“Freelance” is directed by Pierre Morel (Peppermint, Taken) and stars John Cena (The Suicide Squad, Blockers), Alison Brie (BoJack Horseman, The LEGO Movie), Juan Pablo Raba (Peppermint, Narcos), and Christian Slater (Inside Job, Archer). This film is about an ex-special forces operative who takes a job to protect a journalist tasked with interviewing a dictator. When a coup happens during the assignment, the three must defend themselves all the while navigating the jungle for their own survival.

To say I was looking forward to “Freelance” would be like saying I am looking forward to going to the DMV. Sure, I like making sure I am able to drive. But all the dirty work within that is not that appealing. In the same way, I enjoy John Cena’s work… Well, enjoy is a strong word. I am not exactly thrilled with what he did on TBS’s “Wipeout,” but still. As I look at the poster for “Freelance,” it has the look of a straight to DVD action flick released exclusively at Walmart that is probably not going to be discussed two years from its official release. There is something about it, the more I look at it, that increasingly turns me off. Even the tagline sounds over the top. “Retirement doesn’t suit him.” Okay, then. I wish the advertising suited my tastes but this goes to show why we cannot have nice things. It almost has the look and feel of a lifeless parody movie. It’s too bright to be serious, but it tries way too hard to make me laugh, and fails miserably. Once again, John Cena is becoming a respectable star in both film and television. That said, the greatest thespian, he is not. He is basically like Dwayne Johnson, another wrestler turned actor. He has personality and oozes charisma in various roles, but he does not always escape into the role at hand. “Blockers” is a halfway decent example. John Cena is really funny in the movie. Honestly, he stands out in the movie. I really like his character. But he showcases a particular, consistent stiffness as the lead role. In “F9: The Fast Saga,” which I almost forgot he was in… Nice, right? He was one of the weaker talents on screen. He was not convincing as an antagonist, and he was equally, if not more unconvincing, as Dom’s brother. But to be fair on the latter, that’s probably more of a casting issue than a performance issue.

That said, he is not all bad. If you take a supporting role of his, like the one he had in “Bumblebee,” he can do okay with the small amount of material given to him. He may not be giving an Oscar-worthy performance, but he has the ability to stand out. He was quite funny and had perhaps the best executed line in the entire film. That said, with his recent rise as the character of Peacemaker in the DCEU I thought he was turning things around. Not only did he have plenty of material to work with, but he gave a standout performance where I saw less of John Cena the personality and more of John Cena the actor. James Gunn even said that when it comes to improv, he kept more of it from John Cena than any other actor in his previous projects.

And this is why I have to say after seeing John Cena’s amazing efforts in DC’s “The Suicide Squad” and “Peacemaker,” he unfortunately takes a downward spiral in “Freelance.”

John Cena plays Mason Pettits, who had dreams of being in the military, only to have them shattered by an injury, leading him to become a lawyer instead. Now, I know being a lawyer can be a desirable gig to a number of people, but I think the movie does an okay job on the surface of trying to make Mason likable in the first couple of minutes by having his absolute dream go by the wayside, bringing him to a lowest low. But then, they introduce the fact that he is a father, has a wife who doesn’t always seem to be on the best terms with him, and this whole dynamic did not work for me. He and Alice Eve have zero chemistry together. I must add, I know that not all dads are perfect, but there is a scene early on in the film where we see Mason with his kids that was definitely supposed to come off as funny, but came off as a notion that Mason is a terrible father. He doesn’t come off like he is trying his best to be a supportive, attentive parent. The idiocy that this guy shows around his children is unfunny. Additionally, it convinces me that he should have never even procreated in the first place. The personality of John Cena’s character, both as a father, and within the context of his job, reminded me of the characters of “Wild Hogs,” a bunch of insufferable morons who want more in life, but are not likable enough for me to respect them wanting more. He comes off more as a brainless jerk than anything else. And how can you be miserable when you are married to a character played by Alice Eve? Now I have seen everything.

If there is one positive in the movie, while the film itself delivers an unfathomable injustice of a first impression, I like how they shot the film’s early moments. Much of the beginning of the film was done from a first-person perspective, which I thought was kind of creative, and almost immersive. It kind of reminded me of a fun video game. As bad as everything else in the movie is, I will admire the film for at least having the ingredients, albeit very few, that could go into making the unfathomable injustice of a first impression better than it is. First impressions are the impressions in life that matter the most regardless of the situation. So while “Freelance” did not win me over, I admire the movie’s efforts in what it was trying to do. However, there are so many things that are wrong with the movie that I cannot help but cringe just at the thought of it. The movie starts off as a story where one man is getting a second shot at a dream. It is kind of borderline action-packed, adventurous. But it also is a comedy. Meshing genres together is nothing new, but usually there is a sense of consistency when the meshing is done right. The way “Freelance” uses multiple genres is the opposite. It almost does not know what kind of movie it wants to be. And the worst part, when it comes to meshing adventure, comedy, action, and whatever other sprinkle of a genre it chooses to emulate, it does all of them poorly. I don’t mind mixed genres as long as they’re done well. If they were done well, we would have a different story on our hands. Look at “Everything Everywhere All at Once.” “Freelance” does not go as deep as that. But as an adventure, there are no thrills. As a comedy, there are no laughs. As an action flick, it misses the mark.

And the fact that this film misses the mark as an action flick is really sad, because it is directed by Pierre Morel, who also directed “Taken.” I love “Taken.” It is one of Liam Neeson’s best films. It is not surprising to know that almost every other film he has done since often tends to be compared to “Taken.” The action is great. The premise is simple, but perfect. The father-daughter relationship won me over. And that is the irony. We go from a movie like “Taken,” which even with its showcasing of notable violence, is ultimately about a father who will do anything to save his daughter. He is practically the father of the year. Granted, when it comes to “Taken” it also helps having decent writers like Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen. Now several years later, we get “Freelance.” A movie starring John Cena as a father who appears to neglect important details about his kids. And if you are curious about the writer for “Freelance,” that would happen to be Jacob Lentz. He has plenty of experience in this industry. He wrote for “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” for a long time, he produced a series in 2017 called “Animal Nation with Anthony Anderson.” He did a number of things. But the last writing credit he has, at least according to IMDb, is in 2012 when he did the “2012 White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner.” If that is true, it kind of shows here. Granted, with all this time in between, it could mean he had time to brainstorm whatever he is going to do next. But if I were brainstorming, I would have brainstormed to delete the script and never hand it out to anybody. But what do I know?

That said, I do want to be careful with what I just said. Because I recognize how hard it is to make a movie. But with a repeated process, the journey does become a bit simpler. Recognizing Jacob Lentz’s past credits, I should note that in his case, this is, unsurprisingly, his first feature film script. I respect how Lentz is making a transition from one part of the industry to another. He is trying to diversify a bit. But I think it is clear that when it comes to feature films, his skills have not quite blossomed. I do not know what his reputation is on the TV side, but I am hoping that it is better than what this movie turned out to be.

The best way I can describe “Freelance” is to say that it is this year’s “Red Notice.” When it comes to star power, it is not quite as big, but it is evident. Look at John Cena! Look at Alison Brie! Both of them are respectable, notable names given their resumes! “Freelance,” much like “Red Notice” did with Dwayne Johnson, Ryan Reynolds, and Gal Gadot, ended up taking significant leads who ooze personality to the tenth degree and crush them like bugs. This movie took likable gems of people and sucked out their souls. They say I cannot see John Cena. In this case, all I see is crap.

And while I happen to know John Cena and Alison Brie more than Juan Pablo Raba, if I had to name my favorite performance in the movie, it would Raba’s performance as the dictator. He feels the genuine of the bunch, he has personality, and I thought Raba blended into the role nicely. At the end of the day, I do not love the character and I did not know what to think of him. But if I had to name a scene stealer, and this is a generous statement by the way, it would be the dictator. I honestly wanted more out of this movie. I wanted better action. I wanted better comedy. I wanted better acting. I wanted a better story. When it comes to the story, by the way, it feels like an afterthought. Sure, maybe there was a decent motivation on the protagonist’s part, but as the movie progresses, it feels like we continuously have excuses to spew lackluster action scenes, bad jokes, and uninteresting gags that may occasionally have a sexual nature. I wish I could say when it comes to “Freelance,” one watch would be enough for me. If there were a way I could watch the movie zero times, I would love to make that happen.

In the end, “Freelance” is a gig that I should have quit before I even took it on. Between “Fast X” and now this, John Cena is not having the best recent track record. While I have to think about which movie I’d rather watch more, I’m starting to think “Fast X” has more redeeming qualities. Because at least some of the action is fun to look at, and when it comes to John Cena in that movie, he is actually pretty funny. In “Freelance,” not only is he not funny. He is genuinely unlikable. There is no way I found myself latching on this character by the movie’s end. The plot is all over the place. The characters barely stand out. The events of the film are easily forgettable. There are a couple cringe-inducing moments. I cannot recommend this film to anyone. I was amazed by the Rotten Tomatoes scores for this film. Because the critic score is at a whopping 0%! Meanwhile, the audience score is sitting at 76%! The divide on this movie is not only amazing, it is jaw-dropping! Because if you must know, I side with the critics on this one. But I genuinely want to know why this movie did better with audiences. What redeeming qualities stood out to these people? Then again, like all other art, film is subjective. When it comes to my subjective thoughts, I could never subject myself to this torture ever again. I am going to give “Freelance” a 1/10.

By the way, I want to congratulate John Cena, because this is not his first time being in a movie with a 0% critic score on Rotten Tomatoes. This is due to Cena having a role in the television film “FRED: The Movie,” starring character popularized through online media by Lucas Cruikshank. Congratulations, John Cena! You did it! You hit the jackpot of utter lunacy! What are the chances of this? If there is anybody that I am convinced in their lifetime will be struck by lightning twice, it might be John Cena at this point. Who knows?!

I want to tell you a true story. I ended up going to two different AMC Theaters to watch “Freelance.” I was going to buy a ticket at the first one in person, buy some food, but I ended up forgetting my wallet. That would have been fine considering I have rewards points through my Stubs membership. I had plenty to waste, and if need be, I had quarters sitting in my car, that I could use if needed. But I am an AMC A-List member. Sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, the ticket taker will ask for your ID if you use one of your A-List reservations. Considering I did not have it on my person, I made a trip home and forfeited the screening. So, I waste over an hour between going home, going back out, venturing to a different theater and using my AMC A-List reservation there to get a free ticket for “Freelance.” I wasted time, gas, and my sanity to get this review out for you guys. And you know why? Because I like you. That said, this movie was not worth the effort. “Freelance” is one of the biggest wastes of my time I had as a moviegoer. It is unfunny, unsatisfying, and unthrilling. It is one of the worst films of the year for sure.

Thanks for reading this review! My next review is going to be for “The Persian Version.” I had a chance to go see this movie a couple weeks ago. I saw the marketing sometime prior, and I have been looking forward to it. I will share my thoughts soon! Also coming soon, I will have reviews for “Priscilla,” “The Tunnel to Summer, the Exit of Goodbyes,” and “The Marvels.” If you want to see this and more from Scene Before, follow the blog either with an email or WordPress account! Also, check out the official Facebook page! I want to know, did you see “Freelance?” What did you think about it? Or, here is a fun question… Have you seen any movies that have earned a 0% critic score on Rotten Tomatoes? If so, tell me what you thought about them. That should be fun, right? List your thoughts down below, I would love to hear them. Scene Before is your click to the flicks!