Alden Ehrenreich

Weapons (2025): A Slightly Repetitive, but Undoubtedly Creative Sophomore Outing from Zach Cregger

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“Weapons” is directed by Zach Cregger, who also directed the brilliant 2022 horror flick “Barbarian,” and stars Josh Brolin (The Goonies, Avengers: Infinity War), Julia Garner (The Fantastic Four: First Steps, Ozark), Alden Ehrenreich (Solo: A Star Wars Story, Cocaine Bear), Austin Abrams (This Is Us, The Walking Dead), Cary Christopher (Days of Our Lives, The Rookie), Toby Huss (The Adventures of Pete & Pete, King of the Hill), Benedict Wong (Doctor Strange, Annihilation), and Amy Madigan (Uncle Buck, Gone Baby Gone). In this film, several children wake up at 2:17 a.m. and disappear. Now it is up to a community to come together to figure out why these children vanished.

While not my favorite film of 2022, Zach Cregger’s “Barbarian” left me gobsmacked. It is genuinely one of the cleverest horror screenplays I had the privilege of seeing come to life.  That said, I really was not sure what his future would hold when it comes to filmmaking.

By the way, where’s the “Barbarian” Blu-ray? Come on, Disney! I thought you wanted my money!

I was not sure what to think going into “Weapons,” partially because I missed out on much of the marketing. I knew this film was coming out. I had people in my circles who were stoked to see it. But I did not know what I would think of it. Then the week of its release, I watched the trailer for the first time. If I were a higher-up for a studio and someone pitched me this film in an elevator, I would probably follow that person out, needing to know more. This is an incredible idea that has translated into quite a good movie.

“Weapons” sucked me in from minute one. This movie only had one chance to make a first impression, and as soon as it started, I figured I was going to get something of the nature of an epic bedtime story. The movie starts off with narration from a child, and I thought having a child narrate was smart partially because of the subject matter, but also because it makes what’s being told much more mysterious and chilling. If an adult were narrating this, I might have more trouble buying it because the subject matter dives into a certain degree of fantasy. But it is perfect the way it is.

The film contains an unbelievable cast, led with excellence by Julia Garner. Safe to say, she is having quite a year for herself between this film and “Fantastic Four.” She might be the star of the summer, and while she was good in “Fantastic Four,” this film allows her to unleash much more of her chops. While she may not have as high of a profile as some of her co-stars such as Josh Brolin or perhaps even Benedict Wong, this film put her on the map for me. I would like to see her in more movies going forward.

“Weapons” is one of the freshest films of the year. Though I will admit, like another highly rated horror film from earlier this year, “Sinners,” I might have to be a party pooper and say “Weapons” is probably not going to end up amongst my favorite films when I do my countdown at the end of 2025. The film has problems and I have the balls to talk about them. There is a concept in this film involving people eating soup. This is really hard to dive into without giving much away, but I’ll give it my best shot. For those who have seen the movie, you likely know what I am talking about. My biggest question, how do the people eating the soup, one, swallow it, and two, digest it? The people eating the soup all have something in common, and that similarity is boggling my mind as to whether they are actually able to eat. I should probably stay calm about this issue. But I am conflicted as to whether it really makes sense.

One of the things I loved about Zach Cregger’s “Barbarian” is how it successfully blended multiple key perspectives without having the end result feel convoluted or jarring. “Weapons” does not do exactly the same thing, but the film commits to something similar. “Weapons” is much heavier in its storytelling. It combines a multitude of perspectives as a large cast takes in the same event playing in front of their eyes in different ways. Some of these perspectives are handled better than others. A lot of these perspectives are blended nicely, but sometimes it is a little unsatisfying to have the moment play out multiple times. The film itself is finely edited, but every once in a while it does feel a little repetitive.

“Weapons” falls into the horror genre, and it does the number one job these movies are supposed to accomplish, delivering on the scares. When I say that, it should be made clear that I would not call “Weapons” terrifying. If anything, it is more tense than it is scary. I am not going to pretend that this film goes over the top with its scares, but it does not mean it does not fail when it comes to the creeps.

The film is also, at times, surprisingly hilarious. I can probably see some of the comedy being a distraction for some people considering quite a bit of the narrative comes off as serious. But this movie has a knack for delivering naturally funny moments. I went to see this film with a small crowd and I was delighted to see quite a few people other than myself letting out a few laughs.

While the movie does have some bumps in the road, I have to admit that the ending is beyond satisfying. It is one of my favorite scenes of the year. Not only does it do a good job at tying all the loose ends but it is simply one of the most well directed scenes in cinema I can recall seeing recently. Everyone on camera gives it their all. There is sometimes a point of view shot that made me feel like I was in the middle of the scene. The ending is a rollercoaster ride worth seeing on the big screen, much like the film as a whole.

In the end, “Weapons” is another decent outing from Zach Cregger. They say you are only as good as your last project, and thankfully, Cregger’s last couple of projects have me looking forward to whatever he has up his sleeve next. The cast of the film unleashes a ton of talent and they all have a great script that does them favors. The film is endlessly intriguing and well-paced despite some minor flaws. Will I watch “Weapons” again? It’s within the realm of possibility. I am in no rush, frankly, but if a friend were at my place and they wanted to put it on, I would not say no. This is a solid flick. I am going to give “Weapons” a 7/10.

“Weapons” is now playing in theaters everywhere. Tickets are available now.

Thanks for reading this review! My next review is going to be for “Freakier Friday!” Stay tuned! Also coming soon, look forward to my thoughts on “Nobody 2,” “Honey Don’t!”, and “Eden.” If you want to see these reviews and more from Scene Before, follow the blog either with an email or WordPress account! Also, be sure to like the official Facebook page! I want to know, did you see “Weapons?” What did you think about it? Or, which Zach Cregger movie did you like more? “Barbarian” or “Weapons?” Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

Cocaine Bear (2023): Bearly Passable

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“Cocaine Bear” is directed by Elizabeth Banks (Pitch Perfect 2, Charlie’s Angels) and stars Keri Russell (Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Mission: Impossible III), O’Shea Jackson Jr. (Long Shot, Straight Outta Compton), Christian Convery (Sweet Tooth, Playing with Fire), Alden Ehrenreich (Solo: A Star Wars Story, Hail, Caesar!), Brooklynn Prince (The Florida Project, Home Before Dark), Isiah Whitlock Jr. (The Good Cop, The Wire), Margo Martindale (August: Osage County, The Americans), and Ray Liotta (Goodfellas, Field of Dreams). In this film, people of various identities must survive against a bear jacked up on cocaine.

If I had the authority to make a textbook definition for the utterance “truth is stranger than fiction,” I would just insert “Cocaine Bear” and move on. “Cocaine Bear” sounds like a campy creature feature from the title alone. And in some ways it is. Although despite being a horror comedy that should not be taken too seriously, it must be noted that “Cocaine Bear” is based on true events.

You heard me right. A bear did cocaine. And they made a movie, specifically one that takes tons of liberties, about it. Best idea ever.

I have been excited for this movie ever since they announced the project in the middle of 2021. While I did not know how the actual movie would turn out, I even put it in my top 10 most anticipated movies of 2023 because I could not stop thinking about it on a frequent basis. What also helped it is the excellently produced trailer that perfectly showcased the over the top comedic nature this film was aiming for. Also, it was directed by Elizabeth Banks, one of my favorite actresses and possibly the best game show host on television right now. Although it must be noted that her directing career has not intrigued me as much. I did not enjoy the first “Pitch Perfect,” therefore I never got around to watching the second after all these years. Her next feature, 2019’s “Charlie’s Angels” had some okay action here and there, but it was lacking in flair. It felt rather pedestrian and suffered from an average marketing campaign.

But “Cocaine Bear” looked like a completely different ballgame. It looked funny, occasionally scary, and seemed to have just the right amount of dumb to avoid feeling overwhelming.

Now that I finally got to see this movie, sorry, no, once in a lifetime cinematic event… What did I think of it?

It was okay.

This is the kind of movie that would go over really well at a pitch meeting. In fact, part of what made me go see “Cocaine Bear” is the idea behind it. Who does not want to see a bear go haywire after ingesting an illegal drug? It is the same way I felt about “Moonfall” before that movie came out. I did not know if it would be good or bad, but that idea is anything but ugly. It would be cool to see what would happen if that became a feature. While “Cocaine Bear” is better than “Moonfall,” this does not suggest I was not a tad a underwhelmed with this creature feature that honestly does the bare minimum to be watchable.

Unlike Elizabeth Banks’s past features, she did not write “Cocaine Bear.” That honor belongs to Jimmy Warden, who only has one previous screenplay credit. He was one of the writers behind “The Babysitter: Killer Queen,” a straight to Netflix film. This makes “Cocaine Bear” Warden’s first theatrical written effort. While I found “Cocaine Bear” to have its comedic moments, it could have been funnier. Most of the funnier moments in the movie are already in the trailer. When I come out of a good comedy, I usually end up quoting one or two lines from it either with a friend, family member, or in cases like this one where I go to the movies alone, amongst myself. I am having a difficult time remembering any specific line from this movie that I did not already see in the marketing that stood out. Except for the one that specifies the gender of the bear, which honestly would have been funnier if I did not already know what it was thanks to social media.

I do not hate any of the characters in the film, but this is not a film that I would sit down and watch again because the characters stand out. That said, I think the two young kids, Henry and Dee Dee, played by Christian Convery and Brooklynn Prince play well off each other. They are two of the more admirable cogs that mesh this movie together. I bought into their chemistry, I liked the reason behind why they were going into the forest. I mean, almost every kid would dare to skip school every once in a while. I also like how this movie was set in the 1980s, which is when the story that inspired this movie took place, because if it were set today, Keri Russell’s character, who has to search for these two, would just call Dee Dee’s cell phone if she can be trusted with one. This makes it a bit harder for the Keri Russell to track the two down since they cannot simply be geolocated. The other thing I liked about the two kids is the way they were used for comedic purposes. Not just in terms of their dialogue, but their actions. This movie is not afraid to push the boundaries. Without giving too much away, there is a moment where the kids dare each other to try cocaine. I will let you see the rest for yourselves.

I should also note that this is one of the last projects to ever feature Ray Liotta, who recently passed away. He does a a good job with the material given to him as this kingpin who is after the cocaine that ends up lost in the woods. Liotta’s character is one of the standout personalities on screen and had much of my attention throughout the runtime. Knowing that this film is one of Liotta’s last is unfortunate, but it if there is any bright side, “Cocaine Bear” is a halfway decent film, and he is also likable in it. That said, the situation is still sad. Ray Liotta will be missed. May he rest in peace.

From start to finish, the bear has a commanding presence. Every scene featuring the bear is a hoot. The chase sequences, the kills, the rampages, the blood, all of it! Even the one scene where a bunch of people watching it snort cocaine is a thing of beauty. Seeing the bear do its thing in that moment is one of the more laughable scenes in the film. The movie is called “Cocaine Bear,” and it certainly lives up to its name.

I think the biggest problem with “Cocaine Bear” is that the film’s cast probably would have been better have they shaved one or two names off. I understand that the movie needs enough people to tell a story. And the plots and subplots for the most part do their job. But at times, it feels a little overwhelming when the movie is about the tales of a coke-fueled furry creature. I have no real digs to give other than the fact that the movie feels a tad overstuffed in its 95 minute runtime. Would I recommend “Cocaine Bear?” Well, I think some of you might find it to be an inevitable watch the moment you see the title. As bad as I think “Sharknado” is, a reason why that movie appears watchable at first is because of the title. They say not to judge a book by its cover, but with a title like “COCAINE BEAR,” it is undoubtedly going to get attention. But in regards to it being a movie, I think there are better options out there. Then again, this film manages to be… somewhat bearable.

In the end, “Cocaine Bear” is neither bad or good. It is not that powerful of a drug. It finds itself somewhere in the middle. I love Elizabeth Banks in a lot of projects like “The LEGO Movie,” “Slither,” “Zack and Miri,” “Brightburn,” “The Hunger Games,” and I even thought she was great in the “Power Rangers” movie. That said, if she continues to direct movies, I hope we get something better out of her than this. She is not a terrible director. But not only does the writing fail to supplement her efforts, but I do not know if she has a flair to her work yet that would make her stand out. She is not a bad. She gets the job done. I just hope whatever she does next is a step up from this. The acting is okay, the bear is admirable, and the movie might be good to watch at least one time to see what all the hoopla is about. But it is not the next Best Picture by any means. I am going to give “Cocaine Bear” a 6/10.

“Cocaine Bear” is now available on DVD, Blu-ray, VOD, and Peacock.

Thanks for reading this review! My next review is going to be for the brand new movie “Air.” I just saw the film days ago and I cannot wait to share my thoughts on it with you all. Also, I will soon be reviewing “How to Blow Up a Pipeline,” which is available in select theaters now. Additionally, I will be talking about the 1993 “Super Mario Bros.” movie. I want to talk about it sooner than later, but I just have not found the perfect time to sit down and write about it. However, that review should be on its way when the time is right. If you want to see this and more from Scene Before, follow the blog either with an email or WordPress account! Also, check out the official Facebook page! I want to know, did you see “Cocaine Bear?” What did you think about it? Or, what is your favorite movie based on a true story? Or, what is a movie that you like that is based on a story so strange that it just so happens to be true? Let me know down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018): Somehow… This Star Wars Movie Exists

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“Solo: A Star Wars Story,” the first “Star Wars” movie in my entire life to have come out where I think to myself, “I never asked for this,” is kinda sorta maybe directed by Ron Howard (Apollo 13, Happy Days), and stars Alden Ehrenreich (Hail, Caesar!, Beautiful Creatures), Woody Harrelson (Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, Zombieland), Emilia Clarke (Game of Thrones, Me Before You), Donald Glover (The Martian, Atlanta), Thandie Newton (Mission: Impossible II, Westworld), and Paul Bettany (Iron Man, Margin Call). This film is the “Star Wars” prequel/spinoff released by the endless money-generators known as Disney. The film revolves around a young Han Solo, played by Alden Ehrenreich, as we get to know his origins. We also meet younger versions of Chewbacca (which if you have seen the main trailer to movie, you’d know he’s not THAT young), and Lando Calrissian. This film when you break it down is a heist adventure that takes place prior to the some of rebellious events we know in the “Star Wars” universe.

Going into this film I had a number of emotions on my mind. I was excited to see a new “Star Wars” film. Although I didn’t think it would be all that good. But since they’re owned by Disney now, and Star Wars=instant money, they obviously want this intellectual property shoved down our throats. I went to see this at 10PM tonight, I was originally going to see it at 7PM, but I couldn’t due to not knowing a certain event occurred around that time, and I spent $61 on NON-REFUNDABLE tickets. By the way, the person I handed the tickets down to, couldn’t even keep them because they were attending the same event as I! Plus, I was one of the numerous souls who bought their tickets pretty much as soon as they went on sale. As I spent my money on this movie, I was worried it was just going to be some corporate cash-in that only exists for no purpose of being compelling or a masterpiece. I was so worried that the intellectual property of “Star Wars” was no longer an idea of wonder or magic (funny how it’s owned by Disney now), and just a money maker. Based on what Disney has been doing to crank this movie out at a time like this, is basically making them look like the movie version of “Call of Duty.” I say this because “Call of Duty” releases one game each year and they have an enormous fanbase to back them up. Although when it comes to most of these games, none of them are perfect when it comes to story. Yes, a lot of people play these games for the multiplayer, but we’re talking about story and characterization here. I mean, heck! Apparently there’s a Boba Fett movie in the works! Yes, we had not really all that much exposure to the character as a whole, but that’s what makes the character mysterious and interesting! Disney wants to take the mystery of everything and reveal it all to you! It’s like if “2001: A Space Odyssey” had narration telling you what everything meant! That movie probably would still be interesting to watch, but it would be NOWHERE near the classic it is now.

Also, one of the biggest things tearing this movie apart is the production behind it. This movie is written by Lawrence Kasdan (right), who wrote three “Star Wars” films released prior to this one. His son, Jonathan (left) wrote the movie alongside him. The movie was originally to be directed by two people, Phil Lord and Christopher Miller, both of whom have done collaborative work before on “The LEGO Movie” and “21 Jump Street.” The vision of the screenplay was not fulfilled, so Lord and Miller left their directing positions. Although they are credited as executive producers. After a rather short search, Ron Howard signed on as the movie’s new official director.

Ron Howard to me is kind of mixed bag when it comes to directing. I think he can definitely be a good director, but in recent years he hasn’t done the best work of his life. He can do really good movies like “Apollo 13” and “Cinderella Man.” And while I haven’t seen these, I will point out, the Robert Langdon film series of his, was generally not up to par of what a movie could be according to many people.

With all that being said, I can now tell you this is probably the biggest surprise of a movie I’ve seen all year. Based on what I just said up above, you probably could tell I thought this movie was gonna suck. Turns out it didn’t exactly suck. I wouldn’t call it great, not a classic, definitely not the best “Star Wars” movie, in fact when it comes the “Star Wars” franchise, this is a movie that would probably rank on the lower end for me. I will say there are more movies in the franchise that I like as oppose to dislike, and this is part of the great number of movies in the franchise that I like. In fact, of all the movies released in the franchise that I LIKE, this is probably the one I like the least. I mean, unless you count the 2008 “Clone Wars” movie which as of now I think is “alright.” Not great, but alright. I don’t know, I don’t think I’ve watched it since I was 9 or 10. I own it, but I haven’t watched it in forever.

Let’s get down and dirty and talk about the film’s main character, Han Solo. This younger interpretation of Han Solo is played by Alden Ehrenreich. I’ve actually seen Ehrenreich before in “Hail, Caesar!.” While I don’t exactly remember Ehrenreich’s character or performance all that much in that particular movie, I will say that part of why I don’t remember that character so much is because the movie itself is forgettable. Not bad, but forgettable. Here though, his performance is pretty good for an interpretation of young Han Solo. I wouldn’t say this is solid, A+, perfect casting, however there are definitely worse routes that could have been taken regarding the casting choice. And much like this movie in general, my expectations for Enhenreich performance-wise and capturing the spirit of Han Solo was pretty low. So I gotta give props to him for proving me wrong.

But let’s all be honest, when it comes to characters we already know, one shines as the star of the movie and that is Lando Calrissian played by Donald Glover. Once he was shown in the trailers, a great portion of the fanbase just basically agreed that Lando was perfectly cast. And in this movie, I gotta say, he is everything you see in the trailers, and everything you probably want young Lando Calrissian to be. He’s a gambler, he’s charming, he’s expressive, he’s enthusiastic, and he’s alert. What a f*cking guy! You see this in the trailer, but during the movie, Calrissian says at one point “You might wanna buckle up baby,” that line is just full of instant goosebumps shoved right into your pie hole! Overall, Glover gives a fine performance in this movie and you know what? If they do a separate Lando spinoff, it better have Donald Glover in it! YOU HEAR THAT DISNEY?! I’M GIVING YOU MORE MONEY, SHOVE IT UP YOUR A–wait, it’s Disney, they’re scared of this sort of thing. Shove it up your unicorn rainbow.

Now… Let’s just hope Deadpool doesn’t read that last comment.

And of course, another main character in this movie is Chewbacca. I feel like this movie did a really good job on 1: Giving us a Chewbacca that’s part-sweetheart and part-monster. And 2: Establishing the chemistry between him and Han. Chewie in this movie represents a Chewbacca that I’ve thought about for sometime in my life. What do I mean? Well to do that, let’s talk about the Russians. Not about vodka, not about Stalin, not about pee-pee tapes, none of that, but we’re talkin’ about the Russians! For those of you who are unaware, here is some text taken from the Wikipedia page for Chewbacca.

“It is said that Chewbacca’s name is derived from собака (sobaka), the Russian word for dog.”

Once I learned that, it kind of made sense. Chewbacca is kind of in a way, Han’s best friend. Not only that, but as you watch this movie, you see Chewie and he starts off like a wolf, a wilder version of what a dog could be, but as you go through the film, you see him become tamer. OK, not entirely, he’s still a sore loser. But seriously, this depiction of Chewbacca was pretty solid and so were the interactions between him and Han.

Now I just introduced the older characters and those are all fine and dandy. Now let’s move onto some forgettable… bland… less worthy of being cared about… newer faces.

Of the newer characters that make an appearance, I gotta say Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s L3-37 is probably one of the better characters of them all. But that’s not saying much, because for the most part, the characters are all kind of mediocre. Upon first seeing her, I was somewhat worried, because I was convinced that I was somehow seeing “The Last Jedi” again. What I mean by that is that one of her first lines sounds like a PSA or something you hear in a social message. You know how in “The Last Jedi” they had a social message against animal cruelty? It felt out of place in a movie which had that scene taking place on a certain planet that already felt out of place! Luckily, she’s rather funny. A little too cartoony in my personal opinion. I mean, I get it, these movies do have an audience of children, and if I were watching this as a kid, maybe I’d enjoy it, but I just wasn’t into it. But ultimately I just didn’t care all that much about her character. Although, I must say, L3 may have uttered the closest thing to a real life swear in the “Star Wars” saga. Be sure to look out for it, chances are you’ll hear it if you pay close enough attention.

I gotta say, one character that I can’t decide whether she’s just mediocre or really cool is Emilia Clarke’s Qi’ra. She’s basically Han’s girlfriend, and that’s pretty much all I’ll say about her. Although, there’s a point sometime in the movie, where you see this transition of hers, I can’t decide whether or not I buy it.

One character I was kind of looking forward to seeing is Tobias Beckett, played by Woody Harrelson. He’s basically Han’s mentor and as the movie started and we got to know this character, I found him to be pretty nifty. As I reflect on what I saw last night, while we got through the movie’s runtime, I feel that Beckett had interesting moments here and there but ultimately, towards the end, he almost got to the point of crashing and burning. Woody played him well, but of course he did, he’s Woody, what else do you expect?

Let’s talk about the movie’s worst character, Paul Bettany’s Dryden Voss. Dryden Voss feels like a character that just exists to move the story along. You barely even see him, and he has numerous lines here and there. But as the movie progresses, he’s made out to be a bigger threat than not just anyone else, but also a bigger than than he seems to be.

And you know what? That is the biggest problem I have with this movie, there’s no threat. There’s no stakes. There’s nothing standing in our heroes’ way. I feel like if this movie established in some way at some point, even if it required a total rewrite or pushback on the release, a main villain, the final product would be better. It doesn’t even have to threaten the galaxy like Darth Vader or Kylo Ren. Without them, this movie just feels like sequences of events that play out on a screen.

And on the topic of sequences, I don’t know if any of you saw the trailer with the train scene. I was actually rather excited because one of my favorite duels in a movie, “Spider-Man 2,” takes place on a train, and I always imagine trains as great locations for action sequences. And the train sequence in this film, much like some other moments just feel forgettable or long. There was a point where I was out of the theater, and looking back on this film, thinking that the train scene might be longer than the duel between Anakin and Obi-Wan in “Revenge of the Sith.” Although with that fight, I admired the long time it went on for, it was exciting, epic, and thrilling, it was just satisfying. The chase on the train in “Solo” just almost makes you beg for it to be over. I gotta say, it’s almost, if not quite there, to be in the conversation for the most boring or worst action scene in “Star Wars” history. Now I don’t think that’s the case. I think the Battle of Naboo might be worse, but this is certainly a contender.

But at the end of the day, the question we all should be asking is… Do we need “Solo: A Star Wars Story?” Honestly, no. I’m a “Star Wars” fan, you have no idea how much this franchise has shaped me and a lot of other people. Although, just like a number of other fan groups, whether we’re talking about the realm of movies, TV, video games, music, sports, we’re not blind (for the most part). We’re not stupid. We have the absolute ability and complete freedom to judge something related to our fandom, whether we’re referring to something good, bad, mediocre, we have the right to let out our subjective thoughts. And my SUBJECTIVE thoughts are that this is OBJECTIVELY unnecessary.

One thing that I love about “Star Wars” that they usually seem to get right is that they know how to build lore and background related to characters, locations, and crazy happenings. When it comes to “Solo: A Star Wars Story,” there’s nothing really new except mainly some locations that you probably don’t want to know more about (although that train in the beginning was pretty cool), and some characters that you at most kind of give a crap about. Most of it is just explaining what happens to Han Solo, and if you follow the franchise and know the franchise, chances are you’d know what some of these things are. When this movie was first announced, I figured that the Kessel Run would play such a huge part in the film, it would be an intense, crazy, wild moment. And you do get the Kessel Run, and while Han Solo delivers an awesome line some point in the film related to it, the run itself was a tad underwhelming. I keep mentioning this film is not all that bad, but if you judge this film entirely on what it does to previously established “Star Wars” lore, it almost feels like it diminishes the magic behind all of said lore. And I feel like this is why I’m somewhat apprehensive towards where “Star Wars” is going. It’s not a wonderland anymore, it’s a factory, and Disney is running that factory. Pretty soon we’re gonna know about every single character and now we have to accept their stories no matter how s*itty they are. For those of you who are excited to see a Boba Fett “Star Wars” film, I’m glad you’re happy, but in all seriousness, his story could suck and potentially ruin the character.

I will say though, out of all the previously established lore, none of it seems to play a big deal in the entire picture except for the Millennium Falcon and getting to know certain characters. How Han Solo got his name can be in that sort of discussion as well. But in all reality, there’s nothing in this movie that feels like a big deal. I had fun, but the movie, as fun as it was, needed more of an oomph to make me like it better.

I must bring this into the discussion, and based on some of what I said before on this very post, this may make me hypocritical. As much fun as I had, I feel like if you took out the name “Star Wars,” erased everything related to “Star Wars” that has been once established, this probably would have been one of the most boring movies of the year. And I gotta say one more thing… what was it? Oh! I remember now!

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THE TENTACLES ARE BACK BABY! DISNEY CAN’T KEEP THEIR TENTACLES OF THE TENTACLES IN THEIR “STAR WARS” MOVIES! My biggest problem with this is that Robert Downey Jr. doesn’t make a cameo appearance, like, maybe in narration, and say “Get lost, Squidward!”

In the end, part me doesn’t know how I feel entirely about “Solo: A Star Wars Story.” I enjoyed it when I saw it. And you know what? I’d probably see it again and still enjoy it. Maybe not in the theater, but when it comes out on home video, I’d grab a copy for myself and watch it. It’s definitely better than “The Last Jedi” and absolutely much better than I thought it would actually turn out. “Solo” is a fun popcorn flick, but I feel like this is going to be one of those movies, somewhat like “The Last Jedi,” where opinions might mix across the board. Out of every movie in the “Star Wars” franchise, this has the most corporate feeling of all of them, and you may not notice it or feel it while watching the film itself. Although when I got to sit down and write this review, those sorts of thoughts came into my mind. I wouldn’t say I DON’T recommend “Solo: A Star Wars Story,” but to say I do would also be stretch. You be your own judge, but I kinda liked the movie. I’m gonna give “Solo: A Star Wars Story” a 6/10. Also, just to go over how forgettable this movie’s characters are, I forgot that Thandie Newton and Jon Faverau’s characters even existed! For those of you who follow me on Stardust (I need to get back on that!), I said in my review for the teaser trailer for this movie on there that this felt like it should be called “A Star Wars Product” as opposed to “A Star Wars Story,” because a story would exist for the purpose of being remembered and told for days, weeks, years, decades, centuries, however long you consider a long time. A product would just purely exist for two reasons. 1. To entertain the masses for a period of time. And 2. (Mr. Krabs voice) MONEY!

Thanks for reading this review! And while we are on the topic of things will make Disney richer, allow me to say that I already have my tickets to go see “Incredibles 2!” I have a day that I want to publish my review if possible, and that day is Thursday, June 14th, and if possible, I’d like to get it out before most of the opening Thursday night showings occur. You might be thinking, “Hey, Jackass! How are you gonna review this freaking thing before the opening night showings? That’s when… the film opens… and you have tickets.” Yes, I do have tickets, but they’re for Wednesday. And no, the film technically doesn’t open on that night, it opens on Thursday. But exclusively at IMAX locations, you can see both “Incredibles” films back to back as part of a double feature for one night only. I already purchased tickets for that, so if you are literally trying to be an imitator of me, go buy your tickets now! Stay tuned for my early review of that along with other great content! I want to know, did you see “Solo: A Star Wars Story?” What did you think about it? Or, what is a “Star Wars” spinoff you’d like to see? It can be for an original character, or a previously established character, whatever. Force those thoughts down below! Scene Before is your click to the flicks!