insulting! I get this is a comedy, but I would appreciate it more if it was logical. I don’t need another “Daddy’s Home” Ford Flex goes through the house and Will Ferrell isn’t badly hurt situation if you get what I’m saying. Remember “Paul Blart Mall Cop 2?” I honestly bought into the fact that Paul Blart could trap himself in a suitcase, slide downward on a bunch of steps, fall into a pool in said suitcase, have water come inside it, allow himself to exit the suitcase, and get out of the water alive more than this.

I do remember watching a movie in the past with a scene somewhat similar to this. There’s an extended cut to Sam Raimi’s “Spider-Man 2” referred to as “Spider-Man 2.1,” which might even be better than the original cut if you ask me. In that version of the film, part of the extended footage in that film is included on the train fight scene. Doc Ock and Spidey are going at it against each other, and Doc is holding onto the Web Slinger with his tentacles. Spider-Man has his feet on the side of one of the train cars, and he’s hit a bunch of closeby objects. Soon he turns his head, a train is quickly approaching him. Spider-Man gets hit by a train, but he instantly gets back to fighting like the hit was just a normal Tuesday in the office. Here’s the thing however. Spider-Man has superpowers, Kyle from “Father Figures” on the other hand, is an average human. Spider-Man has enough strength in him to walk something like this off, Kyle should have died. In fact, while Kyle dying may be somewhat abrupt, I almost thought that it would be kind of intriguing to see what would happen if Ed Helms had to continue the quest alone. I went to see the film with my mother, she and I discussed the film in the car after we watched it. I brought this up, and she figured I was thinking Ed Helms would continue the quest in Wilson’s honor, which almost sounds more like an adventure flick as opposed to a comedy, but quests are basically adventures.

The final moments of the film had some emotion packed into it, and in ways, I felt it. But ultimately, I felt that the movie didn’t earn its emotional ending on a technical level. For one thing, it’s a comedy, not a drama. Another thing is that I didn’t really care about a single character in this movie enough to say, “I like you. I stand with you. I’m on your side.” If I was able to care about any of the characters or if I had a logical reason to appreciate them more, then I might as well say that the movie earned it’s ending, but the movie itself dragged, it was full of unbearable characters, and it just wasn’t funny. So I can’t really say the end played out very well.

Let’s move onto marketing. I noticed the difference in the film’s marketing from when I first heard about it and when the film actually came out. There wasn’t much buzz about “Bastards” before January 2017, but now that we’re here in December, the movie, technically now referred to as “Father Figures,” was brought back to my attention, and I had the realization this was the same movie. Now that it’s here, I’m seeing Christmas related ads having to do with the film and a poster with red & green font. If one of the reasons for the movie releasing at this time was just to market it like it’s an experience related to the holidays, it just feels cheap! Oh yeah, did I mention this film was supposed to come out in January? I should have known what I was getting into. January movies usually suck! Last year, “The Fifth Wave” made my top 10 WORST movies of the year list. In general, when a movie comes out in January, critics are going to give it hell. I wonder why they moved it. Is it to market the film in a certain way? Possibly. Although part of me is willing to bet it’s to get more people in the theater. Given that a lot of people have breaks from school and work, they have more time to see a movie. January only has weekends, New Year’s Day, and Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Another part of me thinks that Warner Brothers, AKA the distributor of the film, or one of the production companies such as Alcon or Montecito, thought this would be a good tactic in order to get people to go see another movie when “The Last Jedi” sells out. Given the competition and the film’s box office return, I wouldn’t say this was the best idea. Just compare this film with “Pitch Perfect 3,” “Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle,” plus family friendly animations such as “Coco” and “Ferdinand” and you’ll see the point. If last year’s “Assassin’s Creed” has taught moviegoers anything, it’s that you only market something in a Christmas related fashion when appropriate. Speaking of competition and “Star Wars,” I should also bring up another possible reason why all of this is happening. “Star Wars” is something that the world cares about. There’s barely anyone in this world who doesn’t know what “Star Wars” is. However, nobody knows about “Father Figures,” and it’s possible that Warner Brothers thought, “Eh, “Star Wars” is coming out in December, and that’s inevitably gonna be a big hit. What’s a movie that people want to avoid?” And someone said “What about that lame-ass comedy with Owen Wilson and Ed Helms?” Everyone agreed with that thought, and here we are. I was one of the people who saw it. But you know what? I survived, and that’s what matters.

In the end I have to say “Father Figures” is a really intolerable experience. While “How to Be a Latin Lover” was awkward and unfunny, I have to say that “Father Figures” was not just awkward and unfunny, but also boring, not to mention insultingly baffling. That train scene split my head open. It just f*cked me over. I’d rather spend an entire year watching a sloth pop bubble wrap from start to finish than watch this film a second time. Guys, this has a good chance of being this year’s worst comedy and I’m going to give “Father Figures” a 1/10. I went to see this film with my mother, she says it was good, so I gotta say this film does have an audience, so I can say that’s a plus. My mother and I also saw “Snatched” together and we both agreed that was total dogs*it. So this film has at least one thing going for it I guess.

Thanks for reading this review. This Saturday I’m going to see “The Disaster Artist,” which I’m truly stoked for. I can’t wait to see it and talk about it, it’s likely gonna be a blast! Also, speaking of fun things I have going on here on Scene Before, I will also soon have my top 10 BEST and WORST movies of 2017 lists. Meaning we can reflect on some of the milestones and trainwrecks I’ve sat through this year. I will have you know that depending on what happens, there’s a good chance that there’s at least one movie on either list that I saw and didn’t review, so if that ever comes up, that just means I didn’t have the time to sit down and write an analytical review of a certain film. Why? It’s the end of the year, and whenever time allows it, I’m trying to seek out as many of this year’s films as possible until I can no longer watch anymore. I’ve done this with “The Great Wall,” “American Assassin,” “King Arthur: Legend of the Sword,” “Crown Heights,” “Atomic Blonde,” and “The Only Living Boy in New York.” Anyway, stay tuned for more great content, including the recently mentioned review and countdowns! I want to know, if you saw “Father Figures,” what are your thoughts on it? What do you think is a better title for this film? “Father Figures” or “Bastards?” Also, what is the worst comedy of the year for you? Please leave a comment stating your responses to any of these questions, I’d be happy to look at them! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!